When others change your wedding plans...

Kristin789 · July 2012

I'm just going to comment on what you asked.

Looks to me like the original list had 6 people on your side and 4 people on his side. So if his mom wants to invite her 2 sisters, that brings the number of people on his side to 6.

You need to be able to invite the same NUMBER of people, no matter their relationship to the two of you.

For example, my FI and I each invited 7 people.

FI's 7 people were all FAMILY:
MOG, FOG, brother of groom/wife/3kids

But as far as FAMILY, I only have my mom. So I invited:
MOB, 2 friends of bride, 2 friends of MOB, an older woman who is like a grandmother to me, and the woman who set up FI and me.

No matter WHO they are, you and FI need to be able to invite the same NUMBER of people to the wedding.

Viczaesar · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-others-change-your-wedding-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ce1d0ef-260d-492e-9a85-1e887a448acdPost:4298a832-dcaa-4cd8-bacb-70712d08ff30">Re: When others change your wedding plans...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm just going to comment on what you asked. Looks to me like the original list had 6 people on your side and 4 people on his side. So if his mom wants to invite her 2 sisters, that brings the number of people on his side to 6. You need to be able to invite the same NUMBER of people, no matter their relationship to the two of you. For example, my FI and I each invited 7 people. FI's 7 people were all FAMILY: MOG, FOG, brother of groom/wife/3kids But as far as FAMILY, I only have my mom. So I invited: MOB, 2 friends of bride, 2 friends of MOB, an older woman who is like a grandmother to me, and the woman who set up FI and me. No matter WHO they are, you and FI need to be able to invite the same NUMBER of people to the wedding.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]
No.

Ali092011 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-others-change-your-wedding-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ce1d0ef-260d-492e-9a85-1e887a448acdPost:4298a832-dcaa-4cd8-bacb-70712d08ff30">Re: When others change your wedding plans...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm just going to comment on what you asked. Looks to me like the original list had 6 people on your side and 4 people on his side. So if his mom wants to invite her 2 sisters, that brings the number of people on his side to 6. You need to be able to invite the same NUMBER of people, no matter their relationship to the two of you. For example, my FI and I each invited 7 people. FI's 7 people were all FAMILY: MOG, FOG, brother of groom/wife/3kids But as far as FAMILY, I only have my mom. So I invited: MOB, 2 friends of bride, 2 friends of MOB, an older woman who is like a grandmother to me, and the woman who set up FI and me. No matter WHO they are, you and FI need to be able to invite the same NUMBER of people to the wedding.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Whaaaaat? So theoretically, if we were having a small intimate ceremony with immediate family only, I'd have to find eight randoms to add to my guest list just because I only have one sibling plus a BIL, whereas FI has five siblings plus their SOs? Why would someone invite an<em> MOH's friend </em>just to balance out the groom's side?

If I were having a small intimate ceremony, I'd invite immediate family only, whether that was one other person or ten.

shadowclaw · July 2012

To answer the OP, you really can't uninvite them now without offending them. I doubt your family and friends will be offended, especially if they live far away and wouldn't be able to be there anyway. If some friends live close by, you do still have the option of including them. The only way you could possibly uninvite the aunts is to change your wedding plans. You can either skip the small ceremony as others have suggested, or you can go back to eloping. I would, however, let people know how you don't appreciate them inviting people to your wedding and make sure they have no part in planning your big wedding.

Also, I don't quite get what everyone is so up in arms about. Maybe it's a local thing, but I know several people who had 2 weddings, for a variety of reasons. Two of them happen to be my brothers

One brother was going to just have one, but he discovered they could both get good health insurance through my brother's job if they got married soon (and his wife has some health issues), so they tried to elope. People found out and went down with them to the courthouse, so it wasn't truly eloping, but in any event, they got married, had a small dinner afterwards, received no gifts, and then had a big beautiful church wedding a year later. Everyone knew they were already married, and no one cared. That might not be a good reason to you to get married twice, but the point is that no one was mad that they didn't get invitied to the first ceremony and no one viewed it as "gift grabbing" since there were no gifts the first time around.

Brother # 2 met a Russian girl at the beach and fell in love. They decided they wanted to get married after only a few weeks, but if they waited to save for a big wedding, she would have to go home to Russia and wait. So they had a JP wedding so she could get her green card (although she did end up going home for a month first), and then maybe six months later they got married in the church and all that good stuff. Again, no one cared that they were technically already married.

I'd also like to point out that sometimes you really can get married twice. Some churches (and the Catholic church in particular) do not recognize a JP marriage as being legal and in the eyes of the church, the second wedding is the real one. So you really are getting married twice, once for legality and once for the church

shadowclaw · July 2012

I love that message boads have ignore buttons. It makes it so easy to filter out ignorance and immaturity.

daffydillie · July 2012

Unless you are in Europe, two weddings is ridiculous. However, to be fair I like the idea of sitting down and reading over an actual marriage contract with witnesses and signing it then getting married in a church. Completely different than what OP is proposing.

And from her posts, it sounds like they are getting married in a church in this private, intimate ceremony and then doing a vowel renewal in the same fashion. That does not make a bit of sense to me.

Reading and signing marriage contract, yes. 2 church weddings, no.

mrskristinyc · July 2012

OP - What religion is your fiance? I thought Catholic priests can't get married...

ChristineNB · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-others-change-your-wedding-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ce1d0ef-260d-492e-9a85-1e887a448acdPost:90d99817-05cf-40ef-a2fa-c589ae54ecb3">Re: When others change your wedding plans...</a>:
[QUOTE]OP - What religion is your fiance? I thought Catholic priests can't get married...
Posted by mrskristinyc[/QUOTE]
Many other churches allow their priests to marry though. Lutheran, Russian Orthodox, Anglican, can all marry, some are even encouraged to marry before entering the priesthood.

Temperance12 · August 2012

I disagree with this. FH and I are going to a JOP in secret and then having a real wedding. I'm in law school, we have no parental help, and having a craptastic wedding because I need to get on his health insurance would really suck. It's not my fault that I didn't come from a wealthy family who would throw us a wedding, or even a middle-class family who could contribute. Then again, we are saving money now so we can have the wedding we want without people judging us.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-others-change-your-wedding-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ce1d0ef-260d-492e-9a85-1e887a448acdPost:fe7edcff-1dba-4dc0-9649-9bd322ce4108">Re: When others change your wedding plans...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When others change your wedding plans... : Sorry, unfortunately that is one of the hard decisions we have to make when we are grown ups. Do a small wedding in the fall or do a casual larger one. It doesn't have to be expensive and fancy if you don't make it that way.
Posted by ahhhitsshannyn[/QUOTE]

When others change your wedding plans...

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