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So... if the girl proposes...who buys the ring?
I've always wondered, does she buy her own ring? Or expect him to buy it, even though she popped the question?
I think if she asked, she should buy her own. I mean, really, it was her idea first, why make him pay for it?
But, maybe that's just me, what do you think?
I think if she asked, she should buy her own. I mean, really, it was her idea first, why make him pay for it?
But, maybe that's just me, what do you think?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So... if the girl proposes...who buys the ring?
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
A woman should not propose to a man (maybe I am old fashioned and never realized it). If a woman does propose, I still think the man should buy the ring. If the woman proposes and buys her own ring, she might as well grow her own set of balls.
I mean, if a guy asks a girl, he buys her the ring, and then it gets decided after how or if he gets a ring, why wouldn't it be the same if the roles were reversed?
If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
"Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
And Loop and JadziaDax, it's one thing to say "I'd never propose - I'm not comfortable with that" and quite another, rude, thing to say "No woman should ever propose." As long as no one's forcing you to do it, why do you care?
"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." --The Beatles
My cousin proposed to his now-wife without a ring. 6 months later they bought a house together. They decided that it was a better investment than a piece of jewelry. She wears a wedding ring, but she says she doesn't miss having another ring on her finger. She lives in her engagement gift. I think that type of sound financial decision is a way better indicator of a good future together than a large piece of jewelry.
Srbageldog, it sounds like you have some resentment towards your FI for not "investing" in you. Maybe you should talk to him about that.
[QUOTE]A ring does not an engagement make. The important part of the engagement is the proposal and acceptance. While a ring is a traditional gift for accepting a proposal, it doesn't have to be. No one is entitled to a ring just because they are engaged. My cousin proposed to his now-wife without a ring. 6 months later they bought a house together. They decided that it was a better investment than a piece of jewelry. She wears a wedding ring, but she says she doesn't miss having another ring on her finger. She lives in her engagement gift. I think that type of sound financial decision is a way better indicator of a good future together than a large piece of jewelry. Srbageldog, it sounds like you have some resentment towards your FI for not "investing" in you. Maybe you should talk to him about that.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]
I have talked to him about it. It's not just the ring, it's the whole way he's treated our engagement. When he originally proposed, I thought we were going to get married within a matter of months. Then one of his friends told him he was stupid and he should wait. Once we moved in together, he didn't want to talk about marriage at all. He kept skirting around the topic. Then out of nowhere he decided we wouldn't get married until 2012. He basically set a wedding date without consulting me or even letting me have a say in it. I wanted to get married in the year 2011. We argued over this for a long time, until finally I resigned to the fact that he wouldn't be ready to marry until 2012. Then out of nowhere he announced that he still intended to marry me NEXT year. So, I think the "resentment" that I had (or perhaps even still have) stemmed from the fact that I got proposed to but didn't get to enjoy my engagement like a normal couple would. He never wanted to discuss anything, so I always wondered whether or not we were actually engaged or if he actually planned on spending the rest of his life with me. And not having a ring just added to the feeling that I was not worth "investing" in.
Even now, with our wedding a little over a year away, he does not want to get too involved in discussing details or planning anything. I sometimes get the feeling that he doesn't think the wedding will ever happen. :/ To me, having an engagement ring (not even necessarily an expensive one) would merely be symbolic; it would reassure me that he was serious about marrying me and sharing the rest of his life with me.
"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." --The Beatles
Not wanting to help with wedding planning is normal for most guys I know, but being wishy-washy about actually getting and being married is a red flag that needs to be resolved before you make any wedding plans. You shouldn't marry someone you resent for not treating you well.
Sorry to be so negative, and to threadjack the OP, but I sensed something was off and just wanted to see if I could be of help. I hope it all comes out ok for you!
As well, I don't know a single guy who would want an e-ring, so even if she proposes, I don't think she should buy him a ring. Propose with a guitar for him or a new computer or a set of tools or whatever nice gift he would actually appreciate.
If a man doesn't want to get married, then he won't propose.
But that's just me.
[QUOTE]I'd guess that a woman who is untraditional enough to propose to her boyfriend is not so traditional that she'd be put off by either buying her own ring or not having an engagement ring at all. Therefore, it's probably a moot point. And Loop and JadziaDax, it's one thing to say "I'd never propose - I'm not comfortable with that" and quite another, rude, thing to say "No woman should ever propose." As long as no one's forcing you to do it, <strong>why do you care?
</strong>Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
Why do you care that I care? It's just my opinion. I'm allowed to have one on here right?
[QUOTE]I can see that how that would be frustrating. Your resentment and frustration came out loud and clear in between the lines of original comment. I don' t know you too, but the fact that you aren't on the same page about marriage is a warning sign for me. I think it wouldn't hurt the 2 of you to start some premarital counseling to work on your communication, so you can plan your future together with mutual goals in mind. Also, the FIve Love Languages book may help you figure out what is going on in your relationship. Your relationship shouldn't feel one-sided, but its a possibility that you just don't speak the same love language, so you are missing the signals the other is sending. Not wanting to help with wedding planning is normal for most guys I know, but being wishy-washy about actually getting and being married is a red flag that needs to be resolved before you make any wedding plans. You shouldn't marry someone you resent for not treating you well. Sorry to be so negative, and to threadjack the OP, but I sensed something was off and just wanted to see if I could be of help. I hope it all comes out ok for you!
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]
Thanks for the input. I've actually suggested couples counseling before, but he didn't seem to want to do that. When we first got together, he was just coming out of a previous long term relationship (although they had been separated for about a year at that point). I think he's just afraid to go ahead and make plans, because everytime he's ever planned anything in his life, his plans fell through. I do know we love each other and want to spend our lives together, I think the thought of marriage just scares him sometimes.
Sorry for getting off topic again! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />
"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." --The Beatles
[QUOTE]I kinda feel like... if a man wants to get married, he'll propose. If a man doesn't want to get married, then he won't propose. But that's just me.
Posted by jennylove810[/QUOTE]
I totally agree!
"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." --The Beatles
[QUOTE]I kinda feel like... if a man wants to get married, he'll propose. If a man doesn't want to get married, then he won't propose. But that's just me.
Posted by jennylove810[/QUOTE]
<div>and it's up to the woman to say yes or no. so why shouldn't it work the other way as well? if she's ready, she can propose, and he can say no just like a woman can. why is it always dependent on the man being ready and have nothing to do with the woman? is that based on the idea/assumption that women are always ready to marry and are just waiting for the man to be ready? </div>
JadziaDax, while I didn't propose to my fi, I'm sad to hear 'the woman shouldn't propose'... do we not remember Cory and Topanga, or is that just me? And 'if she buys her own ring, she might as well grow her own set of balls.' doesn't necessarily seem like a bad thing. Would you rather she just be bare foot and pregnant? I'm just saying, what gender roles do you see here?
"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." --The Beatles
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So... if the girl proposes...who buys the ring? : and it's up to the woman to say yes or no. so why shouldn't it work the other way as well? if she's ready, she can propose, and he can say no just like a woman can. why is it always dependent on the man being ready and have nothing to do with the woman? is that based on the idea/assumption that women are always ready to marry and are just waiting for the man to be ready?
Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]
It's a very rare circumstance when a man proposes completely out of the blue - most of the time the couple has talked about it seriously and extensively, and both the man and the woman have decided whether or not they are ready. The actual proposal is only a formality.
But I'm old-school, and even if the proposal is a formality, I still would never do it. It wouldn't have felt right to me, and I wouldn't have taken that moment away from FI. It's a pretty momentous occassion for a guy, too.
(Please note, I'm not saying either school of thought is right or wrong, just saying what was right for <strong>me.</strong>)
I agree with JennyLove that when a man is ready to propose, he will propose. I don't think women should be barefoot in the kitchen unless that is their choice. I'm actually considering having my FI be a stay at home Dad once we do have kids. I'm sure there are exceptions to this rule but in most cases I still feel a man should be the one to propose- and if we're going to talk about television shows, the proposal should at least be like Monica and Chandler's on friends when Monica began to propose but Chandler realized what she was doing and stopped her, proposing himself.
I don't see a problem with the female proposing (obviously) and my FI said he wants to have a second proposal so he plans on proposing for a second time with a real engagement ring. It seems like a good compromise to me.
The ring doesn't matter and the time was right so i asked him and he was so happy!
Everyone says im very "traditional" or old school even though im young but i don't see a problem with the female proposing..
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
Im not sure who is SUPPOSED to but if I had proposed I would want to go halves. Just my opnion
He ended up buying me a ring later. So I do have an engagement ring, which is part of a set so my wedding band is also taken care of.
He didn't have to get me a ring and when he said he wanted to I said I was fine with a fake diamond or whatever. It was his decision to get me a ring, I would've been happy with a tattoo or hell, a ring pop. I love my ring though
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