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do I need a ho sit down card?

LnR70707LnR70707 member
Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
in Wedding Woes
or does DH need a punch in the junk?  
I have a baby shower on sunday and I told DH weeks ago that he'd need to watch C or let me know if he can't (he said he could).  Last night I mention it and he has forgotten and tells me that he'll probably take him over to MIL's so he can go do the hunting stuff he wants.   In response to why couldn't he watch him himself...."I don't like sitting at home alone".   WTF does he think I do half the time? 
You all know my issues w/ MIL, and now we are also dealing with eczema, which started the day after he left him at MILs (without my knowledge) a few weeks ago and everything came home reeking of smoke.  Probably coincidence, but is it too much to ask that he watch our son one day for more than a few hours without pawning him off on his family??  Or should I just be happy he'll take him at all?   I was really looking forward to an afternoon with friends, but now I'm just pissed off.
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2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
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I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
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Re: do I need a ho sit down card?

  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    This is definitely junk-punch worthy.
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  • loveshine1loveshine1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    He needs a junk punch. My friend's husband does this all the time, and it pisses me off.

    Seriously, stay home with your kid.
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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    *boxes up punch for Mr. Conn*
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-ho-sit-down-card-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:f005fc70-dac3-453f-9830-ac4cf958f38ePost:46413ef1-208a-435d-a748-583be9405088">Re: do I need a ho sit down card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]*boxes up punch for Mr. Conn*
    Posted by **O-Face**[/QUOTE]

    Psst...It's not my husband.  Well, you can send one for good measure if you want to.

    But mr L&R does deserve a junkpunch.  ;)
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    i'll be honest -- i would lose my $#!+.  he's not the babysitter, he's dad and if he wants to start acting like a babysitter, i would start treating him like one and leave him $20 to order a pizza.
    image
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  • PMeg819PMeg819 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Wait wait wait...he brought him to your MIL's house with out your knowledge? I'd be pissed over that, and then he says he'll just bring him over for this weekend. There would be words in my house. Lots of angry words.
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    He needs a junk punch.  He needs to stay home and learn how to raise his child. 
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  • zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Junk punch fo sho.  Spending time with your kid =/= sitting at home alone.
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    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Damn.  I need to READ.
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  • LnR70707LnR70707 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-ho-sit-down-card-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:f005fc70-dac3-453f-9830-ac4cf958f38ePost:8d4a19f9-4fd3-4dac-a43f-67c644cb9c7d">Re: do I need a ho sit down card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wait wait wait...<strong>he brought him to your MIL's house with out your knowledge</strong>? I'd be pissed over that, and then he says he'll just bring him over for this weekend. There would be words in my house. Lots of angry words.
    Posted by PMeg819[/QUOTE]

    I knew he took him there, just didn't find out until later that he left him there to go hunting.  He "thinks" he has mentioned to MIL not to smoke anywhere inside while C is there, but I do not trust her judgement when there isn't someone around to call her on her sh!t.
    br>imageimage
    IF/Baby Blog
    2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
    TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
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    I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
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  • AuntFloAuntFlo member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    This makes me stabby.

    And this:
     Or should I just be happy he'll take him at all? 

    Makes me much more violent.    NO.   You should not just be happy he'll take him at all.   IT"S HIS KID!!!!!!!    (it is, isn't it?)
    �
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  • MinMMinM
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'd be pissed about him making a committment to me (whether it is spending time with the kid, or paying a bill, or picking up milk) that he later forgot and was /trying to shirk.

    And if he didn't want to sit around all day, why did he make the committment to begin with? Was his intention to pawn kid off on MIL the entire time?

    Oh, I could drive a truck through his argument and make him miserable for the better part of a night over this.
    image
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  • LnR70707LnR70707 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-ho-sit-down-card-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:f005fc70-dac3-453f-9830-ac4cf958f38ePost:ae52d42b-63a2-4477-bf48-b1bd30a3a35f">Re: do I need a ho sit down card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd be pissed about him making a committment to me (whether it is spending time with the kid, or paying a bill, or picking up milk) that he later forgot and was /trying to shirk. And if he didn't want to sit around all day, why did he make the committment to begin with? <strong>Was his intention to pawn kid off on MIL the entire time? Oh, I could drive a truck through his argument and make him miserable for the better part of a night over this.
    </strong>Posted by MinM[/QUOTE]

    Probably....he said it would give MIL time to "bond".  I'm sorry, but at this age, no one needs to be "bonding" with our kid but us.  FFS, he doesn't even have object permanence yet.

    As for the arguing part, he'll will flip this back onto me and say it is because I hate his family, so I needed an outside objective opinion that it wasn't just my neuroticism over her smoking that was taking over before starting that world war.
    br>imageimage
    IF/Baby Blog
    2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
    TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers


    I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    sounds like he needs to bond with the kid too because he thinks he'll be sitting at home alone = spending time with the kid.
    image
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  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'll echo everyone else and say that he needs to take care of his child, but also want to say that your MIL refraining from smoking in the house while C is there doesn't do schit.  Third hand smoke is real and absolutely affects C.  If she's smoking in the house, it's all over the carpet, furniture, etc.
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  • loveshine1loveshine1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-ho-sit-down-card-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:f005fc70-dac3-453f-9830-ac4cf958f38ePost:0ec948b7-373a-4b6b-b5af-b88a1ba80225">Re: do I need a ho sit down card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'll echo everyone else and say that he needs to take care of his child, but also want to say that your MIL refraining from smoking in the house while C is there doesn't do schit.  Third hand smoke is real and absolutely affects C.  If she's smoking in the house, it's all over the carpet, furniture, etc.
    Posted by tawillers[/QUOTE]

    Also, this. It's all over everything.
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  • LnR70707LnR70707 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-ho-sit-down-card-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:f005fc70-dac3-453f-9830-ac4cf958f38ePost:0ec948b7-373a-4b6b-b5af-b88a1ba80225">Re: do I need a ho sit down card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'll echo everyone else and say that he needs to take care of his child, but also want to say that your MIL refraining from smoking in the house while C is there doesn't do schit.  Third hand smoke is real and absolutely affects C.  If she's smoking in the house, it's all over the carpet, furniture, etc.
    Posted by tawillers[/QUOTE]

    Oh I know, but I can't control what she does in her own house while we aren't there (though if it looks like this eczema is triggered/worsened by it I will try my hardest or he won't be setting foot inside again).  DH is of the "I grew up with it and I'm fine" attitude.  The best I can do right now is limit it as much as possible.  Complete avoidance just isn't an option without literally tearing our family apart.
    br>imageimage
    IF/Baby Blog
    2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
    TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers


    I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
    Report Reply
  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    So your H is willing to endanger your child's wellbeing, to make his mother happy?
    image
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-ho-sit-down-card-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:f005fc70-dac3-453f-9830-ac4cf958f38ePost:0ec948b7-373a-4b6b-b5af-b88a1ba80225">Re: do I need a ho sit down card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'll echo everyone else and say that he needs to take care of his child, but also want to say that your MIL refraining from smoking in the house while C is there doesn't do schit.  Third hand smoke is real and absolutely affects C.  If she's smoking in the house, it's all over the carpet, furniture, etc.
    Posted by tawillers[/QUOTE]

    This, this, and this. 
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]<strong>DH is of the "I grew up with it and I'm fine" attitude</strong>. 
    Posted by L&R70707[/QUOTE]

    why doesn't your opinion doesn't count?  (that's what i would say to him.  and then it would probably degenerate into "you grew up with it and turned into an a$$hole who doesn't respect what i want" followed by "i will just cancel because you are a dickbag who doesn't think your child is your responsibility, not your family's" and then let him sleep on the lawn.)
    image
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  • LnR70707LnR70707 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-ho-sit-down-card-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:f005fc70-dac3-453f-9830-ac4cf958f38ePost:362a1c79-a1a1-4538-a425-3820664a60a4">Re: do I need a ho sit down card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>why doesn't your opinion doesn't count?</strong>  (that's what i would say to him.  and then it would probably degenerate into "you grew up with it and turned into an a$$hole who doesn't respect what i want" followed by "i will just cancel because you are a dickbag who doesn't think your child is your responsibility, not your family's" and then let him sleep on the lawn.)
    Posted by hmonkey[/QUOTE]

    It does (somewhat, I fully admit he is a total assbag when it comes to his mother), which is why she doesn't dare smoke in front of C, like she does with all her other grandchildren.  Seriously...if H and I ever get divorced....this will be why.   DH thinks I'm being extreme and 3rd hand smoke isn't that bad (again, only his mother...any one else and he is fully behind me).
    br>imageimage
    IF/Baby Blog
    2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
    TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers


    I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
    Report Reply
  • MinMMinM
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-ho-sit-down-card-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:f005fc70-dac3-453f-9830-ac4cf958f38ePost:81319f6f-f83a-4635-bfc6-72dc34b2cd62">Re: do I need a ho sit down card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: do I need a ho sit down card? : Probably....he said it would give MIL time to "bond".  I'm sorry, but at this age, no one needs to be "bonding" with our kid but us.  FFS, he doesn't even have object permanence yet. As for the arguing part, he'll will flip this back onto me and say it is because I hate his family, so I needed an outside objective opinion that it wasn't just my neuroticism over her smoking that was taking over before starting that world war.
    Posted by L&R70707[/QUOTE]

    To which you ask him, "Do you hate YOUR family. i.e., YOUR KID?!?! because you are actively avoiding spending time with him. Additionally, you are willing to put YOUR child IN DANGER (of the second- and third-hand smoke) so you can go recreating."

    Seriously, don't let him make this about you and his family. This is about HIM and HIS child. Just because your H is fine after growing up with his mother's smoke, doesn't mean everyone will be equally affected, or unaffected. I mean, some smokers get cancer and other's don't. The effects are not uniform.
    image
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  • MinMMinM
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This issue is principally with him. His mother is a secondary problem (in regrards to your OP).

    If he tries to make it about his mom, telling him to stop hiding behind his mommy and talk about the real issue at hand.
    image
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  • LnR70707LnR70707 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-ho-sit-down-card-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:f005fc70-dac3-453f-9830-ac4cf958f38ePost:e4fbde8f-c545-4cd7-89d8-083ac2d26f55">Re: do I need a ho sit down card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So your H is willing to endanger your child's wellbeing, to make his mother happy?
    Posted by **O-Face**[/QUOTE]

    Yep.  Meanwhile C has barely set foot in my parents house because they are borderline hoarders.  I make them come see him in our house while they work on purging.  DH has no balls when it comes to his mother...it is increasingly obvious that he just buried the apron strings rather than cutting them.
    br>imageimage
    IF/Baby Blog
    2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
    TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers


    I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
    Report Reply
  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]she doesn't dare smoke in front of C, like she does with all her other grandchildren. 
    Posted by L&R70707[/QUOTE]

    so mil will listen to you, but r won't?  yeah, he can make himself a nice spot in front of the hedge and sleep there.  it will be like hunting, which he loves so very, very much.
    image
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  • Leg de NicoLeg de Nico member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This sht was divorce-worthy to me.
    aka: nicoleg1982
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  • Leg de NicoLeg de Nico member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-ho-sit-down-card-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:f005fc70-dac3-453f-9830-ac4cf958f38ePost:59af0d07-5faf-4427-8245-74e389ad7035">Re: do I need a ho sit down card?</a>:
    [QUOTE] i wouldnt do the passive/agressive cancel on your shower plans though
    Posted by Wifezzilla[/QUOTE]

    <div>Agreed.  He'd come home from "hunting" or whatever to find the facking locks changed.</div>
    aka: nicoleg1982
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  • MinMMinM
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-ho-sit-down-card-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:f005fc70-dac3-453f-9830-ac4cf958f38ePost:59af0d07-5faf-4427-8245-74e389ad7035">Re: do I need a ho sit down card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]i agree you cannot control what MIL does in her own place, but you can certainly control the amount of time baby C spends there. if she cannot refrain from smoking in her home while you are there, then i would refuse visiting. and i would probably keep the kid from going with your H for the day if that were the case. i wouldnt do the passive/agressive cancel on your shower plans though, but just because he is fine doesnt mean you should allow the same things to go on. heck, <strong>our parents often smoked while pregnant with us. does that mean it's okay to do nowadays?
    </strong>Posted by Wifezzilla[/QUOTE]

    1) This. Remember when people didn't have to wear seatbelts? LET'S THROW OUT THE CAR SEAT! <- Yeah, this doesn't fly.
    2) I would not cancel my plans. I would hold him to his. And, I would make him so miserable for even thinking about bailing on his kid, that he wouldn't ever think to do it again.
    3) I'm thinking the yard is too nice for him. Let him stay on his mother's smokey couch.
    image
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  • LnR70707LnR70707 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    No, I won't cancel.  I texted my friend to make sure it is okay if C comes with me, so H can't try to call my bluff when I tell him to man up and spend some extensive one on one time with his son.
    br>imageimage
    IF/Baby Blog
    2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
    TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers


    I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
    Report Reply
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    How much time has he spent with him?  Is there a chance he's scared? Or doesn't know what to do?  I;m not trying to justify this, I'm just wondering if there is an underlying issue. 
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