Engaged and Underaged

GonzalezWed · October 2010

Hi everyone I'm really excited to be on the board because I need as much advice as I can get. My fiance and I recently got engaged and we're only 18! We want to have a large wedding between 300-350 guests and we really want to get married outside (like under a tent). My fiance is hispanic so we want both hispanic and gourmet american cuisine. I have so many ideas and basically need all of the advice I can get and am totally lost. So does anyone have any advice that they think would help. Also I need invitations that are both in english and spanish (most of his family does not speak english). Any advice is appreciated. Preferably not too expensive we're freshman in college and are saving up for a house as well. Thank You!

[Deleted User] · October 2010

Congrats on your engagement!

If I were you, I think I would wait until you are out of college to get married. There is nothing wrong with a 4 yr engagment. If it is meant to be, then you both can wait. You both are awfully young and a lot of things change in your late teens and early twenties. I know I would have not been ready to get married as an undergrad. I couldn't even figure out my own life let alone learn how to start one with someone else.

Not only are the statistics against you, but career choices, money, and so many other factors could influence the marriage. Where will you be after college? The way the economy is, many people have to move away from their hometowns and get jobs elsewhere. I never thought I would be living where I am today, but due to H job, that is where we are. I think it would be best you two wait and get your careers established for a bit first before getting married.

Secondly, who is paying for this wedding? Who is paying for your education? Not to be nosiy, but I would think that if you are paying for the wedding yourselves, it is going to be quite hard to pay for 2 college educations, pay for a wedding AND save for a house. It is 2010, not 1910. Unless both of you are loaded or come from extremely rich families, I think you will have a lot of debt accumulated before you even finish college.

Just think about your decision a bit before deciding to move forward with the wedding planning. But these boards are definitely a great place to start.

GonzalezWed · October 2010

we are comfortable but I wouldn't say we were wealthy. Our tuition is taken care of and our families have offered to help us with the wedding. The dress, invitations and food are all paid for by my family. His family is paying for the venue and honeymoon. We've been together for 2 years now and we know where we want to go to graduate school. We want to live close to our relatives for the first few years of our marriage so I don't think financially we'll have a problem, but I don't want to spend money that I don't have to spend if I could save it for something else.

bethsmiles · October 2010

It sounds like you are counting on your family to pay for a lot. I agree with the PP that waiting until after college (at least your undergrad) is a good idea. Part of being ready to get married is being able to support yourselves financially.

HobokensFury · October 2010

No reason to rush into getting married. If after you both graduate college still feel like getting married by all means do. A lot of things can happen in 4 years.

Tula214 · October 2010

I'm seeing a lot of "engaged and underaged" on here today. I'm 19, FI 20. Just go out, and find a really good wedding planning book. Write down everything, and make sure you go over the budget with both sides of the familly.

Other than that, congrats!!

sister2groom · October 2010

Generally it is a better idea to wait until you're a little older to get married, but some people are particularly mature and I don't know you, so I hesitate to tell you to wait until graduation. However, there is a difference between maturity and being able to handle huge, once-in-a-lifetime huge, experiences like getting settled into college and then getting married or plannning a wedding. Obviously only you could know what you can handle, but I know getting settled into marriage won't be easy and it would be really helpful to have a solid network immediately around you, if you get married now, will your new college friends be able to provide that support?

Freshman year is often the time people make the most and strongest friends. The kids in my dorm who weren't invested in the college community because they lived close so went home, or had boyfriends at nearby schools or whatever really lost out on their freshman year, and some of them were just never as tight with people on campus as the rest of us were. Your fellow freshman are just so much more open to making friends than sophomores are, so if you spend all your free time planning a wedding and put off building friendships until later you may have a very rough go of it.,

Regardless of when you do get married,please do yourself a favor and don't plan a huge 300+ person affair during your freshman year. I remember my freshman year and am currently helping a younger sibling through theirs and I know that I wouldn't have been able to handle that kind of undertaking. And I was a pretty mature, responsible freshman. I mean, the most elaborate event I planned all through college was a dinner party I held for 15 or so friends.It's just it seems like it would be adding a lot of stress to an already stressful and exciting time as a newly-minted college kid. My advice: don't do any do the major heavy-lifting planning-wise until at least summer break.

As far as your logistical questions go, it's pretty hard to answer anything with the little information you've given. For some, a $5,000 wedding is a very frugal wedding, for others it's not feasible. Most freshman I knew were at most breaking even. By the way, don't stress about invitations, if you're going to order 300+ it would be pretty easy to split those up into 2 orders, one for each language, which would probably be cheaper than having an invitation twice as big.

abgpal11 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-underaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f4529e15-e570-4bea-ac95-152445ab3d7fPost:f1b8370a-af2a-449f-9e25-b970eaebdcd2">Re: Engaged and Underaged</a>:
[QUOTE]we are comfortable but I wouldn't say we were wealthy. Our tuition is taken care of and our families have offered to help us with the wedding. The dress, invitations and food are all paid for by my family. His family is paying for the venue and honeymoon. We've been together for 2 years now and we know where we want to go to graduate school. <strong>We want to live close to our relatives for the first few years of our marriage so I don't think financially we'll have a problem,</strong> but I don't want to spend money that I don't have to spend if I could save it for something else.
Posted by GonzalezWed[/QUOTE]

Does this mean you're planning on your relatives paying for everything even after you're married?

denisentim0311 · October 2010

My son is 18 and getting married so I can't tell you not to get married. We've tried to tell the both of them that if they believe in the love that you have for each other than they will be married whenever the time is right. However, I think my son may be hiding the fact that he's getting deployed somewhere, and that's why he's pushing to get married so quickly.
I think that if you believe in the love you have for each other, you can make it another 2yrs or 4yrs. It's ok to wait it out because a lot can happen in four years. Just make sure that the two of you actually sit down together and think this through before you actually get married. If you definitely want to get married, than I would never have a 300+ wedding quest list if my parents were paying for it. They're already paying for your dress and a bunch of other things for your wedding. Give them a break, save them some money, and cut back on your guest list to may 150-200. Just my opinion because my son is making his dad and step mom pay for everything and hasn't asked me for anything because I'm not in the same state that they're in. Still would love to help them, but there's nothing I can do about that.
Just wanted to say Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding, but remember this; since everyone in the family is paying for this wedding you should really cut them some slack and cut back as much as possible for their pockets, not yours.
Goodluck with everything!!!!

loves2shop4shoes · October 2010

I'm 22 and engaged. I will be having a 2 year engagement and will be getting married when I am 24. While that may seem fairly close in age to you, a LOT changes between 18 and 22. A LOT.

I assure you that you are a completely different person now than you will be in four years. Think about four years ago when you were 14. Do you see what I mean yet? The changes that take place during your teens/early twenties are the biggest changes you will ever make in your life.

Don't rush into marriage. If he's the right guy, he'll be the right guy in 4 years. My rule of thumb is, if you cannot legally drink the champagne toast at your wedding, you have no business getting married.

[Deleted User] · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-underaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f4529e15-e570-4bea-ac95-152445ab3d7fPost:4601bde6-e39b-4250-b69c-58e0a98afb8a">Re: Engaged and Underaged</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm 22 and engaged. I will be having a 2 year engagement and will be getting married when I am 24. While that may seem fairly close in age to you, a LOT changes between 18 and 22. A LOT. I assure you that you are a completely different person now than you will be in four years. Think about four years ago when you were 14. Do you see what I mean yet? The changes that take place during your teens/early twenties are the biggest changes you will ever make in your life. Don't rush into marriage. If he's the right guy, he'll be the right guy in 4 years. <strong>My rule of thumb is, if you cannot legally drink the champagne toast at your wedding, you have no business getting married.</strong>
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

Well said. Very true.

MissOwl · November 2010

I agree with PP about the merits of waiting. My SO and I have been together for 10 years (since we were 16) and are still not engaged (we are saving to pay for the wedding ourselves and have both finished college now). However, I want to answer your original question...

1. lurk on these boards to get ideas

2. check out wedding blogs like marthastewartweddings.com, greenweddingshoes.com, stylemepretty.com, etc.

3. peruse wedding mags at barnes and noble and/or the library

4. buy one good planning book/binder thing to keep you organized

5. involve your family in your decisions since they will be paying

note: don't spend a ton on wedding planning tools. there is a lot out there for free

good luck and congrats!

callalily13 · November 2010

My fiance and I have been together since we were 16 also and we are now 22. We got engaged last x-mas and are not going to get married for about 3 more years. We will have been dating for 9 years before we get married. We knew that we wanted to marry each other only a week into our relationship and would have right then if we were prepared financially. Between us graduating and us turning 22 (four years), we have had a long distance relationship and he almost died (contracted a rare auto immune disease that paralyzed him and nearly killed him). He was the least likely person to get this particular disease and he still did. Like all the posters above there is a ton of things that can happen in only four years and you have to make sure that your relationship is strong enough to deal with it all because being newleyweds and being on your own will make it even harder.

mandrake1964 · November 2010

I'm sorry to rain on your parade, but I just can't see this and not say anything. Getting married so young isn't a good idea. You're 18, you think you know everything. And I know that you'll say "No we don't." because you know that's the mature thing to say. But everything you've said, the fact that you think you've got it all worked out, all proves that you don't. The older you get, the more you realize that you can't have it all worked out. Life throws you curve balls ALL THE TIME. You haven't even finished college yet. I've been there, done that. I thought I'd met my soul mate at 18 too. That turned out not to be the case. Now, we're both happily in relationships with other people, and so glad we didn't follow our puppy love to the altar. We both did things that we never would have done had we gotten married at 18 or 19. You still have so many dumb, fun things to do. So many brilliant people to meet. It's a BIG WORLD, the chances that you met your perfect match without ever leaving home are about 1 in a billion!

You're still a kid, enjoy it! You'll never get these years back. And don't be offended by me calling you a kid, because one day you'll say it about your 18 year old self.

PandaBurr · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-underaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f4529e15-e570-4bea-ac95-152445ab3d7fPost:9b1a4963-3efa-4f5c-893e-8db8733b312d">Re: Engaged and Underaged</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have been together since we were 16 also and we are now 22. We got engaged last x-mas and are not going to get married for about 3 more years. We will have been dating for 9 years before we get married. We knew that we wanted to marry each other only a week into our relationship and would have right then if we were prepared financially. Between us graduating and us turning 22 (four years), we have had a long distance relationship and he almost died (contracted a rare auto immune disease that paralyzed him and nearly killed him). He was the least likely person to get this particular disease and he still did. Like all the posters above there is a ton of things that can happen in only four years and you have to make sure that your relationship is strong enough to deal with it all because being newleyweds and <strong>being on your own</strong> will make it even harder.
Posted by callalily13[/QUOTE]

I don't think OP intends to ever "be on her own", according to her posts about her parents (i.e., living close by so they're never be in trouble financially).

naomikb · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-underaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f4529e15-e570-4bea-ac95-152445ab3d7fPost:dd941e24-05b4-4cb6-9ccd-81cb2448a1bd">Re: Engaged and Underaged</a>:
[QUOTE]Does this mean you're planning on your relatives paying for everything even after you're married?
Posted by abgpal11[/QUOTE]

I'm curious about this as well... I'm not directly against "underage" marriages or not being able to participate in the champagne toast, but once you get married you are separated from your parents and shouldn't be relying on them for your daily expenses (rent, tuition, food...). If you were both 18 and both had jobs (not going to college) and could support yourselves, that would make more sense to me. But just starting college - do you have jobs and an income that will support you two in your own place with your own bills?

GonzalezWed · November 2010

Thank You everyone who has posted their opinions and ideas toward my engagement. But perhaps I was not as clear as I should have been. My fiance and I have a very strong bond with our families and originally we planned to move a state away, but figured we wanted to be close to them when we would decide to start a family so we thought it best if we stayed close. We never considered staying based on them helping us financially. I'm not going to lie and say that they won't but like any other new couple moving into their first home and dealing with college tuition it is inevitable that we won't need help. My fiance and I also wanted to pay for our own wedding we originally wanted something small with some family and a few friends but because of family conflict many people were offended when they found out they would not be invited (aunts, cousins, friends of the family who I haven't seen since birth) and our families felt it would be easier to just invite them. It does sound like our families will be contributing to a majority of the wedding but we will be paying a portion as well. We both have full time jobs as well as being full time students. And because we both work and have financial support this is what I meant by being financially stable. We have also been loving and enjoying our freshman year we have different friends and are interested in different activities which makes it easier to still have our free time without each other. Our friends were hesitant at first but are very supportive now. And lastly before anyone comments on the time I am engaged now but I won't be getting married for another 2 years my wedding date is set for April 22, 2012! So now that I have eliminated all questions about financial stability, timing, and guest count does anyone have advice that I can used towards my wedding planning. Thank you

shannaheardanoise · November 2010

Tough crowd for you! Go with your heart...you know when you know. The Knot website is AMAZING for help...I've also been back to the Martha Stewart wedding website over and over...good old searches for specific things is a great tool as well. You're lucky you've got time to plan. I'm planning a destination wedding for May and we just got engaged at the end of August

. Congrats on the engagement!

sister2groom · November 2010

If you do just want help planning, just ask about that and don't mention the being younger part. You seem to think it doesn't really matter, which is a completely valid opinion, but then, don't mention all this stuff about how you're young and overwhelmed. Just ask about invites, or budgeting or something, but the impression I got from your original post was (very roughly) "I'm young and kind of lost."

callalily13 · November 2010

--try getting half in spanish and half in english
--you can also do your service in both spanish and english--thought it will be a bit long and confusing
--you can tie in the Mexican heritage (my fiance is half hispanic) by serving some traditional Mexican dishes or appetizers and maybe some of your colors or flowers can have a tie in to your fiance's heritage
--start slow since you have 2 years and work one step at a time. Try finidng some place that means a lot to both of you to get married and book it first and everything will fall into place.
--use the resources on this website and find a organizing book at some bookstore to help with all the important things (has really been helping me)
--beyond that just ask for advice from friends or family that have gone through this before.

And from a fellow "gringa" marrying into an extremely proud Hispanic family--congrats

jess9802 · November 2010

Looking back over all that I've experienced in the 12 years since graduating from high school, I'm glad I'll be marrying at nearly 31, and that I had my 20s to enjoy college, law school, and being on my own. But I've had quite a friends who married at 18, 19, 20, and are still happily married, with wonderful kids. I wouldn't begrudge them their happiness, or presume to know what is better or right for them, or for anyone else.

Marrying young will present a number of challenges, and you should both be realistic about what those will be. But if you have the support of your families and your faith, and will commit to working through the challenges and growing together as a couple, you certainly can enjoy a long and happy marriage, and I wish that for you.

And wedding planning is sort of annoying and at times overwhelming, even when you're in your 30s and well-established--just have some perspective and patience.

jmrife2688 · November 2010

Congrats! I am excited for you that you are getting married! I think its fine that you are getting married at 18. You have the support of your friends and family and those closest to you, that's what matters! I am getting married in May and my fiance is Puerto-Rican! I think that half-Spanish, half-English invitations is a fantastic idea! Also, I love the idea of the Hispanic dishes at the reception too! And don't worry, it may seem like a lot now, but you will be able to do it! Remember, the important thing is that you are marrying him, not the actually wedding day!

AmeliaAndSeth8890 · November 2010

I'm not sure what everyone has suggested, but for even more in the future, I would do your programs in both English and Spanish as well.

You can also address (in both languages) why you and FI chose to do this and why it is special. I don't see a problem with doing invites in both either - just send one in preferred language to each guest.

Congratulations on your engagement and good luck in college.

Ready2BMrsWade · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-underaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f4529e15-e570-4bea-ac95-152445ab3d7fPost:4601bde6-e39b-4250-b69c-58e0a98afb8a">Re: Engaged and Underaged</a>:
[QUOTE]. My rule of thumb is, if you cannot legally drink the champagne toast at your wedding, you have no business getting married.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]
Just would like to point out that, historically speaking,(until the last half century or so, so around.... 9950 years) not being married by 21 was considered an oddity and made you an old maid.<div> Many of our parents/Grandparents got married at 19/20. Personally, in my family my grandparents got engaged and married at 20. My parents and their siblings all did too. In the 8 couples there is one divorce. Better than a national average! I think it has less to do with age than with maturity and willingness to sacrifice and commit. I will be one of those "not able to drink at my own wedding" brides and I think that it is a choice that is personal and if able to support and make decisions for themselves, why wait to start forever? Yes, I haven't had as much experienced in life, but now I get to have them with my husband(to-be), which makes them better to me.</div><div> Oh and before I get bashed for being archaic or anything, I am working on a BSN and am going back for an MSN, my FI is working on his teachers certification, neither one of us see the issue with being married and being in college, lots of people live together in college, how is being married that different? <div>OP, congrats from another "baby bride"! I think having your service, programs ect in both Spanish and English would be lovely for your new family. Hope the planning goes well!</div></div>

loves2shop4shoes · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-underaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f4529e15-e570-4bea-ac95-152445ab3d7fPost:ccfd3653-2ffb-4904-b456-178ead8d46c8">Re: Engaged and Underaged</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engaged and Underaged : Just would like to point out that, historically speaking,(until the last half century or so, so around.... 9950 years) not being married by 21 was considered an oddity and made you an old maid. Many of our parents/Grandparents got married at 19/20. Personally, in my family my grandparents got engaged and married at 20. My parents and their siblings all did too. In the 8 couples there is one divorce. Better than a national average! I think it has less to do with age than with maturity and willingness to sacrifice and commit. I will be one of those "not able to drink at my own wedding" brides and I think that it is a choice that is personal and if able to support and make decisions for themselves,<strong> why wait to start forever</strong>? Yes, I haven't had as much experienced in life, but now I get to have them with my husband(to-be), which makes them better to me. Oh and before I get bashed for being archaic or anything, I am working on a BSN and am going back for an MSN, my FI is working on his teachers certification, neither one of us see the issue with being married and being in college, <strong>lots of people live together in college, how is being married that different? </strong> OP, congrats from another "baby bride"! I think having your service, programs ect in both Spanish and English would be lovely for your new family. Hope the planning goes well!
Posted by Ready2BMrsWade[/QUOTE]

Head*desk. I can tell, just by the things you've said that you're not ready. And I know nothing else about you besides this post.

It's true that years ago, it was normal to get married young and you'd be considered a spinster if you didn't. To be fair, there was also a lot shorter of a life expectancy. Back in the day, the common cold could kill you. A simple bacterial infection could wipe you out. I mean, the plague could've been completely survivable if they'd had basic antibioatics and it killed MILLIONS. The medication available was either limited or bogus. Of COURSE you lived life in a more accelerated fashion, if you got a serious cold, you'd be DEAD! You're comparing apples with watermelons.

You already HAVE started forever. If you're going to be with your SO for the rest of your life, forever started on the day you got together.

Living together is COMPLETELY different than being engaged, or even than being married. Living together is a big step, undoubtedly. However, it's one thing to know that you'll have to work out any potential issues because you'll have to go home and share a bed with your BF. It's quite another to know that if you DON'T work out any issues with your H, you will have to LEGALLY divorce him, separate your assets, potentially battle over custody of your children, and (if there's no prenuptual agreement) take on his debt.

Also, mentally it's completely different. You have made a public, formal, legal commitment to be with that person FOREVER.

Furthermore, if there's essentially no difference (in your mind), why are you in such a rush to get married? Live together for a few years.

oceana919 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-underaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f4529e15-e570-4bea-ac95-152445ab3d7fPost:ccfd3653-2ffb-4904-b456-178ead8d46c8">Re: Engaged and Underaged</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engaged and Underaged : Just would like to point out that, historically speaking,(until the last half century or so, so around.... 9950 years) not being married by 21 was considered an oddity and made you an old maid.

<strong>Yes, well, historically speaking, it was the norm for women not to vote. And for people not to refridgerate or pasteurize their foods against food-bourne illnesses. Silly modern technology and social sensibilities.
</strong>
Many of our parents/Grandparents got married at 19/20.

<strong>Yes, many people of the grandparent/great grandparent generation were married young. My grandparents were married at 20. Then again, he was being shipped off to Germany/France to fight in WWII and someone had to run the farm while he was gone. Things have changed, quite a bit, in the last century, sweetpea.</strong>

Personally, in my family my grandparents got engaged and married at 20. My parents and their siblings all did too. In the 8 couples there is one divorce. Better than a national average!

<strong>Well, if you want to play that game, I have three friends that got married in their late teens/early 20s. All three are divorced. Double the national average. </strong>

I think it has less to do with age than with maturity and willingness to sacrifice and commit. I will be one of those "not able to drink at my own wedding" brides and I think that it is a choice that is personal and if able to support and make decisions for themselves, why wait to start forever?

<strong>Maturity and willingness to commit and sacrifice should be standard for a marriage. What should be used to determine whether or not you're ready to commit to being married is making sure you are on stable financial/emotional/mental footing. You can be mature as mature can be, but if you're going into a marriage living off Mom & Dad and never having lived independently, you're setting yourself up for failure. </strong>

Yes, I haven't had as much experienced in life, but now I get to have them with my husband(to-be), which makes them better to me. Oh and before I get bashed for being archaic or anything, I am working on a BSN and am going back for an MSN, my FI is working on his teachers certification, neither one of us see the issue with being married and being in college, lots of people live together in college, how is being married that different?

<strong>If you honestly can't recognize the difference between living together and being married, you are not mature enough to be getting married. Period.
</strong>
<strong>There is a HUGE difference between living together and being married. Living together, the only joint responsibility you have is your lease, which, frankly, is not that hard to get out of if you ready had to. If you are living with someone and find that you cannot get along/resolve issues/meet a common ground, all you have to do is exit your lease and GTFO.
</strong>
<strong>Once you are married, you are legally committed to another human being. Unless you enter a legal contract stating otherwise, your belongings are owned jointly, all of your financial commitments are joint commitments. If he does something stupid (say, kills someone behind the wheel) and he's sued, they can pursue your assetts, as well as his. If something happens to him, you are legally responsible for his welfare. If you guys decide you just can't live together, you have to go through a legal divorce - splitting assets, determining child custody, etc, etc.

HUGE difference, cupcake.</strong>

OP, congrats from another "baby bride"! I think having your service, programs ect in both Spanish and English would be lovely for your new family. Hope the planning goes well!
Posted by Ready2BMrsWade[/QUOTE]

PaigeMcC · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-underaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f4529e15-e570-4bea-ac95-152445ab3d7fPost:ccfd3653-2ffb-4904-b456-178ead8d46c8">Re: Engaged and Underaged</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engaged and Underaged : Just would like to point out that, historically speaking,(until the last half century or so, so around.... 9950 years) not being married by 21 was considered an oddity and made you an old maid. Many of our parents/Grandparents got married at 19/20. Personally, in my family my grandparents got engaged and married at 20. My parents and their siblings all did too. In the 8 couples there is one divorce. Better than a national average! I think it has less to do with age than with maturity and willingness to sacrifice and commit. I will be one of those "not able to drink at my own wedding" brides and I think that it is a choice that is personal and if able to support and make decisions for themselves, <strong>why wait to start forever</strong>? Yes, I haven't had as much experienced in life, but now I get to have them with my husband(to-be), which makes them better to me. Oh and before I get bashed for being archaic or anything, I am working on a BSN and am going back for an MSN, my FI is working on his teachers certification, neither one of us see the issue with being married and being in college, lots of people live together in college, how is being married that different? OP, congrats from another "baby bride"! I think having your service, programs ect in both Spanish and English would be lovely for your new family. Hope the planning goes well!
Posted by Ready2BMrsWade[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Forever has already started. A wedding does not forever make. </div><div>
</div>

KevinMegan1008 · November 2010

I would wait. You just need more life experience. You have a lot that will change in your college years. I can't tell you how many of my friends broke up because they swore drinking was not important but when they turned 21 it winded up being important to one of them.

You also have no idea what it's going to be like out of college. How are you going to afford a mortgage without jobs? I applaud you for going to school but a teaching degree is really harsh. My FI has a masters in teaching (graduated with a 4.0) and has been searching for a teaching job for 2 years. Now he is going into the NYPD. It's a harsh world out there and you guys are still so young. It seems like your parents are taking care of everything for you guys. You guys have no idea how to be independent.

Finish your schooling, realistically figure out a living situation then set the wedding. In the meantime enjoy your engagement. This is the mature decision.

noelle24 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-underaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f4529e15-e570-4bea-ac95-152445ab3d7fPost:ccfd3653-2ffb-4904-b456-178ead8d46c8">Re: Engaged and Underaged</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engaged and Underaged : Just would like to point out that, historically speaking,(until the last half century or so, so around.... 9950 years) In the 8 couples there is one divorce. Better than a national average! I think it has less to do with age than with maturity and willingness to sacrifice and commit. I will be one of those "not able to drink at my own wedding" brides and I think that it is a choice that is personal and if able to support and make decisions for themselves, why wait to start forever? Yes, I haven't had as much experienced in life, but now I get to have them with my <strong>not being married by 21 was considered an oddity and made you an old maid. Many of our parents/Grandparents got married at 19/20. Personally, in my family my grandparents got engaged and married at 20. My parents and their siblings all did too.</strong>husband(to-be), which makes them better to me. Oh and before I get bashed for being archaic or anything, I am working on a BSN and am going back for an MSN, my FI is working on his teachers certification, neither one of us see the issue with being married and being in college, lots of people live together in college, how is being married that different? OP, congrats from another "baby bride"! I think having your service, programs ect in both Spanish and English would be lovely for your new family. Hope the planning goes well!
Posted by Ready2BMrsWade[/QUOTE]

Yes, and nothing has changed in 50 years, and divorce was as socially acceptable and easily accessible then as it is now. Oh, wait...

p.s. Anecdotal evidence is never a convincing or valid argument.

For every person you hold up an say, "See! They got married young and are still together", I could hold up an example to say "See! They got married young and got divorced!" or "They got married young and the first five years of marriage were rough as hell because of it!".

If you get married younger than 25, don't have a college education, and aren't financially stable, the statistics are against you. Sorry.

nottheonlydreamer44 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-underaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f4529e15-e570-4bea-ac95-152445ab3d7fPost:f1572919-0c82-47bd-b083-2f16c29d548e">Re: Engaged and Underaged</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank You everyone who has posted their opinions and ideas toward my engagement. But perhaps I was not as clear as I should have been. My fiance and I have a very strong bond with our families and originally we planned to move a state away, but figured we wanted to be close to them when we would decide to start a family so we thought it best if we stayed close. We never considered staying based on them helping us financially. I'm not going to lie and say that they won't but like any other new couple moving into their first home and dealing with college tuition it is inevitable that we won't need help. My fiance and I also wanted to pay for our own wedding we originally wanted something small with some family and a few friends but because of family conflict many people were offended when they found out they would not be invited (aunts, cousins, friends of the family who I haven't seen since birth) and our families felt it would be easier to just invite them. It does sound like our families will be contributing to a majority of the wedding but we will be paying a portion as well. We both have full time jobs as well as being full time students. And because we both work and have financial support this is what I meant by being financially stable. We have also been loving and enjoying our freshman year we have different friends and are interested in different activities which makes it easier to still have our free time without each other. Our friends were hesitant at first but are very supportive now. And lastly before anyone comments on the time I am engaged now but I won't be getting married for another 2 years my wedding date is set for April 22, 2012! So now that I have eliminated all questions about financial stability, timing, and guest count does anyone have advice that I can used towards my wedding planning. Thank you
Posted by GonzalezWed[/QUOTE]

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<strong>Okay. Wow. Where to even begin with this entire monstrosity is almost overwhelming. First of all you say you "recently" got engaged. If that's true how on earth have you already worked out who's paying for what, pissed off guests who won't be invited, even figured out WHO is getting invited, or any of the other 20 things you've "completed" that make no sense.
</strong>
<strong>Your post is all over the place. You wanted to move a state away but you already know where you want to go to GRADUATE SCHOOL? HTH can you know where you want to go to Grad School when you haven't even made it through one SEMESTER/QUARTER of undergrad.
</strong>
<strong>You aren't intending on getting married for two years so I would slow the f-up and relax on the planning. I'm not an advocate for young marriage but sometimes they do work. They do not work, however, when one or both parties appears to live in a fantasy dream-world with unicorns and puppies. (**see OP**)
</strong>
<strong>And please inform me of the amazing full-time jobs you both have, while being full-time students that are going to allow you to pay ANYTHING for a 350 person wedding and buy a house? I need one of those jobs now and I've got two degrees.

Back off the wedding ledge and cool your heels - it's achingly apparent you've either decided your entire life in the last month (or however long it's been since you got engaged) or you're one of those 16 year old girls who had it all "figured out" the second you started dating.

God bless America on this one.

</strong>

Ready2BMrsWade · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-underaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f4529e15-e570-4bea-ac95-152445ab3d7fPost:7410f524-7987-4342-8d4e-e4bcbd9de2b5">Re: Engaged and Underaged</a>:
[QUOTE] If you get married younger than 25, don't have a college education, and aren't financially stable, the statistics are against you. Sorry.
Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]
I will have a college education, I am financially stable, please don't judge someone you know nothing about. Getting married at all the statistics are against you, but I refuse to be a statistic. In my family and in my own life divorce is not an option except in the extreme case of abuse or infidelity (though the second is possibly forgivable). I am going into marriage knowing I am committed for life, legally, publicly, and as an adult. Yes, life has changed in the last 50 years but some things shouldn't have like the fact that people even CONSIDER divorce when they get married. <div>Sorry OP to jack your board with my soapbox but some people really bother me with their high and mighty ageism. I think if your family and friends, people who close to you, not random anonymous group of people online, approve then have an awesome wedding. </div>

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