regarding the ms/miss/mrs situation

[Deleted User] · May 2010

i cahnged my last name - it was an active choice. that said, i much prefer ms. and i refer to myself as such, and let people know that's my preference. that said, i am much more offended at being called mrs. hisfirstname last name than mrs. myfirstname last name. i never changed my first name - being addressed as "mrs. jason..." is extremely offensive to me.

luckyme502 · May 2010

I am single in my 30s. I don't get that anyone judges/judged me.

andy71781 · May 2010

I am getting soo much crap for changing my last name. FI's mom didn't and my mom wishes that she never did. That being said, I don't like my current last name because its hard to pronounce and I'm not suuuuper close with my father's family. So if its a question of having the custom of "belonging" to my father or my FI I chose to go with my FI - not that it really means that in this day and age.

I am the only one from my law school girlfriends that changed her name. I don't think that I'll regret it though. I can't wait to not have to correct somebody every time I'm called on.

kinsey0628 · May 2010

Yeah, I totally agree Fische, and thanks!! That is why I get addicted to these boards, it's just nice to realize the grass is NOT always greener and life just goes on no matter what and who you're with or not with. WE (women or men) are the ones in control of our own lives.

Whit, probably it sounded like i was trying to bash ppl for taking the Mrs name, which i'm not.

also, my last name is SERIOUSLY annoying and hard to spell, so i'm keeping my fingers crossed that i meet some great guy and fall in love with him and he has a very NICE simple easy to spell last name.... which i would then definitely take.

i guess i was just pointing out it's annoying that there is a choice in title for women, but not men. but you guys also had a good point that those titles exist from a long time ago... so what can we do?

still mad at the patriarchy

(maybe if i get over my anger one day, i'll mee the right guy?)

tenofcups4me · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-msmissmrs-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a480e154-3437-4c28-bddf-8988b3be1800Post:391c4b69-f084-4190-9aa1-3fc187d22b67">Re: regarding the ms/miss/mrs situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: regarding the ms/miss/mrs situation : When you meet the average stranger, do you actually say Mrs.? Because I just say my name is Lucky Me. No mention of a title to identify if I am married or not. The ring might give it away, but not the name. And how often are you writing, Mrs. FirstName LastName? I almost never write that, just Lucky Me. So I still don't get why these titles are big deal.
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

No, I never use a title when I introduce myself or really at any time when I'm naming myself unless it's requested on a form. (And if I did it would be Ms. Myname since I didn't change my name.) I just don't get the purpose of having titles that identify us by our marital status.

kinsey0628 · May 2010

ps - i also agree w everyone that said titles are so rarely used, it's basically a moot point. i guess that's good that things are going that way.

luckyme that is good you dont feel judged. i guess i just see it in minor ways just built into society, etc.

emilykathleen511 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-msmissmrs-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a480e154-3437-4c28-bddf-8988b3be1800Post:3b294224-ffed-4fa4-a912-979ba54f7413">regarding the ms/miss/mrs situation</a>:
[QUOTE]i do think Ms. is the best title bc it's gender neutral...
Posted by kinsey0628[/QUOTE]

<div>FAIL. </div><div>
</div><div>Ms. denotes a WOMAN, which also happens to be a gender. We don't have a gender neutral title unless it relates to your education (like "Dr.").</div>

kinsey0628 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-msmissmrs-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a480e154-3437-4c28-bddf-8988b3be1800Post:1d438aba-d9e1-43df-ba97-e71ddeae287f">Re: regarding the ms/miss/mrs situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to regarding the ms/miss/mrs situation : FAIL. Ms. denotes a WOMAN, which also happens to be a gender. We don't have a gender neutral title unless it relates to your education (like "Dr.").
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

HA!! oops... very good point. gender neutral was definitely the wrong choice of words. i should have said marriage-status neutral.

luckyme502 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-msmissmrs-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a480e154-3437-4c28-bddf-8988b3be1800Post:9ff768ce-135f-4a83-96e3-e07d2bccb9a1">Re: regarding the ms/miss/mrs situation</a>:
[QUOTE]ps - luckyme that is good you dont feel judged. i guess i just see it in minor ways just built into society, etc.
Posted by kinsey0628[/QUOTE]

I think you can read into anything if you try hard enough. I don't think most people would think a single woman in her 30s is a big deal or something to judge.

emilykathleen511 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_regarding-msmissmrs-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a480e154-3437-4c28-bddf-8988b3be1800Post:cfa67fb0-587c-415d-be9a-5757cdaf1ee2">Re: regarding the ms/miss/mrs situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: regarding the ms/miss/mrs situation : HA!! oops... very good point. gender neutral was definitely the wrong choice of words. i should have said marriage-status neutral.
Posted by kinsey0628[/QUOTE]

<div>s'okay. I'm a bit sensitive about that kind of stuff because I helped a professor with her research on transgendered folks, so I pay attention to gendered language and other gendered things, like bathrooms, where you have to choose one or the other a bit more than your average person. </div>

Simply Fated · May 2010

My thoughts on this are varied...
I am disappointed that Ms didn't take off as well as had hoped it will.
BUT, I intend to take on my boyfriend's last name if we get married. Only because I don't like my name, though, lol.
I like that I have the choice to do that and I wouldn't want to take away anyone's else's choice to take on the name they want.

mica178 · May 2010

When I meet people professionally, I refer to non-doctor females as "Ms." whatever. In this day and age, it's hard to tell who's married or not, who kept her own last name, etc. Most women will tell me what title they'd like or if they want to switch to first names.

If I have children, I think I'd rather my children's friends and teachers look at me as a mother than as a doctor, so I might go by "Mrs." in certain situations.

Andy, I hear you. I'm going to take my FI's last name. I can only think of one contemporary who did that. Most kept their own or hyphenated. My parents and many female colleagues/friends are horrified.

quotequeen · May 2010

FYI, Master is for young boys, like 7 and under I think.

sophs_ro · May 2010

Slightly off topic from the original post but are there any people out there who are married but still call themselves Miss? I'm not taking his name so won't be a Mrs and i don't want to be a Ms. So i want to remain Miss XXX until i qualify to be Dr XXX. I didn't think it was that weird but most people i tell go WTF?

CLSchramm · May 2010

I totally understand the OPs frustration with all this title BS. My FI and I have been living together for almost 4 years. You'd be surprised how many people judge a person for this "behavior". We have been planning on getting married for quite some time, but were waiting until finanicals were all settled. I am a substitute teacher, so when I sub I got by Ms. mylastname because I don't really consider myself a 'Miss'. I was appalled when, on a day I had a half-day sub job, I arrived and the teacher asked me what the kids should call me so she could write it on the board, that when I said Ms. mylastname, she said 'oh, class, we've just been learning about this today, what does ms. mean?' Not only was this uncomfortable, but when a little girl raised her hand and said ' it means she's divorced or separated' I wanted to melt through the floor. No, I was not divorced, I was using a neutral title because thats what Ms means. I wasn't about to fight with the teacher, or try to explain myself, but it was still humiliating nonetheless. The kids even tried to ask me about it later, wtf was I supposed to say?? IMO 'Ms.' means none of your business. So, I guess my point is, even if you all think its going away, kids are still learning in school what is "proper", and still being taught that Mrs. means married (aka a socially accepted status), and Miss means not married (also socially accepted) but Ms. is divorced (or possibly something worse !!!). How horrible.

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