Elks Lodge or any other suggestions?

peaches85 · October 2010

I know this is probably somewhat taboo or just strange to talk about on here, because I feel like the majority of girls on this board have families who are much better off financially than ours and, technically, the bride really should be surprised about the shower, but I need some advice or suggestions.

FI and I couldn't care less if we have a shower or not (although I won't lie and say it wouldn't be nice to have one). Both sets of parents have been saying how much they really want to throw us one because it's tradition and they want to do something for us since FI and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves. Unfortunately, neither set of parents is financially well off right now and FI and I were thinking of offering to help them out, but we're already paying for the wedding and rehearsal dinner, so it's just not in our budget and, in all honesty, it's not worth it to us if we have to pay for that as well.

Our parents have been talking and decided that if the shower was held at FI's mom's house in the backyard then it would be in their budget because they'd be able to make the food, provide the drinks on their own, etc. But, then they realized that if they were to throw the shower when they want to (lately they've been talking about February or March), it'd be way too cold for an outdoor affair and there just isn't any space indoors.

My family then started talking about renting a room in a restaurant, but I told them absolutely not because I know it's going to be way out of their budgets just from the research I've done for casual and low-key rehearsal dinner locations. FI's mom then suggested an Elks Lodge because friends of hers have had parties there and the family provided all the food and beverages. In theory, that sounds pretty much like what our families were intially talking about for a backyard shower, but I have no idea it would cost to rent a small hall like that.

So, a few questions:
1. Does anyone know anything about renting space in an Elks Lodge regarding price, bringing food/drinks in, etc?

2. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

I know some of you are probably going to want to say things about how if our parents want to do something for us then they're grown adults and we shouldn't tell them what they can and can't afford, but you ALL are daughters and have to know what it's like... please put yourselves in our position and understand where we're coming from by being concerend about our parents' wallets and where our parents are coming by wanting to do something for us for the wedding.

akmackay · October 2010

Do you have bridesmaids? Just wondering as they should be the ones arranging, not necessarily your parents (although my mom did help a lot and it was in her house). Your BMs may also feel shafted from throwing you a shower if your mom/MIL throw you one without consulting them.

mrsdevilguy · October 2010

I don't know cost-wise what the Elks or other place would cost but was going to suggest maybe a local fire house typically has some type of hall.

peaches85 · October 2010

BMs are my sisters and cousins and still in college, so they have no significant income.

akmackay · October 2010

I'll also add that my side needed to be very budget conscious as well, hence why they had it at my mom's and they got catering for $10/person and then my mom/neighbor/aunt/bridesmaids made other things etc.

MissButters · October 2010

Can they just have a small shower for you guys in someone's house (instead of outdoors?). I was a bridesmaid once and just finished grad school before my friend got married, and the other girl in the WP worked for a non-profit, so neither one of us had a lot of money. We just had a nice small shower (like 12 people maybe) for the bride and did all the food ourselves, and I think it worked out lovely (and she had a great time). I only had 14 people at mine because I didn't want the hostesses to spend a lot of money.

I think it's really, really nice your parents want to do something for you guys, and maybe keeping it small (immediate families and a few close friends) is a good compromise. I think most people would understand if they weren't invited to a shower because it was a small shower (I would at least!). But, I'm also not from an area where it's common to have huge showers - so maybe I'm in the minority on this one.

uppereastgirl · October 2010

You may also want to look into firehouses, and maybe back rooms at pizzerias (maybe they'll have white pizza for you?) and other super casual restaurants. You may be surprised at how cheaply it could be done at a casual place.

What kind of bridal party do you have? They should be involved in this too, and maybe they would be able to host the shower at their homes or their parents' homes? (Not that you can ask them about this, but as a bridesmaid I've always assumed that it was my responsibility and not the mother's responsibility to take care of the shower. Moms are often involved in some aspect, but the bridal party is often the host.)

peaches85 · October 2010

UEG - The wedding party really isn't well off financially... my bridesmaids are my sister and 2 cousins (all of whom are in college and about to graduate) and the groomsmen are in similar situations (in college or recently lost their jobs). We could have had friends in our wedding party, but FI and I both wanted to be surrounded by family on our wedding day because we're all so close.

I'll definitely look into a fire hall in addition to an Elks Lodge - thanks, ladies! And thank you so much for understanding.

uppereastgirl · October 2010

Oh, and another idea -- because I'm a super picky eater and tend to not like the food at showers, my bridal party decided to have a dessert shower for me instead of a meal. It was at my sister's house, and bridal party members made most (if not all) of the desserts. I think there was a small plate of sandwiches for anyone who hadn't eaten, but the shower was from 2-5 or something like that so it wasn't prime meal time (and the invitation mentioned the theme, so I think guests were probably prepared). I'm sure that would also work to save money because I doubt this was at all expensive. But again, you can't really approach your bridal party to make suggestions -- I think all you can do is tell them your preferences if specifically asked.

gia0404 · October 2010

Peaches -
We had our daughter's 1st bday in the Elks Lodge in South Plainfield. First off, it's very nice, and perfect for bridal shower. They let you use kitchen with no extra costs. (Many others cost $100 extra I think) and the guy who does it all is sooooo nice and accomodating!
I do want you to know that for her bday party it costs us about $800 but that included EVERYTHING! Food, decorations, drinks, goodie bags(lol) for 50 people.
And we mostly cooked evrything and also ordered some food from Shoprite. Their Penne vodka is soooo good and costs almost 1/2 of what caterers cost! Anyway, I have pics and cost info even names & phone #'s if you want...Just let me know...I literally loooove planning parties!

And don't worry - I totally understand. I'm kinda in the same boat!

kwilkinson14 · October 2010

My only other thought for location would be a party or community room. If someone lives in a high rise apartment building or their house is located in a development there is sometimes a room that can be used to host a party. I don't know if they charge any money for the use of the space or not.

Jaytee501 · October 2010

I had a 25 person shower that was paid for entirely by one long-time friend & her mother who wanted to "repay me" for the wedding & baby shower I'd help give my friend (I NEVER contributed financially; just time & love) in past 10 years...otherwise, I likely would not have had one so I do understand your situation & no one should judge. I had to plan my own (with my mom) once I knew I was haivng one since my friend is in Boston & didn't know venues, etc. ANYWAY.

Remind me what area you're in/would want the shower to be in?

I don't think you have to be or know a member to rent an Elks or Knights of Columbus space but if you know someone, they may have an idea...or call some local ones that are convenient to you, A friend had his dad's repast at a K of C, people brought food & set up a buffet, there were a couple of catered dishes from a great local deli & it was lovely.

rlb81 · October 2010

I was in a BP where the mom planned and hosted the shower because all of the bridesmaids were all over the country, the bride included. Her mom hosted it at a family friend's large home, and it was a very casual affair... finger foods, tea, lemonade etc. It was very nice and required minimal financial resources. It's understandable that the BMs don't have much money, but they can certainly help plan logistics, make a dish etc. I definitely think it can be done and I totally understand where you're coming from.

I was not "allowed" to know anything about my shower but was very concerned because I didn't want my BP and mother/MIL to go crazy considering the way things were w/ money at the time. After losing my dad last year I've become super conscious of my mom's financial situation and keeping track of her bank accounts etc. so don't feel bad that you feel this way, it just shows that you care.

ffbride_0813 · October 2010

American Legion halls are also another idea. I have no clue what it costs. Our local first aid / ambulance building also has a hall. Check at local communities by you, if someone lives in a condo or townhouse community they may have a room to rent cheaply. We did this for a friends shower for less than $100.

uppereastgirl · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_elks-lodge-other-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:970b519d-d59b-4297-998c-68e09e91a4d8Post:cd353f9c-048e-4cf1-9c26-cbab4b963ff9">Re: Elks Lodge or any other suggestions?</a>:
[QUOTE]UEG - The bridal party really isn't well off financially... my bridesmaids are my sister and 2 cousins (all of whom are in college and about to graduate) and the groomsmen are in similar situations (in college or recently lost their jobs). I'll definitely look into a fire hall in addition to an Elks Lodge - thanks, ladies! And thank you so much for understanding.
Posted by peaches85[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I totally understand that -- I just wouldn't necessarily assume that Elks Lodge + homemade food is cheaper than having it at somewhere like a pizzeria. You may be surprised.</div><div>
</div><div>My best friend's shower was at her parents' house. There were 45 guests and with 5 bridesmaids we ended up paying about $90 each for the food. I'm not kidding you, the bridesmaid who put herself in charge of making all the food (the bride's sister) budgeted everything down to the egg ($.17 each, per her spreadsheet!). So that was about $10 per guest (and there were no rental fees involved). I remember a knottie having a rehearsal dinner at a pizzeria for something like $12/guest. Just something to think about...
</div>

Reilly626 · October 2010

Rahway VFW is way under $100 and there is a kitchen, etc.

Also if you are interested, we just did a shower for 50 people at Tommy 2 Scoops in Jersey City that was amazing and was only $350. Panini sandwiches, chicken, salads etc, were great! We brought our own wine, and they provided ice tea and lemonade.

Another good option is Thai Thai in Stirling, our whole rehearsal dinner was under $400 for full sit down dinner, appetizers, salad and dinner for 30 people. A lunch shower would be even less. Just some thoughts for you!

gymchick05 · October 2010

We were going to have my sisters shower at my parents home and it did turn out to be cheaper to have it at a causal restuarant in a back room, especially since showers typically have little to no alcohol. I'm not sure about Elks clubs, but I have been to parties at firehouses, even VFWs and a lot of churches have community rooms they rent out. My town also has a community center that you can rent, so that may be something to look into. I would also recommend looking if any family member lives in an apartment or townhouse community- in mine we can for free use the community pavillion as long as we clean it up after. They take a deposit just in case, but you get it back in full. Do you have any friends or family that own a business? We just had a shower for a friend of mine in a dance studio her MOH owns. All should be pretty affordable and all the ones I went to turned out terrific- just as nice as pricer showers. Good luck!

peaches85 · October 2010

I truly can't thank you all enough! You're all being so great to me right now and I can't express how thankful I am. I'm actually crying at my computer right now because the fact that you're all being so helpful is like a huge breath of fresh air from everything else that's been going on non-WR lately.

I'm going to look into ALL of the ideas that you have suggested from pizza joints to American Legions to KoC, etc. and then let our parents know about anything that seems financially doable.

Gia - I'm going to send you a PM in a second

Jaytee - We could have the party pretty much anywhere that's not too far from a highway because we have immediate family all over New Jersey. The best options would probably be places that are in Somerset, Union, or Essex counties, though.

Thanks again, ladies. I guess I'm being a huge cheese-ball today, but you have no idea how much I appreciate your help with this.

gymchick05 · October 2010

just want to add- when we had my sisters in the early afternoon at a restuarant, I believe it was around $20pp or maybe a little less. We had about 30-35 pp, so it was cheaper then buying and making all the food at home. In case that helps

viviannac · October 2010

I agree with all of the suggestions from previous posters. My sister-in-law's baby shower was done at a local VFW Hall and with food prepared at a local resturant and it was lovely. Keep in mind though that with VFW halls/firehouses etc. you are responsible for the cleanup. In these places you bring in all of oyur decorations/food/drinks.

mbcdefg · October 2010

My shower was in a church basement, and my mom (plus my sister/MOH and some of her friends) did all the food in advance and just reheated it in the basement's kitchen.

Our rehearsal dinner was at a pizza place, and honestly I can't imagine that it cost much more (if ANY more) than the shower. A few pizzas, plates of appetizers, pitchers of soda, some people ordered beers, and I brought in cupcakes from a local bakery for dessert. The cupcakes were probably the most expensive aspect of everything!

goaliegirl · October 2010

There are a lot of great suggestions.

Since you are getting married in July, why couldn't your parents do something at their house like they suggested in May/June, the shower is usually closer to the wedding. We had my shower in July for my August wedding. In May/June, it would probably be warm enough to have something outside in the yard and they would be able to do the food/drinks like they suggested. Just a thought.

NJhousewife22 · October 2010

Another option to think of is possibly renting an outdoor heater. That way it can still be outdoors, but everyone stays nice and toasty! Just a thought!

mrs.spunky1508 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_elks-lodge-other-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:970b519d-d59b-4297-998c-68e09e91a4d8Post:2580b766-157b-4eac-93a8-4c258b898832">Re: Elks Lodge or any other suggestions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Peaches - We had our daughter's 1st bday in the Elks Lodge in South Plainfield. First off, it's very nice, and perfect for bridal shower. They let you use kitchen with no extra costs. (Many others cost $100 extra I think) and the guy who does it all is sooooo nice and accomodating! I do want you to know that for her bday party it costs us about $800 but that included EVERYTHING! Food, decorations, drinks, goodie bags(lol) for 50 people. And we mostly cooked evrything and also ordered some food from Shoprite. Their Penne vodka is soooo good and costs almost 1/2 of what caterers cost! Anyway, I have pics and cost info even names & phone #'s if you want...Just let me know...I literally loooove planning parties! And don't worry - I totally understand. I'm kinda in the same boat!
Posted by gia0404[/QUOTE]
I've been to a shower at this Elks Lodge too, lol.
I don't think there's anything wrong with an Elks Lodge or VFW or anything like that.
You could do a dessert shower + finger foods, like UEG suggested. My mom hosted a tea for my cousin's baby shower. She made a few cakes, someone else made cookies and picked up scones at the bakery, made a big pot of hot water and coffee and voila! Now there were only 10 people so it was do-able at my parents' house.

njpabzy · October 2010

I completly understand your situation as i was in the same boat - my best friend basically covered the entrie cost for my shower - my family supplied some of the food but she really covered the majority of the cost. keep in mind some of the halls can be pricey to rent but if you can find a reasonable one it is worth it in my opinion. Definately look into someone who lives in a townhouse or condo community usually the rental fees for there community rooms are very low - ours is only $50 but I am assuming Sussex County is way too far for your family and friends to travel.
I also think the idea of a backyard event in May would be perfect. Good Luck!

vjt730 · October 2010

does anyone in your family live in a condo/townhouse/or 55 plus community? usually communities where you pay a monthly fee have rooms that you can reserve for the day for nothing to have parties in.. plus they are typically really nice

peaches85 · October 2010

Thanks for the continued suggestions and responses, everyone! We'll be looking into ALL of your suggestions and I'll definitely let you know how it all pans out.

vjt - Unfortunately, we don't know anyone who lives in any of those types of communities... otherwise, that'd be a great option.

goaliegirl - Our parents want to have it in February or March so that guests don't feel such a strain on their wallets. If the shower and wedding are too close together, then it's asking a lot of them in terms of their wallets.

mariaNryan · October 2010

The elks lodge in Oakland NJ is where my friend got married! Its one of the nicer elks lodge! There is a huge parking area, a huge kitchen! It is $200 deposit and $300 due the day of the event! So its a total of $500 but you arent charged for using the kitchen, tables, or chairs! They offer a bar service too if interested! If you call ask for Sue! Shes awesome or whoever else is there is really nice a well!

Elks Lodge or any other suggestions?

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