Poll: Accepted or Unheard of

cpm1223 · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance-Never heard of it until TK
b) Cash Bar-been to a few weddings with partial cash bar: i.e. beer, wine, soda, sig cocktail are free and I've been to some wedding that had cocktail hour only then I had to pay for drinks after that.
c) Gap- common with Catholic ceremonies, not too bad if its about an hour or less
d) Registry info in wedding invites-TACKY
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match- Common if its not the only gift they get. Part of the gift should be someone completely unrelated to the wedding
f) Tiered reception- Never heard of it until TK
g) a/b lists-Common, but frowned upon

caseyhaynes429 · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance Never seen it
b) Cash Bar Completely acceptable where I live-New Hampshire
c) Gap Acceptable if for a good reason like Catholic mass time
d) Registry info in wedding invites Never seen it, but I dont think I would be too put off it I did
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match Common
f) Tiered reception Never heard of
g) a/b lists Never heard of, you're either invited or you're not

larzhope · May 2011

all weddings I've attended have been in the midwest (for context)

a) Dollar Dance have seen it done once, wouldn't say its common
b) Cash Bar - absolutely a "no"
c) Gap - extremely common - sometimes to the point where people go home and change into a different outfit in between
d) Registry info in wedding invites - no way
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - yes, I've never been in a wedding where I haven't received jewelry to wear in the wedding, along with something small else (usually wedding related)
f) Tiered reception - not common to my knowledge
g) a/b lists - also not common to my knowledge

cengle · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance: It's about 50/50 here. I've been to weddings that had it and some that didn't.

b) Cash Bar: Not in St. Louis-people will be shocked if you don't have an open bar here. In my hometown and H's hometown, it's not as big of a deal.

c) Gap: Very common here; lots of Catholic weddings

d) Registry info in wedding invites: I've only seen it once, and this was for a second marriage for both parties, and they should have known better

e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match: Common; I didn't know this was unacceptable until the knot

f) Tiered reception: unheard of until TK

g) a/b lists: About 50/50 again

yames84 · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance Unheard of before TK
b) Cash Bar Accepted
c) Gap Rarely happens
d) Registry info in wedding invites Unheard of until TK
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match Accepted, actually all of the weddings I have been in our gifts were some sort of jewelry to match
f) Tiered reception Unheard of until TK
g) a/b lists Accepted

Calypso1977 · May 2011

And not all churches are that easy going with times. I know people who did not have a wide selection so as not to interfere with the mass and reconciliation schedule.

yes, most are limited if you want late afternoon/early evening. mornings are usually wide open.

some folks i know have had morning weddings, afternoon receptions, and then an evening after party for those who want to party longer. you spend more money, i personally would never host an afterparty, but some do for the concerns blush mentioned.

Soon2BeMrsTing · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance Never seen it
b) Cash Bar It happens occasionally
c) Gap I haven't experienced this recently
d) Registry info in wedding invites Never seen it
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match Common
f) Tiered reception Never seen this
g) a/b lists Unheard of

jemmini6 · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance common - I've never been to a wedding that did not do one

b) Cash Bar common - I've only been to 2 weddings that have had a hosted bar (one was only beer/wine) and they were both $25-$30K weddings in which the parents paid. Anything less than that budget is ALWAYS a full cash bar

c) Gap unheard of - even my aunts' wedding that was a full Catholic mass didn't have a gap...I've never seen this done and I'd be really put off by it

d) Registry info in wedding invites common - every single invite I've gotten has had registry info in it

e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match common - I've gotten necklaces for both weddings I've been in and that's it. I just thought that was 'tradition'

f) Tiered reception unheard of - I've never seen this done

g) a/b lists not sure - I haven't been invoved in planning any other weddings/guest lists so I wouldn't know if they did a B list or not.

edited for clarity

aragx6 · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance -- Never heard of this before TK. Makes me think of something a stripper does
b) Cash Bar -- Completely unheard of -- at least in my circle -- in St. Louis, but I hear about them occasionally in KC
c) Gap -- Sadly very common in super-Catholic St. Louis
d) Registry info in wedding invites -- Never seen it
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match -- Yup this seems to be pretty standard
f) Tiered reception -- Never, but my mom was invited to a reception but not the family-only ceremony. She was very hurt.
g) a/b lists -- I'm not sure. I'd heard of them but never seen one (or maybe I did but didn't know ...)

Habs2Hart · May 2011

Dude, Bethanne, your sig (I'm assuming it's your sig) is messed up.

StacyJenniges · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-accepted-unheard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7891dbf-3abd-4260-b35b-2049b7f3d007Post:4db81d7b-ed14-4335-9664-d5cadff77a30">Poll: Accepted or Unheard of</a>:
[QUOTE]So all these damn cash bar threads got me thinking. I thought a poll would be fun. I'm going to list a bunch of ettiquette faux pas that come up on here all the time and people claim to be regional and I wanna see what the results are. So list if the following are accepted, common, or unheard of.
a) Dollar Dance - Common in both my circle and my fiance's.
b) Cash Bar - Common (in my home town never seen an open bar)
c) Gap Dont' know what this is.
d) Registry info in wedding invites - Common, and expected by my family. DOn't know about Fiance's Family yet.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - Common.
f) Tiered reception Unheard of
g) a/b lists Un heard of.
umm... that's all I can think of right now. If anyone has anything else, let me know.
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-accepted-unheard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7891dbf-3abd-4260-b35b-2049b7f3d007Post:ead9830d-df63-4d4c-bd37-9e24974ac143">Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of</a>:
[QUOTE]a) Dollar Dance unheard of b) Cash Bar unheard of c) Gap unheard of d) Registry info in wedding invites unheard of e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match common f) Tiered reception unheard of g) a/b lists common The "unheard of"s go for my family. H's tacky family is another story. FWIW - I'm of Polish descent, was raised Catholic, and am from Connecticut.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

Yeah, people often say the dollar dance is popular in Polish culture. Maybe it is, but I'm from an area with a huuuuge Polish population and I've never seen one. I'm also assuming that it's the kind of thing that was done in lieu of large registries and gifts of kitchenaid mixers at one point.

Anyway. I grew up in Buffalo.

a) Dollar Dance - unheard of
b) Cash Bar - unheard of, though limited bars are possible - my cousin had almost 300 people at her wedding and did beer, wine and whiskey sours
c) Gap - never in my family, though I live in a heavily Catholic area so I her they happen. I've never been to a nuptual mass, though, just secular ceremonies, IIRC.
d) Registry info in wedding invites - unheard of - that was like the first rule of qedding etiquette my mom ever taught me, back when I was around 7 or 8.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - no idea, I've never been a BM and I really had no clue about this before I started planning.
f) Tiered reception - unheard of
g) a/b lists - not sure. I don't think I've been b-listed at a Buffalo wedding. My parents didn't have a/b lists and they had 186 people at their wedding. My dad's family is so big that you either have to invite all of them in tiers (all the cousins/spouses, which is like 80 people alone), or none.

Bethanne1202 · May 2011

Blah.. Ill try again.. Its not the sig, it randomly does that to me.

I have been to 4 recent weddings and this is what I know:

a) dollar dance- 2 of the 4
b) Cash bar- all had some form, 3 had beer and wine, cash for anything else- 1 had full cash bar until the groom or one of the guests paid for a hundred beers a few times- this one def had people talking behind the bride and grooms back.. The others i didnt notice
c) gaps- only a little bit of time for the pictures during cocktail hour
d)registry- never seen
e) bridesmaids gifts- i dont know about any except one and it was- in two of the others i do know that the groomsmans gifts were not
f) tiered reception- none
g) a/b list- dont know except one and they didnt do this

I do see the "in lieu of gifts" at showers

I have seen adults only

And i have seen bridesmaids kicked out and did think that it was understood that bridesmaids had "duties". I have only been a bridesmaid once and i did a lot but it was for my sister and I wasnt asked.. i just wanted to

OuachitaTrixie · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance unheard of
b) Cash Bar unheard of
c) Gap unheard of
d) Registry info in wedding invites unheard of
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match common but always with a real gift as well
f) Tiered reception unheard of
g) a/b lists unheard of

by unheard of I mean that I literally had never heard of this until joining TK

Region: Western Arkansas

jdrose5 · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance-- Heard of been to one wedding with one.

b) Cash Bar-- NORM around here. I have only been to cash bar receptions or dry receptions.

c) Gap-- Never heard of before TK

d) Registry info in wedding invites Used to think this was acceptable. In fact when I did a baby registry (a lifetime ago it feels like) I was given little tags from the place I did the registry and told that it was proper ettiquite to add those to the baby shower invite, and the lady said "Like you would with a wedding registry in an invite". I was honestly told as long as it i s on a slip of paper it was "proper" and not on the invite. I never did that I thought it seemed odd.

e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match-- Never really put much thought into it. When my room mate mentioned my necklace was "part" of my bridesmaid gift it didn't phase me. I figured as long as it was part and not the only gift it was ok.

f)  Tiered reception-- Invited to the reception not the ceremony I had happen before but it was a space issue and the bride/groom hated it so I was ok.   Otherway around would irk me. But I think they should be rare extreme circumstances like the bride really wanted to be married in the church her parents were and he was from a polical family and a HUGE wedding was expected so that was the comprimise.

g) a/b lists-- I guess this doesn't bother me as long as the person on the B list doesn't know. I am having to cut people from the guest list I really wanted there because my family is so freaking huge and is FI's.   I mean I just have my family, and bridesmaids and don't even have all my family on the list yet and I am up to 60 people. That doesn't count ANY friends.   So my family have agreed to let me know ASAP if they won't be there so I can invite friends that I have to cut.

OuachitaTrixie · May 2011

gaps are not a catholic problem. they are a bride problem. most catholic churches will gladly marry you at 9, 10, 11 or 12 and then you can have an afternoon reception. teh gap happens when a bride insists on an evening reception and the latest time available for a wedding is 2pm and they want a reception at 5 or 6. that's the bride's choice. its not the fault of the catholic churches.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

TRUE, TRUE! I have never ever seen gaps happen in our area, and yes I'm Catholic and have gone to aprox. 4 weddings a year for my entire life. If the wedding is daytime then the reception is daytime. if the wedding is after the last Saturday Mass then the reception is evening. Some, myself included, have afternoon weddings and have receptions that start immediately following the ceremony and go all night. Our city's Churches offer (Sat) wedding times of any time up to 3:30pm and then starting again at 7:30pm.

smokeybailey · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance seen it...paid for it...no problem with it. I'm not having one but that's just because it interferes with my groove getting on capabilities
b) Cash Bar never been to a wedding or hosted event with a cash bar.
c) Gap I think I've been to one with a gap and it worked out because we went and checked into the hotel, freshened up and then headed to dinner. BUT if we weren't staying in that hotel, I would have been beyond annoyed.
d) Registry info in wedding invites seen it. Don't care. Prefer it. I am not doing it but I am a lazy mofo and would prefer that you buy yourself a gift and send me a paypal account so I can pay you back. Shopping is lame.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match haven't seen this in the weddings I have been in and around. When I was a BM, I received a gift card. MOH for my sister? Nothing. She had/has no idea that you buy gifts for your bridal party.
f) Tiered reception I have never heard of this.
g) a/b lists Heard of them. Have one. And? My b-list is aware that they are on the "b" list and are fine with it. I have one former coworker that said I could call her the day of if I have a last minute cancellation and she'll show up. Maybe I'll ask some P&E girls to show up last minute.

lyndausvi · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance not common, but acceptable

b) Cash Bar unheard of. In my family it would be a sin and you would be branded as bad host for life.

c) Gap - not common, but not unheard of, would not say it's acceptable though

d) Registry info in wedding invites unheard of

e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match common

f) Tiered reception first time I heard of this was on the knot

g) a/b lists good question? I'm not sure I've ever been B listed to know if people do it or not. I know it was not even thought of in my immediate family.

amys325 · May 2011

If you are really that offended by a gap between the wedding and the reception, a good way to solve the issue is SKIP the ceremony. The B&G won't miss you cause they'll be busy getting married and then you can come to the fun part!

It's so common around here that it's weird when I don't see a gap!

ogrady88 · May 2011

I should preface this by saying that I'm originally from western Wisconsin, so the majority of weddings I've attended are from that area.
a) Dollar Dance-Accepted and common
b) Cash Bar-Common, although I've never been to a wedding that didn't have some type of beer hosted.
c) Gap-common (I HATE them though)
d) Registry info in wedding invites-unheard of (I've never seen it)
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match- Accepted and Common
f) Tiered reception-Common when I was in college (a lot of college friends invited us to the dance but not the ceremony or dinner)
g) a/b lists-unheard of (although maybe I just have never known about it.)

lyndausvi · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-accepted-unheard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7891dbf-3abd-4260-b35b-2049b7f3d007Post:b70df54e-99bf-4573-b8ff-6b2694fe3584">Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of : Afternoon receptions are seen as cheap among the people I konw. It would be unacceptable to hold an afternoon reception because people expect to party fron just before dinner until 1-2am. (sometimes later at the hotel later) If I has an afternoon reception people would assume I wanted their gifts but not to host a "proper" reception. So really, maybe it isn't always a bride and groom problem. In fact until The Knot I did not know people got married on Sundays, weekdays, morning or anything like that. It would be really shunned in my circle as cheap and REALLY unfriendly to your guests. And not all churches are that easy going with times. I know people who did not have a wide selection so as not to interfere with the mass and reconciliation schedule.
Posted by blush64[/QUOTE]

<div>Really.. It's interesting how different social groups do things. My family (catholic) all have afternoon weddings. We have 3-4 course sit-down meals, premium open bars and packed dance floors. After the reception there is a hosted after party (normally at a family members home.) Our weddings are all day events. I've never heard of anyone thinking anyone is cheap. </div>

quirky75 · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance - Unheard of
b) Cash Bar - Not too common, but I've seen it
c) Gap - Pretty common
d) Registry info in wedding invites - Not unheard of, but I haven't seen it done
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - ALL THE TIME. The last 2 weddings I was in I got necklaces I had to wear. I just threw one of them out because it was cheap plastic.
f) Tiered reception - Unheard of
g) a/b lists - Not common, but I have heard about them

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-accepted-unheard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7891dbf-3abd-4260-b35b-2049b7f3d007Post:87884603-bced-4a29-9c48-549a99ab8f32">Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of</a>:
[QUOTE]a) Dollar Dance seen it...paid for it...no problem with it. I'm not having one but that's just because it interferes with my groove getting on capabilities b) Cash Bar never been to a wedding or hosted event with a cash bar. c) Gap I think I've been to one with a gap and it worked out because we went and checked into the hotel, freshened up and then headed to dinner. BUT if we weren't staying in that hotel, I would have been beyond annoyed. d) Registry info in wedding invites seen it. Don't care. Prefer it. I am not doing it but I am a lazy mofo and would prefer that you buy yourself a gift and send me a paypal account so I can pay you back. Shopping is lame. e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match haven't seen this in the weddings I have been in and around. When I was a BM, I received a gift card. MOH for my sister? Nothing. She had/has no idea that you buy gifts for your bridal party. f) Tiered reception I have never heard of this. g) a/b lists Heard of them. Have one. And? My b-list is aware that they are on the "b" list and are fine with it. I have one former coworker that said I could call her the day of if I have a last minute cancellation and she'll show up. Maybe I'll ask some P&E girls to show up last minute. :)
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

I am free AND within driving distance. ;-) In fact, I plan on spending some time on Freemont street this weekend.

smokeybailey · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-accepted-unheard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7891dbf-3abd-4260-b35b-2049b7f3d007Post:5e5edd28-ac32-4496-82fe-dad2daac9a1f">Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of : I am free AND within driving distance. ;-) In fact, I plan on spending some time on Freemont street this weekend.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

don't b lists offend you?

:)

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-accepted-unheard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7891dbf-3abd-4260-b35b-2049b7f3d007Post:aa93d5ed-79fd-4b61-8044-fe2ce36b766e">Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of : don't b lists offend you? :)
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

Not when it's Vegas. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

I'm not sure if we were b-listed for H's cousin's wedding or not, actually. We got the invitation like 3 weeks before the wedding, the day of the RSVP deadline. But we had already booked flights (yes, flights) so we went. However, they planned it in 5 months so it's also possible they were just really disorganized.

mica178 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-accepted-unheard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7891dbf-3abd-4260-b35b-2049b7f3d007Post:e143139c-6baa-436b-8d6b-80f3279de01c">Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of</a>:
[QUOTE]If you are really that offended by a gap between the wedding and the reception, a good way to solve the issue is SKIP the ceremony. The B&G won't miss you cause they'll be busy getting married and then you can come to the fun part! It's so common around here that it's weird when I don't see a gap!
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

I know that this happens (and probably a few of my guests skipped the ceremony), but to me the whole point of the wedding was the ceremony. I wouldn't have thrown that big event if H and I weren't exchanging vows and becoming husband and wife. If I cared enough about a person to attend their wedding, there's no way that I'd skip their ceremony, and I'd be miffed if someone didn't invite me to it.

amys325 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-accepted-unheard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7891dbf-3abd-4260-b35b-2049b7f3d007Post:b8754805-b8cd-4f77-8151-1156b4633f93">Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of : I know that this happens (and probably a few of my guests skipped the ceremony), but to me the whole point of the wedding was the ceremony. I wouldn't have thrown that big event if H and I weren't exchanging vows and becoming husband and wife. If I cared enough about a person to attend their wedding, there's no way that I'd skip their ceremony, and I'd be miffed if someone didn't invite me to it.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

I'm not saying that I condone this behavior, but if you are offended that much by a gap (which it seems that people are), I'm saying a good remedy is to skip the ceremony. Therefore NO gap. Done. Everyone is happy.

smokeybailey · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-accepted-unheard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7891dbf-3abd-4260-b35b-2049b7f3d007Post:7139f2bc-b742-4095-85ef-69d5f519d02a">Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: Accepted or Unheard of : I'm not saying that I condone this behavior, but if you are offended that much by a gap (which it seems that people are), I'm saying a good remedy is to skip the ceremony. Therefore NO gap. Done. Everyone is happy.
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

It's not "offended;" it's inconvenienced. So let's look at the example I gave you. Afternoon wedding in Montebello, evening reception in Hollywood, my home was in Torrance.

So I drove 26 miles to the ceremony. Now, there is a gap of 3 or so hours. Do I drive the 26 miles BACK to my home (and this isn't 26 open country road miles...these are SoCal miles) and then drive 27 miles to Hollywood or do I drive the 17 miles to Hollywood and then find a place to hang out for 3 hours?

That doesn't offend me. It annoys me. You think I should just skip the ceremony because they can't make it more convenient? Why should I have to skip a wedding? That's just dumb.

AeroStyle · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance Terrible
b) Cash Bar Go for beer/wine to save money
c) Gap acceptable to a point, and as long as you live in civilization
d) Registry info in wedding invites unheard of
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match at least get them something else too..
f) Tiered reception unheard of to me before Wills & Kate
g) a/b lists unheard of

musicxstore · May 2011

a) Dollar Dance - Super common in my area and EVERY wedding I've EVER been to (and I've been to quite a few) had one. Mine, however, will not.
b) Cash Bar - I've been to one wedding that had one, so I'm assuming that's one thing that's still frowned upon here.
c) Gap - I've never been to a wedding that didn't have one.
d) Registry info in wedding invites - Never heard of people doing that before TK.
e) Bridesmaids "gift" part of their attire to match - Never heard of people doing that that before TK, but it is common here for brides to gift the jewelry and hair accessories that their bridesmaids are supposed to wear for the wedding.
f) Tiered reception - Never heard of doing that before TK.
g) a/b lists - Never heard of doing that before TK.

I guess Ohio is just a faux pas, haha. Go figure.

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