Babies

paintgirl · May 2010

A friend of mine's sister just had a baby last night. My friend was in the delivery room with her sister. Today the TLC show "A Baby Story" is on. The couple is planning an at-home delivery in a birthing pool with the help of a midwife. Another couple I know had an at-home birth a few months ago.

What ever happened to going to the hospital, just the man and woman, getting some good drugs, and pumping out a kid? Would you consider a non-hospital birth? I'm amazed by these people. I can't decide if they're courageous or nuts.

Button5807 · May 2010

I haven't given too much thought to reproducing but giving birth seems like something I'd want in a sterile environment with a whole lot of doctors around.

Button5807 · May 2010

Oh yeah, and no audience.

Hey, what are you doing this afternoon? Want to watch my vag split open and see me possibly crap myself? probably isn't an invite I'd extend to anyone.

paintgirl · May 2010

Oh and dude is IN the pool with her. There's bound to be all kinds of nastiness in that pool during birth. I almost threw up just thinking about it.

I'm probably not fit to reproduce.

tafft1 · May 2010

Personally I wouldn't do anything but a hospital birth but that;s because of my sometimes low tolerance of pain and difficulty getting pregnant , I would want there to be the doctors and hospital there. I do know someone who is pregnant with her second child , and with her first she nearly died , and is convinced it's because something the doctor at the time did , so she basically is trying to stay away from a hospital birth at all costs. She is having a midwife and their insurance covers it , and she feels more at ease and as of this time there are no complications or issues so the baby's health isn't at risk.

I think it really comes down to the couple involved and their reasons vary from what I have seen from personal and intimate to just plain wacko.

Button5807 · May 2010

"hey honey want to stew in some birthing juices with me?"

Most romantic moment EVAR!

Ana_2985 · May 2010

I wouldn't give birth at my home because I wouldn't want that mess at my house. I mean, I'm sure they help you clean up but I would still know went on there. And I'm not okay with that.

Eww and the man being in the pooling with her is disgusting.

paintgirl · May 2010

I can't imagine an audience. I mean. Eww. Really ewww. I would be upset that they have a ton of nurses and stuff in there. I know they see it every day but...

ekathleen684 · May 2010

RE: Birthing pool- If BF were in it also, he would puke. I don't want to be in a pool of puke and placenta.

RE:Birthing in general- I agree with Button, I'd prefer a sterile environment with Dr.s in case something goes wrong. I would not want an audience either. I don't think I would want anyone to see my vag in general and I definitely don't want anyone to see my vag during labor.

Ana_2985 · May 2010

I love FI, but I expect that if I ever give birth I'll be more likely to want to kill him than to sit in warm bath of miscellaneous fluids with him. I don't see how that can be considered intimate.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

I know this is something alot of people seem to be doing these days and well, I guess it's their choice.. But for me personally, I wouldn't want to give birth at home. Although, I think after my first or second, I'd be okay with maybe giving birth at a "birthing center"... But yes, I'd definitely want to be with medical professionals, for sure. And noo freakin way would FI get in a birthing pool with me! He can't even clean up our dog's poop or puke without freaking out..

tafft1 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:a1a275e4-9728-4804-a917-ff5e2f55e277">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE] And noo freakin way would FI get in a birthing pool with me! He can't even clean up our dog's poop or puke without freaking out..
Posted by Soon2BMrsJeter[/QUOTE]

LOL - THIS^^. Seriously I think FI and yours are the same or maybe it's just alot of men hehe !

ekathleen684 · May 2010

BF can't clean up dog poop/puke without gagging and nearly puking. One time, his dogs got raw chicken out of the garbage and he puked..he wasn't even the one whopicked the chicken and other debris up, I DID.

Dogs are fine BTW, they didn't actually eat any raw chicken. I'm starting to worry that doggie protective services will be called on us if I keep writing about his poodles mishaps and adventures..They are very well taken care of, I SWEAR!!

[Deleted User] · May 2010

I have to say that my stomach was turning last night when I had to clean up the dog's puke. It was quite disgusting. It's one of the few times that I'm thankful I have no sense of smell because FI was in the other room and ready to throw up because he could smell it.

How did we get on this subject...LOL

hetshup · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:26e57379-3ae6-42a2-85b9-a33342042698">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]RE: Birthing pool- If BF were in it also, he would puke. I don't want to be in a pool of puke and placenta. Posted by ekathleen684[/QUOTE]

I just about snorted water out of my nose at this.

FI parents had all three of them at home. I will likely do a birthing center in a hospital, so if I need intervention I'm close. I really DO NOT want an epi, the thought of something in my spine freaks me out more then the thought of pushing a baby out. I want to be able to walk around and not be strapped to a bed. My thoughts.

Hazel_B · May 2010

Alot of my friends are going through the baby things these days and most have had midwives, but things have happened where I would prefer a hospital that gives rights to midwives, but doctors are available as a back up.

Story 1 - Friend from university had a midwife, who didn't make it in time for the birth - 911 operator had to talk him through it. Everyone was healthy.

Story 2 - Friend from university decided to have a home birth, discussions with midwife via phone told them that labour would last x number of hours and to call her when it gets closer. Well, labour progresses and she's like I can't handle this for y number of more hours we are going to the hospital. Get to hospital DH offers to walk her in after parking the car, she says no I don't want to wait. She goes into ER. He goes to park car with agreement they'd meet in room. He and midwife arrive in room, no her. She gave birth in the lobby. Everyone was healthy. Oh, labour was also half of what the widwife told her it would be timewise.

Story 3 - Cousin had midwife. Labour progresses, call midwife too late - one arrived to catch and I don't think second ever arrived.

Oh, all those are first babies too.

I've come to the conclusion that most people are so out of tune with their bodies that we just don't have a clue anymore, especially when a midwife or doctor says the baby won't get her for x number of more hours. We are a very scheduled society, if we are told 6 hours and things progress quickly we won't necessarily believe it in the moment that circumstances have changed, especially for a first baby.

**Mutley** · May 2010

There is a big movement away from the 'medicalization' of giving birth. Some people feel that going to a hospital takes away from the natural aspect of it all. Others have had negative experiences in the past. The rate of c-sections in the U.S. is higher than most other industrialized nations. It is somewhat alarming.

Water births are supposed to be less painful for the mother and less traumatic for the baby. The father probably got in there to help massage and coach the mom.

My mother gave birth to my brother and I at home with a mid-wife. I believe there were all sorts of people in the room at different times. She is all hippy-ed out though.

Personally, I am too much of a 'what if' person to give birth at home. I want to be able to have medical intervention IF necessary. However, I am trying to go med-free. I do have a birth plan in place for several different scenarios. We are doing Bradley methods classes to prepare and we are hiring a doula. Plus we are lucky to have a hospital that values what we value. There is a jetted tub (different from a birthing tub) in our birthing suite. They also do skin-to-skin, so he will stay in our room directly after the birth. My OB knows my wishes when it comes to medical interventions and agrees with my choices.

I could go on and on, but I doubt anyone wants me to do that. If you do have any questions, I am not shy about answering them. I know a couple of women who have given birth at home recently.

*Not dodging questions but I need to run and get fresh raspberries.

Hazel_B · May 2010

Mutley - Great post! A friend of mine is a doula and she constantly talks about how couples have birth plans but don't communicate them to everyone and then have a negative birth experience because they hadn't expressed their opinion on such and such a procedure and the doctor went ahead without discussing it.

ekathleen684 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:12765680-9e4a-40eb-835b-87c8084a9f3a">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]Alot of my friends are going through the baby things these days
Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]

Baby things..hehe.

Mutley (and Hetshup too): I would love to be med free. I'm not a fan of shots and definitly not a fan of shots in the spine. I'd try as long as I could med free.

Hazel_B · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:1249a882-9312-44af-b2bb-ed50a3546dcf">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Babies : Baby things..hehe. Posted by ekathleen684[/QUOTE]

lol...I said baby things because it isn't just the birth process. I can't go on FB anymore without seeing an ultrasound picture or visit friends and not talk about baby bowel movements or the next vaccination and what they are going to do.

ekathleen684 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:395d1b2d-2472-4a1f-b9ac-a45e10f06417">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Babies : lol...I said baby things because it isn't just the birth process. I can't go on FB anymore without seeing an ultrasound picture or visit friends and not talk about baby bowel movements or the next vaccination and what they are going to do.
Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]

Seems like it's the same with my FB, so many baby things.

Hazel_B · May 2010

I know! My cousin is trying to go diaper free...I had no idea that potties existed for babies that are 3 months old!

Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for them and want to be supportive but sometimes I just don't know what to say. A potty for a 3 month old? Mind you this cousin is generally pretty extreme so I don't think it was just me being uber naive?

dwest2201 · May 2010

Haha, you guys are too funny! Maybe it's because I've already done the child birth thing or because I don't have a weak stomach and I'm not modest at all... but child birth is a miracle, honestly I can't tell you how awesome it is.

I had a hospital birth with my son mostly out of fear and wanting a sterile environment. For future births I would like to look into a birthing center if my insurance will cover that because I think the environment is more caring and loving . I also would want to breastfed beyond the few weeks that I did with my son so I think they would be better "teachers" than the lactation specialist at the hospital that said looks good see ya later.

I don't know how I feel about the water birth... In theory you are more relaxed because you are in the warm water and your DH is sitting behind you and able to massage your neck and back etc to help relax you. I dunno how BF would feel about this,being that he's an EMT and is not really grossed out by anything... seriously. Sex during that time of the month not gross to him, popping a zit I can't reach also not gross to him, he even offered to put on his gloves and help me when I was constipated recently... I declined that offer!! So I have no reason to think that he would be grossed out by it... if he was into it I might actually go for it, but it isn't something that I think I want or need to do.

My birth experience was... (WARNING: If you have a weak stomach you may want to skip the rest of this post) ex husband and his mother and my step-father who I offered it to thinking he would decline but he didn't (he married my mother when I was 3, mom passed away a few months earlier or she woudl have been the other person in the room as there was a limit to 2 other adults besides baby daddy). Honestly my ex had a weak stomach and thought that pregnancy was disgusting and was beyond useless the entire time... his mother and my step dad were sweet and caring helping me (holding legs, counting, encouraging, putting cool wash cloths on forehead and neck etc.) and without them I would have had a terrible birth I'm sure. Actually it was pretty terrible for me anyways... got a epidural and it didn't work at all, well one leg was numb and nothing else... not the stuff you want numb!! I tore, complelety... that song "tonight is the night where two become one" will never make me think of romance ever again! Instead I think of the pain of it all and the torture of being sewn back up without being numbed (I was losing too much blood for them to take time to give me anything even though they knew I was feeling all the pain because the epidural didn't work). I said that day and will say again and again... despite all that it was more than worth it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat!

BF and I were discussing getting a bun in the oven in the next 2 years last night at dinner actually. I told him I was working on my abs for the summer and he said "babe don't bother... I've got plans to stretch that all back out". Haha.

hetshup · May 2010

We've already talked about it. We will have a balance ball and a tub if I want it. He agrees that I should be able to do whatever I want to have the baby. If I want a C-section, I can have a C-section, if I want to go all natural, then that's fine too. We have also communicated that he will handle his parents, who are all hippified and don't think that people should get sonograms. Whatever, I want one. So he knows that he will have to run interference if it gets to be too much. And he's good at it, he's doing it already with wedding planning. It's sweet actually.

There are always horror stories with births. I have a friend that was pushing too well and the Dr was in surgery with a c-section, so the nurse told her to wait for the dr. The nurse could deliver the baby but "it would cause a lot of paperwork". So my friend waited with the baby in the birth canal for an HOUR. No thank you.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

My closest friend had both of her children in the hospital - the first she had a medicated birth and then the second she had zero meds and a water birth. Afterwards she said the water birth was amazing and she felt so much better afterwards than she did the first one. Interesting I thought... I think I'd definitely want to try without meds - I really would rather not have an epi...

Button5807 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:c4f95548-8065-4ae5-8a37-9a506b3b1186">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE] So my friend waited with the baby in the birth canal for an HOUR.
Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

Screw that. I would have rocketed that baby out and then referred to it as my little bundle of paperwork.

dwest2201 · May 2010

My advice on the meds would be don't bother! I didn't want them origninally but the back labor was hell... and I was in labor for a long time 14 hours and those nurses were very pro-epi so I caved. Then the damn thing didn't work! I pushed for 2 hours before my ginormous son emerged and then Dr. said if they knew he was going to be that big that based on my size he would have reccomended a C-section. Thanks... haha.

hetshup · May 2010

Button, that's what I was thinking. "I'm gonna have this baby RIGHT NOW so you have paperwork". Who says that to someone in labor. I understand it's your job, but really?

loopy82 · May 2010

I haven't given a ton of thought to giving birth, but I would want to be in the hospital. I don't like baths to begin with - the thought of lounging in body crud is not appealing, so it would be less than appealing to be sitting amongst other forgein substances.

There was recently a story on msnbc I think about a woman who lives here in northern MN that was driving herself to the hospital (because her husband has a history of seizures) and gave birth while driving. She realized the baby was coming so she had her husband take the wheel. Why she didn't pull over I don't really know.

Narwhal · May 2010

I think I do want an epidural.. I don't mind needles and I'm sure the baby would rather be born drugged up than having to fully experience all the trauma. I'm also not completely opposed to a c section. If it's whats necessary, sure, why not. It's not something I would aim for, although I was a planned C section baby and I think I'm well adjusted and normal. (You know, besides the fact that i'm a horned tuna.)

I was a month early and 8 1/2 lbs. I think I'm probably going to have a large baby. Which scares the bejeezus out of me because of my mom's experience with my sister (she was 11 lbs and delivered vaginally from a 19 year old in a foreign country)

Okay, I'll tell the nasty story because I can't resist.
I'm an army brat so my family's traveled a lot. My parents lived in Europe for a long time in the beginning of their marriage (married when my mom was 17). They had my sister in Germany. My dad spoke German, my mom did not. The doctor spoke only some English. My sister was a HUGE baby. My mom was small framed. She didn't dialate enough (I think she made it to 4/5 cm, you're supposed to be at 10) but the process was moving too fast for them to stop it. In any normal hospital, they would have done an emergency c section, but they decided instead they would just cut her open. They cut all the way past her anus, and then they still couldn't get my sister out so they had to use the forceps. Instead of grabbing the shoulders, they latched onto her left arm, which caused it to go paralyzed. They told her she'd never get to use that arm again (but my mom did exercises with her everyday and now she writes with that hand).

So yeah, when I came I was yanked out of her appendicitis scar.

jeanacorina · May 2010

Interesting thread. It sure turned around after the mom and mom-to-be started talking. That's funny.

I don't see anything wrong with at-home birth or guys being in the birthing pool if they want to. It's really not my place to judge and I'm sure there are tons of benefits. If a woman is going to be in a pool of "miscellaneous fluids" then why shouldn't her husband (who totally helped get her knocked up and in this position) jump in there with her? That's 110% support, right there.

I wouldn't expect FI to do it... but still. I think it's sweet in an hippy way.

I would not do a home birth, but I've never looked into this birthing center thing. That sounds like something I might do. I don't want a C-section unless it is REALLY necessary, like life-threatening necessary. I think many doctors are way too quick to go "eh, it's easier for me to do it than to wait for her to figure out how to push."

I am unsure about an epidural. I plan to try going without. My mom had all 3 kids without one. If she can do it, I can too right? You can bet your butt I'm going to be doing yoga and taking all kinds of classes and whatnot about breathing and meditating and whatever other hippy-like things are out there.

It's like FI said: I'm not a hippy, but I could surely coexist happily with them. lol

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