What do I call the girls in my house party?

QueerFemme · February 2013

How about this? Have them ALL be bridesmaids, and then as they walk down the aisle, seat them in the first/second row instead of having them stand up at the altar with you. You could do that for all 10, or have 9 seated and your MOH stand. Then you don't have to rudely tier your friends. And I promise you, whether you want to admit it or not, at least one of these people you are putting as a second tier friend is talking about you behind your back or has hurt feelings. They won't say it to your face, because they don't want to hurt your feelings or be rude.

Instead of trying so hard to find an alternative name for what you are doing, work harder at trying to find a way to include everyone equally.

zitiqueen · February 2013

Call them what they are -- Unpaid Bridal B!tches.

daveANDkristen · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:fcc7c8d8-7afd-4d67-b9cd-bb9b28a3e761">Re: What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do I call the girls in my house party? : Translation: It's a personal PREFERENCE, a matter of "won't" not "can't". And I'm willing to bet the farm it has something to do with even sides.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

You took the words right out of my mouth.

AJuliaNJ · February 2013

I've never heard of this tradition, but accept that it is something done in your social group/geographical area. While taken out of context it could seem rude (this would never fly in the East Coast, for example), if this is something everyone does in your area, it will be accepted and expected (kind of like a money dance in some cultures).

Couldn't you just say "would you be my honored guest?" or even just "would you be part of my honored house party?"

Peledreamsofrain · February 2013

OP, this is a terrible idea, tradition or no. Remember it used to be tradition to own slaves too... That doesn't make it right, or worth clinging to if it hurts people. If you actually cared about honoring your friends, you wouldn't slap a big 'second choice' lable on them, just so everyone knows they weren't good enough. Instead you cling to an idea that you are SO sure is awesome. To the point of mowing down all reason, and ignoring all other alternatives. Even having half the bridal party sit during the ceremony hasn't occured to you has it? You don't even care to think that much about it and preserving their feelings. Screw it, it's tradition right? Bleh.

artbyallie · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:07c0008c-920c-4c2d-90f0-1b8b46ea2dea">Re: What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]How about this? Have them ALL be bridesmaids, and then as they walk down the aisle, seat them in the first/second row instead of having them stand up at the altar with you. You could do that for all 10, or have 9 seated and your MOH stand. Then you don't have to rudely tier your friends. And I promise you, whether you want to admit it or not, at least one of these people you are putting as a second tier friend is talking about you behind your back or has hurt feelings. They won't say it to your face, because they don't want to hurt your feelings or be rude. Instead of trying so hard to find an alternative name for what you are doing, work harder at trying to find a way to include everyone equally.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

<div>This is a good plan if the reason really is that you literally don't have the physical space.</div><div>
</div><div>Also, please listen to the people who are telling you that your friends <em>will not</em> be honest with you if they don't actually like the 'house party' thing. It's an honor to be a bridesmaid, usher, reader, musician... but it's not an honor to be in the 'house party' (which I also have never seen) any more than it's an honor to get a participation ribbon instead of an actual place in a competition.</div>

NYCMercedes · February 2013

Well here I am. Not first choice bridesmaid. Not second choice 'help'. Just third choice. Wow.

libby2483 · February 2013

This has to be the most absurd tradition I have heard of in a long time. I have no words.

saya0001 · February 2013

I am so sorry you are having the same response as I did. The people on this board are just rude and not helpful at all. Good luck finding that phrase! I'm going to try to find a synonym or play on words. Being from Louisiana maybe the French form could work. I am from Louisiana also and know French words are used a lot.

Simply Fated · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:df30d173-eb26-4815-81e7-6a084fdfa7fc">Re:What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am so sorry you are having the same response as I did. The people on this board are just rude and not helpful at all. Good luck finding that phrase! I'm going to try to find a synonym or play on words. Being from Louisiana maybe the French form could work. I am from Louisiana also and know French words are used a lot.
Posted by saya0001[/QUOTE]
If you ladies, who are <em>soooo </em>used to this tradition, can't think of a term to call these girls, why are you surprised we can't?

AddieCake · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:df30d173-eb26-4815-81e7-6a084fdfa7fc">Re:What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am so sorry you are having the same response as I did. The people on this board are just rude and not helpful at all. Good luck finding that phrase! I'm going to try to find a synonym or play on words. Being from Louisiana maybe the French form could work. I am from Louisiana also and know French words are used a lot.
Posted by saya0001[/QUOTE]

<div>We are TRYING to be helpful. We are trying to HELP you not look silly. Like I said in YOUR thread:</div><div>
</div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;">We post our opinions in the hopes you will see the silliness of what you're asking. We represent the masses. Your friends and family will not be honest with you. We don't know you, have nothing vested in you or your wedding, and don't have to face you at family functions in the future. If 10 or 20 of us think an idea is bad, don't you think odds are good at some people in your real life will think so, too? They won't say it to your face. Instead, they will gossip about you behind your back. We are trying to protect you from that happening. </span></div>

Simply Fated · February 2013

For what it's worth, I googled the synonyms for "honorary" and "bridesmaid."

Some of the first mentioned...
honorary:
titular
nominal
unpaid

Bridesmaid:
There wasn't any synonym listed.

http://thesaurus.com/

saric83 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:5a13b5ad-db0b-40dd-871d-8501e594eb62">Re: What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do I call the girls in my house party? : I think it's a Texas thing, and maybe it just transferred over for me from there (I have family there). <strong>It wasn't MY idea. I didn't invent this.</strong> If you think it's bad, good for you. I really couldn't care less, so I don't see the point in telling me when I never asked for an opinion.
Posted by TheFutureMrsCromer[/QUOTE]

Haha! Well, I didn't invent crack, but I still know better than to do it. :)

All the rest of the ridiculousness aside because I completely agree with PP's, if you've already talked with all of your friends about this, why do you need to ask them via the gift??

If you want to honor them, you can do it in much better ways! Do what the PP suggested with listing a thanks to them in the program, put them at front tables, give them corsages and a picture with the group.

Also, if it's so well-known and such a normal thing to do, why didn't you think to do it until your friend told you about it?

saya0001 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:3a105798-b62e-4b62-bef0-6c01cf728ffc">Re:What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do I call the girls in my house party? : We are TRYING to be helpful. We are trying to HELP you not look silly. Like I said in YOUR thread: We post our opinions in the hopes you will see the silliness of what you're asking. We represent the masses. Your friends and family will not be honest with you. We don't know you, have nothing vested in you or your wedding, and don't have to face you at family functions in the future. If 10 or 20 of us think an idea is bad, don't you think odds are good at some people in your real life will think so, too? They won't say it to your face. Instead, they will gossip about you behind your back. We are trying to protect you from that happening.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Oh please, protect me? Call it what you want. And just because you and 10-20 people don't agree with me means I am wrong? I can EASILY find 40 people that say your wedding dress is horrible and those scarves on your bridesmaids are so UGLY... does that mean that I'm right then? Would you have changed it? I doubt it.. I know my friends and I know them well... YOU do NOT! Once again, like I said on my thread, if you didn't have helpful words then don't respond. And really WHY are you still on a wedding forum? It's been almost a year since your wedding.. maybe you should stop being a wedding junkie... yours is OVER, let people have theirs the way the want :)

mcda04 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:ac7bc9d0-ee57-4d0a-b530-4c933172ebdf">Re: What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do I call the girls in my house party? : <strong>Haha! Well, I didn't invent crack, but I still know better than to do it. :)</strong> All the rest of the ridiculousness aside because I completely agree with PP's, if you've already talked with all of your friends about this, why do you need to ask them via the gift?? If you want to honor them, you can do it in much better ways! Do what the PP suggested with listing a thanks to them in the program, put them at front tables, give them corsages and a picture with the group. Also, if it's so well-known and such a normal thing to do, why didn't you think to do it until your friend told you about it?
Posted by saric83[/QUOTE]
This is a great comparison.

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:d36b139f-66b9-4673-b2b4-d31786382ca0">Re:What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do I call the girls in my house party? : Oh please, protect me? Call it what you want. And just because you and 10-20 people don't agree with me means I am wrong? I can EASILY find 40 people that say your wedding dress is horrible and those scarves on your bridesmaids are so UGLY... does that mean that I'm right then? Would you have changed it? I doubt it.. I know my friends and I know them well... YOU do NOT! Once again, like I said on my thread, if you didn't have helpful words then don't respond. And really WHY are you still on a wedding forum? It's been almost a year since your wedding.. maybe you should stop being a wedding junkie... yours is OVER, let people have theirs the way the want :)
Posted by saya0001[/QUOTE]

<div>You're right. I shouldn't be here. Having planned a wedding, I clearly have no advice to offer people who are currently planning their weddings. It's best to take advice from someone who has never done this before. When I get pregnant, I will be sure to know to ask advice only from people who have never had a baby since you have shown me that asking people who have already had an experience is not the way to go. </div>

mcda04 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:d36b139f-66b9-4673-b2b4-d31786382ca0">Re:What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do I call the girls in my house party? : Oh please, protect me? Call it what you want. And just because you and 10-20 people don't agree with me means I am wrong? <strong> I can EASILY find 40 people that say your wedding dress is horrible and those scarves on your bridesmaids are so UGLY... does that mean that I'm right then</strong>? Would you have changed it? I doubt it.. I know my friends and I know them well... YOU do NOT! Once again, like I said on my thread, if you didn't have helpful words then don't respond. And really WHY are you still on a wedding forum? It's been almost a year since your wedding.. maybe you should stop being a wedding junkie... yours is OVER, let people have theirs the way the want :)
Posted by saya0001[/QUOTE]

There is a big difference between being rude and having a different taste in APPAREL. If you think someone else's wedding is UGLY then that's your opinion and yes your entitled to one. You don't get to be rude and have second tier maids for your benefit. THAT you'll be called out on.

And WE are not wedding junkies. We offer advice when solicited.

[Deleted User] · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:d36b139f-66b9-4673-b2b4-d31786382ca0">Re:What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do I call the girls in my house party? : Oh please, protect me? Call it what you want. And just because you and 10-20 people don't agree with me means I am wrong? I can EASILY find 40 people that say your wedding dress is horrible and those scarves on your bridesmaids are so UGLY... does that mean that I'm right then? Would you have changed it? I doubt it.. I know my friends and I know them well... YOU do NOT! Once again, like I said on my thread, if you didn't have helpful words then don't respond. And really WHY are you still on a wedding forum? It's been almost a year since your wedding.. maybe you should stop being a wedding junkie... yours is OVER, let people have theirs the way the want :)
Posted by saya0001[/QUOTE]

1) personal attacks are not allowed.
2) Addie said NOTHING attacking you. She told you she thought your idea was terrible. She told you why. If you disagree, you can do it without insulting her and her friends.
3) People stick around her to give advice from their experiences so new brides don't look like fools. If we were all unmarried and never had gone through this, it would be the blind leading the blind and be useless.

Try to reign in your self-righteousness and learn something from all the ladies on here who know etiquette and have good advice instead of stamping your feet and whining about having YOUR day when people think your ideas are bad.

FWIW, for you and OP, maybe call them honored friends. It's the least offensive way I can think to word this. it doesn't somehow imply they're secondary to BMs but still gives them a title.

saya0001 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:3b2c83f1-72e8-4c06-a2f6-b5e0a1b3649e">What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]For those of you that don't know, a "house party" is a tradition we have in the south. It's like a second bridal party, but they don't stand with you. Generally, they do programs and greeting, but I don't want my girls to do that. I simply want them a part of my wedding, but can't have 10 bridesmaids. They are super understanding and not the type of people to be offended by that. ANYWAY, I'm asking my girls to be in my bridal or house party by decorating a little wooden box that contains a picture of us, wedding colors, dress ideas, etc. in it and painting their name on top, then "Will you be my bridesmaid?" on the inside of the lid. I can't call my girls in the house party bridesmaids, and I feel like "house maid" is very strange and offensive. What should I call them? Please don't sit here and tell me that I shouldn't have a house party- it's not the point of this :)
Posted by TheFutureMrsCromer[/QUOTE]

Head over to the weddingbee forums... LOTS of useful information and helpful people on that forum!

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:1bb2d979-dfb6-4e13-9060-b2fc511ca150">Re: What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to What do I call the girls in my house party? : Head over to the weddingbee forums... LOTS of useful information and helpful people on that forum!
Posted by saya0001[/QUOTE]

<div>I just threw up some rainbows a little in my mouth. </div>

mcda04 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:1bb2d979-dfb6-4e13-9060-b2fc511ca150">Re: What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to What do I call the girls in my house party? : Head over to the weddingbee forums... LOTS of useful information and helpful people on that forum!
Posted by saya0001[/QUOTE]
Haha. This made me laugh.

I almost mentioned weddingbee in my post earlier. Not in a good way though. I normally say "If you don't like the blunt responses here, you should check out weddingbee.

I hate bees. Always rainbows and unicorns and validation of rude selfish ideas. Let me guess; their response was "Oh that's a great idea OP; your friends would be so honored, have fun on YOUR day"

saya0001 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:4e935a1b-b259-4c35-adf0-9ddc7542b50b">Re:What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do I call the girls in my house party? : You're right. I shouldn't be here. Having planned a wedding, I clearly have no advice to offer people who are currently planning their weddings. It's best to take advice from someone who has never done this before. When I get pregnant, I will be sure to know to ask advice only from people who have never had a baby since you have shown me that asking people who have already had an experience is not the way to go.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Seeing pictures of your wedding.. I do NOT want your advice. And great if you wanted to offer once, but when it was rejected.. then STOP!

saya0001 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:18a38fab-07d2-41f5-a39c-3cc6f5699b4d">Re:What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do I call the girls in my house party? : There is a big difference between being rude and having a different taste in APPAREL. If you think someone else's wedding is UGLY then that's your opinion and yes your entitled to one. You don't get to be rude and have second tier maids for your benefit. THAT you'll be called out on. And WE are not wedding junkies. We offer advice when solicited.
Posted by mcda04[/QUOTE]

But not the advice that was asked..

mcda04 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:303a0e82-8e84-4a3d-a6ad-aabaa1cdf237">Re:What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do I call the girls in my house party? : Seeing pictures of your wedding.. I do NOT want your advice. And great if you wanted to offer once, but when it was rejected.. then STOP!
Posted by saya0001[/QUOTE]
Dear Lord! Are you 12? You sound VERY immature with these personal attacks that make no sense. You're only criticizing because you know Addie's responses are logical.

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:aaf7ad6a-c557-46bb-bc4b-08cfe8638cb2">Re:What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do I call the girls in my house party? : But not the advice that was asked..
Posted by saya0001[/QUOTE]

<div>Really? Because I believe I told the OP to just call them "house party," AND I am the one who provided you that term in your thread when you asked what to call it. So how is that not giving the advice that was asked?</div>

mcda04 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:aaf7ad6a-c557-46bb-bc4b-08cfe8638cb2">Re:What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do I call the girls in my house party? : But not the advice that was asked..
Posted by saya0001[/QUOTE]
You don't get to dictate how people respond. If you don't like to be called out on your mistakes and rude ideas; then don't post them. Easy.

Oh and don't throw a temper tantrum after nobody agrees with you

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:303a0e82-8e84-4a3d-a6ad-aabaa1cdf237">Re:What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do I call the girls in my house party? : Seeing pictures of your wedding.. I do NOT want your advice.
Posted by saya0001[/QUOTE]

<div>I know. That waterfall is horrible, isn't it? WHAT was I thinking?</div>

QueerFemme · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-call-the-girls-in-my-house-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:79144126-fef0-4733-a16c-b54970cf8a2cPost:aaf7ad6a-c557-46bb-bc4b-08cfe8638cb2">Re:What do I call the girls in my house party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What do I call the girls in my house party? : But not the advice that was asked..
Posted by saya0001[/QUOTE]

When someone comes to you and says "Hey, I'm gonna go shoot that guy in the head. What kind of gun should I use?" Would you say "well, my best guess would be a handgun.". No, you would try to deter them from shooting them.

Same theory here. When someone comes and says "hey ladies! I have a REALLY bad idea and want to try to figure out how to make it work and need ideas" We aren't going to ignore the fact that it's a really bad idea. Giving advice on how to make a horribly rude plan work would be the same as cosigning the idea.

But, yes, please enjoy weddingbee. It took me all of one hour to figure out that the girls over there are great for validating bad ideas.

bridalmarch · March 2013

Umm..Addie...I never wanted to say anything, but it seems like your sides were uneven...

I'm never taking advice from you ever again.

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

It takes a deeply ugly soul to attack someone's wedding photos just because you disagree with them. That ugliness tends to leak all over and stain everything. You are going to get banned at this rate for being as nasty and mean as you claim we've been. We used logic and reason, you used hateful slurs.

What do I call the girls in my house party?

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