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Destination Weddings...good or bad?
What's you're take on Destination Weddings?
I've always thought they were kind of a nice idea: everyone gets a vacation, you exchange vows in a romantic location, it is possibly less expensive for the bride & groom and if a lot of people will be traveling anyway, why not?
Well, as most of you know, BF's brother is recently engaged and last night we found out they are considering a destination wedding and have a guest list of roughly 250 people. BF's mother is upset because most of their family will probably not be able to make it (many relatives do not travel very much and hardly ever get on planes). BF made it clear to his mom that we need to be supportive, whatever their decision and that although they are considering it, no firm plans have been made.
I must admit though, looking at it from a guest's perspective has sort-of changed my mind on the whole Destination Wedding thing. For a guest, it is expensive, you have to dedicate a block of time (at least a weekend) for travel and probably use some vacation time. Plus with BF in clinicals, it is hard for him to get time off for travel.
Obviously we will find a way be at the wedding no matter what. BF and I both feel family is priority #1 and I consider the couple as my family already even though we are not married. I was just curious how other view destination weddings on here...
I've always thought they were kind of a nice idea: everyone gets a vacation, you exchange vows in a romantic location, it is possibly less expensive for the bride & groom and if a lot of people will be traveling anyway, why not?
Well, as most of you know, BF's brother is recently engaged and last night we found out they are considering a destination wedding and have a guest list of roughly 250 people. BF's mother is upset because most of their family will probably not be able to make it (many relatives do not travel very much and hardly ever get on planes). BF made it clear to his mom that we need to be supportive, whatever their decision and that although they are considering it, no firm plans have been made.
I must admit though, looking at it from a guest's perspective has sort-of changed my mind on the whole Destination Wedding thing. For a guest, it is expensive, you have to dedicate a block of time (at least a weekend) for travel and probably use some vacation time. Plus with BF in clinicals, it is hard for him to get time off for travel.
Obviously we will find a way be at the wedding no matter what. BF and I both feel family is priority #1 and I consider the couple as my family already even though we are not married. I was just curious how other view destination weddings on here...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Destination Weddings...good or bad?
For some, this is a great idea and for others it just doesn't work. I considered it once or twice when I was like: "Agh, planning a wedding is going to be awful". But when it boils down to it lots of friends and family wouldn't be able to make it and to me having them there is one of the most important things.
One of my friends was considering doing one, and I was dreading paying the high cost of going.
I guess if the bride and groom don't mind a really small wedding it would be okay. Or if it is a destination that is driveable it would be okay.
But, that's my opinion.
[QUOTE]But when it boils down to it lots of friends and family wouldn't be able to make it and to me having them there is one of the most important things.
Posted by palmettogirl924[/QUOTE]
I think this is why BF's mom is so upset. They have a really close family, and in reality many of they either wouldn't travel or couldn't afford to...
I understand how expensive it can be, so i try to plan the wedding where it would be convenient for everyone and that when the guest are there we can also do activities to show them we appreciate that they came to share in our happy day with us.
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Weddings...good or bad? : I think this is why BF's mom is so upset. They have a really close family, and in reality many of they either wouldn't travel or couldn't afford to...
Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]
In that situation, however, it isn't her wedding. Family may be a priority for her, and for others, but if the couple would rather have a DW, then they can do that and invite those they want to attend but no one is obligated to attend.
I guess I don't see a DW as a big deal because it can cover a lot of situations. My friend who is getting married is getting married close to her hometown. But her FI's family is from the other side of the country. No matter where they got married, it was going to involve travelling for immediate and extended family. Whether they got married here in Ontario, in BC, or in the Bahamas it wouldn't make much of a difference.
I think destination weddings are great. They're often smaller than local weddings, and more intimate, if that suits the couple. You get to experience a new location, have some fun with your friends and family. I think they're a fun idea.
FI's sister is having a destination wedding in St. Lucia. Only close family members and close friends are actually going down to the island. A week after we come home from St. Lucia, his sister and her new husband are holding a local reception to include the friends and family who couldn't go to the island.
Life is good today.
BREN - I definitely agree with your comment. Family is the priority for BF's mom...and may not be as much for the couple. A DW really fits this couple, but given that mom and the bride-to-be already have a somewhat tense relationship...I'm forecasting a rocky road ahead.
A lot of weddings get blown way out of proportion by parents, grandparents, and other well-meaning people. A DW limits that a bit. I'd have done a DW in a heartbeat, but we decided not to (although it was far from any of my family, it was very close for all my in-laws).
"Popular on the internetz..."
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Murried Bio
[QUOTE]I don't think a big DW guest list is assuming anything. In fact, I think a DW is a perfect solution for couples who feel obligated to invite a lot of people but actually prefer something much smaller.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
I am not trying to start an argument here Desert...but don't you think it's rude for people to invite "everyone" while secretly hoping for most to not make it? I would hate to find out that a couple invited me hoping that I would be a no-go. Personally I feel that you shouldn't invite anyone that you don't genuinely want to have attend. If a couple wants a small wedding, they should just be honest, set a small guest list and be prepared to stick to their guns. Just my thoughts...
(I do not think this is the case with this couple however. I genuinely believe they would love it if all 250 people were able to make it)
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.
I hate them. Your asking people to spend their time and money on a vacation that you want, but they might not. Also its at the time thats good for you not them. It says that you don't focus on your guests, but on the romantic location. Its find if you care most about the location, but its just not me.
If I am rude for really NOT caring if those folks attended, then yes. I am rude. But I can tell you, my dad's friends in West Virginia did NOT attend my Louisiana wedding, and that was A-OK with me. I brought my wedding album to show them on my next visit home. We had 85 guests (invited 160) and I would have been thrilled with even less. DH and I really only wanted about 40 guests... or less.
When you're engaged and your parents/future in-laws get into bugging you about budget and guest list, let me know how easy it is to "stick to your guns." I sincerely hope you don't find it as difficult as we did.
I am all for DW because in my opinion they can feel more personal especially if you don't have an extended family or want to tone it down somewhat. On the same token though the same can be accomplished "at home" regardless of how big or small. I think it really comes down the couple deciding what they want and even those who couldn't make it to ours in Tahoe were very supportive and happy for us because they understoood this wasn't something done in haste but ultimately what made us happier. I also think it depends on where the DW will be located - for us Tahoe was only 3 hours away for all our guests so it was much easier to manage vs say Hawaii or the Caribbean - but there are many factors involved incluidng time of year. I don't think a DW is an imposition on guests - it only becomes such if you expect everyone to be able to attend and get butthurt if they can't. There is no right or wrong here - just have to follow what feels right.
A co-worker of mine told me she is to be part of the wedding party I think its a sponsor for a catholic wedding in Hawaii, the guest list is 250 people. So not only is the couple shelling out massive amounts of $$$$ but there will be so many people expected to come. I can't begin to comprehend inviting that many to a DW. I think my max would have been 60 and secretly hoping for 35-40. But I be prepared to host 60 people.
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.
[QUOTE]As long as the couple doesn't mind that some folks won't make it, and they are considerate of their guests (plenty of notice of the date, website with information and suggestions for things to do/see, etc...), I think DWs are perfectly fine. It's the couples' choice and if their families don't like it then oh, well. Just because you have a "close-knit family" doesn't mean the couple feels close to everyone and actually wants them there. A lot of weddings get blown way out of proportion by parents, grandparents, and other well-meaning people. A DW limits that a bit. I'd have done a DW in a heartbeat, but we decided not to (although it was far from any of my family, it was very close for all my in-laws).
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
THIS. We had a destination wedding and just invited our parents but it was perfect.
It is their wedding. If people cannot attend then they cannot attend. Weddings are getting a bit out of control if you ask me, I think the DW is a great alternative!
Also, they may genuinly want all those people to come, but I guess I don't see the point in picking apart people's reasons for inviting people.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Weddings...good or bad? : I am not trying to start an argument here Desert...but don't you think it's rude for people to invite "everyone" while secretly hoping for most to not make it? I would hate to find out that a couple invited me hoping that I would be a no-go. Personally I feel that you shouldn't invite anyone that you don't genuinely want to have attend. If a couple wants a small wedding, they should just be honest, set a small guest list and be prepared to stick to their guns. Just my thoughts... (I do not think this is the case with this couple however. I genuinely believe they would love it if all 250 people were able to make it)
Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It's totally okay to have differences of opinion on these things. We can all put our point of view out there and then agree to disagree. :)</div><div>
</div><div>Receiving an invitation is a reflection of the couple's regard for you. It should come without any expectations or obligation. You simply graciously accept or decline as circumstances allow. The couple understands that you either can or you cannot make it, and your presence or lack thereof is no reflection on your relationship, past present or future.</div><div>
</div><div>That's how I believe it should work, anyway, and it's why I think DW with large guests lists are perfectly fine if that's the way the couple wants to do it. </div><div>
</div><div>As long as the couple aren't TELLING people "I hope you can't make it" I don't see why anyone on the guest list has any right to be offended.</div><div>
</div><div>Also, I don't think it's that they don't WANT particular people there. It's just a bit of a relief if you get a lot of "No's" and can keep costs down and have less people to worry about. Again, this is why a DW is a good solution for couples with a large circle of friends and family who don't want to leave anyone out but want to keep things as small and uncomplicated as possible.</div><div>
</div><div>It's completely inappropriate to think "If they wanted me there, they would have done xyz."</div><div>
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I have no doubt some brides have families who don't push for anything, however even my mom, who is very supportive and usually lets me do my own thing, had certain things she REALLY wanted for my wedding.
And yes, when you accept money from others you DO invite their input. And we were prepared to pay for a small DW in Florida until my school funding fell through and we had to pay my tuition unexpectedly. It was wedding to my parents' standards, or courthouse. We chose the wedding, and I'm glad we did. But I will never, EVER say it was easy or didn't involve some compromise to keep the peace.
Depending on how vital it is to your BF's mom, perhaps a casual BBQ reception will be necessary to compromise, if they go through with a DW. That's what friends of mine who got married in the Dominican did.
I think Jeana has a really good point about not having a full say about a guestlist. I know for a fact that some friends of mine had an A, B, C and guest list and hoped certain people wouldn't show so they could invite other people. I am not saying this is right, just that it likely happens more than we realize.
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
[QUOTE]I hate them. Your asking people to spend their time and money on a vacation that you want, but they might not. Also its at the time thats good for you not them. It says that you don't focus on your guests, but on the romantic location. Its find if you care most about the location, but its just not me.
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]
I disagree with this. Weddings are always a time that is good for the bride and groom - not necessarily the guests. That doesn't change DW or not. Also, not everyone chooses a DW for it's romantic location. Some couples have ties in another country and choose to marry there. Perhaps one person from the couple is not native to where they are currently living. And yeah, maybe people just want a nice vacation. But that doesn't mean you are not focusing on your guests. Your guests (who are the people that show up to the event) will be treated just as well as they would have been at home.
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
Eventually, I would love to renew our vows on the beach in Hawaii where we got engaged. Maybe in 10-15 years, we can do something like that and even have our future children present. And hopefully my immediate family would be in a better financial situation to attend as well.
so i guess im on the fence.. i would only go this far for a very good friend.. which she is...