NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!

sdunderkoffler · February 2010

We are having a sunset wedding, with an open bar well into the night . . . we do not have nor want to have any children ourselves . . . not that we hate kids, it's just not what we want in our lives. Being that this will be a later wedding, and every wedding I've ever been to where children have attended, have had those horrible screeching moments either during the ceremony or reception - I DO NOT WANT that occuring on my day. We plan on doing some drinking and having some fun, and we would prefer not to have small children attend our event . . . unfortunately, a lot of our friends and family have small children (under five). How can we word in our invitations without angering people that they need to find a sitter?
ANY suggestions would be appreciated!!

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

It doesn't go anywhere on the invitations, because it's rude to point out who's not invited. Just address the invitations to the parents, and if anyone RSVPs with extra guests (including kids), call them and let them know that you don't have room for extra guests.

But be aware that some people may choose not to attend rather than attend without their kids. If you're dealing with a large number and you think it might cause issues, a better option may be to have a separate kid's area and hire as many babysitters as necessary to keep an eye on it. I've heard of brides having a lot of success by setting up pizza and games (or something similar) in an adjoining room.

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

Also, breastfeeding infants should be the exception to any no-kids rule. As one of my friends put it, "A nursing infant is kind of like a handbag. It's not an optional accessory." We're having a kid free wedding, but my MOH's 9mo daughter and my sister's 5mo daughter are coming. Kids that young will likely just sleep through the whole thing, it's the toddlers you have to worry about getting fussy.

CA2MT4EveR · February 2010

I think I would love an invitation to go out without kids for a night if I had them, but I do know some people are really weird about leaving them. I think you can address the invitation to Mr & Mrs Smith and ask for RSVP. Or, is it bad to call it an "adults only reception"?

trix1223 · February 2010

My DD simply filled in the reply cards before mailing them, so that it was very, very clear.

Mr. Homer Simpson will____ will not _____ attend.
Mrs. Marge Simpson will ____ will not _____ attend.

No mention of Bart, Maggie or Lisa.

Then she addressed the invitation to Mrs. and Mrs. Homer Simpson, and did not include the words "and family".

You can also start to spread the news via word of mouth.

But having said all that, someone WILL return a reply card with their children's names written in. And then you have to make the dreaded phone call: "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. We're not including children at our wedding. We're looking forward to sharing the wedding with you and Homer, and look forward to getting together with you and the kids after we get back from our honeymoon."

And be prepared for some people to throw the "Well, we won't be able to come if Bart, Maggie, and Lisa aren't invited." And the reply to that is, "I'm so sorry to hear that. You'll be missed."

krmabojo · February 2010

Address the invitations to Mr. & Mrs. and leave out a space for the kids names. If they RSVP with the kids names on the card call them adn tell them that unfortunatly, due to budget, that you cannot afford to have children.

CA2MT4EveR · February 2010

LOL @ the Simpsons

BethMarie63 · February 2010

My fiance and I aren't having kids at our wedding either, other than out ring bearer and flower girl. We plan on addressing the invitations to just the father and mother, and not including "and son/daughter/family" unless their children are over the age of 16. A few of my friends who have children actually thanked me for not having kids at the wedding because they get to let loose and not have to worry about a crying toddler or getting the kids to bed at a certain time. Others probably won't come, and that's fine. It's your wedding, you can't please everyone.

[Deleted User] · February 2010

I'm predicting some issues for our wedding. For the most part, we invited kids as we know them personally and know they are well behaved (plus the parents are family or very close family friends). But for the work people FI wanted to invite, we said just them and a guest. Like 3 people at his work just had babies, so no, I don't want any screaming babies either. But honestly, we can't afford to invite them and their 20 kids between all of them. So, if they don't like it, tough.

trix1223 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:fd83b05f-c118-4361-a667-ef936f11300f">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]state that there are only 2 seats reserved for them., you are at capacity. If they fuss or decline that's their loss, they will miss out on your fun and mature wedding.
Posted by bushgroupie98[/QUOTE]

I was with you until you got to the 2 seats reserved part. Because I promise you that someone will figure that "BIll is out of town on a business trip, but they have two seats reserved. I'll just bring along little Jacob. After all, they have two seats reserved!"

Just tell them you're not including children and be done with it. The more you say and explain the worse it gets.

SaraAndrew2010 · February 2010

If you don't want screaming at your wedding, why do you think it's fine to scream in your posts? Your post title with all caps and 2 exclamation points is the equivalent of yelling.

pandasquishy · February 2010

Everyone made great points. And FWIW, not every wedding has screaming children. Believe it or not, some are well behaved.

Pirata13 · February 2010

As PPs said, don't include children on the invite, and be prepared to make phone and kindly tell them that it is an adult only ceremony & reception.

We're inviting friend/family children and leaving it up to the parents whether they want to bring them or not. We know a couple friends will leave the kids at home, and my one cousin & his wife have said they are hoping to leave the kids with his wife's parents so they can enjoy a night out with everyone without the kids. Everyone else we know is courteous enough to remove the kids to the back of church if they start getting fussy.

AdeleDazeem · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:1b0ba462-809e-45ef-a490-aec7d2503d23">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Everyone made great points. And FWIW, not every wedding has screaming children. Believe it or not, some are well behaved.
Posted by pandasquishy[/QUOTE]

Woo! Thank you, Swim!

Broadly assuming all children will scream 24-7 at a wedding is ludicrious. And some drunk adults can cry and make a scene just as good as children... just saying :)

[Deleted User] · February 2010

lol @ cew

we are not having any children at our wedding, that includes a ring bearer or a flower girl. neither of us like children, so we dont want them at the wedding. i dont think its an unreasonable request.

elizwini3381 · February 2010

Adult only ceremony & reception .... I'm doing it too!!!

smilz4milz · February 2010

We had a kid-free everything. And I listed on our invitations to join us for "An Evening for Adults". This was listed everywhere I could put it...word of mouth was also a biggie for us too. I did address the invitations to the adults specifically, but I didn't trust anyone to "get" that meant no kids...and I learned a lot of people don't even look at the envelopes that us brides spend so much time fretting over.

And no one was mad about it...we had a few people not show because they couldn't find a sitter, but that was great by us! And a lot of parents thanked us for their evening out.

slbriz34 · February 2010

Just address the rsvps in a way that would only include the guests you are inviting. You can also put the following line (which I did):

We have reserved X seats in your honor.

I'm doing that with a lot of my guests so that folks don't think they can bring a guest. We are keeping things just to close friends and family and have a budget; if someone rsvps and adds a name, then we plan to tell them sorry but...

GL.

anna.oskar · February 2010

I only invited adults to our wedding. 23 children were in attendance at the ceremony since you can't actually ban people from coming to a church. I got to hear a 1 year old babble through our vows.

Rude people will bring their children anyway. Regardless of invite.

trix1223 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:70f95459-b135-4ec1-8571-3d96c24554a9">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Just address the rsvps in a way that would only include the guests you are inviting. You can also put the following line (which I did): We have reserved X seats in your honor. I'm doing that with a lot of my guests so that folks don't think they can bring a guest. We are keeping things just to close friends and family and have a budget; if someone rsvps and adds a name, then we plan to tell them sorry but... GL.
Posted by slbriz34[/QUOTE]

As soon as you put "we have reserved X seats in your honor, you open yourself up to children and/or other uninvited guests. Here's the scenario: Homer's away on a business trip, or comes down with the flu. Marge (correctly) says "Well, they've reserved two seats for us. Come on, Bart let's go to the party."

Just address the invitation to the people you're inviting.

mainemommy · February 2010

I have 2 children, ages 4 & almost 2. Weddings are not the place for most children. & hours long receptions get dull after a even a little while. We chose to not bring our children to the last several weddings we've attended because well its a lot more fun to be carefree & enjoy ourselves than it is to try & occupy, keep quiet, & keep track of small children. We brought them to one because there were lots of other children going, & after dinner was served & they did the cake & a little dancing they went home & thank goodness because they were restless already & we stayed to have fun.

You need to make sure you make it clear on the rsvp card who is invited if you do not want children to attend. Not one of the last 6 invitations we received was it clear if our children were invited or not & we had to contact the couple & ask, & some people wouldnt be that considerate, they would bring the child.

unforgettable81 · February 2010

My cousin simply included at the end of the invitation: Adult only reception immediately following ceremony. Yes people were upset but this is what the bride wanted. The only children was the flower girls and ring bearer. I have 2 children and I was not offended. For the most part I am having a kid free or should I say baby/toddler free reception as well. There will be 6 children ages 6-14. Thats all.

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:52b5e096-b2ee-4961-9250-6cb558d66d41">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes people were upset but this is what the bride wanted.
Posted by unforgettable81[/QUOTE]
This is a terrible philosophy.

zippityb · February 2010

I had to sign a waiver that said I would not serve alcohol to minors, so that is the excuse that I am giving for not having children -- No one under 21.

SarahPLiz · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:b3cc462e-ac7e-471a-af5e-d9e6f6904dd3">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I had to sign a waiver that said I would not serve alcohol to minors, so that is the excuse that I am giving for not having children -- No one under 21.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]

That's actually a bad excuse IMHO, and I'd see right through that. I am not serving alcohol to kids either, but they will be at the reception.

trix1223 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:40b4268e-2022-46cc-b906-6fc888b0a8ae">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Im inviting kids to my reception.... My mother and i found these cute coloring books with crayons for like 6.00 bucks for a set of 12 so we figured it should help keep the kids busy during the reception
Posted by bowlerchick1705[/QUOTE]

This always makes me laugh. I teach preschool. I can promise you that for your 4 hour reception, the coloring MIGHT take up 15 minutes of the kids' time if they're 5 and under. That's as long as they'll stay "entertained" by a coloring book.

FWIW: think back to your childhood: you can sit at a table and color quietly when other people are moving around, talking, dancing, there's food and sodas to drink.

Which are YOU going to do?

Good luck with those coloring books.

mainemommy · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:ee2cf94b-7636-433e-9836-8b520f72399c">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!! : This always makes me laugh. I teach preschool. I can promise you that for your 4 hour reception, the coloring MIGHT take up 15 minutes of the kids' time if they're 5 and under. That's as long as they'll stay "entertained" by a coloring book. FWIW: think back to your childhood: you can sit at a table and color quietly when other people are moving around, talking, dancing, there's food and sodas to drink. Which are YOU going to do? Good luck with those coloring books.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

This is why we're having a whole kids section filled with lots of annoying crap to try & keep some of the children entertained for longer than 20 minutes I'll have coloring books but we'll also have 20 other activites for them too because attention spans are short & adult stuff is always more interesting than crayons. Im hoping the tv/dvd player might do the trick for a bit for at least my kids if I pop in some Dora. I do fully expect the children to all be running around like crazy little animals, because that's what kids do.

SarahPLiz · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_screaming-kids-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:5ed5201d-dfa4-4d2e-a365-771b2426b7a5Post:ee2cf94b-7636-433e-9836-8b520f72399c">Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!! : This always makes me laugh. I teach preschool. I can promise you that for your 4 hour reception, the coloring MIGHT take up 15 minutes of the kids' time if they're 5 and under. That's as long as they'll stay "entertained" by a coloring book. FWIW: think back to your childhood: you can sit at a table and color quietly when other people are moving around, talking, dancing, there's food and sodas to drink. Which are YOU going to do? Good luck with those coloring books.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Why would they need to sit quietly for 4 hours? They can sit long enough to eat and then they can get up and move around like the adults. WHy wouldn't they be up, moving around, talking, and dancing like everyone else???
I love kids and I can't imagine my wedding without the kids in my family, but I don't knock anyone else for not wanting them there. That being said, not all kids are hellions, and infants usually dont bother anyone. They eat and sleep. Ive seen grown adults act worse than children at weddings.

I went to a wedding this summer that included children. They had coloring books, which kept the kids entertained for the ceremony. Then we went to the reception, where they ate and danced and talked just like the rest of us. Why would you want to stick your kid in a corner with a coloring book during a party?? Your argument makes no sense.

banana468 · February 2010

Just have the adult reception if that's what you want and invite just the adults.

You don't "have" to invite breastfeeding infants but if they're the children of non-working mothers or VERY newborn, you need to be prepared that mom might decline the invitation.

Beyond that, just say, "this is the formality of the event."

And PLEASE don't use alcohol as the reason for not wanting kids. I call absolute BS on that. DH and I were raised in families where even a 5 yo birthday party had beer available for the parents. Kids grow up understanding that some beverages are for parents.

And most non-insane parents understand that their children aren't welcome at all events.

malaikad71 · February 2010

I have the same situation with my wedding. I have several family members including those in my wedding party, my FI has the same in his family. What we did was note at the bottom of the invitation the it is an "Adult Reception To Follow", hopefully they will get the hint if not then I will explain to them due to budget and seating that children are not invited. This is your special day and you should have it how you want it. Those that disagree can stay home because I am sure no one with children volunteered to help with the cost of your wedding. Once again it is your day to enjoy not babysit.

antiquering · February 2010

These are really great suggestions. FI and I are in the same boat with not wanting kids at the ceremony and reception (it's beer themed. toddlers seem like a bad idea.)

Another consideration for not having toddlers at the reception would be the menu. Young kids won't be able to enjoy or appreciate the menu you've decided on and there's no reason to pay for their portion if it'll just be wasted.

And if it's what the two of you really want, be firm in it. It's your wedding, your day, and you'll find yourselves bending enough to what others want. Some PPs were correct that not all children cry and scream, but why take the chance? There's nothing wrong with eliminating the risk of having a ceremony ruined because Bart or Lisa can't sit still.

NO SCREAMING KIDS AT MY WEDDING PLEASE!!

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