Bridesmaid's child at wedding
One of my bridesmaids has a 4 month old baby. She will be a year old by the time of the wedding. BM already knows I am not inviting kids. She just replied to my online save the date email with this:
Hi! So I will be bringing someone with me, just not sure yet so it will be BM and guest . Also, I will have Baby with me, I know you dont want kids there but.... Whoever I have with me can be with her until the ceremony is over, things may change but as for now thats how it will have to be. I'll make sure she isnt the kid that ruins your wedding!!! haha!
What am I supposed to say?! I cannot tell my family no kids and allow hers to come! BM is a single mom with dad not in the picture, and not financially well off. I feel sooo bad but don't know what to do! Help!
Re: Bridesmaid's child at wedding
So a girl that you're close enough to that you have her standing up with you at your wedding, you won't make an exception for?
Personally I think I would be okay with making an exception - you could always say that you decided to only allow children of the bridal party and no one else (assuming the rest of the bridal party either doesn't have children or is allowed to bring them if they do have them).
ETA: I do agree with Duds though that BM was rude for approaching the situation this way.
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You have a choice. You can tell her, sorry, but the baby can't come and risk your friend not coming. Or you can allow 1 year olds and under to attend. Most mothers might thank you for that.
It's up to you, but just think through the consequences carefully.
[QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids has a 4 month old baby. She will be a year old by the time of the wedding. BM already knows I am not inviting kids. She just replied to my online save the date email with this: Hi! So I will be bringing someone with me, just not sure yet so it will be BM and guest . Also, I will have Baby with me, I know you dont want kids there but.... Whoever I have with me can be with her until the ceremony is over, things may change but as for now thats how it will have to be. I'll make sure she isnt the kid that ruins your wedding!!! haha! <strong>What am I supposed to say?! I cannot tell my family no kids and allow hers to come! BM is a single mom with dad not in the picture, and not financially well off.</strong> I feel sooo bad but don't know what to do! Help!
Posted by wowand135[/QUOTE]
Then what is she supposed to do with her child all day? Typically children of the WP are an exception. So I think it is still appropriate if hers is the only child there. Some of your guests might be ticked if they had to leave their kids at home and she didn't, but they'll get over it.
[QUOTE]I agree with making an exception for her, but I'm just really worried about my family's reaction. Like why would she be more important than my family? There are some young kids in the family that would not be invited... still think an exception just for her would be ok? (Also she initally told me that her mom would be babysitting for the weekend.)
Posted by wowand135[/QUOTE]
<div>I would tell people you are making an exception for breastfeeding mothers. (Assuming she is BFing.) This is a pretty common exception and doesn't make her more important than family.</div>
Regardless, you have a few options. You can tell her that unfortunately, it would be unfair to the rest of your guests whose children aren't allowed, so you'd prefer that she find a sitter. Or you can just let it go and let her bring the baby, anyone that asks, you can just let them know that you made an exception for members of the bridal party, since they'd be there the whole day. Whichever way you decide, I wouldn't do anything until the wedding gets closer....you never know, she may change her mind as well by that time and it will become a non-issue.
I've invited even experienced mothers [as in, nursing their 4th baby] to events requiring a sitter, only to have them mis-judge how long they can be away and cancel, but in a few months, all was well for a bit of a girls' night.
Another thing you can do is strongly hint that this other person is her nanny-for-a-day, not her date. Respond to her by saying, "I think hiring a nanny-for-a-day or a come-along babysitter is a great idea. We'll arrange for places at the ceremony and reception where she can be with Baby nearby, but out of the way." Then she hasn't really brought the baby.
[QUOTE]I<strong>t's rude of her to basically tell you, "i know you don't want kids there, but I'm special so mine is coming.</strong>" I'd tell her you are sorry, but her child can't be accommodated.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
I completely agree with this.
I'm sorry, but I don't agree that wedding party members should be any kind of special exception. if you are having NO kids, then it is NO kids, regardless of who thinks they are special enough to be able to bring their kid. Why should your BM bring her kid, but your cousin or nephew can't come? KWIM?
Since she is bringing this up now, I would say something to her as soon as possible, so she has months to prepare and find a babysitter for the day.
I've been in many weddings and bringing your 1 year old child with you when you are a BM makes absolutely no sense to me. It isn't a newborn, there is no reason she needs to have her 1 year old with her all day.
I understand that some people don't like leaving their kids with anybody or have a rough time finding a babysitter, but if you aren't having kids then she needs to accept that and deal with it. I really don't like when parents think that the entire world should involve around what is most convenient for them when it comes to their kids.
Plus, if she wanted to, she could have her child with her at the hair appt. and beforehand for pics (but would still need someone else to sit with him/her). So really, I don't see the need for an exception. She already pointed out that she would have someone there to take care of the baby wihle she is doing WP stuff, so I don't see why she can't leave baby at home with said person. Doesn't make sense.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid's child at wedding : I completely agree with this. I'm sorry, but I don't agree that wedding party members should be any kind of special exception. if you are having NO kids, then it is NO kids, regardless of who thinks they are special enough to be able to bring their kid. Why should your BM bring her kid, but your cousin or nephew can't come? KWIM? Since she is bringing this up now, I would say something to her as soon as possible, so she has months to prepare and find a babysitter for the day. I've been in many weddings and bringing your 1 year old child with you when you are a BM makes absolutely no sense to me. It isn't a newborn, there is no reason she needs to have her 1 year old with her all day. I understand that some people don't like leaving their kids with anybody or have a rough time finding a babysitter, but if you aren't having kids then she needs to accept that and deal with it. <strong>I really don't like when parents think that the entire world should involve around what is most convenient for them when it comes to their kids.</strong>
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ditto!
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[QUOTE]<strong>Wait until closer to the wedding to bring this up again. As others pointed out, she may feel completely different with a 1 year old than a 4 month old baby.</strong>Personally, I probably wouldn't make an exception.If you aren't requiring them to get their hair and makeup done, you could probably get away with her being there an hour earlier than guests for pics (but talk to your photographer). I don't really think being away from her cihld for one hour longer than other guests who leave children with sitters necessitates an exception. Plus, if she wanted to, she could have her child with her at the hair appt. and beforehand for pics (but would still need someone else to sit with him/her). So really, I don't see the need for an exception. She already pointed out that she would have someone there to take care of the baby wihle she is doing WP stuff, so I don't see why she can't leave baby at home with said person. Doesn't make sense.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
I really think that the OP runs the risk of upsetting the friend even more if she waits to talk to her about this. If she doesn't nip it in the bud now, the friend is going to assume for the next few months that the OP is ok with her bringing the kid, and won't be looking for or thinking about a babysitter. If the OP tells her a few months from now "oh by the way, you can't bring your kid", the friend might say "why didn't you say something sooner? Now I don't have anybody to watch her and I can't attend your wedding".
She is a bm, her child will only be a year which to me isn't a toddler yet, she is a single mom, has very ltitle money.
What is important to you? Her being there or you having no children present?
I get the no children thing but if your family can't understand that your bridal party & babies have to be an exception than there is something wrong.
You asked her to stand beside you because you care about her, which means you should care about her plight too.
I agree that she went about it the wrong way but maybe she wanted it to come out that way to make light of it instead of getting upset & in a panic because she doesn't know what to do? Not sure but either way i would still accomodate her.
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