S/O of "so, uh, what do you think of this?": Do you deny your fi/h sex?

mandapanda78 · June 2010

TJ, you seriously just made my day.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · June 2010

I've never flat out said "no," I just wouldn't initiate if I felt tired. FI usually asks, "Sooo... are you going to read? Or go to bed?" That's my cue to say that I am (not initiate) or not.

It's gotta be mutual. Otherwise the other person isn't having fun.

susieq87 · June 2010

It is highly annoying that some women are so afraid to say no. If they say no a few times and their FI/H goes to another woman, that is simply a crappy relationship that is based mostly on sex. I barely ever say no to my FI, and the only time I do is if I am not feeling well, or am very very tired. And in cases like that, he probably knows not to even ask. In fact, I try to have sex with him more than the other way around which feels kind of weird sometimes, but oh well.

aragx6 · June 2010

I feel like Fi would like to ask for it more than he does, but even after 6 years I can't seem to get it into his thick skull that I wish he would more.

I don't come home from work or lay on the couch thinking about sex all the time, and I have never been the best initiater (sounds like the priceline negotiator, right?) though I am trying, but it only takes me a few minutes to get worked up when he does ask/try.

I think he's afraid I would say yes even if I didn't want it and he doesn't want me to feel obligated. What a goof.

Sing2phins · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_of-uh-think-of-this-deny-fih-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e09593b-0854-4eec-9283-2325cc771725Post:e522dbc1-4164-4242-820a-3a26c184b109">Re: S/O of "so, uh, what do you think of this?": Do you deny your fi/h sex?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never flat out said "no," I just wouldn't initiate if I felt tired. FI usually asks, "Sooo... are you going to read? Or go to bed?" That's my cue to say that I am (not initiate) or not.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]
D does this. And I'm on the get into it to get into it train. Witholding as punishment? I learned a long time ago, pre-D that that is never a good idea and nearly always backfires.

saschaduran · June 2010

I say no all the time. I have no problem saying I'm tired, not in the mood, etc.

I know he feels we don't have sex often enough, but I am fine with 3-4 times a week. I don't want to have sex every single day, or twice a day like we used to. If I haven't been in the mood for 3-4 days I will usually just have sex because I feel bad, but once we start I get into it.

I also have definitely held back if I am mad, because when I am mad, there is NO way I am in the mood for sex. I am not using it for "punishment", I am just not in the mood.

katiewhompus · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_of-uh-think-of-this-deny-fih-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e09593b-0854-4eec-9283-2325cc771725Post:8c71bb6d-bd6d-4341-9678-6088bc1dabd0">Re: S/O of "so, uh, what do you think of this?": Do you deny your fi/h sex?</a>:
[QUOTE]I say no all the time. I have no problem saying I'm tired, not in the mood, etc. I know he feels we don't have sex often enough, but I am fine with 3-4 times a week. I don't want to have sex every single day, or twice a day like we used to. If I haven't been in the mood for 3-4 days I will usually just have sex because I feel bad, but once we start I get into it.<strong> I also have definitely held back if I am mad, because when I am mad, there is NO way I am in the mood for sex. I am not using it for "punishment", I am just not in the mood</strong>.
Posted by saschaduran[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. If I'm pissed at him I'll say no, not because I'm punishing him for our arguement but just because neither one of us will enjoy it if one of us is pissed at the other.
I've said no before and so has he. There are some days where you just aren't feeling it for whatever reason. If me saying no one time is giving him leave to cheat then he wasn't in it for the long haul anyways, and just in it for the sex.

AmoroAgain · June 2010

Anyone remember when MrsE told everyone that she never lets her H see her in the process of dressing or undressing OR removing makeup, and that her marriage is going to last longer because her H will always have a "fantasy" image of her being "perfect" and ready for him at all times? Oh, and that they had sex twice a day. Mmmhm...

saschaduran · June 2010

Really? I don't remember that one about MrsE. My poor husband has no fantasy about me and if he does I have probably ruined it by telling him all sorts of disgusting things.

And as far as not getting enough sex making a man cheat...I would guess that a good number of men who cheat get plenty of sex, and are just cheaters and will use any excuse. Dr. Phil had a special one day where the men said that 90% of cheaters, or something like that, found the other woman less attractive than their wife.

ARod22 · June 2010

I don't agree that you should just NEVER say no to your spouse. If you're not in the mood, you're not in the mood. I do think that it is wrong to deny him sex as some sort of game (i.e. "No sex until you do this for me" or "I'm mad at you, so no sex for 2 weeks and let's see how you like that!")

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