October 2012 Weddings

XP - Switching vendors - kind of delicate

XP on Etiquette

I am going to be switching vendors for my invitations and need a little help with how to do it. CN at bottom.

My friend,who has a side business doing invitations and cards offered to do my invitaions, programs, etc back when FI and I got engaged. Over the last 6 months we've had several meetings to design, go over numbes needed of each item, etc, and she always says she'll have something to me soon and quotes from the printer. All these meetings have basically been repeats of each other as she seems to misplace her notes from the prevous one. I've only ever received three monogram choices (all of which were sloppy) and the "sample invitation" she sent through was the wording FI and I had finalized and sent to her in Microsoft Word saved in a PDF and sent back to me.

Back on February 18th she said she was sorry for taking so long, but that work/life had been super busy and she hadn't had a chance to get around to it, but that she would definitely send me a proof that week. To this day I have nothing. I understand that she has a 1 year old, a husband who is frequently out of town on business, a full time job and has been struggling with PPD and as such I have been very "hands off" and not bugged her about it at all. However, I'm starting to think that because we're friends she seems to think that my invitations aren't a priority and can just be left until the last second.

I've started to look into other vendors in my area and the one I'd ideally like to go with has told me the design to print process can take up to 3 months. Add on time to get the envelopes to and back from the calligrapher and time to mail them out I feel like I should get this all sorted out now.

How do I tell my friend (who has a tendency to hold onto hurt feelings) that I'm going to go with another vendor without damaging our friendship?

CN: A friend was supposed to do my invitations and hasn't been able to produce any results in a fairly lengthy period of time. How do I delicately tell her I'm going to go another way without destroying our friendship?
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Re: XP - Switching vendors - kind of delicate

  • steveandtasteveandta member
    100 Comments
    edited March 2012
    I would "white lie" in this situation and say something like. "my mom was feeling left out and really wanted to order the invites" or something along those lines. or "I won free invites from a bridal show so you dont need to worry anymore." just to protect her feelings.
    Photobucket invite1
  • I would actually be completely honest with her.  I would say something like you've noticed that she's got a lot on her plate in addition to all the stationery she offered.  If you phrase it such that you're trying to make life easier for her it might help.  If she balks you can add in that you've heard how long it can take for everything to be printed and you feel like you're starting to cut it a little close.  Thank her again for her offer and that you hope she understands.

    Sorry you're having to deal with this.  I hope she'll be understanding and not get too upset. GL
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  • hmmm I think I would go with the white lie that you "won" invitations, that will release her from the responsibility and probably save the friendship
  • If it were me, I'd be afraid that she'd find out somehow that I didn't win the invitations. Then she'd be more upset about the lie than she would have been if I'd told the truth from the getgo.
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  • Well, girls I did it. I bit the bullet and e-mailed her b/c I am way too chicken to call.

    I told her the best version of the truth, that I know how busy she is with her son, husband and job and that my invitations, programs, menus, table numbers, escort cards, etc, etc is a huge project and I feel bad for taking up her time. I told her that I'd rather she come as a guest to the wedding and to let me know how much time she's put in so far so I can pay her for that.

    I sent it about 2 hours and haven't heard anything yet. I imagine she'll probably be a bit upset but I'm hoping she'll take it in a positive way.
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  • Good for you.  Hope it turns out well.
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