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To invite or not to invite

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Re: To invite or not to invite

  • I just think it's YOUR DAY. If a friend of over 10 years says a concert is more important than YOUR DAY, you don't have to send an invite. If she was a BM it would be worse, because then you'd have to figure out how to kick her out of the wedding party. Thank your lucky stars all you have to do is deny her an invite.
  • Wes would have missed our own wedding to see the Rolling Stones. 
  • I almost missed our wedding to watch the Canes whoop some Knight ass.
  • We planned our wedding date around U2.
  • Obviously she knows the date is the day of your wedding since she said she'd send a gift anyway, so I think it's ok that you're a little hurt, I think you should send her the invite anyway because it will make you the bigger person and pp are right that, unfortunately, your wedding isn't as important to anyone else as it is to you (and your FI). 
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  • If it were unexpected events, then I think it would be different -- you can't plan emergencies or a whole host of other things.  But when it's a planned event, that you had to write down on your calendar, and when you looked at that calendar box and saw oh, I already have the wedding that day, and chose against it, yes that would make me sad (not mad, but definitely sad) if it were a friend of 10 years and there were no extenuating circumstances.  But I am close to as sensitive as anyone could get, so there's that too.
  • I definitely wanted the wedding after baseball season was over, because I knew if I didn't, both of our families would spend the reception holed up in the bar of the hotel watching the Red Sox.
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  • Dani, it would really depend on WHICH friend for me, but then I can't think of anybody who would choose a concert over our wedding that's on our guest list - because we don't have a lot of "concert" attending friends.

    We've already heard that a fair amount of FI's family may not make it because the flights are pricey.  I understand that, but I'm really, really disappointed.  I think it's partly because, I don't really entirely believe that flight pricing is the whole story.  I have gotten the impression that they think my home state is hick sort of place, and accordingly, they don't really see the wedding as being very nice or important.  (If it were REALLY worth attending, it would be in Boston, etc.)  I've worked SUPER hard to make it a really nice, very classy, upscale affair on the budget we have (which would not have resulted in nearly as nice a wedding up there). 

    I also have some friends who likely won't attend.  We've grown apart a bit since college, but really, the ones who have babies are all in the "babies are the only thing that matters" phase, and really don't care that we're getting married.  It's not interesting or exciting to them at all.  When we have a kid, then our lives will be relevant again, and the dynamic of the friendship will change again.  (Note - these are all friends who would have to travel.)

    I'm pretty disappointed across the board, as I've always made the effort to go to their things, etc.

    For the OP - re: the invitations - if you actually DO run short by one invite, I think you could call her and say, "I know you're going to the concert, and that's ok.  We're actually short one invitation, so since I know you can't attend, I'm going to skip ordering an extra set, but if ANYTHING changes, please know that we would still really love to have you at the wedding!"  However, I'd only do this in the event that you are literally short just that one invitation.
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  • If it is just because she would rather go to a concert instead of your wedding, my feelings would be hurt too. I'd probably still send the beyotch an invite. Maybe.
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  • I think if you sent the Save the Date, you sort of need to send an invitation.  Especially if she says she'll still get you something.  I know you're looking to save - my FI and I are doing things on a tight budget, too, and we're working with a fixed number of invites - but she might be hurt to not receive an invitation.  We're inviting his 100-year-old great-grandmother even though we know there's no way she could leave her nursing home.  It shows you're thinking of her, even if she can't come.  And besides, I don't think your friend went out of her way to spite you.  Maybe you can trade wedding photo prints for concert photo prints :).
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