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Wedding Etiquette Forum
BFP March 4, 2011, EDD November 7, 2011
Miscarriage suspected March 14, 2011 and confirmed on March 23, 2011
BFP June 19, 2011. EDD February 25, 2012
Miscarriage confirmed July 5, 2011
BFP January 1, 2012 EDD September 11, 2012
Hoping third time is a charm!
Big bridal shower but tiny wedding
I'm having a small wedding with only family members in January, but my aunt and future MIL want to throw me a bridal shower and invite all my friends. My friends won't be attending the wedding, but will be attending a big celebration party we are throwing in July 2011.
Inviting people to a bridal shower for a wedding they aren't invited to seems like poor form to me. What do you think? How do I navigate this? My MIL and aunt seem pretty intent on throwing the shower, so maybe we should just do family members and not invite my friends as a compromise?
Inviting people to a bridal shower for a wedding they aren't invited to seems like poor form to me. What do you think? How do I navigate this? My MIL and aunt seem pretty intent on throwing the shower, so maybe we should just do family members and not invite my friends as a compromise?
BFP March 4, 2011, EDD November 7, 2011
Miscarriage suspected March 14, 2011 and confirmed on March 23, 2011
BFP June 19, 2011. EDD February 25, 2012
Miscarriage confirmed July 5, 2011
BFP January 1, 2012 EDD September 11, 2012
Hoping third time is a charm!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Big bridal shower but tiny wedding
I don't see the problem with it. If you are going to have a celebration party for your marriage and everyone is invited then I don't see why they should be offended. I think they will understand your ceremony being intimate and family only.
That's just me though
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[QUOTE]I don't see the problem with it. If you are going to have a celebration party for your marriage and everyone is invited then I don't see why they should be offended. I think they will understand your ceremony being intimate and family only. That's just me though :)
Posted by texagj[/QUOTE]
The problem is that some people feel second receptions are gift grabby anyway because you're saying "come party and feel obligated to bring us a gift, but we don't want you to actually witness our marriage." Some people don't mind, and it also can depend on the circumstances. But adding on top of that another party that is purely a gift-giving event and still not inviting people to the wedding itself really does start to smack of gift grabby.
Also, just FYI, in general if you're not sure of the actual etiquette of a situation it's probably best on this board to hold back on giving "your opinion" - your opinion may not be proper etiquette, which is the whole point of the E board.
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Big bridal shower but tiny wedding : The problem is that some people feel second receptions are gift grabby anyway because you're saying "come party and feel obligated to bring us a gift, but we don't want you to actually witness our marriage." Some people don't mind, and it also can depend on the circumstances. But adding on top of that another party that is purely a gift-giving event and still not inviting people to the wedding itself really does start to smack of gift grabby. <strong>Also, just FYI, in general if you're not sure of the actual etiquette of a situation it's probably best on this board to hold back on giving "your opinion" - your opinion may not be proper etiquette, which is the whole point of the E board.</strong>
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]
Ok fair enough...the reason I said this though is because it sounds to me like what she is doing is an intimate family only ceremony and then having a reception for her firends and family. Which I have heard of before. In which case if it is a reception she is throwing for her firends why can't they come to her bridal shower?
[QUOTE]I have a question..is this celebration supposed to be your reception or just a post-wedding party?
Posted by texagj[/QUOTE]
I'm not sure what qualifies as a reception or post wedding party. We're getting married in January at City Hall and then having dinner with our families. In July we are throwing a huge picnic and BBQ in the daytime, followed by an informal evening of drinks and dancing. My friends and family love to BBQ, and my friends love to dance, so we figured we'd celebrate with our friends and extended family in the ways they love best.
Thanks!
BFP March 4, 2011, EDD November 7, 2011
Miscarriage suspected March 14, 2011 and confirmed on March 23, 2011
BFP June 19, 2011. EDD February 25, 2012
Miscarriage confirmed July 5, 2011
BFP January 1, 2012 EDD September 11, 2012
Hoping third time is a charm!
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
[QUOTE]That's just a party, not a reception. Nope, no friends at the shower.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]
If it were a reception would it be ok then?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Big bridal shower but tiny wedding : Ok fair enough...the reason I said this though is because it sounds to me like what she is doing is an intimate family only ceremony and then having a reception for her firends and family. Which I have heard of before. In which case if it is a reception she is throwing for her firends why can't they come to her bridal shower?
Posted by texagj[/QUOTE]
Because the reception is not the actual wedding.
Plus, unless you elope, whatever you treat your guests to immediately after your marriage ceremony is your "reception." So like she said, they're taking their families to dinner. Another party would be a second reception, at-home reception, or simply a BBQ/housewarming/house party.
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If it were a destination wedding with an AHR later. . . I really don't think that would be ok UNLESS all the AHR guests were also invited to the DW but decided to only attend the AHR.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
BFP March 4, 2011, EDD November 7, 2011
Miscarriage suspected March 14, 2011 and confirmed on March 23, 2011
BFP June 19, 2011. EDD February 25, 2012
Miscarriage confirmed July 5, 2011
BFP January 1, 2012 EDD September 11, 2012
Hoping third time is a charm!
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
Just remember, The Knot is a business. It is made to encourage people to spend money on things like shower decorations, favors, invitations, games, etc. and wedding gifts.
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