Tacky? Just had to double-check

roselyn81 · May 2010

Someone told me that she plans to set up a gift registry through Paypal in order to get cash for their new house purchase. I thought--didn't say of course--that's a little tacky. She is also registering at traditional stores, and her website has a link to them, but she also has a link to Paypal. I just thought I'd get some opinions. Cash is always appreciated--people know this--but I'm not doing this for my own wedding...

What do you all think?

katieanne85 · May 2010

Cash is a common gift anyway, but people generally feel icky giving it when its been asked for, this is tacky. Greedy gift recievers take all the fun out of gift giving.

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2010

More than a little tacky.

Besides, doesn't PayPal take a cut of donations?

quotequeen · May 2010

Very.

Galaxy8227 · May 2010

Yes it is extremely tacky

anitamaria12 · May 2010

I'm usually all for unconventional but yeah sounds tacky to me!

gottahavashorti · May 2010

Yes, tacky. And an insult to the guests' intelligence for this reason:
[QUOTE] Cash is always appreciated--people know this
Posted by roselyn81[/QUOTE]

SparrowSong · May 2010

I think if people are so poor they have to solicit their friends and family for cash, why are they having a wedding in the first place? Go to the courthouse, invite a handful of people over for champagne and cake and save the $4000, $10,000, $35,000 you'd blow on a party and voila... money for a house.

roselyn81 · May 2010

Agreed all!

angela72023 · May 2010

Ditto everyone...
Galaxy...love love love your siggy pic!!! How beautiful!

jennylove810 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-just-double-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:6fcffcda-4c54-495e-bd77-70dca3182a60Post:f58e93fd-6b87-402c-a573-19e761809ced">Re: Tacky? Just had to double-check</a>:
[QUOTE]More than a little tacky. Besides, doesn't PayPal take a cut of donations?
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

It sure does! Somewhere in the ballpark of 3%.

Pirata13 · May 2010

Super tacky.

bbyckes · May 2010

This stuff is getting out of hand. First bank registries. Now this?

roselyn81 · May 2010

Yes, Tatum, they are practical but everyone knows cash gifts are appreciated. Why set up a Paypal account and basically ask for money? Just assume people are smart enough to know that cash is appreciated and wait for the checks to come in the mail or at the wedding. Setting up a Paypal account is tacky to me.

LoveBugBaby · May 2010

Yikes, never never ask for cash from your guest! Money is an option as a gift, but it's just that, an OPTION (it's up to the guest to decide, not you!)

momma4_5 · May 2010

I have done something similar to this. I have set up an online savings account for something that we are saving for. In our situation, we have been living together for 8 years so we have everything that we need for our home and we are the type that if we need something, we go out and we buy it, not wait for someone to give it to us as a gift.

We are saving to buy some land on a lake to share with our family and friends. If someone wants to give us a gift, why not direct them to something that we really want?

I think it is more tacky to take something back to the store after you have pretended to enjoy it.

Everyone has different circumstances...

ada81 · May 2010

Im a bit biased on this and it probably depends on the couple. A great gift idea is to set up a registry for contributions to the honeymoon, i didnt do this simply because they want to take 3% and i would rather have the full amount. I do think however that setting up a paypal account and asking for cash is a slight bit tacky. Setting up monitary donations towards something such as a honeymoon or charity seems to be nicer and not much different than a traditional registry, but to set something up to simply say we need cash for a house is a bit overbarring and may seem like they invited people just to get extra money. Same thing as putting those tacky cards in the invites to say hey buy me a gift from here. We are suppose to invite people to a wedding because we want them there not just for gift seeking.

KatieCaps · May 2010

Very tacky. Yes, it's understood people give money for a wedding. But it's a different ball game when you directly ask for it. It's as if you're only getting married to receive a paycheck.

sciencechick74 · May 2010

Um, have to say not tacky! Not only does she have regular registries for people that want to give a gift, she's giving people who want to give cash the option to pay through a secure method, rather than give cheques or cash at the reception. I know two people who have had cash and cheques stolen from their gift boxes at their reception. So, sounds like she's got the balance right - gifts for those that want to give gifts, secure cash option for those that want to.

Rachael Douglass · May 2010

I'm with momma4_5 on this one. My fiance and I have everything we need and go out and get what we need and don't have. We've set up a registry with a travel store for our honeymoon fund. I'd rather save some money on the honeymoon than take back toasters we don't need. It also saves our guests from a trip to the mall; they can donate to our registry online

vee25t · May 2010

There's a whole website called ourwishingwell.com dedicated to cash gifts for different purchases like a house. We're using it for a house deposit because we've lived together for 4 years now and don't really need the china and such. I think this has become more common place and we've already received contributions although our wedding is in August. Also, people know we've been looking to buy a house for a couple of years now. Most friends and family have thought the house deposit registry was a really great, smart idea. I also did small traditional registries at Macy's and Mikasa for those who weren't comfortable with giving money. I think Macy's is tackier in the end because I'm always receiving messages from them about registering more and more items and "tips" like once items are bought I should add more to always keep the registry full of items. I've kept them because it took forever to register and people generally like shopping at Macy's - it's easy for them online or at the store.

Our situation might be different though. It's not that we're poor (which was an offensive comment by the way), we're just not in true need of many items. We've had plenty of actually poor family members hold their weddings in someone's living room, backyard, or at the courthouse and they were happy with that. We were looking for something different. We're young people from humble backgrounds and haven't necessarily had the time to save up a ton of money being teachers and continuing graduate students. Believe me, we're not blowing our savings on the wedding! Also, we are the first to have a traditional/formal wedding on either sides of the family and we're only in our 20s. People don't really know all the etiquette rules of weddings and neither do we to tell the truth. I'm learning as I go along, although I knew that some people get all worked up about money gifts. That's why I did the registries. Honestly, we're not even expecting gifts of any sort from about a third of the guests and that's ok with us. We'll just be happy if family and friends show up and have a good time.

carmenid · May 2010

very tacky!

frog78 · May 2010

I would say, imho, that what is tacky is coming on a website and bashing your friend behind her back.
If you have an issue with something that she is doing, take it up with her, don't come to the internet where you can get complete strangers to make fun of her.

Did you ask her her reasons for doing this? A lot of people are uncomfortable sending even checks through the mail any more. Perhaps she wants to provide ease and security for her guests. In that case, it's not asking her guests for money, any more than setting up an online registry is asking guests for gifts, it's providing them ease and convienience in case they decide to do so.

hollybee92 · May 2010

We registered on honeyfund.com for our honeymoon, and it just collects money into an account and then you get it out - no fees or anything.

I know it's kinda tacky, but we set activities with the correct prices, so we do plan on spending the money on the honeymoon.

Now y'all have me re-thinking it!! we registered at target and pottery barn as well.

enderzvalentine · May 2010

I agree with sciencechick. While it wouldn't be my preference, she isn't FORCING anyone to pick/donate to the house fund. She has set up traditional registries, so those who do not feel confortable with the idea or thinks it is tacky, don't have to participate in it.

Besides, tradition aside, why would it be tacky to say if your going to get me a gift, I'd rather you help us save money for X, which will help us in the future. A house isn't like asking someone to help them put down money for a boat, plane, car etc. It is a symbol of home, family and future.

If I were in the market to purchase a house, then this would be an option I might look at. Though my guests aren't traditional people either ;o) nor am I a traditional bride. I would suggest to put a cute description with each donation. For example taking a note from honeymoon registeries, $50-Thank you for the window! $100-We will enjoy our front door, $150-A roof is so nice!

Anyway, this was long. Good morning

haha

RissanAdam · May 2010

We outright stated on our website that "we are registered at Macy's and Target. We are also saving for the purchase of a home together." We didn't make a very big registry on purpose because we've lived together for two years - we don't need a second blender/toaster/knickknacks. Back when people didn't live together before marriage, this was a much more practical tradtion to help the couple set up their new household. Now, it doesn't really translate. Sure, I threw a fancy Hotel collection duvet cover on there that I would have never ever bought for myself. I threw a set of set of guest towels and nice tupperware. But I also got a boatload of ugly crystal knicknacks and mismatched decor which can't even be returned. I know people like to feel thoughtful by giving a gift they came up with on their own. And I FEEL LIKE A BRAT even saying so. But my fiance and I aren't very well off. We live in a shabby rental and scrape every penny. So a bunch of expensive crystal not only doesn't match, it stares me in the face every day when I pay a medical bill instead of buy nice groceries. Not that I plan on using any wedding money for a medical bill, but I think that the tradition of "setting up a household" for the newlyweds can include money towards a home. I didn't set up a paypal, but I don't see a problem with it. Driving home from the shower with a grand in cash stuffed into my purse could be a huge problem, so what's the harm in keeping it safe? It all rides on how the couple asks for it - don't demand cash, or any gift for that matter. Only tell people if they ask.
It's great that to have a family who's well off and generous, but they weren't practical gifts for us. Please keep the specific couple in mind and choose something appropriate for them rather than what's appropriate for the tradition.

sciencegrl08 · May 2010

Not tacky at all. Actually no more tacky than asking for gifts at all ( a la registry). What is tacky about saying this is what we want and need (isnt that what a registry is anyway?)? As a guest I want to know what the couple wants/needs and if that is cash so be it (yes even through Paypal). As a bride I dont want to have to take back a bunch of stuff I dont need because my guests didnt know what we want/need. People need direction whcih is why we register in the first place.

With all that said I do agree with Sparrowsong, maybe cut down on some of the wedding expense to be able to afford yoru dream (whatever that is).

Patineuse1124 · May 2010

ada81 - Honeyfund.com doesn't take a percent of the money. Guests make a pledge online to giving you one of the items on the registry (i.e., airfare, hot air balloon ride, etc), they print out a certificate that they can include with either a check or cash. You also have the option of linking a paypal account to the registry so that your guests can pay by credit card. In this case paypal take 3%. I think offering your guests the convenience of this method is worth it.

I was a little nervous about doing a honeymoon registry because I didn't want to be tacky, but the two of us LOVE to travel, and most of our friends and family know this. I figured having the opportunity to make our honeymoon a once in a lifetime experience (we are going to New Zealand) is a far more interesting gift to give than a set if china or some kitchen gadget. We still have a traditional registry for the traditionalists.

neummy · May 2010

I also say not tacky! This is way better than a money dance or some of the other "ask for money" methods. At least this way the guests have some idea of what their money is going to, and it's something useful too! I agree that it's good the couple has multiple options for guests--if the guest feels it's tacky to give money for a down payment on a house, then buy a traditional gift from the list instead! I made a honeymoon registry after seeing a friend do it and I thought it was a great idea. I think the ideas are very similar, but I liked the idea of having smaller items people could "purchase" individually, like a day-tour for us in Amsterdam!

janiesuper · May 2010

NO, not tacky at all, its smart and im doing it. i think its better for the guests because honestly, i dont want them to spend their money on something i will return, and i will, because i dont need anything. i own my own house and my fiance and I have been living together a year and 8 months. we have what we need except a good savings account for a honeymoon. we also have to pay for the wedding. no more cash leftover to buy a house together. why wouldnt my wedding guests want to help me out in that regard? thats what wedding gifts are for!

. I personally think all gift registries are tacky. You are making someone shop for you, picking out what you think is best, rather than letting them decide what to get for you and what to spend on you. most of the time, people dont know what they want, so they just pick anything without thinking, and often its from designer or catalogue stores like crate and barrel where you probably wouldnt normally shop. so, whatever. dont judge other people. if you are going to a wedding and you dont want to give them what they ask for, but instead you want to buy them a bedspread, just watch their facial expression when they realize how selfish you are. this isnt about the guests, this is about the couple getting married.

monique026 · May 2010

We registered on honeyfund.com so people can contribute to our honeymoon, but we also registered at bed bath and beyond, and both are listed on our registry website. we're in the same place where we don't have a whole lot we really need because we've already lived on our own (separately, and then together) for years now, but we don't feel comfortable with just asking for cash so we are giving people options to contribute to the honeymoon or to buy us a gift.

Tacky? Just had to double-check

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