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I'm writing this partially because I need to vent and partially because I need advice. I'm just feeling really really overwhelmed right now with all the details. Particularly concerning out of town guests. I have a quite a few people coming in from out of town. My fiance, his family, several members of the WP, one of the GM's girlfriend, and some other friends. 

My family has a tiny house where there really honestly is no room to put anybody up, most of my friends aren't able to have anybody stay with them, and most of my relatives are already hosting other family members coming in from out of town. I don't know what to offer people as far as lodging. 

I really want to be a good hostess and make sure that everybody has a place to stay, a place to eat and stuff to do. But I am planning my own wedding totally by myself and I really don't know what all I can do at the same time! I don't want to be so stressed out trying to be the bride, the wedding planner, and hostess to everybody and their girlfriend that I can't enjoy my own wedding! 

So give me advice. How much is it my responsibility to make sure everybody is taken care of and how much is it their responsibility to make their own arrangements and plans? What should I do?
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Re: Overwhelmed

  • Isn't there a hotel? I mean, it's nice if you can offer people a place to stay, but standardly you reserve a block of rooms and they pay for their own room. Except your bridal party. You are supposed to provide their lodging. But everyone else pays for it or arranges it (say if they had a friend in town) themselves.
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  • I wouldn't worry about housing each person... they should find their own place.  I would research a few hotels in the area at a few different price points and email it to them or call them (or include it with your invitations or on your website) and get a group rate if you can.  Give them the info - they are all adults and will figure it out on their own, I wouldn't fret too much!

    How many people do you think are (still) in need of a place to stay?

  • People generally reserve a block of hotel rooms at one or two places.

    I attended one wedding for which church members hosted OOT friends (a lot of us had graduated 3 months prior).  The bride and groom had attended the same small rural church, and everyone there was pretty close.  The mother of the groom sent food with us (we were all at their house the evening before the wedding), but our hostess still made us a home-cooked breakfast the next morning.  I don't remember how many houses people went to - I think there were 3 for the girls and 2 for the guys.  There were 5 of us ladies at the house I slept at.  I don't know where all the families' kids were - they must have had a big sleep-over at another house or two!
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  • I've been wanting to reserve a block of hotel rooms for some time now, but my mom and I are kind of in a stalemate over it. My hometown is pretty small and there aren't a ton of hotel options. I want to book at one of the newer and nicer places in town, but my mom wants to reserve rooms at some of the old, run down, shabby hotels. She says it would be rude to reserve rooms at the newer hotels because it would be too expensive for our guests (we're talking Holiday Inn here, not a 5 star hotel)  and I think it would be rude to reserve rooms at a place where I wouldn't even be comfortable staying myself. I'm getting really frustrated over it.
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  • Call the two hotels and see if a room block makes any different in pricing.  If it does, maybe a reserve a block at both hotels?  You can include the information in your invites and then secretly let your friends know that they would be more comfortable at the newer place.  If there is no price break, then just include something that says "accomodations for hotels are recommended at Cheap ($X per night) or New ($Y per night).  For more information, please visit the hotel websites at ______________."  Then your friends can check it out for themselves and decide which they prefer.  Honestly, if it's just one night, I might choose the cheaper, shabbier place, especially if I figured we'd get back late and leave early. the next morning.

    As far as how much you're obligated to do - nothing, in my mind.  In my circle, usually OOT family and close friends (think wedding party close) are offered a place to stay with family or friends, but if there isn't space available then we rely on the locals to guide us toward a decent hotel.
  • Reserve rooms at both. Give your guests the info. As a long term broke person, I'd always take cheap over nicer but more expensive... but most people I know, those strange ones with money (:-P), typically go for nicer cause they can afford it. Let your guests decide which kind of person they are...

    And then flex your shoulders becuase you've gotten this burden off you!
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    "I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." -Isaiah 61:10 NKJV
  • Ditto PPs who say it's not your job to find a place to stay for out of town guests. Even the block of rooms thing was only done at 1 of 20+ weddings I've attended. Also, the block saved guests all of $5 compared to booking a day before the wedding (which I did when the friend I was going to stay with got sick).

    I'm chatting with my sister right now about hotels for her graduation. I've booked hotels in strange cities for weddings with 0 recommendations from the couple. It's really no big deal these days.

    We sent out-of-town guests and e-mail saying we're not blocking rooms unless requested. (We don't have a lot of out-of-town guests) We told them about the bed-and-breakfast within walking distance of the church, the bed-and-breakfast within walking distance of the reception, and the 2 airport hotels we knew something about, and then just said that any airport hotel would be fine, as the church is very close to the airport. I've heard no complaints, except hints that it was too much info.
  • Ditto PPs, do both. Having a room blog does not obligate people to stay at either place, they can do their own thing according to whatever suits their needs. 

    It is not at all your job to worry about where they are staying. You have bigger fish to fry!
  • I definitely let people worry about where they were staying. They are adults and I had a ton of other things to worry about. It wasn't about being a good or bad hostess.
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  • It's not your job.  You don't even have to block rooms, people will figure it out.  But blocking rooms is a nice idea. I personally would block at the Holiday Inn.  *hugs* It will all work out.  Try not to stress too much!
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • I agree with everything that has been said. You don't need to find accomdations for every OOT guests. No wonder you are freaking out! Block off rooms at both hotels, or put your foot down with mom and only do the nice one if you are not comfortable with the guests styaing at the other run down. Hope it gets resolved soon and stress free!!
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  • Ditto the room blocks. I made sure to have some for our wedding, and didn't give guest accomodations a second thought, because I didn't have to. :)
  • My friend got married in OH and it was 8 hrs away , they blocked rooms at two different places because of pricing/availability etc. Options are good, we ended up in the same hotel as most of the people we knew at the wedding .

    I'm blocking at the hotel in town because that's where the reception is. If they find other options or need other options that's up to them .

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  • Thanks for all the input, ladies! I've gotten a lot of stuff figured out in the last couple days and I feel much better about things now. I reserved a block of rooms at two different hotels. We finally agreed to do one of the hotels in town that I liked and then we found another hotel in a small town 10 minutes away that was cheap enough to make my mom happy but reputable enough to make me happy!
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