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mother in law help

shaina925shaina925 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Let  me start by saying that I absolutely ADORE my fiances family!  We live in RI and they are in FL, so we only see them a few times a year.  I invited his mother up here for dress shopping.  Since she has two sons I thought she would love doing that with me.  She said that she was extremely flattered but would unfortunately not be able to make it (her husband needs close attention so that is most likely why)  anyways.. my FI and I are going down to visit them for xmas.  His mom asked me if I wanted to go dress shopping down there, but I don't want to try anything on with just her.  I want my first time to have my mother and my two best friends.  My FI understands, but I do not want to hurt his mothers feelings.  Now, I am completely fine with going to LOOK with her, but I really dont want to try a dress on.  It is just too special to me.  Am I being ridiculous or is this understandable?

Also... if I had already went to try things on previously, I would be FINE with trying more on with his mom.  What can I say to her to not make her feel bad?  I think going to just look at dresses could still be fun for both of us.  That way I can get her opinion on things and try to please her somewhat with my dress purchase.

Thoughts?
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Re: mother in law help

  • shaina925shaina925 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    That is a good idea.  I am just so afraid that if we look for a dress for me she is going to really want to see me in it.  Like I said, I am totally fine with looking I just do not want to try any dresses on. 

    But yes, I will definitely suggest looking for a dress for her.  That is still something fun and a bonding thing that we could do together.  I feel like I will need to explain to her before we go that I might not want to try anything on... that way she won't be completely disappointed if I spring it on her right in the middle of the store.
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  • shaina925shaina925 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Oh, now that is a good idea.  Also I couldn't purchase a dress in FL, we don't get down there often enough for me to do dress fittings.  Plus, I don't think it is a good idea to take a wedding dress on a plane.
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  • shaina925shaina925 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Yup!  Like I said, I do not want to make her feel bad.  She is a super sweet woman.
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  • laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
    First Comment
    Personally, I really don't get the sentimental aspect of dress shopping. At the end of the day, your wedding dress is still just a dress, and I just don't attach all that much emotional value to the search and procuring of it. I know other people do, but I just don't get it. I don't see what harm it could do to try on dresses while you're in FL. It'll give you a good idea of what you like and what looks good on you. So, I guess I think you're being kind of ridiculous about it.
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
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  • shaina925shaina925 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Ok, that is your opinion and that is fine.  I think it just means a lot to me to have my mother and two best friends (both of 15 years) with me the first time I try on dresses.
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  • shaina925shaina925 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Yea, you know I think even if we went to just "look" at dresses, both for her and me or just me or just her... she would actually still really enjoy it.  She is always asking me to go shopping with her when FI and I visit, she really has no females surrounding her at all.  I think anything I do with her she really enjoys.
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I think it's a little silly that you are building up the first time you try on a wedding dress.  If I went shopping with someone that refused to even try on anything, I would think it it was a little weird.  There are so many other ways to involve your FMIL in wedding planning, I would just do something else with her.  I like the idea of going shopping with her for her dress for your wedding.  

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  • StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Honestly, the first time I went dress shopping was very hit-or-miss.  The first dress I tried on was downright terrible - it was more laughable than special!  I think you're making a bigger deal out of this than it actually is (also, I don't know about Florida, but here, the bridal salon won't allow you in to just browse without trying stuff on like you're describing - you have to make an appointment, it's not like just going to Macy's or something).  If you're really hung up on having your mom around the first time you try a dress on, then suggest going shopping for the MOG dress with her instead, or maybe the rehearsal dinner dress for you - that might be a good compromise if she really wants you to start trying stuff on.
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  • Grits8812Grits8812 member
    First Comment
    I would just tell her the truth, and suggest going shopping for her dress of choice.  That way she knows up front that you don't have a dress, but that you want to wait.  I'm sure she will understand.
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  • raes19raes19 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Will you be able to just look and now want to try anything on? I say that because the first time I "looked" at dresses, I couldn't resist the urge to try some on. My sister and I were out shopping and decided to stop in a bridal salon and look around. After 5 minutes in the store, we had picked out about half a dozen dresses for me to try on.
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  • whitsywhitsy
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5fd1d81-0ad2-4b9d-a0f7-96451cdefd5bPost:448a3c6d-7058-4fce-81ab-26f2ef30276d">Re: mother in law help</a>:
    [QUOTE]Personally, I really don't get the sentimental aspect of dress shopping. At the end of the day, your wedding dress is still just a dress, and I just don't attach all that much emotional value to the search and procuring of it. I know other people do, but I just don't get it. I don't see what harm it could do to try on dresses while you're in FL. It'll give you a good idea of what you like and what looks good on you. So, I guess I think you're being kind of ridiculous about it.
    Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

    Yep. I actually fell in love with a dress when I was totally alone. It didn't matter whether I had an entourage or not.
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  • whitsywhitsy
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5fd1d81-0ad2-4b9d-a0f7-96451cdefd5bPost:46f189d6-68ca-4bb7-b9a3-ade96b7be57a">Re: mother in law help</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, that is your opinion and that is fine.  I think it just means a lot to me to have my mother and two best friends (both of 15 years) with me the first time I try on dresses.
    Posted by shaina925[/QUOTE]

    Well, you asked if you were being ridiculous. If you didn't want to know if you were being ridiculous, you probably shouldn't have asked. :)
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  • shaina925shaina925 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Rhode Island (where I live) some places you do not need an appointment and they are fine with you just looking at what they have.  Every place is different, though.  I did already pop into a few stores around me so I could decide which places had dresses that I liked.  I am probably making a bigger deal about it than it should be, I think it is because my two closest friends live so far away from me and this is something we have all been so excited about. 

    I am going to be honest with FMIL and I LOVE the idea about me trying on rehersal dinner dresses!  That is genius!
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    This is one of those situations where it may be silly, but it's what you want and it doesn't hurt anyone else so stick to what you want.

    I'd just explain to her that you really want that to be an experience you share with your mom, I'm sure she'll understand.  I think looking for MOG dresses and/or RD dress would be a great compromise.

    image

     

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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Is there any way you can go shopping in RI FIRST with your mom and friends, and maybe narrow it down to two or three dresses, THEN go to Florida and try on those two or three with your FMIL?    You can get her input that way, and include her, but it won't be the first time you try on dresses either.    You should be able to find the same dresses is both places as long as they are common designers.    
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5fd1d81-0ad2-4b9d-a0f7-96451cdefd5bPost:448a3c6d-7058-4fce-81ab-26f2ef30276d">Re: mother in law help</a>:
    [QUOTE]Personally, I really don't get the sentimental aspect of dress shopping. At the end of the day, your wedding dress is still just a dress, and I just don't attach all that much emotional value to the search and procuring of it. I know other people do, but I just don't get it. I don't see what harm it could do to try on dresses while you're in FL. It'll give you a good idea of what you like and what looks good on you. So, I guess I think you're being kind of ridiculous about it.
    Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

    This. I agree the whole sentiment about trying on dresses being super special is a little ridiculous. Of course this could be because I don't have a mom and didn't have one to try dresses on. My sister tried on and bought her dress alone. I had mine made so there was no big to do about going dress shopping and making it this big wonderful thing.
    image
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  • rebarobert2012rebarobert2012
    First Comment
    I think that you should just tell her the truth.  It sounds like you two have an excellent relationship, so I'm sure that she will be understanding.  Then, as other suggested, you could suggest shopping for a MOG dress with her.
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  • ast.meghanast.meghan member
    First Comment
    You said she is always asking you to go shopping and do "girly" things with her.  Why not just go shopping and have lunch together one afternoon?
    image
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  • shaina925shaina925 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I wish I could go first with Mom and friends, but both friends are flying from out of state to see me and I will be in FL this Sunday.  So there is no way I could do it first before going to FL.  I definitely thought about that though!  Unfortunately it can't happen.
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  • stefaniewattiestefaniewattie member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I say stick with what you want..it was a very sentimental moment for me and my mom as well. I never would have tried on a dress for the first time without her there. and the first time I went dress shopping I found the dress... soooo, pretty big deal.
    But thats OUR relationship and its not really for anyone else to judge, whats important to some may seem silly to others and vice versa. Especially when it comes to weddings, so stick to your guns on this one - if it was important enough to you for you to come on here..clearly its important to you..
    Just be honest with your FMIL.. lying to her is just asking for trouble and hurt feelings, you saId shes a great woman, so guaranteed she will understand and not make a big deal about it. :) honesty is the best policy.
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