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Etiquette

Merry Christmas Eve eve...

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Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve...

  • Hi!!  I'm laying in bed hoping I can actually get some sleep tonight.  I was awake at 4am this morning.
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  • aMrs: I feel your frustration. I only make minimum wage and while I am doing what I want to be without my certification, it just sucks bc I feel like I am not contributing at all. H tells me I am, but I am just so used to making more money than that. The wages here are very low despite everyone saying how the cost of living is so much less. That is just a bunch of BS.

    I made more working at Wal-Mart in college than I do now. Hell, my sister who is in college makes more working in a grocery store than I do and I have a degree. It is just so aggravating. I try to make the best of it and H reassures me we will move back soon. I have honestly considered leaving after our first anniversary and moving back home so I can go back to school & get a better paying job until he can join me. I know it will be hard and probably not the best on our marriage, but I just feel like I am at a dead end road with no way to turn around.
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  • I like wrapping gifts too.

    That poor guy in TN post.  I mean, I can't imagine H buying me pink footie pjs either, but c'mon.  Guys can be clueless with gifts, and, well, at least he tried.
  • Oh, you guys want a good field trip post?


    Hope you have an hour.

    CN: Woman and DH decide to live off his salary for a year and bank hers because they are trying to get pregnant. She gets pregnant with twins, and, thinking they can live off his salary, she decides to stay home. Turns out he blew through all the money/never saved it. He ran up her credit card. He created a false webpage, showing her they had $20k in savings. Oh yeah, and they have almost-1-year-old twins. OH and his after tax take-home pay is $5500, but their mortgage is $3000. They live in a "modest" home, according to OP.
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  • Well first off, H would never get me footie pjs. Secondly, I couldn't hide it either.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
  • I read that Mery. It's AWFUL. I can't believe it.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_merry-christmas-eve-eve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d539d78c-f02f-4e0e-8502-0aeb621e5e5ePost:7037f6e9-13ad-4168-8072-820788f2975e">Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I like wrapping gifts too. That poor guy in TN post.  I mean, I can't imagine H buying me pink footie pjs either, but c'mon.  Guys can be clueless with gifts, and, well, at least he tried.
    Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]
    You know, I question whether he really tried or not. It kinda resounded whn she wonderd if that's how he really saw her, like a blob.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_merry-christmas-eve-eve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d539d78c-f02f-4e0e-8502-0aeb621e5e5ePost:be7d7521-5dc2-4483-a4d1-9e2bd49863d0">Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve... : Haha, exactly what I was thinking!  I have no idea how long wine is good for because I always finish the bottle when I open it.  Nothing wrong with that, right?
    Posted by bree4305[/QUOTE]

    <div>J doesn't drink at all so I don't usually drink much when I am with him.  However, since my parents and some friends were here for Thanksgiving, we decided to open a bottle or 3.  We didn't finish the last one and I guess I just forgot to drink it.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_merry-christmas-eve-eve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d539d78c-f02f-4e0e-8502-0aeb621e5e5ePost:4d0b9bfd-f2d5-48b5-bd4e-3fc77ca81fb5">Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve...</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, I should probably NOT break into the wine that I got for tomorrow night...right?
    Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

    <div>That would be bad for the triplets...</div>

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_merry-christmas-eve-eve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d539d78c-f02f-4e0e-8502-0aeb621e5e5ePost:4d72de3a-2811-49d7-91b3-e48f599bf5bd">Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I mean, it's sort of cute that he wanted her to be warm...but my FI would HATE if I wore footie/hoodie pj's to bed- how unsexy would that be, ya know?
    Posted by bree4305[/QUOTE]

    <div>I have footie pajamas.  Should I not have admitted that?</div>
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  • DNB - that's jet lag for ya :)

  • beachy - love your flowers!  so sweet!
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  • Mery's link makes me need another glass of wine.

    H would never buy me footie pjs because if it was up to him, I would dress up like a harlot.  But I think the poster of that thread was reading too much into the gift.  She owns a ton of fleece pjs.  He thought she liked them and bought a personalized pair.  <Shrug>

    I think a 3k mortgage in some areas is reasonable.  Think about how much houses cost in LA, Mery.  Of course, if they already knew his take home salary was 5500 after taxes, that mortgage is beyond their reaches.  All in all, what an f'ed up situation.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_merry-christmas-eve-eve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d539d78c-f02f-4e0e-8502-0aeb621e5e5ePost:2ed749b9-e607-4d34-8230-5525735eddc7">Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, you guys want a good field trip post? <a href="http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/46889325.aspx" rel="nofollow">http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/46889325.aspx</a> Hope you have an hour. CN: Woman and DH decide to live off his salary for a year and bank hers because they are trying to get pregnant. She gets pregnant with twins, and, thinking they can live off his salary, she decides to stay home. Turns out he blew through all the money/never saved it. He ran up her credit card. He created a false webpage, showing her they had $20k in savings. Oh yeah, and they have almost-1-year-old twins. OH and his after tax take-home pay is $5500, but their mortgage is $3000. They live in a "modest" home, according to OP.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]


    What a scumbag. I wouldn't call a $3,000 mortgage a modest house. I think I would take the kids and gtfo of there. He sounds like he needs some serious counseling. But on the other hand, she really was that stupid to not know the fake website for their account and all? Even if her H did the bills, you would think she would still look at their accounts from time to time.
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  • Thanks KJB!  Yeah I worked today for my aunts and was wondering why he kept asking me if I was on my way home yet, and when I would be home.  Then I got home and they were on the cupboard.  It was so sweet!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_merry-christmas-eve-eve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d539d78c-f02f-4e0e-8502-0aeb621e5e5ePost:bf037b9f-f78e-497d-a92c-092abb41d4e9">Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve... : I have footie pajamas.  Should I not have admitted that?
    Posted by shortee426[/QUOTE]

    <div>I commented on her post. Based on the cost and description, I'm pretty sure he got her a hoodie-footie snuggle suit from the pajama gram company. Which I've been wanting for like a year. DH has yet to buy it. Also, it's not usually that cold here. But it reminds me of my childhood! I don't think he'd care. I usually wear pj pants and a t-shirt to bed. </div><div>
    </div><div>He DID get me a pillow pet, though, which I wanted. And said it was from the cats. </div>
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  • That's really sweet DNB.

    P.S.  Everytime I type that I want to type "DMB."  I think I listen to Dave Matthews just a little too much...
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  • edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_merry-christmas-eve-eve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d539d78c-f02f-4e0e-8502-0aeb621e5e5ePost:784de0de-b9cb-4182-95cf-f84f377905bc">Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve... : What a scumbag.<strong> I wouldn't call a $3,000 mortgage a modest house</strong>. I think I would take the kids and gtfo of there. He sounds like he needs some serious counseling. But on the other hand, she really was that stupid to not know the fake website for their account and all? Even if her H did the bills, you would think she would still look at their accounts from time to time.
    Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]
    Like Mica said, that's really dependent on your area.  Our mortgage is almost that, and my house is definitely modest. <div>Oh, and I handle all of our joint bills - H never looks at our joint account.  Never.  I could bleed it dry and he would never know.  </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_merry-christmas-eve-eve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d539d78c-f02f-4e0e-8502-0aeb621e5e5ePost:94dc87c1-a97a-4ad7-85a5-cb53684886c1">Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve... : I commented on her post. Based on the cost and description, I'm pretty sure he got her a hoodie-footie snuggle suit from the pajama gram company. Which I've been wanting for like a year. DH has yet to buy it. Also, it's not usually that cold here. <strong>But it reminds me of my childhood! </strong>I don't think he'd care. I usually wear pj pants and a t-shirt to bed.  He DID get me a pillow pet, though, which I wanted. And said it was from the cats. 
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's why I wanted them!  J said he was very close to buying me ones with the butt flap, but they didn't have my size.  I think I'm better off without the butt flap, though.</div>
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  • Missy, we were talking on night and I mentioned how strange it seems now, knowing that 6 months ago we were 100% happy.  H's response was he would be 100% happy now if it wasn't for my unhappiness.  great.

    I have offered to leave him and head down to the cities, get a real job, get a room in a group house etc until we can afford to figure out soemthing else, but he was having none of that.  We are looking at other options, but every one has him working away from home for a few months at a time and that is NOT the life he wants.  So I would feel like crap, asking him to lead a life he doesn't want so he can earn enough money for us to be able to move to a place where I can live the kind of life I want.  Does that make sense?

    Basically we are at a stalemate.  But we'll figure it out.  We have no choice.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_merry-christmas-eve-eve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d539d78c-f02f-4e0e-8502-0aeb621e5e5ePost:784de0de-b9cb-4182-95cf-f84f377905bc">Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve... : What a scumbag. I wouldn't call a $3,000 mortgage a modest house. I think I would take the kids and gtfo of there. He sounds like he needs some serious counseling. But on the other hand, she really was that stupid to not know the fake website for their account and all? Even if her H did the bills, you would think she would still look at their accounts from time to time.
    Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

    <div>SERIOUSLY. And she used to manage the finances, so she didn't even have the log-ins any more? I mean, that's what JOINT means, even if he's in charge of paying the bills. </div><div>
    </div><div>The financial insecurity thing would SUCK so bad. I would feel completely devastated to think we had at least $20k in cash savings and then find we were completely broke. He claims it was just from lifestyle over spending. I *might* be able to get over that, but the lying/fake webpage? No way.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_merry-christmas-eve-eve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d539d78c-f02f-4e0e-8502-0aeb621e5e5ePost:d24d1803-215e-4801-981a-c71519295e68">Re: Merry Christmas Eve eve...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Mery's link makes me need another glass of wine. H would never buy me footie pjs because if it was up to him, I would dress up like a harlot.  But I think the poster of that thread was reading too much into the gift.  She owns a ton of fleece pjs.  He thought she liked them and bought a personalized pair.  <Shrug /> <strong>I think a 3k mortgage in some areas is reasonable.  Think about how much houses cost in LA, Mery.  Of course, if they already knew his take home salary was 5500 after taxes, that mortgage is beyond their reaches.  </strong>All in all, what an f'ed up situation.
    Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah, that's a $500-$600k house, which is what houses are in LA, at minimum. Which is why I don't have one. ;-) Because even I, as someone who has never owned property, knows that having a mortgage that's more than 50% of your pay is a BAD idea.</div><div>
    </div><div>To be fair, her take home pay was about $2500+ a month, so a $3,000 mortgage on $8,000 isn't terrible. A little high, but manageable. BUT that's a reason she wasn't really able to afford to stay home. I would never be like, "A mortgage that will be 60% of our income? Sure we can afford for one of us to stay home!"</div><div>
    </div><div>They both seem super clueless about finances. And I feel really bad for her.</div>
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  • That couple needs some serious counseling even if they do split up for the sake of their kids.  I didn't read through the whole thread (I did read the OP though), but if she knew he was that bad with handling his own money why on earth did she let him have full control over their finances.  That just doesn't make good sense to me.  I get that she wanted to show him that she could trust him, but if that were me I would've said something to the effect of wanting to see all of the account balances (the actual paper statements) every month for xx amount of time (say six months) and if everything was kosher after that time then maybe only once a quarter.  But to not see the balances at ALL is just a bad idea IMO.
  • Yeah, I do the day to day accounting, making sure the bills are paid on time and stuff and H just wants to know how much leeway he has to spend.  And we talk every month about how much I paid on the CC's and what the new balances will be so he's involved.  I do need to make a list of all the accounts and passwords for him though in case something ever happened to me so he can get into them.  Maybe I will write them down when I balance the checkbook tomorrow. - but then again, I'm not stealing from my husband so he can access anything he wants, whenever.

  • aMrs: It makes sense. I completely understand. It is just so hard finding that happy medium for you both. It is kinda the same with us even though nether of us are truly happy here. It is complicated, but H isn't really getting the experience he needs to move up the totem pole and can't find a job making what he does elsewhere right now. I really hope things get better for you guys soon.

    Our situations are somewhat similar, however H is open to me going home ahead of him if I have to. Although it is not an ideal situation, I would at least be making more money and going to school. I really want to get through my licensure & Master's before we have kids.
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  • H and I have 2 joint accounts and then we each have our own accounts.  He pays his CC bills on his own, I pay mine, the rest of the bills are sorta split up, but I handle all the big ones.
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  • Where'd everyone go?  Are you all reading the money thread?  



  • Are you all ready for the holiday KJB or do you have mad scrambling to do tomorrow?

  • I'm here.  I was waiting for everyone to come back.  I'm just drinking my wine.
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