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Connecticut
cmmosley81
member
where to begin???
in Connecticut
Ok so here is where I am having a hard time. Do I register for gifts even tho A) I am living with my groom and 
we are kinda already married( we had a commitment cermony to be domesitc partners like 5 yrs ago and I changed my name). Also should I have a rehearsal dinner? I am only havig the big wedding because I want to wear the white dress and all that goes with it.
we are kinda already married( we had a commitment cermony to be domesitc partners like 5 yrs ago and I changed my name). Also should I have a rehearsal dinner? I am only havig the big wedding because I want to wear the white dress and all that goes with it. 60 Invited
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RSVP Date September 15, 2011
Attending
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RSVP Date September 15, 2011
This discussion has been closed.
Re: where to begin???
Are you going to have a bridal shower? If so then you should definitely register. Maybe register for something outside the box other than house stuff if that is already covered. Make it your own!
My honest opinion is that since you have been telling people for the last 5 years that you're married, you already live together, and you already took his name, it would be in poor taste to register or have a shower. I would not do either of these things.
General consensus on these boards is that it is in poor taste to have what in essence is two weddings. If your commitment ceremony involved a legal marriage, you are already married. Your groom is your husband. For whatever reason, you opted to forego the "white dress" big wedding five years ago in order to get married when you wanted to.THAT was your wedding. So I would, going forward, call what you are planning a "vow renewal". I don't see anything wrong with having a pretty white dress, inviting friends, having a party, etc. I'm not sure you'd really need a bridal party for a vow renewal, so no rehearsal or rehearsal dinner would be necessary. I also would not register. I think guests would be aware enough that they are attending a vow renewal and that gifts are not required or expected. Some still might give, but I wouldn't set anything up as though you are expecting gifts.
And I think your concern is valid. Personally I think creating a gift registry after you have announced that you are married for 5 years sounds more like "asking for gifts". If guests going to this wedding reception you never had wants to give you something then that's a whole different issue and you still don't need a gift registry for that.
Just a side note, if no one knew you are legally married and never witnessed this I think the situation will be different.
My planning site
It is wonderful that you changed your name after the commitment ceremony and that you now want to take your domestic partnership into the world of marriage.
There is a significant difference between a domestic partnership and a marriage, and so, yes, you should have a big wedding and do the "white dress" thing and make it all legal and beautiful.
As for registering, I would forgo that part. People may view it as a little awkward since you do tell them you are already married.
Good luck to you!
If you had a JP wedding where you are now legally married then I'd call it a vow renewal - it simply isn't the big wedding that you never had if you're already married. It sort of sounds like "I regret what we did 5 years ago and now I want a do over."
We had JP who did a cereomony stating we will be there for each other forever. No we are not leaglly married. I changed my name with the court. I put in for a name change. As I said simply so my children and I have the same last name.
But if you're not actually married, I don't see why you can't have the wedding. This is just a very "new" situation!
~Mrs.~
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