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BM and her new Tattoos!!!! HELP

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Re: BM and her new Tattoos!!!! HELP

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-and-her-new-tattoos-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e5eb43d9-38b8-4f9c-bb76-0edc2c00f7c5Post:5425c17a-c780-48b6-84e2-e6e5c1e42aab">Re: BM and her new Tattoos!!!! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]My MOH has at least ten tattoos that will for sure be showing, depending on how her dress fits. She has a full sleeve on one arm, both wrists, both feet are covered, a piece low on each thigh will peek out, a hummingbird on each shoulder, autopsy stitches across her chest, and the back of her neck has a shamrock. Oh, and she has a mohawk. And gauged ears. and a septum ring. No one else at the wedding will have visible tattoos/less conventiional piercings. She's going to stick out like a porcupine in a nudist colony :) She's beautiful and the best friend I've ever had. She would cover them all in a heartbeat if I asked, but I would never in a million years want her to feel anything less than perfect exactly the way she is. Please don't mention it, I'm sure none of us need any extra insecurities.
    Posted by bunni727[/QUOTE]

    I bet if this friend covered all her tattoos, took out her pierceings and grew her hair out to wear it in a traditional updo, she wouldn't even look like the same person! You'd look back at your wedding pictures and feel like you were standing next to a stranger.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-and-her-new-tattoos-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e5eb43d9-38b8-4f9c-bb76-0edc2c00f7c5Post:73207e86-3662-4c76-859c-7101070250ad">Re: BM and her new Tattoos!!!! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In response to pp's post,<strong> I'm not shallow </strong>and I don't think my friend is ugly at all so way to be snarky, appreciate it! To everyone else's posts thanks for the comments.
    Posted by KellySamara5[/QUOTE]

    Yet you would ask her to completely alter her physical appearence so that it doesn't take the attention away from you...?

    By all means, please tell me what's NOT shallow about that?


    Look, most people aren't trying to be mean, just trying to get you to understand that under no circumstances is what you are planning okay.  It's rude, hurtful, and very shallow of you.  This woman is supposed to be your <em>friend</em>, and that should matter to you more than how she looks.  Please think about this from her perspective and imagine how hurt you'd be if someone told you that your appearances aren't good enough.  Also, be warned that if for some crazy reason you do go through with this, that you WILL completely ruin your friendship.  I certainly wouldn't remain friends with someone who based my worth on how I look....
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-and-her-new-tattoos-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e5eb43d9-38b8-4f9c-bb76-0edc2c00f7c5Post:80a919b5-8598-4605-9f65-9cd0088b9af8">Re: BM and her new Tattoos!!!! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM and her new Tattoos!!!! HELP : I bet if this friend covered all her tattoos, took out her pierceings and grew her hair out to wear it in a traditional updo, she wouldn't even look like the same person! You'd look back at your wedding pictures and feel like you were standing next to a stranger.
    Posted by MiksChick23[/QUOTE]
    Exactly, and I'm not interested in standing next to any strangers :)
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  • No, it's not okay to tell her to cover them, nor is it okay to kick her out of the BP... unless you want to lose her as a friend. She is the same person, tats or no. It's not a bride movie! If she cut her hair "too short", would you make her wear a wig, too?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-and-her-new-tattoos-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e5eb43d9-38b8-4f9c-bb76-0edc2c00f7c5Post:801ee041-50be-46d0-b8f2-3983e1f01555">Re: BM and her new Tattoos!!!! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Would you kick her out if she got burned in a fire?  Or is it just the fact that she went out and got tattoos knowing she had to wear a revealing dress for YOUR day?
    Posted by ckovacs05[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>THIS! 

    </div>
  • I have a big tattoo on the right side of my upper back. I was a bad decision that I made while in a dysfunctional, abusive relationship. My BF at the time designed it & I really wish I did not have it. When I was in my brother's wedding, our bridesmaid dresses were one-strap & my ink was partially covered but still very visible. I was a bit self-conscious but NO ONE ever said anything to me about it. If they had, I would have been mortified. I understand that your friend chose to get this tattoo recently & may love them so the situation may be a bit different. But I pictured how I would feel if I did love the tattoo & my feelings would still be hurt. I know it's your day, you deserve a great one. But believe me, this will not take attention away from you, I promise... DO NOT take the risk of hurting a friend, it's just not worth it.
  • edited March 2012
    Okay, listen. Everyone is telling you that you're being shallow, but personally I don't see anything wrong with asking her to cover it up. A tattoo across her chest is quite different than a little tat on the back of her neck or in a place where nobody will see it. Plenty of jobs ask that if you have any visible tattoos, that they please be covered up, because it doesn't look professional. A tattoo across the chest may draw the wrong kind of attention, and particularly if you are getting married in a church or another place of worship, it may not be the place for it. If you are getting married in a place of worship, maybe, to take some of the pressure off you and hopefully preserve your relationship, use this as your reasoning for asking that it be covered up. I don't think it makes you shallow to ask that she cover it up; it would make you shallow if you said you no longer wanted to be her friend. I think the people on these boards are attacking you for no reason, by comparing what you're asking to asking a bridesmaid to lose weight. It's nothing like that. Relax. You're not asking her to dye her hair, grow two inches, or shave off twenty pounds. Most people are probably having their bridesmaids wear makeup and have their hair done, right? Does that mean you are shallow or that you judge by appearance? No. You merely have certain expectations for your formal affair, your wedding, that you have likely put a lot of planning, time, and money into. Before you attack the girl who posted this, relax and ask yourself: most people have certain expectations of their BMs - wear selected dress or selected color, get hair and makeup done, etc. Would you tell them to just show up looking like they are, sweats, jeans, sneakers? You expect them to look formal, have hair and makeup done, etc. Covering a tattoo is the same thing as wearing makeup. I say go ahead and ask. Just be polite about it, and don't threaten to kick her out.
  • For the record, the makeup they sell DOES NOT, repeat DOES NOT cover tattoos. Unless you are buying the outrageously priced Kat Von D version, it just wont work. Like nearly everyone has said, her tattoos and appearance should not be why she is in the wedding, the value of her friendship should be why she is in the wedding party. I do beleive you are shallow and more concerned with appearance than your friendship, so the other comment on it is not snarky, it is dead on. If you don't want someone to make that kind of a judgement, don't make a bitchy statement. Best wishes to you on your "special day"
  • You didn't let her sit at your lunch table on Wednesday because she forgot to wear pink, didn't you?
  • swaywithme15swaywithme15 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    I really don't think this is shallow. Everyone in my party has asked me if I would mind tattoos showing at the wedding before they considered getting a tattoo that will be visible. I don't mind, because I'm not being married in a church, I have one that will show, and I don't like to tnk that someone would cover up something that defines who they are. But I can understand where you are coming from. It still might be best to not say anything to her about it.
  • Wowwwwwwwwwwww, alot of Negative Nancy's on here I see! There is nothing wrong with wanting your bridesmaids to put their best feet forward.I have several bridesmaids/bestfriends/sisters that all have tatoo's ranging from small to large, but they are more concerned with my happiness on my big day and have all agreed to wear coverage makeup, so that it is not a distraction/eye sore in the pictures or that it takes away from the bride and groom (not that it concerns me because I love my girls just the way they are!). This is your one and only day to have things looking as glamorous and beautiful as you've always hoped and it shouldn't be a problem to suggest and or ask this! If they are truly your friends/family they wouldn't even think twice that you are dissing them, making them feel like they aren't beautiful or anything like that! It's not about that (at least it shouldn't be). You can politely give two options,wear some sort of coverage whether it's makeup or a shawl. There is nothing wrong with how you feel and you are entitled to your feelings. You've pictured this day since you were a kid, now it's time to live it up and out! ..
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-and-her-new-tattoos-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e5eb43d9-38b8-4f9c-bb76-0edc2c00f7c5Post:4912f235-ffba-4977-a8b6-f0a3600bb308">Re: BM and her new Tattoos!!!! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]You didn't let her sit at your lunch table on Wednesday because she forgot to wear pink, didn't you?
    Posted by JacklovesSarah[/QUOTE]

    Yes!
  • Am I the only one that would show up with hot pink hair the day of the wedding if the bride asked me to cover up my tattoos or leave the WP?  Mind you, unless I was asked really nicely I would leave the party, so I'd be that guest with hot pink hair and all the tattoos.  It's probably a petty, shallow response, but so is being kicked out of a WP for tattoos.
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  • I disagree with you guys completely. I have been in her situation, actually. I askedone of  my bridesmaids to hold off on getting her chest piece until after the wedding since it would be a bit distracting. (Not that she did it... )

    Honestly, I think you should just talk to her and tell her that you didn't explain this because she didn't have a tattoo yet, but you would appreciate it if she would just buy coverup for the day. If you are nice about it, I doubt she will refuse. And if she does, well that is an issue you can handle then. I think asking a person to cover tattoos is the same as asking them to wear the dress and shoes you picked out, and do her hair and makeup as you have requested. 

    However, I think it is really shallow to not want her tattoo because it takes away from you. Like everyone is saying, nobody will be starting at her and not you. And if they do, why do you care? In the end, the day is about you marrying your fiance. My stepmom likes to dress like she is 30 years her junior. She probably will be wearing a tiny little strip of fabric under the pretense it's a skirt. I can be a bridezilla and day "Dress your age or don't come!" or I can just kindly ask her to wear a longer skirt, then just shake my head and move on when she doesn't. 

    When my dad married 10 years ago a girl wore white to the wedding (gasp!). I only remember because my stepmom said something about it. I promise you, nothing witll distract from your day... 
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  • I would not have her in my wedding. Sorry- my pictures, my wedding, my choice.
  • I love everything about this and completely agree with what everyone said. And for the record, YES you are shallow, and it's you that's tacky, not your future exBM.
  • I have a bridesmaid with tattoos as well and I have asked her if she could cover them up.  I don't really want her tattoos to show up in my pictures.  Now, all of you can bitch and complain about how horrible of a friend I am, but seriously.  It's not that I don't like them but those tattoos don't necessarily go with the whole romantic, whimsical theme I'm going for.  I told my friend she could remove the makeup after the ceremony and she was more than understanding.  But if she had refused, I don't think I would have batted an eye.  I would want her in the wedding regardless. It was just a favor I asked of her.
  • Maybe she didn't have tattoos before, but you have no idea how long she has wanted those tattoos. For all you know, she could have had the sketches made up years ago and was just saving the money for them. It's possible she had the tattoos done four months in advance so they would be healed for your wedding. Is it possible she could have waited four months? Yes. But maybe she has other plans, in which her tattoos needed to be healed.

    You don't know the meaning behind her tattoos, or why she needed to get them. Sometimes events happen in life, and that's someone's way of expressing it.  Whatever her reasons are for getting her tattoos, it's her life and her body. Her life is NOT your wedding, just an event that she was invited to be a part of.

    If it's really such a bid deal, buy all your BMs shawls. Coverup makeup does not do it for tattoos. It actually looks worse in my opinion.

    In the past, I have had no issue being told what dress to wear, how to do my hair and make up, what jewelry or shoes to wear. But if I HAD a tattoo, which I do not, I would take great offense to this. It's completely different. If you do ask her to step down, I would actually probably be upset at her if she continued to be friends with you.

    For the record, you are being shallow and only caring about yourself and appearances. Kudos to her for still being willing to stick through your bridzilla moment.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-and-her-new-tattoos-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e5eb43d9-38b8-4f9c-bb76-0edc2c00f7c5Post:c8672d83-5e86-4904-a307-de1d35e9e12c">Re: BM and her new Tattoos!!!! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM and her new Tattoos!!!! HELP : I really don't get how tattoos affect the theme of a wedding? Not to mention, covered tats LOOK covered and weird. And worse than if you just let them be.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    <div>Her chest says BITCH.  Would you want that in your pictures?  I love her to pieces but I really don't want that ingrained forever in my pictures.</div>
  • I almost 30 tattoos - so obviously this wouldn't be a problem for me. But if I was BM - you'd get a big f*ck you, and the friendship would be over.
  • One of my BM's has tons of tattoos and I would never ask her to cover them up - they show her personality, which I love.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-and-her-new-tattoos-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e5eb43d9-38b8-4f9c-bb76-0edc2c00f7c5Post:02c75a09-112d-4dbd-b723-265b28758cd4">Re: BM and her new Tattoos!!!! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]wow people are being a bit brutal in this post. the question was badly put though. one of my maids has quite a few tattoos and I don't want them in my wedding photos. please do not ask her to cover the tattoos - that's kind of asking for a fight because they're a part of her and so on and so forth (I'm not into tattoos but that's totally cool if it's your progative). instead I am picking a dress that is modest (my younger cousin is also in BP - don't want her in something too revealing!), I am paying to have my BP's makeup and hair done so we'll put her hair in a low bun since her tattoo goes onto her neck. the dresses are long 1) i have a tea length dress and long dresses will look lovely 2) they cover the tattoos on her legs. I'm considering little wrist length gloves for my BP 1) it's really cute and goes with my vintage-y theme 2) you guessed it - covers her tattoos on the wrists. please note that I am not asking her to cover her tattoos or kicking her out of the BP - I like a uniformed look so that's what all of my maids get.<strong> if they don't like the look and don't buy the dress, obviously, they choose to not be in the wedding.</strong> one thing a friend of mine who is into tattoos told me is if my maid wants part of her tattoo showing, to tell her it's an all or nothing thing with the tattoo - if all of it can't show (thanks to the dresses they can't) then it would look weird to have the top fluffy part of a tree sticking out on your neck, which my maid will understand. I think this issue is all about using tact - and don't threaten to kick her out. It is your wedding - you aren't asking her to permanently remove a tattoo (I'm assuming) but use sense. if one maid has it (gloves, a little jacket, etc) give it to the others too.
    Posted by laurelrenee1[/QUOTE]

    Wow!!  That's a pretty crappy attitude to have and you are absolutely no better than the OP for making this statement.

     

  • And for anyone that thinks you aren't being shallow and beyond rude in asking your friends to cover up their tattoos or have this attitude of "it's MY day and MY way" and can not be in the wedding if they don't do what I say type of thing, you need to grow the eff up and get over yourselves!

    If you are coming to an open message board to ask us in the first place, then you already know it's wrong to begin with. 

     

  • my situation was similiar but its a friend who has a lot of tatoos already. I never cared or said anything about covering any existing tatoos (several showed with her dress, arms, back, neck, etc). however, the week before the wedding she got a half sleeve tattoo. I felt it was inconsiderate for two reasons. 1. Being so close to the wedding, she can't guarantee it wouldn't get infected which could look disgusting.
    2. I think its an un-said rule that if you are a BM, you dont significantly alter your appearance right before the wedding. I would compare it to dying your hair black when it's naturally blond, or knowing the bride would like everyones hair up and cutting your hair short right before the wedding.

    For your situation, here is my advice: Just get over it! no matter what part upseets you, bringing it up to her will cause a lot of issues and stress that you don't need. If it really bothers you for photos,  you could probably have the tatoo photo shopped if it shows in the photos you want to use. Plus 4 months is pretty far from your wedding to ask her to wait and it will be totally healed. Although I am not as intense as some of the other gals, you did choose her not her appearance and if thats how she wants to express herself, then let her. you will only regret saying anything and causing extra stress.
  • WOW. just WOW.
    If I was a bridesmaid and asked to cover my 2 visible tattoos (the rest are in places that wouldnt be visible) I would tell the bride I wasnt comfortable with that..if she insisted I would remove myself from her wedding.
    If you want to politely ask (although I cant think up ANY wording that would not be rude) then ask, but be prepared for her to a) say no and b) be very offended
    But leave it at that, do NOT push it, and do not threaten to kick her out over it. You will lose a friend.

  • WOW. just WOW.
    If I was a bridesmaid and asked to cover my 2 visible tattoos (the rest are in places that wouldnt be visible) I would tell the bride I wasnt comfortable with that..if she insisted I would remove myself from her wedding.
    If you want to politely ask (although I cant think up ANY wording that would not be rude) then ask, but be prepared for her to a) say no and b) be very offended
    But leave it at that, do NOT push it, and do not threaten to kick her out over it. You will lose a friend.

  • WOW. just WOW.
    If I was a bridesmaid and asked to cover my 2 visible tattoos (the rest are in places that wouldnt be visible) I would tell the bride I wasnt comfortable with that..if she insisted I would remove myself from her wedding.
    If you want to politely ask (although I cant think up ANY wording that would not be rude) then ask, but be prepared for her to a) say no and b) be very offended
    But leave it at that, do NOT push it, and do not threaten to kick her out over it. You will lose a friend.

  • edited March 2012
     I personally wouldn't ask anyone to cover up their tatoo (unless it was an inappropriate word or something like that), however, for you, you should just let them know that you want a unified look for the bridesmaids, you would like to apply some make-up to just cover it up, especially for pictures. If your ceremony is going to be in a church, then you can blame it on that, and just say that you don't want to offend others in the audience.

    Only you can answer the question about whether or not to kick her out if she refuses to cover up her tatoo. Some might say it's too petty, which I can understand. To me though, it says much about her character if she can't cover up some tatoo for your wedding. If a bride asked  me to do that, I would do it with no complaints. The wedding day is about you, not her, or she can find something else to do that day. This is the importance of choosing the right people for your wedding party. They need to be ladies that have the same morals and values as you do, so that you don't have to go through any of this. None of my bridesmaids would ever do that, because those are not the people that I hang out with much. No disrespect to your bridesmaid.
  • Believe it or not, just because a person is in your wedding does not give you control over her body. If a bridesmaid wants to get a tattoo, get pregnant, shave her head, that's her decision, not yours. I think it's acceptable to ask her to cover the tattoo with makeup if it really bothers you, but kicking her out of the wedding party if she won't is a little ridiculous. You're worried people are going to be looking at her tattoos instead of you? Seriously?
  •   I think people have been a little rough on you.  I agree that large tattoos visible on bridesmaids take away from the formality and overall appearance at a wedding.  We go to great lenghts to make our weddings into OUR perfect day.  When it's HER day, she can do it the way she wants.  You love your friend but still want your day to be what YOU envisioned.
      At my nieces' wedding, one of her BM's had a large bird tattooed from shoulder to shoulder.  The BM dresses were gorgeous and had an intricate stringed pattern from mid-back to shoulder.  The tatto underneath it just made it look like a giant mess on her back.  The entire ceremony, I just kept looking at the tattoo, trying to figure out what it was.
      Now my daughters' wedding is fast approaching.  We have asked the BM's to cover the tattoos from shoulders on up for the ceremony and pictures.  They can take off the make up on the way to the reception if they wish.  Do we love the BM's?  YES!!  Were they offended?  NO!!  They were very gracious about it.  In fact, one said she intends to cover hers for her wedding.
      Gently ask that she cover them.  If SHE is a real friend, she will be okay with it.  Just like I would ask someone to remove their sunglasses for the ceremony and pictures, I would also ask them to cover their tattoos. 
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