help! pregnant bridesmaid!!

Tote · March 2012

I just found out one of my bridesmaids who is a very close friend is pregnant. She us due 4 days before my wedding. What should I do!? I know there's no way she can be in wedding. I was hoping shed opt out but she's being pretty persistent. Please help!!

ElleB87 · March 2012

You congratulate your good friend on her pregnancy. If she feels she cannot attend your wedding, she will let you know.

NcsuPsych · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:08bc9958-18a4-4367-81bf-5b7c3261e48ePost:54f62c5f-0aa5-4d11-bf7d-0f6dc9aafb48">help! pregnant bridesmaid!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I just found out one of my bridesmaids who is a very close friend is pregnant. She us due 4 days before my wedding. What should I do!? I know there's no way she can be in wedding. I was hoping shed opt out but she's being pretty persistent. Please help!!
Posted by Tote[/QUOTE]

Fur Realz!? She needs to be kicked out. . she sooo should have known better than to go and get knocked up, especially with the timing of her due date and your wedding.

Tote · March 2012

I have a 1 old daughter. I know what its like to be that pregnant. The last thing I wanted to do was put on a pair of pants never mind a dress and to stand up infront of 200 plus people when I was 9 months pregnant. If the baby comes earlier than the date, who wants to leave there new born...I sure as sh$t didn't. Doctors don't even want you to leave your house for 3 weeks once your home. I have no replacement bridesmaids, I'm not some uptight crazy bitch that's nervous about her looking different in the dress. Not even close. I'm looking out for both her and I. I think she feels shed be letting me down if she wasn't in it. Which isn't the case. I was looking for a little more support from fellow brides... its a very upsetting situation.

NcsuPsych · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:08bc9958-18a4-4367-81bf-5b7c3261e48ePost:ae5ea199-8980-4aa2-98b2-74f37c5f3d2e">Re: help! pregnant bridesmaid!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a 1 old daughter. I know what its like to be that pregnant. The last thing I wanted to do was put on a pair of pants never mind a dress and to stand up infront of 200 plus people when I was 9 months pregnant. If the baby comes earlier than the date, who wants to leave there new born...I sure as sh$t didn't. Doctors don't even want you to leave your house for 3 weeks once your home. I have no replacement bridesmaids, I'm not some uptight crazy bitch that's nervous about her looking different in the dress. Not even close. I'm looking out for both her and I. I think she feels shed be letting me down if she wasn't in it. Which isn't the case. I was looking for a little more support from fellow brides... its a very upsetting situation.
Posted by Tote[/QUOTE]

How is it an upsetting situation? Your friend is pregnant. Be happy for her and congratulate her. If she decides she cant handle being a BM in your WP, let her decide that. Otherwise, just let things go as they naturally would. You don't know what others are thinking or feeling. Let her take things as they come.

Tote · March 2012

Hmmm.... so the first thing I did was congratulate her. I'm not a awful friend. I'm not looking at this situation to be all about me. Do you have any children do you know what its like to be that pregnant? Swollen feet, aches all over...you feel like your ready to pop!?! She would have to buy 2 dresses and have them pieced together which I don't care what it looks like but who wants to spend $500 on two dresses that you might now wear because you could be in labor. I'm not trying to be a.bridezilla here. Just thinking logically. Its not like I'm going to completely cut her out of everything. She would still be involved in everything. As a bride of course any "curveball" is emotional. I'm not measuring d!cks here, just looking for some positive help.

classykat22 · March 2012

Honestly, you are sounding like a bridezilla just with how you are responding, sorry. If you congratulated her, then you did the most important thing you could do! As for trying to predict how your friend will feel as the wedding and pregnancy unfold, you can't unless you have a crystal ball or something. Every person is different with preganacy. I worked the day I went into labor and refused to leave because I didn't want to cause stress for my boss (I work in the dental field). I only gained 19 lbs with my daughter and she was almost 8 lbs when she was born so, although I was larger than some, I wasn't a big, fat, swollen uncomfortable mess. If I had been a BM in a wedding, I would have been perfecly ok to stand with my friend on her special day.

You need to support your friend, not talk about how her preganancy might effect any aspect of your wedding, and leave it at that. If she decides she can't participate, then you support her and you accept that you won't have a BM standing in that spot. End of story - stop stressing and be happy for your friend. She's about to have the most amazing experience of her life and I am sure she would appreciate knowing she has you there for her no matter what happens.

emarston1 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:08bc9958-18a4-4367-81bf-5b7c3261e48ePost:1e5d9cec-27c9-4b00-9f7f-8ba2027c8258">Re: help! pregnant bridesmaid!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmm.... so the first thing I did was congratulate her. I'm not a awful friend. I'm not looking at this situation to be all about me. Do you have any children do you know what its like to be that pregnant? Swollen feet, aches all over...you feel like your ready to pop!?! She would have to buy 2 dresses and have them pieced together which I don't care what it looks like but who wants to spend $500 on two dresses that you might now wear because you could be in labor. I'm not trying to be a.bridezilla here<strong>.</strong> Just thinking logically. Its not like I'm going to completely cut her out of everything. She would still be involved in everything. As a bride of course any "curveball" is emotional. <strong>I'm not measuring d!cks here, just looking for some positive help.</strong>
Posted by Tote[/QUOTE]
Aren't you a peach.

You did get some positive help: she wants to stay in the wedding and if she can't, she'll let you know. End of story. I'm not sure why you don't think that this is positive help other than it isn't what you wanted to hear.

goobersinlove · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:08bc9958-18a4-4367-81bf-5b7c3261e48ePost:1e5d9cec-27c9-4b00-9f7f-8ba2027c8258">Re: help! pregnant bridesmaid!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmm.... so the first thing I did was congratulate her. I'm not a awful friend. I'm not looking at this situation to be all about me. Do you have any children do you know what its like to be that pregnant? Swollen feet, aches all over...you feel like your ready to pop!?! She would have to buy 2 dresses and have them pieced together which I don't care what it looks like but who wants to spend $500 on two dresses that you might now wear because you could be in labor. I'm not trying to be a.bridezilla here. Just thinking logically. Its not like I'm going to completely cut her out of everything. She would still be involved in everything. As a bride of course any "curveball" is emotional. I'm not measuring d!cks here, just looking for some positive help.
Posted by Tote[/QUOTE]

By saying you're hoping that she opts out, you are thinking in the all about you mindframe.

Secondly, every pregnancy is different. Some people feel miserable at that state of their pregnancy, some feel great. Who knows, maybe she'll deliver way early. The point is that YOU should not have these preconceived notions about what SHE is going to feel like - it doesn't matter if you've been pregnant before. <strong>Let HER decide what she can handle and what she can't.</strong> Stop acting like you know what is the best decision for her.

Two. Since when is she going to have to buy TWO dresses and sew them together. Are you serious? They make maternity dresses. I went to a wedding once that had not one, but two very pregnant bridesmaids and they had maternity dresses. It worked.

andrea2473 · March 2012

So you congratulated her, you are concerned she can't handle it but you don't care what she looks like, and she is willing to 'soldier on'. What's the problem again?

If she is willing to give it a try, then let her. She can drop out 10 minutes before the ceremony if she needs to. Or she can walk in with everyone and then sit down. I don't think your guests will side-eye your decision to let the 9 month pregnant bridesmaid sit instead of stand. Relax.

FWIW, one of my BMs was due 5 days after my wedding and this was EXACTLY how she felt and exactly how I responded. So I'm not just spewing BS party lines here.

LetsHikeToday · March 2012

If you say you're not replacing her, then what is the problem? Let her decide what she wants to do. Maybe a few days before she will say she isn't up for it, what would the big deal be?

TiffannieF · March 2012

Positive help: She's a big girl and will let you know if she cannot do it. If she is so passive and can't let you know, like an adult, then that is her problem not yours. Try to let it go and not bring anything wedding up to her.

andrea2473 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:08bc9958-18a4-4367-81bf-5b7c3261e48ePost:5ae17040-e3eb-4bcd-b4e1-482f5550e9d9">Re: help! pregnant bridesmaid!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Positive help: She's a big girl and will let you know if she cannot do it.<strong> If she is so passive and can't let you know, like an adult, then that is her problem not yours. Try to let it go and not bring anything wedding up to her.
</strong>Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

I didn't get that at all. I think OP made it sound like she still wants to do it. And let what go? She's pregnant. NBD. I don't think that's grounds for ignoring the situation and avoiding the wedding with her. She was asked to be a bridesmaid, she got pregnant, and she still wants to do it. I don't see the WR conflict here.

NcsuPsych · March 2012

OP, you're being WAY too sensitive and reading the responses wrong. They were helpful. Stop jumping to the defensive side of things. Good grief. .

Tote · March 2012

She's extremely passive and will do it even if she knows she can't. All she keeps saying is she doesn't want to dissapoint me. I'm the farthest thing away from a bridezilla. My issues is trying to find a way to make her feel like she isn't going to dissapoint me. It also goes by the person who is pregnant. I KNOW her, know what she's like when she's sick, know her personality. The bridal consultant where were getting the dresses is the one who said she should really opt out because its too "dangerous" to have someone that pregnant in the wedding. She also us the one who said she would need 2 dresses. No one is really being positive or helpful on here. Sorry to say.. thisbisnt my first rodeo and of course I'm going to be b!itchy when I'm being made to defend myself. Pregnancy andbhaving a child is extremely important and exciting I just know this individuals personality and tendencies and I don't want or need it all to crumble the day before. Thanks

NcsuPsych · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:08bc9958-18a4-4367-81bf-5b7c3261e48ePost:c1425e73-5770-463b-bcf8-f44a13c3ffd7">Re: help! pregnant bridesmaid!!</a>:
[QUOTE]She's extremely passive and will do it even if she knows she can't. All she keeps saying is she doesn't want to dissapoint me. I'm the farthest thing away from a bridezilla. My issues is trying to find a way to make her feel like she isn't going to dissapoint me. It also goes by the person who is pregnant. I KNOW her, know what she's like when she's sick, know her personality. The bridal consultant where were getting the dresses is the one who said she should really opt out because its too "dangerous" to have someone that pregnant in the wedding. She also us the one who said she would need 2 dresses. <strong>No one is really being positive or helpful on here</strong>. Sorry to say.. thisbisnt my first rodeo and of course I'm going to be b!itchy when I'm being made to defend myself. Pregnancy andbhaving a child is extremely important and exciting I just know this individuals personality and tendencies and I don't want or need it all to crumble the day before. Thanks
Posted by Tote[/QUOTE]

Right. . . .

emarston1 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:08bc9958-18a4-4367-81bf-5b7c3261e48ePost:54f62c5f-0aa5-4d11-bf7d-0f6dc9aafb48">help! pregnant bridesmaid!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I just found out one of my bridesmaids who is a very close friend is pregnant. She us due 4 days before my wedding. What should I do!? I know there's no way she can be in wedding. I was hoping shed opt out but she's being pretty persistent. Please help!!
Posted by Tote[/QUOTE]

Reread your OP. What about that ^^ says concerned friend? It <em>screams</em> bridezilla. So we told you what you should do, keep her in the wedding. And yes, that was positive advice.

You've clearly indicated that you don't want her to stay in the wedding (regardless of what she actually says) and you're going to do whatever you want anyway. Why even post asking for advice if you are going to completely ignore everything that is said. If you're friend doesn't have a backbone and can't voice what she wants, that's her fault. And what if she truly does want to stay in the wedding? Then you're kicking her out over nothing and going to hurt her feelings.

And don't listen to what bridal shop consultants tell you. More often than not, they don't know what they are talking about or will give you terrible advice that flies in the face of ettiquette. It's not dangerous to be in a wedding while you're pregnant. That's just ridiculous.

But I've only been in one rodeo so what do I know...

ginabean82 · March 2012

I am in a similar situation. One of my bridesmaids found out she was pregnant a few months ago and will be 7 months pregnant at my wedding. The best you could do is congratulate her and support her.

andrea2473 · March 2012

Fine OP, we aren't being helpful. We are just telling you to trust your friend's decision and let her back out at the last minute if need be. We are awful people.

I still don't see the problem. She wants to do it, SO LET HER.    Who gives a flying fart if she doesn't end up doing it for whatever reason?   She wants to try. If you are looking for advice on a 'kind' way to relieve her of her duties, you won't get it.

If you think she's being passive, just tell her, "That's great that you still want to be a bridesmaid! I hope you feel up to it but don't be afraid to tell me if you aren't at the last minute. Your health and comfort are more important to me." That's it. That's all you can say without kicking her to the curb and letting her know that she is not obligated to stand up if she doesn't feel well.   Tada!

TiffannieF · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:08bc9958-18a4-4367-81bf-5b7c3261e48ePost:ef437bfc-3964-41f8-9aef-0260eabd8693">Re: help! pregnant bridesmaid!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Fine OP, we aren't being helpful. We are just telling you to trust your friend's decision and let her back out at the last minute if need be. We are awful people. I still don't see the problem. She wants to do it, SO LET HER. Who gives a flying fart if she doesn't end up doing it for whatever reason? She wants to try. If you are looking for advice on a 'kind' way to relieve her of her duties, you won't get it. If you think she's being passive, just tell her, <strong>"That's great that you still want to be a bridesmaid! I hope you feel up to it but don't be afraid to tell me if you aren't at the last minute. Your health and comfort are more important to me."</strong> That's it. That's all you can say without kicking her to the curb and letting her know that she is not obligated to stand up if she doesn't feel well. Tada!
Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]

Well said.

andrea2473 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:08bc9958-18a4-4367-81bf-5b7c3261e48ePost:a0c58cb9-faa0-49af-b429-e2931f051008">Re: help! pregnant bridesmaid!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: help! pregnant bridesmaid!! : Well said.
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

Well it's pretty much what I said to my pregnant BM. She was so nervous about telling me and really didn't want to miss being there for me.   It was cute.   She actually had her baby six weeks early and he was present at the wedding as well. She had already gotten a different dress and it was too late for her to get the same as everyone, but it was much cheaper than the other BM dresses and neither one of us really cared.

Not that I would hope a premature baby on anyone, but ANYTHING can happen. That's a huge reason why you shouldn't burn bridges in these situations.   Oh and these people are your friends and should be treated as such. Not like dolts who are uncapable of making their own decisions.

RyansBelovedBride · March 2012

My matron of honor is pregnant with twins and will be seven to eight months pregnant (probably) when we get married.

She's still totally going to be in the wedding, unless something happens.

She'll just wear a maternity dress. If her ankles are swollen she can wear flats with open sides.

I'll understand if she needs to sit down. And if she came to me and said "I can't imagine doing it, I think I'll feel like crap then" we'll hug and say we love each ohter and life will move on.

It's really not a big deal.

andrea2473 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:08bc9958-18a4-4367-81bf-5b7c3261e48ePost:18144a31-6154-46bf-b4da-a026193c99f1">Re: help! pregnant bridesmaid!!</a>:
[QUOTE]My matron of honor is pregnant with twins and will be seven to eight months pregnant (probably) when we get married. She's still totally going to be in the wedding, unless something happens. She'll just wear a maternity dress. If her ankles are swollen she can wear flats with open sides. I'll understand if she needs to sit down. And if she came to me and said "I can't imagine doing it, I think I'll feel like crap then" we'll hug and say we love each ohter and life will move on. It's really not a big deal.
Posted by RyansBelovedBride[/QUOTE]

Your logic has no place here!

NcsuPsych · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:08bc9958-18a4-4367-81bf-5b7c3261e48ePost:1d357791-847f-4f9c-b8d4-055c8b8c3d88">Re: help! pregnant bridesmaid!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: help! pregnant bridesmaid!! : Your logic has no place here!
Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]

*snickers

crash2729 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:08bc9958-18a4-4367-81bf-5b7c3261e48ePost:1e5d9cec-27c9-4b00-9f7f-8ba2027c8258">Re: help! pregnant bridesmaid!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmm.... so the first thing I did was congratulate her. I'm not a awful friend. I'm not looking at this situation to be all about me. Do you have any children do you know what its like to be that pregnant? Swollen feet, aches all over...you feel like your ready to pop!?! She would have to buy 2 dresses and have them pieced together which I don't care what it looks like but who wants to spend $500 on two dresses that you might now wear because you could be in labor. I'm not trying to be a.bridezilla here. Just thinking logically. Its not like I'm going to completely cut her out of everything. She would still be involved in everything. As a bride of course any "curveball" is emotional.<strong> I'm not measuring d!cks here,</strong> just looking for some positive help.
Posted by Tote[/QUOTE]
Hi, <div>I just came for the diick measuring party. </div><div>
</div><div>Hope I didn't miss it! </div><div>
</div><div>*snickers*</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: I can't believe TK won't let you say diick.</div>

NcsuPsych · March 2012

Crash, how big is yours?

crash2729 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:08bc9958-18a4-4367-81bf-5b7c3261e48ePost:6c214f73-0ae4-4bfa-99ae-180920af2713">Re: help! pregnant bridesmaid!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Crash, how big is yours?
Posted by NcsuPsych[/QUOTE]
*whips out a yardstick* <div>22.5 inches. </div><div>
</div><div>Yours?</div>

monkeysip · March 2012

LMAO at the d*ck measuring.

And of course, it came with a visual. Stupid brain.

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2012

Let her make the decision based on how she feels and how her pregnancy progresses. That being said, I worked up until the day I went into labor. I waddled but I made it. And I taught middle school so I was on my feet a lot. If she's having a "textbook" pregnancy and is healthy, then leave it up to her. If (hopefully not) she has a tough pregnancy, she'll opt out way before the wedding.

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2012

Oh, and I was in several musical concerts in April and May at 7 and 8 months pregnant. Obviously I didn't fit into my regular choral dress so the director brought the extras to rehearsal and I tried them on. I just ended up wearing a bigger one each time to make room for the belly (and boobs lol).

kmmssg · March 2012

I am blown away by how unprofessional your bridal consultant is. There is nothing dangerous about being in a wedding and if I heard someone telling this to a bride, I'd be interrupting the convo right then and there to set the record straight.

1. The consultant wants to score a bigger commission by telling you to sew 2 dresses together. Dumbest idea ever. They make maternity dresses or your friend can just order a bigger dress. She can even just go find a maternity dress that coordinates with your wedding and call it good.

2. We have a pretty big family and none of my Dr's told me I had to stay home for 3 weeks. Heck, with the first one I was shopping for T-day dinner (which I cooked), 2 days after I got home from the hospital. If a pregnancy has no complications there is no reason to sequester one's self in the house for 3 weeks.

3. She is your BM - whether she is there or not, she is your BM. If she can't attend at the last minute, leave her spot open, mention her in your program, and if you are having a religious ceremony your officiant could mention her in prayer. You don't need to do anything and neither does she. If she can't handle it, she can sit down and watch and still be your BM. If she can't be there, she will still be your BM.

I'd still like to have a chat with your consultant because her antics make my blood boil.

help! pregnant bridesmaid!!

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