Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Snarky Brides
Snarky Brides
New Discussion
Options

Hello and Help Please

IlikelittlepeopleIlikelittlepeople
First Comment
in Snarky Brides
Hi, I just got engaged a few weeks ago and I've run into my first snag in planning. Let's see if I can explain this simply without writing a novel. I'll try and keep it short, sweet and to the point.

My fiances mom is transgendered and she had a sex change when she was 18. I should note that fiance is adopted. My parents want to meet fiances parents but they're very closed minded. If I had come to them and said I was gay or transgendered I would've been thrown out of the house immediately. I am tempted to not say anything to them about fiances mom being transgendered but if my parents found out that a transgendered person was in their home and I lied to them about it all hell would break loose.

What do I do
Report Reply to Post
«1

Re: Hello and Help Please

  • Options
    JenGin74JenGin74 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hello-and-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:565b7730-97bd-4b40-bcdc-d8826f5a3789Post:b8277448-d95b-4652-bc3e-e2cbdd7d8add">Hello and Help Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi, I just got engaged a few weeks ago and I've run into my first snag in planning. Let's see if I can explain this simply without writing a novel. I'll try and keep it short, sweet and to the point. My fiances mom is transgendered and she had a sex change when she was 18. I should note that fiance is adopted. My parents want to meet fiances parents but they're very closed minded. If I had come to them and said I was gay or transgendered I would've been thrown out of the house immediately. I am tempted to not say anything to them about fiances mom being transgendered but if my parents found out that a transgendered person was in their home and I lied to them about it all hell would break loose. What do I do
    Posted by Ilikelittlepeople[/QUOTE]

    Disown your parents.
    imageimage
    Report Reply
  • Options
    IlikelittlepeopleIlikelittlepeople
    First Comment

    Obviously I can't do that. How about some real advice please?

    Report Reply
  • Options
    ricksangricksang member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Wow, your parents are bigots but I am sure you know that. You should tell them first about his mom and then not invite your FI's mom anywhere near your parents' house.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    IlikelittlepeopleIlikelittlepeople
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hello-and-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:565b7730-97bd-4b40-bcdc-d8826f5a3789Post:3d9f0455-ad11-4239-aeee-8f049fc617ae">Re: Hello and Help Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, your parents are bigots but I am sure you know that. You should tell them first about his mom and then not invite your FI's mom anywhere near your parents' house.
    Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]

    I wasn't looking for name calling. Thanks
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JenGin74JenGin74 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Yeah, that's pretty much all I've got. Whether you lie to them or not they're going to be pissed.

    If they would disown you for being gay, you really shouldn't care what they think because their attitude is pretty douchey.

    Oooor, you could just have everyone over to your house so their's won't be "tarnished" by a transgendered person and if they don;t like it they can GTFO.
    imageimage
    Report Reply
  • Options
    IlikelittlepeopleIlikelittlepeople
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hello-and-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:565b7730-97bd-4b40-bcdc-d8826f5a3789Post:06080afe-6a17-418b-a638-94dc7585eeca">Re: Hello and Help Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Felt the need to post this on E as well?
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    E? I'm assuming you mean etiquette since that's where I posted as well. Yes, I'm looking for all sorts of opinions on the matter.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Let them find out at the wedding.  It should be NBD. 
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    IlikelittlepeopleIlikelittlepeople
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hello-and-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:565b7730-97bd-4b40-bcdc-d8826f5a3789Post:6ff5155a-88ae-4e6c-8790-5012483e0f21">Re: Hello and Help Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, that's pretty much all I've got. Whether you lie to them or not they're going to be pissed. If they would disown you for being gay, you really shouldn't care what they think because their attitude is pretty douchey. Oooor, you could just have everyone over to your house so their's won't be "tarnished" by a transgendered person and if they don;t like it they can GTFO.
    Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]

    I live at home and so dose fiance
    Report Reply
  • Options
    AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited March 2012
    Honestly, I wouldn't say anything to my parents.

    Maybe that's not the correct thing to do, I truly don't know.  But for real, your FI's mom's life is none of your parent's business.  I'd just ignore the fact that she is transgendered and never bring it up with them.  If they are twats to her when they meet, apologize profusely to your FMIL.

    I'm sorry your parents are so closed-minded.  That has to be very frustrating.
    panther
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ricksangricksang member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hello-and-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:565b7730-97bd-4b40-bcdc-d8826f5a3789Post:f9ddad0e-7a15-422d-b026-b8c53031690e">Re: Hello and Help Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hello and Help Please : I wasn't looking for name calling. Thanks
    Posted by Ilikelittlepeople[/QUOTE]
    I really don't care if you were or not. They are bigots in my eyes.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    IlikelittlepeopleIlikelittlepeople
    First Comment
    Yes, they are closed minded. Get this though they like Obama. How in the whorld does that work!?
    Report Reply
  • Options
    IlikelittlepeopleIlikelittlepeople
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hello-and-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:565b7730-97bd-4b40-bcdc-d8826f5a3789Post:45612457-d954-4ec3-af57-7353247e664e">Re: Hello and Help Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hello and Help Please : It doesn't really sound like you want opinions b/c you've shot down everything people have suggested in both threads.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    OK miss I can read minds and tell people what they do or do not whant.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited March 2012
    Listen- if you parents are that big of bigots, then you need to tell them beforehand or you are going to deal with a shiit storm at your wedding.

    THose are your choices.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JenGin74JenGin74 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hello-and-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:565b7730-97bd-4b40-bcdc-d8826f5a3789Post:24592083-85ce-4fd8-a30c-0574a07e19b8">Re: Hello and Help Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hello and Help Please : I live at home and so dose fiance
    Posted by Ilikelittlepeople[/QUOTE]

    Well then you're kind of screwed.

    Really, your only options are to stand up to them and just tell them how it is, or try to hide it and eventually get found out anyway. Either way they'll be pissed off, but at least if you stand up to them (for yourself) you can hold your head high knowing you did the right thing.
    imageimage
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ricksangricksang member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hello-and-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:565b7730-97bd-4b40-bcdc-d8826f5a3789Post:66a8497e-b1a3-4fba-b961-8b25666a90e7">Re: Hello and Help Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly, I wouldn't say anything to my parents. Maybe that's not the correct thing to do, I truly don't know.  But for real, your FI's mom's life is none of your parent's business.  I'd just ignore the fact that she is transgendered and never bring it up with them.  If they are twats to her when they meet, apologize profusely to your FMIL. I'm sorry your parents are so close-minded.  That has to be very frustrating.
    Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
    I'd be scared they'd find out and do something irrational to the woman if she was around them. I mean, who the hell kicks their child out for being gay? Crazy bigots, thats who.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ricksangricksang member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hello-and-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:565b7730-97bd-4b40-bcdc-d8826f5a3789Post:7eb2feae-e584-4bdd-b2f1-8942e68b86af">Re: Hello and Help Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Listen- if you parents are that big of bigots, then you need to tell them beforehand or you are going to deal with a shiit storm at your wedding. THose are your choices.
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]
    YUP
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    NebbNebb member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    Your parents suck. Id tell them, give them the opportunity to be assholes in private, and not put that upon your FMIL. She doesnt deserve that crap. If they choose not to meet her, thats on them, but if they said or did something infront of your FMIL that would be way worse.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    IlikelittlepeopleIlikelittlepeople
    First Comment

    We have been together for 6 months. I have only met his mother one time so I honestly don't know a whole lot about them

    Report Reply
  • Options
    cardmonstacardmonsta member
    First Comment
    loooooooooooool. I like where this is going.


    OP, what kind of advice are you looking for? Seriously. I want to know.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment

    This is such weak asss MUD.

    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Well, thanks for playing anyway OP.  Have a good weekend.  I'm out.
    panther
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JenGin74JenGin74 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hello-and-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:565b7730-97bd-4b40-bcdc-d8826f5a3789Post:398cb164-f3b0-49ed-a398-3422d94f7f05">Re: Hello and Help Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your parents suck. Id tell them, give them the opportunity to be assholes in private, and not put that upon your FMIL. She doesnt deserve that crap. If they choose not to meet her, thats on them, but if they said or did something infront of your FMIL that would be way worse.
    Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

    I agree 100%

    Your FMIL should not be put in a position where she could be harassed or abused.
    imageimage
    Report Reply
  • Options
    tidetraveltidetravel member
    First Anniversary First Comment

    Dude.  It's waaay to soon to blow your load. 

    If you're going to troll, at least give us time to enjoy the experience.

    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
    http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    mehgankmehgank
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited March 2012
    I agree wholeheartedly with MilkDuds' advice (if you're real). If you're not real, then I agree with Blue. Weak.

    And I'm trying really hard not to be super judgmental about how little you know your FI or his family, and the fact that you can't spell "world" or "want". You learn those words in 1st grade. ETA: Nevermind, koda and edie beat me to it.
    25 in 2012 Reading Progress: 11/25 (44% toward goal)
    my currently-reading shelf:
    Mehgan's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (currently-reading shelf)
    Photobucket
    "Are you one of those vegetarian zombies that only eats grrrrrraaaaaaiiiinnnnnsssss?" -- raynes
    **FOR SALE NOW**
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ricksangricksang member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Man I wish for ONCE a troll would wait a little while before revealing that she is indeed a troll, fucck.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    IlikelittlepeopleIlikelittlepeople
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hello-and-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:565b7730-97bd-4b40-bcdc-d8826f5a3789Post:9bd59be0-d019-4760-b743-4cca9ec4903a">Re: Hello and Help Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree wholeheartedly with MilkDuds' advice (if you're real). If you're not real, then I agree with Blue. Weak. And I'm trying really hard not to be super judgmental about how little you know your FI or his family, and the fact that you can't spell "world" or "want". You learn those words in 1st grade.
    Posted by mehgank[/QUOTE]

    wholy cow! Rude!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    IlikelittlepeopleIlikelittlepeople
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hello-and-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:565b7730-97bd-4b40-bcdc-d8826f5a3789Post:57eceada-226e-4474-9174-0f65b60b3d24">Re: Hello and Help Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Man I wish for ONCE a troll would wait a little while before revealing that she is indeed a troll, fucck.
    Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]

    I'm not a troll. I'm just looking for some advice. Seriously this is getting messed up.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Joined up today?  Right
    Report Reply
  • Options
    mehgankmehgank
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hello-and-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:565b7730-97bd-4b40-bcdc-d8826f5a3789Post:8d26c5dd-adb1-499e-91ea-5e7607457dd7">Re: Hello and Help Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hello and Help Please : wholy cow! Rude!
    Posted by Ilikelittlepeople[/QUOTE]

    Aww you're hurting my feelers now.
    25 in 2012 Reading Progress: 11/25 (44% toward goal)
    my currently-reading shelf:
    Mehgan's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (currently-reading shelf)
    Photobucket
    "Are you one of those vegetarian zombies that only eats grrrrrraaaaaaiiiinnnnnsssss?" -- raynes
    **FOR SALE NOW**
    Report Reply
  • Options
    IlikelittlepeopleIlikelittlepeople
    First Comment
    Why would I make up something so sensitive? Last I checked it wasn't appropriate to start crap about transgederism
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards