Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
Venue Too Small...Guest List Etiquette??
Hey all,
Long story short my venue that I have booked is going to end up being too small to accomodate all of our guests on our list right now. Just inviting family from both sides (cousins, great aunts, etc) we are at 182. Like I said, thats not including close family friends, church family, etc. Our venue is gorgeous and within my budget, but now that I look at our guest list it looks like it will be almost impossible to invite everyone. Family is very important to me, and not so much my FI. Do we not invite some of his extended family if he wants to sacrifice that for me? I guess what Im getting at is what is the proper way to handle this situation? Can I invite main family and friends and do another "reception" at my home church and invite extended family? HELP PLEASE!!!
Long story short my venue that I have booked is going to end up being too small to accomodate all of our guests on our list right now. Just inviting family from both sides (cousins, great aunts, etc) we are at 182. Like I said, thats not including close family friends, church family, etc. Our venue is gorgeous and within my budget, but now that I look at our guest list it looks like it will be almost impossible to invite everyone. Family is very important to me, and not so much my FI. Do we not invite some of his extended family if he wants to sacrifice that for me? I guess what Im getting at is what is the proper way to handle this situation? Can I invite main family and friends and do another "reception" at my home church and invite extended family? HELP PLEASE!!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Venue Too Small...Guest List Etiquette??
Books read in 2012: 21/50
Either find a new venue or cut the guest list. If your FI doesn't mind you unfairly cutting his side down because you didn't plan very well, then I guess go that route.
Though particularly if STDs have gone out, you'll need to find a location that can accommodate 100% of your invitees. You must send invitations to everyone who received an STD.
We are still trying to scale the guest list down right now but are having a hard time in doing so. We booked the venue based on our size: we aimed for 150. BUT now FIs mom has pulled out the "family phone book" and added about 35 more names, which has kicked out a lot of close friends and coworkers.
I guess what Im asking is how do I go about including people in our wedding fun (showers, engagement party, etc) without inviting them to the wedding? I know this is HORRIBLE etiquette but I just dont know what to do and Im hoping some people here may understand my situation.
Also, if they're not invited to the wedding, they're not invited to pre-wedding parties.
I guess what Im asking is how do I go about including people in our wedding fun (showers, engagement party, etc) without inviting them to the wedding?
You don't. You can't invite people to pre-wedding parties who are not invited to the wedding.
40/112
Have FI tell FMIL "Mom, sorry, but we can't afford all of these extra guests." Then sit down with him and hash out the list. Cut out seconds cousins, coworkers, etc. if need be.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
>>You don't. You can't invite people to pre-wedding parties who are not invited to the wedding.
Ditto this.
And no, nobody is invited to any pre-wedding events that isn't invited to the wedding. The only way it is acceptable to do that is when people at work throw you a shower at the office or whatever.
Figure out how many people you can allot for each - if the venue allows 150, then you can do 50/50/50 or you can do 60/60/30. Neither family should get more or less invites (at least not significantly). Your FMIL's family phone book is not going to work here - make a clear cut rule that if you or your FI haven't spoken to this person in over a year, chances are they're not going to make the cut (unless there's some particular reason you want to make an exception). Widdle the lists down as much as you and FI can (perhaps highlighting the people he really wants to come), then pass his family's list to FMIL and tell her, "We can invite 50 (or 60) people from this list and no more. Please tell us which people should receive invites." Do the same with your family. Then you and FI sit down and widdle down the friends to the correct amount.
There's no reason your friends should be cut because Great Uncle Stan who hasn't seen your FI since he was in diapers is in FMIL's phone book.