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Totally freaking out. What on earth are we going to do?!

Okay, I need someone to calm me.  I'm literally freaking out here.  Yesterday we were informed that we have to move.  It's a looooong story that maybe I'll get more into later.  Short version: we were renting from a friend of FFIL's and there's been some sort of disagreement in the community about a zoning law (I'm confused by it all) and we have to be out in 15 DAYS.  I am a mess.  I feel like I gave up everything to move down here with him - a great job, all my friends and family, the only place I've ever known and now we're faced with having to find somewhere new AGAIN, and I still haven't heard a word about my job.  Last night we pretty much sat in silence - I cried most of the evening because I'm just so stressed out over everything. 

Also, the place we've been renting came almost fully furnished - which means, on top of having to pay for rent, security deposit (most likely), we'll also have to buy almost all new furniture.  Which I have a feeling is going to have to come out of the money we had in savings for the wedding.  Now I'm sitting here thinking - will there even be a wedding?  He hasn't said anything at all about it - I'm sure because he's just trying to figure out what we're going to do, but it's definitely on my mind.  The minister just called and left me a message yesterday about the date and I don't even know what to tell him at this point.

Also, FI said something about maybe we should move back up to Missouri, that I had a great job there (that I could get back in a heartbeat) and he could easily find something new there.  I just don't know what to do or say at this point... And, not to mention this is all FFIL's fault - this whole thing could have prevented and now he just acts like he doesn't give two shits about what we're going to do...

I should have waited til today to have my "before 11 AM drink"!!
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Re: Totally freaking out. What on earth are we going to do?!

  • edited December 2011
    What would be the worst thing about moving to Missouri?
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    I guess there would be nothing BAD about moving back to Missouri.  It just kinda of sucks that if I go back to my old job, I will have given up all the seniority and be starting over with vacation accrual (after completely 5 years there, my vacation time jumped up ALOT).  So it just makes me sick that I will have to start all over. 

    Also, I guess I was just kind of looking forward to this fresh start down here.  I was finally starting to feel like I was getting settled and now I don't know what's going to happen.

    FI suggested I e-mail this job down here and tell them "Either give me an exact start date or I'm going to be going back to Missouri".  I just don't know what to do at this point...


    I don't know if I'm making any sense at all...my head is spinning..
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    BREATHE!!!!!!!

    Okay.  Now take a drink. *HUGS*

    Everything will work out.  Just stay calm.  You can move back to Missouri or you can stay and start hunting.  Don't panic.  15 days is enough time to find something.  Start hunting on Craigslist and other online sites.  Google rental agencies in town.  E=mail and explain your situation to these company's...a lot have listings they don't put on their sites.  They also have inside knowledge and might be able to hook you up with something, even just for a short term monthly rental until you can find some permanent.  

    Most importantly, don't panic!  Sit down and talk with FI.  Figure out what you need to do.  You know you have options in Missouri, and you also have options there.  Think it out, talk it out and stay calm, love.  

    E-mail the company you interviewed with and explain to them that you have had an offer somewhere else (this is sort of true! You can go back to Missouri ) and you would like to know if their offer is on the table and what it is.  Let them know that you are going to have to take another job if they cannot give you more information.

    You will be getting married...even if I have to fly down there and take you to the park myself!! 

    Just stay calm and start looking around for options.  Everything will be okay!

    "Popular on the internetz..."
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    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Take a deep breath and relax. I know you gave up everything and thought you were finally "home". At least now you are together and can make these decisions with each other and not over the phone.

    Moving Related:
    1. Do you WANT to move back to Missouri?
    1. Does he have an easily transferrable career?

    Wedding Related:
    1. Would you consider pushing back your elopement to save up some more?
    2. Or would you consider a more local elopement plan that would be less expensive?


    You have a few things that are working FOR you:

    1. Because you aren't tied into a career, you are flexible - this is good!
    2. You don't need to worry about taking time off to pack and move because you're still searching. Maybe you could put that on hold for another week or 2 to move?


    You guys need to decide:
    1. Do you want to move to Missouri or is it a rash response?
    2. Are you guys willing to postpone your wedding or JOP it?

    Honestly, if it was me, I would stay in LA. I would get my butt on Craig's List and look for apartments STAT and spend all week checking them out. I would start packing up boxes. I would call the minister and tell him what's going on and you'll have to get back to him. I would put off job searching for the next 2 weeks.

    And as for furniture, you can live without some things for a little while. And you're in the height of yard sale season, so hopefully you can strike a few deals.
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_totally-freaking-out-earth-going?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f96e026a-bdd0-4a54-ad2c-19d09dde8fd4Post:691fd435-587c-4c2b-af9d-4c97c638d70f">Re: Totally freaking out. What on earth are we going to do?!</a>:
    [QUOTE] Honestly, if it was me, I would stay in LA. I would get my butt on Craig's List and look for apartments STAT and spend all week checking them out. I would start packing up boxes. I would call the minister and tell him what's going on and you'll have to get back to him. I would put off job searching for the next 2 weeks. And as for furniture, you can leave without some things for a little while. And you're in the height of yard sale season, so hopefully you can strike a few deals.
    Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto all this!</div>

    "Popular on the internetz..."
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    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
    Murried Bio
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Eek. Jeter. Sounds like this is quite the stressful week for you.

    I guess first off you and need to decide where you want to live and then look for somewhere to live in that location.

    I guess I don't have much advice to give. I will try to send some good vibes your way though!

    Good luck!
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  • tafft1tafft1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh you poor thing , tht's terrible ! *hugs* I've been in similar situations before and so I can understand how you are feeling , and I feel so helpless I wish I could offer better advice. If you can secure a job "back home" and it would allow you to have a place to live , may not be a bad idea. And the wedding sill still happen , don't you worry , look at FI and myself , our whole plans changed in one month , and even if you have to push it back a few weeks or months , your FI isn't going anywhere don't you worry.

    Things like this only make your relationship stringer , if you can get through this together and the uphill challneges facing you , then through the easier times it will be that much more enjoyable for yoy both. Try to look at all your options , I am sorry you are dealing with all this , if we can help let us know. *hugs*
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe it's a blessing you aren't training yet. You can buy yourself more time before starting a job and dedicate your time to this.
  • edited December 2011
    Phew, thanks girls.

    Well, as far as moving to Missouri.  It's not something I really, really want to do.  It has it's pros and cons I guess.  Pros - I'd get to be back in my comfortable environment and see my friends that I miss dearly.  Cons - I've always dreamed of moving away and starting over, and really thought this was my chance to do such a thing.  Plus, I thought it would be great for FI & I to be away from everyone and living our own life. 

    As far as the wedding, I was really looking forward to all of our amazing plans in Colorado and felt like it would be such a memorable experience for our wedding, but yes I am willing to either push it back or do something smaller and more local.  In the end, all that matters is that I'm married to FI; but there's another part of me that feels like this is our ONLY wedding and I feel like we both deserve to have what we want. 
  • edited December 2011

    Thanks tafft - I feel bad because I was REALLY freaking out last night - like to the point where I couldn't even have a rational conversation with FI.  After I slept it off and woke up this morning, I told him how sorry I was and that I knew we'd get through this together and that I didn't care where we lived, as long as it was TOGETHER.  You're right though - this will definitely make us stronger.

  • tafft1tafft1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_totally-freaking-out-earth-going?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f96e026a-bdd0-4a54-ad2c-19d09dde8fd4Post:d3101398-ea56-42d7-a733-1d25ca6875db">Re: Totally freaking out. What on earth are we going to do?!</a>:
    [QUOTE] As far as the wedding, I was really looking forward to all of our amazing plans in Colorado and felt like it would be such a memorable experience for our wedding, but yes I am willing to either push it back or do something smaller and more local.  In the end, all that matters is that I'm married to FI; but there's another part of me that feels like this is our ONLY wedding and I feel like we both deserve to have what we want. 
    Posted by Soon2BMrsJeter[/QUOTE]

    I COMPLETELY understand , I JUST went through this when we both decided we would go to Lake Tahoe in August. This is where FI and I talked about it over and over , making sure it is what we both wanted and wanted to be sure each other was truly happy that this was still our wedding and nothing can change that. It's never easy when life throws you curveballs you aren't expecting , but you have the right outlook on things already. You both do deserve to have what you want , and pushing it back dosen't change that , just gives you more time to ensure this is the best choice for you both. I'm here for you if you need me <3
    Photobucket Anniversary www.MyVacationCountdown.com Ticker LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • edited December 2011
    tafft - I may be even overreacting with the wedding portion..  We may still be able to do what we planned but I guess it's whats been on my mind lately so it was the first thing I thought of.  If I had this job already, we'd be fine and would be able to build back up or wedding fund in no time and this wouldn't be an issue at all..

    I'm glad you and FI were able to completely agree on what you're doing - I actually think eloping to Lake Tahoe sounds AMAZING.  I've always wanted to go there.
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Is the only reason you'd change your wedding plans was to use that money for furniture? Maybe you could cut out 1 hotel night or something to help out with your security deposit. Where there other things contributing to this fear regarding the wedding.


    It sounds to me like you don't want to move to Missouri. Also, that moving expense would be more $$$ than moving around town.
  • bajedivabajediva member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    As far as practical advice goes, I vote Katanne for president. I can completely understand how jarring this whole experience is for you - you've been looking forward to all the good things about change, and at every turn, there seems to be a new measure of uncertainty being added.

    I'm sure you two will find the strength to approach it all rationally, despite the tumultous nature of it all. Deal with one aspect at a time, thankfully you truly have each other to lean on in a more significant way than before. This is the stuff life is made of, and you are fortunate to be able to weather it together rather than alone.
  • edited December 2011
    Shoot.. I've been in tough situations before, too, and it's never fun (but always somewhat exciting).

    Advice for moving: find a realtor - they do rentals as well as purchase, and when I moved down to Miami, a realtor took me to see 30 places in 2 days.  Amazing!  I gave her a list of our requirements (dishwasher, W/D, 2 bed, 1.5+ bath, within this area of town, etc.) and a price cap (no more than $X/month) and she took me to see ONLY places that fit those requirements.  Amazing!  We absolutely love our place, and all our friends who found their own places are amazed that we found something so great, in such a great location, with all the ameneties, at such a low price.  YAY for realtors!

    It can be done, and quickly!  UHaul has a service on their website where you can find movers at a cheap rate who can do hourly - also Craigslist often has free boxes you can pick up from people who have just moved.  Or really cheap! 

    Also, there's a ton of renters rights.  Check with a lawyer if you know one, or bluff and tell the landlord that he has to cover your moving costs because of the breaking of the lease.  That's if you signed a lease - if you didn't, go after FFIL for screwing you over.
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yup, ditto Kat's advice. She's got you covered. :)

    I just wanted to add that while I don't necessarily believe that things happen for a reason, I do believe people are incredibly adaptable, and whatever happens, you and your FI will figure out how to keep on loving each other and being happy together. 

    I'm so sorry things are so stressful for you lately. But just think how much worse things could be: it could be impossible for you to get your MO job back. It could have been 10 days to get out instead of 15. Your FI could have lost HIS job. In the grand scheme of things, this really is just a temporary set back, okay?

    You are stronger than you think! Have faith in yourself and in your FI.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • edited December 2011
    kat - Yes, that's the only reason we'd have to change our wedding plans.  And like I said, I'm probably way over re-acting on that.  I have our budget so narrowed down for the trip/wedding that it's really not going to cost that much.  I guess I just feel like a bomb was set off and I'm running around frantic trying to pick up the pieces.  We haven't really had time to let this fully sink in and talk rationally about our options. 

    baje - Thanks... you're right...I'm very thankful that we do have each other... That's what matters.

    catmeg - I don't know if I'd call this exciting at all.  Now, relocating and moving down here was scary yet exciting, but being told we have 2 weeks to find a new place... and with me not having a job...it's just plain scary and stressful. 
    We're actually both very upset with FFIL.  He is handling this in such a way that's making me feel like he is totally looking out for himself and that's it.  I mean, the only reason FI moved down here in the first place is to be near his dad because his health wasn't all that great, and now he's treating us like this... Ugh!
  • edited December 2011

    Kat made some pretty awesome points. Hugs and good lucks are all I can give :)

    imageimageimageimage
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    : )

    I write down a list of questions and the 2 of you should sit down and answer them. Do NOT allow yourselves to freak out. Just say "yes" or "no". It sounds like you are both totally overwhelmed because you've opened up every option to yourselves. Elminate what you don't want, and make a plan together.

    It sounds like you are more overwhemled (understandable!) than in actual trouble. It seems like your wedding isn't tied into this other than added stress. So I would forget about it for now and go on as planned.

    If your FI enjoys his job, he should stay there. Focus ONLY on finding a new place. One you're there worry about what furniture you'll NEED. You'll be surprised how stuff appears on the side of the road when you most need it.


  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    And you can complain to me when you're stressed. FI just moved in with our friends last weekend. I'm packing up my house and moving in a few weeks. He is about to take a huge career exam and is also trying to change jobs. My house is literally full of half packed boxes. We have no kitchen table, no dressers and too much junk.

    Moral of the story: It will all work out. : )
  • edited December 2011
    You will be FINE. You're understandably really stressed out and surprised by all this. And it doesn't look very positive right now. But you guys can do this. You have a GREAT guy in your life, and you're finally WITH him. Even if the rest of the world crashes down on you, there's still that.

    Now, Craigslist is a good place to start. Drive around town looking for apartment complexes and stop in to ask about prices and availability. You will find somewhere to go.

    As for furniture, it's not as bad as it sounds in your head. When I moved in with FI, we had a pull-out couch from the 70's to sleep on... and it was BROKEN. He had one computer desk and chair, an old TV, and some crates that the TV sat on. We ate dinner on the bed.

    When we got rid of the VERY broken couch/bed, we bought an air mattress to sleep on. It was under $100. It worked for a few months while we scraped up enough money to buy a real bed. You could also get a futon easily and for not much money.

    Look at furniture on Craigslist. You don't need EVERYTHING right away. You need something to sleep on first. Then maybe a table or desk. Then maybe some chairs. Then a couch. One thing at a time. Prioritize.

    We still don't have a real dining room table. We survived.

    One step at a time. Find a place to go. Figure out what you need. You're going to be okay.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    I don't have any words of advice that haven't already been said, but I do hope everything works out for the best for you!
  • edited December 2011
    kat - You're probably right.  We're not really in "trouble", just both really taken aback with this and throwing out all kinds of crazy ideas in response.  Tonight we'll sit down and talk more rationally about this. 

    Jeana - You're the best - thank you for making me feel better.  It seems so much easier when I think about it the way you put it.  We actually have a bed, well a mattress but would have to buy a frame.  Oh, and we have a tv.  So yeah..we'd definitely need some sort of couch and I guess the rest we'll get when we can. 
  • hetshuphetshup member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Deep breaths.

    Kat is completely right. Don't worry about the wedding right now. Focus on the move. You will be stunned at what you DON'T have to buy. I personally have stuff that I was given when I moved. Remember, you don't NEED curtains, you don't NEED a HDTV. Talk to your job prospect, let them know what is happening.
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh. My. God.  I just got an e-mail back from "Shelley" at the place I was supposedly hired at, and she said she just put in her resignation and didn't know what they planned on doing!!  You have got to be kidding me!!
  • edited December 2011
    PPs have the advice side covered. 

    Breath!  You will figure out what is best.  In the mean time, breath. 
  • hetshuphetshup member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    You need to get on the phone with Melissa ASAP. It's time to go over people's heads.

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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Jeter - this job seems like it's just not going to work.  I know that's not what you want o hear but seriously if they're jerking you around like this then is it a place you really want to be, anyways? Give them one last call..to the boss.  Explain the situation and leave it at that.  

    I also agree with Kat.  You can put it on hold and start house hunting.  FI has a job, you'll be okay for a bit.  Concentrate on getting  a place to stay.

    Also, on the furniture front craigslist has wicked deals for furniture sometimes, also IKEA.  Yard sales, etc.  

    BTW: We don't have a bed frame yet....it's not necessary.  We sleep on the box spring/mattress on the floor.  It's not really a bed, per say, but it's comfy! lol

    "Popular on the internetz..."
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    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
    Murried Bio
  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't really have anything to add.  I agree with everyone else.  Kat's advice was especially great.

    I just wanted to say try to relax.  Everything will work out.  At the very least, this is great opportunity for you and your FI to work through some pretty big decisions together.  Once you get through these next few weeks, your relationship will be that much stronger.
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  • edited December 2011

    When I was about 14, I took my mattress off of my gorgeous canopy frame and moved it into a different room and just put it on the floor. I slept with the mattress on the floor until last year when I found a frame I liked at IKEA. I want to say it was regularly $70 for a twin but it was in the as is room for $23..HOT DOG!!

    Take your time with furniture. Lawn chairs can work for now. Like PP said, garage sale time is in full swing and I'm sure you'll be able to find something cheap.

    imageimageimageimage
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