Young Love

celesteks99 · March 2012

I have been with my fiance since i was 13, two months after i turned 12, so young! We just got engaged and i am alomst 17 and he is 17, turning 18 in september. Were juniors in highschool and are planning on getting married July 13th 2013 after highschool and go to the same college. Going into college we will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary. We have been discussing every topic with each other to prepare for marriage (views on marriage, finances, in-laws, babies in the future, duties of another, lots of religion, and others) We are catholic and very religious and believe this is the right thing to do and that god in leading us this way, and it is what we truelly want. We both have plans and everything layed out of what we want to do. We are aware poeple say it is difficult and that it is not a good idea but it is a challlenge that we believe true love can handle. I know mant say that me and my fiance are not ready for marriage but i feel that everyone is different and and that is a personal judgement and decision. If your with the right person i believe that marriage at 18 is possible, and could be succesful. We WANT to have the commitment through god and be eachothers spouses. Anyone get married really young and can share a storey with me?

Chloeagh · March 2012

You can do whatever you want, but think really hard about this. My freshman roommate broke up with her boyfriend right before graduation...after they had already decided to go to the same college, so that year was really hard for them. I'm with my high school boyfriend (FI now!) and it's really hard to balance a relationship and school and a social life. Plus, a lot of colleges want their students to live on campus for x number of years. Do you really want to be married and not living together? What if you can't afford to live off campus? There's more to marriage than talking about the big things, life plans, and being in love. College is hard and people change a lot. There are a lot of little things that quickly add up to a lot.

I won't say you can't get married, and I wish you the best of luck, but I would recommend being in college at least one year before you get married. That way you only have to adjust to one thing at a time and you can have a better grasp on what your relationship will be like in college.

calliopeia2013 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:3eef92fe-df85-4e03-8938-a1e239d61a8cPost:5a710515-ee94-4bcf-8714-7e2b4b6859ea">Re: Young Love</a>:
[QUOTE] I don't think young marriages have a lower success rate because they don't love each other. I think they do because they are fighting an uphill battle on a lot of other fronts - such as going to college (its stressful), saving, establishing a career, and you do grow personally when you leave the nest. I would rather make it easier on myself and not worry about making a marriage work on top of everything else. Posted by rkj4832[/QUOTE]

This is a really good point. I also think one of the reasons young marriages have a lower success rate is because at 18 you're simply not done growing yet- a bunch of recent studies have shown that our brains don't finish developing until at least age 25! Even if you share values and opinions and ideas now, that can all change drastically over your college years- because people, pretty universally, change drastically over those years. The person you marry at age 18 may be a very different person from the person you find yourself married to ten years later.

It's not impossible to make a young marriage work, but as PPs have said, why not wait until you've grown up a bit? (And, btw, this may not be the case with you but I've unfortunately seen it with some people - if the answer to that question is that you can't be intimate until marriage due to your beliefs and you want to be able to be intimate, ask yourself if getting married because you want to be able to have sex is a healthy attitude towards marriage!)

Chloeagh · March 2012

Oh, I'd like to add that I really hope that you aren't sacrificing your dream schools for each other. Marriage is about sacrifices, but you are too young to let another person take away your dream future. If you want to be a biology major, don't go to a college that barely has a lab just so you can be with your SO. Long distance relationships are hard, but if you are meant to be together it will work out. I know that if my fiance and I had gone to the same school, one of us would have resented the other. Even after we graduate, he is going to have to make a huge sacrifice for me in order for us to get married. But because we took these four years to pursue our own dreams, we know what we want and how to make it work while still being with the other person.

If you each picked this school alone, and it's a coincidence that you both want to go to it, great. But it's really dangerous to go a school for someone else. Again, I wish you the best, but I know from both personal experience and stories from my frinds how hard maintaining a relationship with a high school SO is and this is a time where you should be putting yourself first. You need to find yourself (and, trust me, you think you have, but college changes everything) before you tie yourself to another person.

DramaGeek · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:3eef92fe-df85-4e03-8938-a1e239d61a8cPost:3fcc3f55-a10b-4523-a28d-2a800a83a3bf">Re: Young Love</a>:
[QUOTE]You can do whatever you want, but think really hard about this. My freshman roommate broke up with her boyfriend right before graduation...after they had already decided to go to the same college, so that year was really hard for them. I'm with my high school boyfriend (FI now!) and it's really hard to balance a relationship and school and a social life. <strong>Plus, a lot of colleges want their students to live on campus for x number of years. Do you really want to be married and not living together?</strong> What if you can't afford to live off campus? There's more to marriage than talking about the big things, life plans, and being in love. College is hard and people change a lot. There are a lot of little things that quickly add up to a lot. I won't say you can't get married, and I wish you the best of luck, but I would recommend being in college at least one year before you get married. That way you only have to adjust to one thing at a time and you can have a better grasp on what your relationship will be like in college.
Posted by Chloeagh[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The bolded would be a nonissue. Even colleges that require people to live on campus make exceptions in the case of marriage or students living at home.</div><div>
</div><div>The best thing H and I did when we decided it was time to get engaged (we were 20) was sit down and talk about all the things you said you're discussing and then create a budget. Do either of you work? How are you going to afford rent, tuition, food, gas, insurance...? Is the college you're going to near where you live now? If not, what will you do about jobs when you have to move for school? What happens if one of you gets in and the other doesn't? There are so many reasons for you to wait a little while longer. </div><div>
</div><div>Out of curiosity, what do your parents think about this?</div>

andriana13 · March 2012

Being married is a huge commitment. I'm not saying that you're not ready for that commitment but it's something you really have to take time to think about. College is a whole different world and you find out a lot about yourself while you're there. So, take some time, even if it's just the first year or two, to experience all that college has to offer. I understand where you're coming from, because I am only 20 and my FI and I have been dating since junior year of high school, but believe me when I say I'm glad we decided to take some time to really experience college before tying the knot.
I'm relieved to hear that you both have taken the time to think about all the aspects of marriage. That is very mature. If you really believe that this is what God is calling you to do then nothing should hold you back.
If you ever need any advice on anything I would more than happy to answer any questions you may have:)
God Bless

halfbreedfox · March 2012

I would have to discourage the marriage and postpone it just for financial reasons, since you both want to go to college. If you two get married, then you have to file taxes and request financial aid as a couple. It is much easier to recieve scholarships and grants if you are a student, alone or dependent on your parents, in contrast against if you are a weded couple and are expected to make a contribution to society. Life is going to be very stressful in college as it is (I myself am finishing up my Junior year).

But if you two are filthy rich and can have your parents pay for college anyway, then completely disregard my comment. That is my big reason against marrying so early.

Annas2013 · March 2012

I'm 19 and engaged. But I'll be 21 and out of school when I get married. I've seen people get married during school where it's worked out wonderfully. The finance thing is probably the biggest struggle you'll have to deal with, since it is so much easier being on your parents' insurance and taxes and basically everything else. The fact that you've talked already makes it seem like you both know what you're getting into and how you will handle things. Religion is important and I'm glad to know that it's important to both of you. It helps.

People do change as they get older, but I'm one of the people who believes you can change with someone. I wish you luck!

andriana13 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:3eef92fe-df85-4e03-8938-a1e239d61a8cPost:44df6b15-7121-4358-848d-2584f9e9e475">Re: Young Love</a>:
[QUOTE]IPeople do change as they get older, but I'm one of the people who believes you can change with someone.
Posted by Annas2013[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this.

makennnzie · March 2012

I am 19 and my fiance is 21 and we will be getting married this october (I will be 20 and he wil be 22). I will be totally honest with you and say it will be very stressful. College is a very stressful time, especially in the beginning. Pairing this with planning a wedding, a new marriage, and financial repsonsibilites...well lets just say I definitely could'nt have done it. I know how excited you are...my fiance and I have been dating since I was in 9th grade and we had known we were right for one another since then. I would just wait it out though. The finances are very hard. I mean, my fiance is a teacher and I work parttime at a daycare, and our finanaces are still going to be incredibly tight. In the end, you do what makes you happy...but definitely be prepared for a whole lotta stress.

DramaGeek · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:3eef92fe-df85-4e03-8938-a1e239d61a8cPost:44df6b15-7121-4358-848d-2584f9e9e475">Re: Young Love</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm 19 and engaged. But I'll be 21 and out of school when I get married. I've seen people get married during school where it's worked out wonderfully. The finance thing is probably the biggest struggle you'll have to deal with, since it is so much easier being on your parents' insurance and taxes and basically everything else. The fact that you've talked already makes it seem like you both know what you're getting into and how you will handle things. Religion is important and I'm glad to know that it's important to both of you. It helps. <strong>People do change as they get older, but I'm one of the people who believes you can change with someone. I wish you luck!</strong>
Posted by Annas2013[/QUOTE]

<div>Having lived this for the past 9 years, I totally agree. H and I are very different than we were when we were dating or even first married, but the fact that we're madly in love with each other and want to spend our time together hasn't changed at all. We've learned and grown together, for sure.</div>

toothpastechica · March 2012

I would say wait until after at least a year in collage...the transition year between highschool and adult life can change and challange a lot of assumptions about adult life.
From a developmental standpoint, your life stage puts your natural development of one that wants to have instant gratification, and that because of biology...the reasoning part of your brain is not fully formed yet.
I am not going to say don't get married, but if you love each other enough to want to get married, then that shouldnt change in a year or 2 so whats the rush? Get some collage or at least adult life (where you pay your own rent, cook your own food etc) behind you so you dont have to try to adjust to the HUGE life change of becoming an adult athe same time time as the HUGE life change of commiting to a forever relationship. (judging by your age I assume part of this is wanting to live together, and if you dont live together already even getting used to eachothers habits is a big relationship change), humans dont naturally deal with change well and so why try and pile multiple, perminent changes on at once? IF you want to get married now surely that wont change in a year, so why the rush?

Gabrielle76 · March 2012

At the end of the day, do what you think is right, but let me promise you something. True love does not triumph over all. True love can be shattered on the rocks of struggle, strife, disagreement, poor communication, and the other hassles that make up life. People who get divored were not 'not in love enough', a lot of the time, they were deeply in love, but that love just wasn't as strong as their struggles. The younger you are, the more life you have to set up, the stronger your struggles will be.

I know that sounds super doom and gloom, but I really do wish you all the best!

egeurts · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:3eef92fe-df85-4e03-8938-a1e239d61a8cPost:560e5bc3-cf2c-4e7c-9049-3fba06087038">Re: Young Love</a>:
[QUOTE]At the end of the day, do what you think is right, but let me promise you something. True love does not triumph over al l. True love can be shattered on the rocks of struggle, strife, disagreement, poor communication, and the other hassles that make up life. People who get divored were not 'not in love enough', a lot of the time, they were deeply in love, but that love just wasn't as strong as their struggles. The younger you are, the more life you have to set up, the stronger your struggles will be. I know that sounds super doom and gloom, but I really do wish you all the best!
Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS. Exactly. </div><div>I have been with my FI since we were 16 - 7 years- and we are just getting married this summer. He proposed almost 5 years ago, a month after we started college (we went to two different colleges, and we decided to make the promise to each other of forever), and we moved in together the summer after that, when we were both 19. Since then, the last 4 1/2 years, our struggles have been the typical struggles of living together and getting used to each others habits, serious illness where I was hospitalized and almost died, then we lost our apartment and had to move in with my parents for 8 months, both of us took time off school to recover both physically and mentally from my illness and our housing situation. When we thought things were getting better, we promptly had an issue of infidelity in our relationship. That was 3 years ago and although is long over, we still have to deal with trust issues. We finally got back on our feet, found a new place to live, and went back to school. We were finally living together in the same city, happy, and had 2 years of relative calm. We graduated college! After all the crap we'd been through, that was a serious accomplishment. But we wanted to go to graduate school... and neither of us was willing to give up our dream for our relationship. So now we're living 5 states apart, doing long distance relationship again, and finally planning our wedding 5 years after his original proposal, but our first year of marriage is going to be long distance because we're both still going to be in school. </div><div>
</div><div>My whole point in this long autobiography is to reinforce what Gabrielle said. You are in love. There is no doubt about that. I was too when I was 17, and I am now when I'm 23. That has not changed in the last 6-7 years. But you are going to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with this person. Everyone has struggles. Something major is going to happen to you, I guarantee it, and you don't know what it is yet. I know some people who got married out of high school who are already getting divorced because the real world was too much for them- I'm in Divinity School and have a friend who is realizing that she and her (now ex) husband don't share the same beliefs that they did when they got married 3-4 years ago. You should think about taking a little bit of time to grow before jumping into wedding planning. </div>

Beads921 · March 2012

I met my FI around the same age you are now. 16.

Here's the thing: You say you've discussed all the big stuff with one another. But you're only 16! Your views on a lot of things are likely to change A LOT over the next couple of years. Not saying that they won't change together and for the better, but they will change.

I don't doubt your love, but as Gabrielle said, love isn't everything. Throughout your lives together, you and your FI will face a lot of struggles (that have nothing to do with love and everything to do with finances, priorities, and a whole host of other "real world" stuff) along with a lot of wonderful moments. The one thing that is almost guaranteed is that life will not be perfect, but at 16, I know that can be tough to truly understand.

Think long and hard about what you're going to do. My baby sister is 17. If she told me she was engaged, she'd be getting an earful.

Also - How do you and your FI plan to support yourselves through college? If the answer is "our parents will help us", this is not the time for you to get married.

FaithCaitlin · March 2012

Just from a financial standpoint, I wouldn't do it.

DBigham13 · March 2012

I'm sure you're tired of hearing this, but I would wait if I were you. I too am young and getting married soon. I'm nineteen and my fiance is 22. I've grown a lot as a person since going to college. I've actually changed my major twice and transferred schools once. I'm still continuing to grow as a person, but it's with my fiance. I do believe that if you feel in your heart what you're doing is right, then you should go for it. But honestly, I personally would wait until you are at least one year into college. Give yourselves time to adjust to your new way of life. And since you've been together for so long, one more year won't kill you. Ultimately, it is your decision, but at least you're making an informed decision.

TheValidator · March 2012

I met my husband when we were in high school too. I was best friends with DH's half-brother in high school, but they were rivals (their dad got my friend's mom pregnant and then left her, then got my DH's mom pregnant but stayed with her). DH asked me to be his tutor because he knew it would upset my friend.

But we fell in love! Hardly anyone approved of our relationship, but since DH was emancipated and my late parents were aloof, we got married when we were still in high school. We've had some ups and downs...my singing career and his tumultuous NBA career haven't made things easy, but we've been married for almost ten years now and have two beautiful and precocious children and couldn't be happier.

So I say go for it! Don't let anyone tell you that young love can't work. It obviously works for some people! Take it from me, a real person with a real story that was definitely not made up or stolen from a CW show.

ralbro · March 2012

I was in my freshman year of college at 17 and became friends with a man who later proposed. We were married at 18 & 19. My parents were not supportive initially, but ultimately gave their blessing. We then went to college, both graduated and had our daughter when I was 20. And that's when it all started to unravel.

He decided to go back to school because he couldn't find a job. I was working full time and taking care of our daughter. We started fighting a lot and he started drinking heavily and abusing drugs. Eventually he started abusing me.

I put up with it for almost 6 years before I finally left. I had the same mentality that you do about marriage and love when I was your age. People tried to tell me that I was too young to make such a big decision and that we would change too much over the years, but I ignored them because I thought I knew better. Ultimately they were right. I had no idea how difficult marriage would be, and looking back it's easy to see that I did it for all the wrong reasons.

I am certainly not attempting to talk you out of it, but I would strongly urge you to extend your engagement and see how your first year or so of college goes. You need to learn to be an individual before you can be someone's wife.

I am now 28 years old, divorced at 23 and now marrying my best friend who is 33. We both have good careers and a future. We're mostly paying for our own wedding, which is next Sunday. I had no idea how much my ideas and opinions would change in 10 years but I'm grateful for my experiences since they helped shape who I am today.

I wish you the best of luck!

staybeautiful1717 · March 2012

I met my H when we were both in the fifth grade. I will be 19 this coming May, and H will turn 20 this year. We got engaged at Christmas of our senior year in high school, and we got married at Thanksgiving of our freshman year in college. I knew going into our marriage that people were going to judge us and constantly throw statistics in our faces. But I am not a statistic; I will not let us become a statistic.
H and I have only been married for 3 months, so we are by no means a "success story"...yet. We are financially stable. I have not depended on my parent for money since I graduated from high school. I pay for my own schooling, etc. H has been financially independent from his parents since he was about 17. We paid for our wedding by ourselves, and up until H left for Air Force BMT a couple weeks ago, we supported his younger brother who is a senior in high school. Considering the odds that the whole world wants to stack against us just for being younger than the "accepted" age for marriage, I think we're doing amazingly well.

Nobody but you two are going to be apart of your marriage. Nobody can tell you whether it's a good or bad decision, because no matter what experience they have had, yours will not be the same. Just because 48% of people who married before age 18 get divorced, does not mean you'll be apart of that percentage. But that also doesn't necessarily mean that you won't either. Everyone likes to act like they shouldn't believe they are the exception to the "rule". But there are exceptions to every rule, whether the people believe they are or not. It's the truth. It's all about what you put into the marriage. & personally, I believe that making God and faith the center of your marriage is one of the best paths to success.

I'm not saying run out & get hitched right now, but I'm not saying to wait until you've graduated college either. It's y'alls decision 100%. I'm absolutely one to believe in young marriage and have faith in it. A young marriage can be just as successful as a marriage between two people in their 30s.

ralbro · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:3eef92fe-df85-4e03-8938-a1e239d61a8cPost:054e06ec-3fb2-45c9-98c2-ab451e887492">Re: Young Love</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Young Love : I can agree 100% that only the couple can make the difference, but I can't agree that the majority of people act like they are the exception to the rule. I think quite the contrary, or we'd have fewer unexpected negative surprised in life. I think you should strive to the exception, if you are in that situation (and assuming the "rule" is wrong) <strong>but I would never ask anyone to stay in an unhealthy situation to beat the odds. People are trying to convey that there are possibly situations you have't considered, because they haven't occurred. That is life experience. I think the feeling here is that there is no rush to get married until you have decided on other life goals. Marriage isn't a race to the alter, not matter what people around you might feel. There always seems to be two rushes, one after HS and one after college. I can't say I'm impressed with most decisions made in that time,but that is only my opinion.</strong> Financial independence, education or vocational school, a job that pays the bills are all obstacles for anyone. They all put stress on a marriage, as I think anyone can agree with. We are asking as pure strangers, objectively, that she take off the rose colored glasses, and consider these things very seriously and take some uncertaintly into life. For you, its working out. I hope the OP knows that it isn't all doom and gloom, but she has another 70yrs with this guy. Is another year or two going to kill her to wait and make triple certain her choice is the right one?
Posted by rkj4832[/QUOTE]

<div>I wholeheartedly agree. OP asked for other people's stories and we gave them to her. Unfortunately, mine just isn't pretty. At the end of the day, only they can make the decision as to what is best for them. Getting married while you're in school so you can split living expenses is NOT the answer. (It sounds ridiculous, but that's one of the reasons I gave my parents for moving the wedding date up.) </div><div>
</div><div>I 100% agree that there should be no RUSH to get married. That's like saying, I need to make it official NOW because I'm afraid we won't be together in a few years. There's no harm in waiting a little. Divorce is expensive, and the most painful breakup you'll ever experience. If you want to learn who you are outside of your FI, I suggest you have a long engagement and pursue things that interest YOU. </div>

MoonlightSilver · March 2012

What happens if you don't both get accepted to the same college?

What if one of you doesn't love the college and decides to transfer?

What if you get a crush on someone at college?

What if he does?

What if you get job offers in different cities?

What if one of you wants to move to go to grad school?

I'm 21 and getting married in 3 months- these are things to think about. I'm currently living in a city that has no job opportunities for me, because it's best for my FI.

TheValidator · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:3eef92fe-df85-4e03-8938-a1e239d61a8cPost:290563c2-7df2-4d86-abc1-4911d8f2fa86">Re: Young Love</a>:
[QUOTE]Validator - I don't mean to sound like I'm attacking you, so please don't take this that way. I'm happy it worked out for you, but you are a unique case. Per the CDC, 48 percent of those who marry before 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years, compared with 24 percent of those who marry after age 25. I tend to think I'm never the exception to the rule. Would you want your children to go through the same experience? Is there anything different you would have done? If you live without regrets, more power to you. Personally, even dating the same guy for 9 yrs (meet at 18, that sounds so damn young), we've done things I wish I could take back. Nothing terrible, but I wasn't ready to get married for quite a long time. But knowing we were meant to be together and taking our time adjusting to all the challenges life has presented us with has allowed us to start our marriage off stronger than we would have if we jumped the gun. That time to grow, learn, and figure things out wasn't diminished by not being married. But removing that source of pressure helped us decide this was the right thing for us to do. I'm not advocating the OP should not get married. I'm advocating getting all those other things together- that way when you get married you are only focusing on one thing. Good luck.
Posted by rkj4832[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't feel attacked. I've been attacked before...</div><div>
</div><div>I don't have any regrets about getting married so young. In a way, it feels like our destinies were scripted to intertwine.</div><div>
</div><div>Things weren't always easy for us. Right after we got married I went on tour and there were allegations that I was in a relationship with a fellow musician, but those were untrue. I only kissed him once. But to be fair, I did walk in on my husband in the shower with our nanny once, and a woman did accuse him of fathering her child after a drunken party, but those were just big misunderstandings.</div><div>
</div><div>Then my husband nearly died several times...in a car accident, trying to save a classmate from a limo sinking in the river, in a bar fight that left him in a wheelchair for months. Those things made us a stronger couple.</div><div>
</div><div>I think that as long as two people are so deeply in love nothing should stand in their way.</div>

Gabrielle76 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:3eef92fe-df85-4e03-8938-a1e239d61a8cPost:aa9ff8cf-4a93-4eb2-9456-694c81b4c83d">Re: Young Love</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Young Love : I don't feel attacked. I've been attacked before... I don't have any regrets about getting married so young. In a way, it feels like our destinies were scripted to intertwine. Things weren't always easy for us. Right after we got married I went on tour and there were allegations that I was in a relationship with a fellow musician, but those were untrue. I only kissed him once. But to be fair, I did walk in on my husband in the shower with our nanny once, and a woman did accuse him of fathering her child after a drunken party, but those were just big misunderstandings. Then my husband nearly died several times...in a car accident, trying to save a classmate from a limo sinking in the river, in a bar fight that left him in a wheelchair for months. Those things made us a stronger couple. I think that <strong>as long as two people are so deeply in love nothing should stand in their way.</strong>
Posted by TheValidator[/QUOTE]

Personally I disagree with the bolded part.* I think love is truly about 45% of the marriage equation. The rest is friendship, shared interests and goals, communication skills, life skills, and just dumb luck. That's my opinion anyway. I love my fiance entirely and completely, but that's not what makes me think we can make it in the long run.

*Disclaimer: I'm a huge cynic.

Chloeagh · March 2012

I find it amusing that I seem to be the only one that knows what TheValidator is talking about. Granted, I just spent a month watching 8 seasons of One Tree Hill because I have no life.

fridaysdance · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:3eef92fe-df85-4e03-8938-a1e239d61a8cPost:3fcc3f55-a10b-4523-a28d-2a800a83a3bf">Re: Young Love</a>:
[QUOTE]You can do whatever you want, but think really hard about this. My freshman roommate broke up with her boyfriend right before graduation...after they had already decided to go to the same college, so that year was really hard for them. I'm with my high school boyfriend (FI now!) and it's really hard to balance a relationship and school and a social life. Plus, a lot of colleges want their students to live on campus for x number of years. <strong>Do you really want to be married and not living together?</strong> What if you can't afford to live off campus? There's more to marriage than talking about the big things, life plans, and being in love. College is hard and people change a lot. There are a lot of little things that quickly add up to a lot. I won't say you can't get married, and I wish you the best of luck, but I would recommend being in college at least one year before you get married. That way you only have to adjust to one thing at a time and you can have a better grasp on what your relationship will be like in college.
Posted by Chloeagh[/QUOTE]

To this person, I didn't notice if anybody else mentioned this. Colleges do not normally require students who are no longer "dependents" for financial aid reasons to live on campus.

Also, I'm in my second year of college and engaged to my wonderful Fiance. Our wedding is right after our 5th anniversary and while I am still in school. We are not moving it back anymore as I am an engineering student and it seems so silly to wait when I have no clue when I will graduate. Let me just say that we are having trouble finding jobs close by to the school I attend. I may be transferring. Just keep in mind that plans do not always work in life. I have like 4 back up plans.

egeurts · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:3eef92fe-df85-4e03-8938-a1e239d61a8cPost:d66d08ec-08aa-4698-99cb-a70925b33fe0">Re: Young Love</a>:
[QUOTE]I find it amusing that I seem to be the only one that knows what TheValidator is talking about. Granted, I just spent a month watching 8 seasons of One Tree Hill because I have no life.
Posted by Chloeagh[/QUOTE]

<div>I knew it was a TV reference, I just don't know enough TV to realize which show. </div>

Chloeagh · March 2012

fridaysdance: I did not know that. My college requires students to live on campus no matter what their financial status is. Only 5% of students are allowed to live off campus per year and they need to apply for that ability.

aliehoover · March 2012

I'm 20 (21 in September) and my fiance and I are getting married fairly soon. We met in college though, so obviously my story might be slightly different. I do know, though, that he is my soul mate (I am aware of how cliche that may sound). We did grow up in the same area, went to the same junior college, and he transferred schools to where I was to be with me. I can tell you I was scared to death he would resent me for it, but he doesn't. I know I would be miserable without him here with me. Every day I marvel at that sacrifice he made, on top of many others, for us and I can't help but be completely grateful.

On the flip side of things, college is extremely tough. I am classified as a junior, he a senior (we are the same age though) and our classes are getting tougher and tougher every semester. Our tempers flare more than ever and we do get into little arguments. Granted, a big thing we do is discuss everything out once we have had the opportunity to cool down. We apologize to each other and everything is okay afterwards. But it does get very stressful at times. I have a constant internal battle with myself between doing homework and planning the wedding. Many of the others who have given advice are right: people do change in college. I left all my friends back home when I moved away to school and I can see how much even I have changed. It's tough to handle.

I would never tell anyone not to do something. It's your perogative. If you are completely happy, and you know in your heart of hearts that this is it, then make it official. But be prepared for some small battles, stress, arguments, student loans, etc. Most large universites though do have married student housing so, if you are a student under 25 who is married, you can live in a special housing area and not the dorms (at least on some of the colleges I have looked up while applying).

I wish you the best of luck!

staybeautiful1717 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_young-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:3eef92fe-df85-4e03-8938-a1e239d61a8cPost:054e06ec-3fb2-45c9-98c2-ab451e887492">Re: Young Love</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Young Love : I can agree 100% that only the couple can make the difference, but <strong>I can't agree that the majority of people act like they are the exception to the rule.</strong> I think quite the contrary, or we'd have fewer unexpected negative surprised in life. I think you should strive to the exception, if you are in that situation (and assuming the "rule" is wrong) but I would never ask anyone to stay in an unhealthy situation to beat the odds. People are trying to convey that there are possibly situations you have't considered, because they haven't occurred. That is life experience. I think the feeling here is that there is no rush to get married until you have decided on other life goals. Marriage isn't a race to the alter, not matter what people around you might feel. There always seems to be two rushes, one after HS and one after college. I can't say I'm impressed with most decisions made in that time,but that is only my opinion. Financial independence, education or vocational school, a job that pays the bills are all obstacles for anyone. They all put stress on a marriage, as I think anyone can agree with. We are asking as pure strangers, objectively, that she take off the rose colored glasses, and consider these things very seriously and take some uncertaintly into life. For you, its working out. I hope the OP knows that it isn't all doom and gloom, but she has another 70yrs with this guy. Is another year or two going to kill her to wait and make triple certain her choice is the right one?
Posted by rkj4832[/QUOTE]

To the bolded part: I never said that I think the majority of people act as if they are the exception. My words exactly were:
<em>Everyone likes to act like they shouldn't believe they are the exception to the "rule". But there are exceptions to every rule, whether the people believe they are or not.
</em>By that I mean that I think the majority of people view themselves as the rule, not the exception. Because they think "oh, I can't be the exception"...even when, in fact, they actually are. (in some cases; not all, of course) There are plenty of people out there who think that way & possibly hold themselves back from something amazing because they have their relationship set up in their mind for failure.

Side note:
I, in no way, would consider it okay for me to tell someone my own age (or about the same age) to hold off on getting married, when I didn't. I could offer insight into my decision and possible regrets, etc. but it would feel hypocritical to say "Don't get married young". I am 100% pleased with my decision to get married so young, although many people still judge me for it. But I don't necessarily think I've ever encouraged someone to get married at my age. I'm a lot different than people my age (I know lots of people say that, but it's really so true). I've never wanted "the college experience", and even in high school I would've rather been doing something more meaningful than partying. I've just always been more mature and calm. I like to have fun, but not like most people my age. I would assume that many people my age would feel trapped being married because of that fact that they're sharing their space, life, and time with someone other than themselves. They also couldn't just pick up and go do whatever they wanted. I on the other hand felt trapped in the few months before our wedding when I was required to live in the dorms at my college and live "the college life". That's trapped to me. Being married, as cheesy as this sounds, feels like home to me.

brittanyzim · March 2012

I'm getting married this October and I am going to be 17 a half. I was with my fiance since I was 15 and he was 20. We got engaged when I was 16. I prayed long and hard about this and I know it's what God wants for my life. I'm in college and he's workingI graduate early I wish you the best of luck :

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