Gay Weddings

Help with family members

I am having a ceremony in September and there are some members of my family that I would like to invite, however, I am not sure how they will feel when they are aware that I am with another woman.  Mind you, I do not see these family members very often so unless I write them or something beforehand theres no way they would know.  My parents really do not approve, but my one brother and his wife are supportive, so it's a mix.  I was wondering if I should include a letter in with the invitations or send a letter out before to those family members letting them know?  I am also planning on taking her to my family reunion which will be in July.  I dont know how many people will be there though that would be invited to the wedding.  Any thoughts?

Re: Help with family members

  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Won't it be obvious from the names that it is a same-sex wedding?  If so, I don't think you need a separate ketter.

    ETA:  My initial response wasn't meant to suggest that you shouldn't call them or sound them out at the family reunion.  If you call family members, or if your FI is with you at the family reunion (or even if you just talk to family members about her then), you may well get a much better sense of whom you want to invite.

    We just kind of did things the other way around.  Everyone in my family had long since met NotFroofy by the time we were announcing our engagement.  I therefore just sent out invitations, and figured that those who had a problem with gay marriage would simply fail to attend.

    As it happened, only one family member had an issue with our marriage--a brother-in-law that no one really likes, for a whole variety of reasons.  He did not show up, and tried to talk my sister into not going, either.  For once in her life, my sister defied him, and just came by herself.  He was not missed.  ;-)

    I'm definitely sending you lots of good thoughts on the process of coming out to the rest of your family.
  • edited December 2011

    My fiancee and I took the opportunity to have short discussions either by phone or in person with aunts and uncles who weren't aware we were together. They were all supportive and hesitant. It was a little nerve wracking getting past my own fear of rejection to come out to these grand aunts and uncles.

    I am glad I did it. I am very clear on who I want to invite due to their reactions. There are some people I feel fully confident in not inviting. I've leaned on my supportive family members and friends to make the whole planning process a dream.

    Go to your family reunion. Take the opportunity to speak with family members you want to invite. I personally would not invite people who are unaware of your relationship or who will not support it.

    Good luck!


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you!  I guess sometimes its good to hear it from someone else dealing with the same issues.
  • edited December 2011
    I have to agree with the previous poster. Take the opportunity to explain to the family members whom you would like to invite to the wedding. I have found it is much better to have this conversation in person as you can see the persons reaction as well as hear it. I have a similar situation in my family. I dont speak to or see my dads side of the family unless there is a major event. The last time I saw them was at my brothers graduation(2008). My fiance accompanied me to the event. My moms side(whom we are very close to) all knew her and that she was my girlfriend(at the time). As for my dads side, they didnt ask and I didnt tell them. I know they wouldnt be supportive, nor would they understand, therefore are not invited to the wedding. 
    My fiance and I are purposely only inviting those whom will share our joy, and truly support us! 


  • edited December 2011
    You could also include an engagement photo of the two of you in the invitations. I think that people who are not supportive will self select themselves out of being there anyway. Good luck!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you again to everyone who replied.  It has helped an awful lot!  We will see how the family reunion goes :)  And I am planning on telling my grandmother, who im sure already knows, but just won't say anything.  Thank you for all the suggestions. 

    Peace to you all!
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