Not a good idea to give cash

Carla1019 · June 2012

I have decided to write a check and not give cash anymore at weddings. Six months ago we attended a wedding of a friend and we gave cash. We have not received a thank you note and I've spoken to her since and she hasn't mentioned anything. I'm really curious if she received our gift but isn't it rude to ask?

Normally I would assume she received it but the card box was at the entrance of the hall downstairs in a lobby where non guests had access to that room. The reception was upstairs. I thought it was strange they had the gift table near a front door unattended. And also she is a very sweet person and I can't imagine her not saying thank you.

pkontk · June 2012

People forget security measures sometimes at weddings. My friend just got back from a wedding where she picked up several cards with significant amounts of cash from empty tables at the end of the night.

You're probably right though, at least you would know if she cashed a check, even if she did not send a thank you. Have you asked her about it?

aragx6 · June 2012

We gave cash at the DW we went to recently in Puerto Rico and I know at least some of the cards were stolen because it was mentioned to FI's mom. We got a thank you card but it was unclear whether they got the card with the cash in it or not. I almost always give a check but forgot to bring my checkbook to the wedding. We will only give checks going forward -- even if I had to send the gift later.

rlavach · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-a-good-idea-to-give-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfea9186-f787-4111-94a7-c6ee13f82781Post:5185eba0-8e8d-4d34-a5a7-496ec45f7f96">Not a good idea to give cash</a>:
[QUOTE]I have decided to write a check and not give cash anymore at weddings. Six months ago we attended a wedding of a friend and we gave cash. We have not received a thank you note and I've spoken to her since and she hasn't mentioned anything. I'm really curious if she received our gift but isn't it rude to ask? Normally I would assume she received it but the <strong>card box was at the entrance of the hall downstairs in a lobby where non guests had access to that room. </strong>The reception was upstairs. I thought it was strange they had the gift table near a front door unattended. And also she is a very sweet person and I can't imagine her not saying thank you.
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]
That is just plain dumb. I wonder whose bad idea that was. Honestly, I don't see that experience changing the way I give gifts. It's the B&G and venue's responsibility to protect gifts. Checks are just such a hassle to the gift giver & gift receiver (IMO), that I still wouldn't go that route. I don't know if I would ask the B&G whether they received your gift or not. That just sounds like it's leading into a really awkward conversation.

shoebie · June 2012

I always give and will continue to give cash, I have had people take up to a month to cash a check for other things I cant imagine a bride leaving for a honey moon etc that money would linger in my account for a while im sure especially with my friends.

Carla1019 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-a-good-idea-to-give-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfea9186-f787-4111-94a7-c6ee13f82781Post:4125a393-73a8-4318-ae4c-c0623bb85d2c">Re: Not a good idea to give cash</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Not a good idea to give cash : That is just plain dumb. I wonder whose bad idea that was. Honestly, I don't see that experience changing the way I give gifts. It's the B&G and venue's responsibility to protect gifts. Checks are just such a hassle to the gift giver & gift receiver (IMO), that I still wouldn't go that route. <strong>I don't know if I would ask the B&G whether they received your gift or not. That just sounds like it's leading into a really awkward conversation.
</strong>Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

This is exactly why I haven't asked. I don't want her to think I'm looking for my thank you note.

sayyestotexas · June 2012

Bingo. After not receiving a thank you note from a particular couple for a gift (not money though) mailed to the bride's parents' home I inquired if they'd received it. Unfortunately I did it via email and didn't get a response from the wife. I then sent an email to the husband under the guise of not being sure if I had the correct email for the wife. No response again. I said where and when I sent it so now they know I did it. I think they just didn't keep track of things very well or do all of their thank you notes because my brother never got one and he gave money and my parents got one 8 months after the wedding for a gift. It's been 2.5 years now so I don't think they're still finishing notes! My family learned from our collective experience that if giving money make it a check. If they cash it it's safe to assume they got it. If they don't you can ask them if they got it and if not it's not a big deal to write another, you aren't out additional money. Edit because I just saw the post above me... I inquired after a year, that was plenty of time to send a note. I was genuinely concerned they didn't get it. I'll never know. I was thinking I'd get a response of yes, sorry, or things were mixed up, what did you send. I would have been happy to tell them. I suppose I could've/should've said in my email what I sent and if they got it but didn't know who it was from they now would.

Avion22 · June 2012

Maybe she sent you a thank-you and it got lost in the mail?

I'm not a fan of cash. My husband's parents handed him a card with $500 cash in it during our morning-after-brunch. He got busy talking to people and set it down, then forgot about it as we were packing up. Fortunately someone at the hotel found it and kept it for us, though somewhere along the line $100 disappeared from the envelope....

We were so scatterbrained the whole weekend that it was all we could do to keep up with random things that people kept handing us (cards, gifts, etc)....

Summer2011Bride · June 2012

I think it depends on how close you are to the B&G. If it was one of my closest friends, I personally wouldn't have an issue saying, "Hey, did you get our card with cash in it? I was concerned because of where the gift table was located--it didn't seem very secure and wanted to make sure it wasn't stolen." If she apologizes for not sending a TY card, I would just play it off and say, "No big deal at all; just wanted to make sure you got it."

However, if you don't feel close enough/feel it would be awkward to say that to this person, then there isn't much you can do. I agree it was stupid to have the gift table completely unsupervised and open to the public like that.

MyUserName1 · June 2012

I prefer giving and receiving checks. At our wedding, people kept handing me cards at inconvenient times (when there was a card box! put it in the box!) and I set at least two down on random tables. Some people also gave cards for H and I with cash to one of my bridesmaids! It took us a week to find those cards- they were stashed in one of the boxes of vases.

Avion22 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-a-good-idea-to-give-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfea9186-f787-4111-94a7-c6ee13f82781Post:10aa5803-55a0-4eb8-8f4c-a22fc7f490b6">Re: Not a good idea to give cash</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not a good idea to give cash : How are checks a hassle? Takes the giver 30 seconds to write it, and the receiver less than that to deposit it. Heck, these days you don't even have to go to a bank to depost checks in many cases. You can use an app to take a photo of it or scan it into their website directly. I'm still a little leery of these new methods, personally, but they do make it more convenient.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Sometimes people are worried about writing checks because they aren't sure if the bride will keep her name or change it, and aren't sure what the couple's banking situation will be like after the wedding (like combining joint accounts or whatever) -- sometimes it can be tricky to cash or deposit checks if the names aren't right or if one of them isn't on the account yet, etc.</div><div>
</div><div>BTW, I've been doing my bank's "Deposit @ Home" for years now (it doesn't have any phsyical locations, so it was one of the first to use home deposits), and it's amazing. Nothing to be worried about:-) </div>

aragx6 · June 2012

That's why, even it it seems a bit sexist, I always write the check out to the groom. It's pretty rare that his name would be changing.

Meegles4 · June 2012

We were worried cards had been stolen at our wedding, but I think we decided that didn't happen.

That being said, I was fairly indifferent to cash v. checks. Most people made them out to H, but even the ones that were made out to H and I were accepted by H's bank.

We did have one friend give us $100 - $80 of that was in singles. I don't know if it was a joke on his part or what, but we actually appreciated that cash gift because it gave us tip money for the AI honeymoon. Something we hadn't thought about that came in quite handy :-)

rlavach · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-a-good-idea-to-give-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfea9186-f787-4111-94a7-c6ee13f82781Post:10aa5803-55a0-4eb8-8f4c-a22fc7f490b6">Re: Not a good idea to give cash</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not a good idea to give cash : How are checks a hassle? Takes the giver 30 seconds to write it, and the receiver less than that to deposit it. Heck, these days you don't even have to go to a bank to depost checks in many cases. You can use an app to take a photo of it or scan it into their website directly. I'm still a little leery of these new methods, personally, but they do make it more convenient.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
It's a hassle for me because most (not all) like to take their sweet time in depositing the check. So their money is just sitting in the account, screwing with my numbers, and making me nervous of an overdraft. Sometimes it's so long that you even forget you wrote it. Like PP said, you also have the issue of the name game. It wasn't too fun to deposit all of our checks because people wrote them to all different variations of my name. You obviously haven't changed your name yet 1 day after the wedding, so the bank gave us a hard time since my DH didn't have a bank account there. Others have had similar problems, while others say it's a breeze. <div>
</div><div>Oh, and I believe that app you're talking about is for Chase bank. Bank of America doesn't have that yet & I don't know if I'd trust it etiher. </div>

rlavach · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-a-good-idea-to-give-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfea9186-f787-4111-94a7-c6ee13f82781Post:ed5d0958-b64a-41e2-8360-e97b78539517">Re: Not a good idea to give cash</a>:
[QUOTE]That's why, even it it seems a bit sexist, I always write the check out to the groom. It's pretty rare that his name would be changing.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]
And that was a problem for us too since a few did that & my DH didn't have a bank account. It took literally hours back & forth between stores because he didn't have enough proof of identity or something in order to open an account. It was a mess & not something we wanted to deal with right before leaving for our honeymoon. Of course, the vast majority of human beings on earth do have a checking account.

aragx6 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-a-good-idea-to-give-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfea9186-f787-4111-94a7-c6ee13f82781Post:3c3a32be-50af-43e4-998b-66d429b7bc4a">Re: Not a good idea to give cash</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not a good idea to give cash : It's a hassle for me because most (not all) like to take their sweet time in depositing the check. So their money is just sitting in the account, screwing with my numbers, and making me nervous of an overdraft. Sometimes it's so long that you even forget you wrote it. Like PP said, you also have the issue of the name game. It wasn't too fun to deposit all of our checks because people wrote them to all different variations of my name. You obviously haven't changed your name yet 1 day after the wedding, so the bank gave us a hard time since my DH didn't have a bank account there. Others have had similar problems, while others say it's a breeze. Oh, and I believe that app you're talking about is for Chase bank. Bank of America doesn't have that yet & <strong>I don't know if I'd trust it etiher</strong>.
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

Honestly there's no difference between these apps and any other online banking. An attack by a hacker could affect both just as easily.

HappinessByTheKilowatt · June 2012

It's only been 6 months. She has a year to send thank you notes. It's possible she just hasn't gotten them out yet. I mean, I got married about that long ago and I still haven't gotten mine out (although they are finally going out this weekend) because in that time I have moved twice, one of which was a cross country, and things have been just super hectic. Life happens and all that.

That said, I still prefer giving and receiving checks.

aragx6 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-a-good-idea-to-give-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfea9186-f787-4111-94a7-c6ee13f82781Post:840e0307-0002-42d3-9903-dde5af0e657d">Re: Not a good idea to give cash</a>:
[QUOTE]It's only been 6 months. <strong>She has a year to send thank you notes</strong>. It's possible she just hasn't gotten them out yet. I mean, I got married about that long ago and I still haven't gotten mine out (although they are finally going out this weekend) because in that time I have moved twice, one of which was a cross country, and things have been just super hectic. Life happens and all that. That said, I still prefer giving and receiving checks.
Posted by HappinessByTheKilowatt[/QUOTE]

Not at all true.

rlavach · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-a-good-idea-to-give-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfea9186-f787-4111-94a7-c6ee13f82781Post:51d78e41-b8b8-4b67-ab76-bf3a6f5656a9">Re: Not a good idea to give cash</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not a good idea to give cash : Honestly there's no difference between these apps and any other online banking. An attack by a hacker could affect both just as easily.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]
I guess I don't know enough about it, but to me it feels like an app is less secure. Then again, a lot of those apps just bring you to the mobile site of the bank anyway, so I guess there isn't much of a difference.

HappinessByTheKilowatt · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-a-good-idea-to-give-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfea9186-f787-4111-94a7-c6ee13f82781Post:120cc41c-2f7b-4bef-b1ea-a9bf195e6e91">Re: Not a good idea to give cash</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not a good idea to give cash : No, you have that long to send a gift (or is it 2 years), but thank you notes should be written within two weeks of receipt of the gift, or two weeks from returning from the honeymoon for gifts given at the wedding.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Weird. I've always heard a year. My shower TYs went out the next day, but for the wedding we also had to wait for our TY cards to come in from the photographer and what not-- and I know I am not the only one who has done those. And I have definitely gotten plenty of TY notes from brides longer than 6 months. I guess as long as it comes, it's never bothered me.

Carla1019 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-a-good-idea-to-give-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfea9186-f787-4111-94a7-c6ee13f82781Post:120cc41c-2f7b-4bef-b1ea-a9bf195e6e91">Re: Not a good idea to give cash</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not a good idea to give cash : No, you have that long to send a gift (or is it 2 years), <strong>but thank you notes should be written within two weeks of receipt of the gift,</strong> or two weeks from returning from the honeymoon for gifts given at the wedding.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Thanks! I didn't know this.

HappinessByTheKilowatt · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-a-good-idea-to-give-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfea9186-f787-4111-94a7-c6ee13f82781Post:2837b78e-d68f-43d2-befd-048a189d495a">Re: Not a good idea to give cash</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not a good idea to give cash : Thanks! I didn't know this.
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

Right? Learn something new every day. I've always done that for regular gifts, but weddings for some reason I thought I had heard different.

Carla1019 · June 2012

Just looked it up.....You have 3 months according to Emily Post.

http://www.emilypost.com/communication-and-technology/notes-and-letters/99-thank-you-notes-to-send-or-not-to-send

HappinessByTheKilowatt · June 2012

I am a wedding thank you note failure.

Avion22 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-a-good-idea-to-give-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfea9186-f787-4111-94a7-c6ee13f82781Post:a9e0de78-3314-44e2-8d23-470fa094a0a5">Re: Not a good idea to give cash</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not a good idea to give cash : Weird. I've always heard a year. My shower TYs went out the next day, but for the wedding we also had to wait for our TY cards to come in from the photographer and what not-- and I know I am not the only one who has done those. And I have definitely gotten plenty of TY notes from brides longer than 6 months. I guess as long as it comes, it's never bothered me.
Posted by HappinessByTheKilowatt[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, it's definitely more important to get a prompt (and sincere) thank-you note out than to wait for your professional pics to be done.</div><div>
</div><div>People who have give you gifts should not have to wait months for a thank-you card that lets them know their gift arrived and that you are grateful for it.</div>

HappinessByTheKilowatt · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-a-good-idea-to-give-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfea9186-f787-4111-94a7-c6ee13f82781Post:a9668530-800a-4b7a-9687-9e17c1769eda">Re: Not a good idea to give cash</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not a good idea to give cash : Yeah, it's definitely more important to get a prompt (and sincere) thank-you note out than to wait for your professional pics to be done. People who have give you gifts should not have to wait months for a thank-you card that lets them know their gift arrived and that you are grateful for it.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

I can understand that. That isn't entirely what we were waiting for by any means (we were actually mostly waiting until my husband and I were living in the same state so we could do them together), but that definitely makes sense.

JoanE2012 · June 2012

I always give checks for safety purposes and to know the couple got it. If the couple takes a few weeks to cash it, so be it. I try to never let my account get that low that I'm worried I might spend the wedding check money. AND I have overdraft protection god forbid something did happen.

I also called my bank ahead of time to figure out the whole name issue and mine will deposit them if I sign my maiden name first then my married name.

specialk84 · June 2012

HBTK, I guess I don't understand why you and your H had to do them together. Why not just divide up the list and just get them done as soon as possible?

I know that ship has sailed, but FWIW, I really wish the trend of the professional photo TY had never started. They take forever to get back, and many times, the B&G never get around to actually writing them.

All of our wedding TYs were mailed within a week of us returning from our HM. I don't understand why people think writing them is a chore--I took pleasure in writing them. It was nice to spend a few minutes on each one, thinking about how nice it was to see my aunt, or how generous my uncle was.

specialk84 · June 2012

Oh, and I've missed you around these parts. I'm glad to see you back.

OwningAHome1981 · June 2012

I would NEVER give cash- anyone can just take it and spend it. Checks are much safer to ensure the couple gets it b/c no one else can cash it but them.

wrigleyville · June 2012

For those who don't want to give cash but also don't want to wait for a check to clear their bank... you could always give a money order or cashier's check.

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