Help! My Ring Is Ugly!

PaigeMcC · March 2010

Okay so disclaimer : I am KUI.

That said - I re-read everything and OP I am glad you came back as well. You seem pretty reasonable. I appologize if I seemed too harsh but we see these kind of posts from beebees a lot and it was time for a good rant. Sometimes we're over zealous. I still stand by my points tho. It's about love not about rings.

Moving on...this thread is still kind of funny.

nebbiolo · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:1f065eb4-bba6-4a54-b9ea-22b2aff50d76">Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
[QUOTE]My future fiancé had my engagement ring custom-made for me by his great-aunt who works for Lester Lampert. He was sooooo excited about it, and kept bragging to me about how beautiful and unique it was, and how his great-aunt was only charging him a fraction of its original cost for her "favorite nephew". I could only imagine what it would look like, especially since he had taken me to a jewelry store several months ago to look at rings and find out what I liked and disliked. On Thanksgiving, his older sister unexpectedly got engaged, and was presented with a ring that was also made by this great-aunt. Her ring is gorgeous! A big square diamond surrounded by little round ones. I was, admittedly, slightly envious. Later that week, my ring arrived in the mail. Since our engagement is several months away, my boyfriend offered me the chance to see what it looked like, and I said I did. However, he went to go how his father first, who offered to put the ring in his safe until it was time to pop the question - so I never got the chance to see it. However, what my boyfriend did do was pull up a picture on the internet of a ring that was "very similar" to what my custom ring looked like. When he showed me, I was speechless -- the ring was so ugly and plain! There was nothing even remotely unique about it. I was very disappointed.<strong><font color="#ff0000"> It looked nothing like any of the rings I'd shown him in stores.</font></strong> When he asked me what I thought, I said the first thing that came to mind: "It's nice." He became very mad and upset at my reaction ("I show you your engagement ring and all you can say is that it's nice?"). I apologized profusely and chalked up my reaction to shock. Ever since then, I have kept it inside that I hate my engagement ring! I don't know what to do! He was so upset when all I said was "it's nice", that I don't want to tell him I don't like it at all. I don't want to insult his great-aunt, either, who is a very sweet woman. He is so very excited about this ring, and all I can think about is how ugly it is. Am I just jealous over his sister's ring? Am I just overreacting over a picture? Should I say something to him or just wear the ring and be happy I have it?
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

I am surprised at the negative responses your original post garnered. I think we tend to mix the emotion of an engagement with the practical aspects of it. Yes, of course you love your BF/future FI and appreciate all the effort that he put into finding you what he perceives as the ideal ring. That goes without saying. You can still love and appreciate your BF/FI AND while at the same time believe that the ring he ultimately picked out for you is nothing like the ones you showed him.

I read this post to my BF and his take was that he would want to know that he picked out the wrong ring. I personally think there has got to be a way you can communicate that to your future FI/husband. I would. The ring is a ring - remove the emotion and you ultimately want a ring that you like. It has nothing to do with how much you love and appreciate your BF/FI, IMO.

bsidebella · March 2010

Yeah, it is kind of funny isn't it? Can we be fwiends now?

....what does KUI/beebee mean? *n00bshame*

In case anyone was wondering, I ended up discussing this with the boyfriend when I got home. He was upset and disappointed, of course. He also admitted he didn't have a whole lot to do with the design of the ring. His great-aunt did most of it, and he approved of the design because he thought it was unique and that I would like it.

I took a cue from you guys and told him I was in the wrong, that I'm sure I'll love the ring once I actually see it - and it wouldn't matter if it was a paper clip, a twist-tie or a Ring Pop.

He did say, jokingly, "S***! Can I return the ring and get you a Ring Pop instead?" I said I wouldn't mind, as long as it came from him. It ended the discussion on a high note and we both felt a lot better once it was over and done with.

PS: PaigeMcC, I like the line at the bottom of your sig

I work in Talent Relations; I feel your pain.

jeanacorina · March 2010

Well, that turned out A-okay! I'm glad you were able to talk to him about it in a way that didn't sound stuck up or spoiled, but still communicated your feelings.

Sometimes you just have to take a step back and appreciate each other, and THEN move on to the issue at hand.

jeanacorina · March 2010

Sorry, KUI is Knotting Under the Influence, and beebee is Knottie speak for "baby" which basically means a wee little girl who doesn't know what she's talking about.

It's a hard one to define, but that's what I got.

PaigeMcC · March 2010

bside - oi! You understand my hectic days then! lol

oceana919 · March 2010

I almost gave you a beebee tiara, but you seem to have leveled out, so I will reserve judgement for now...

If it makes you feel better, my FI *technically* didn't get the ring I wanted either. He had told me that I may want to get my finger sized, so I went with a friend to do so and ended up falling in love with a ring from Zales. He eventually got the details about the ring from my friend and througout the year, alluded to the fact that he knew about it and was planning on giving it to me sometime that year. Turns out he took the basic design of the ring, took it to Blue Nile, and got a similar ring. But there are differences. The center stone is smaller (Zales was .65c, BN is 0.45c), but it's significantly higher quality and clarity than the original stone I had looked at. He upgraded it to 18K gold instead of 14. The diamond sits higher up on my finger than I had originally wanted, but it sits deeper in the setting (hence, less fear about it falling out while in the lab).

In the end, sure, it's not the exact ring I wanted, but I love it. I know my FI put a lot of time and thought into it, did a lot of research into what stones were best, what metal would hold up the best, etc., and he designed a ring that would be similar to the style I liked. In the end, it had a bit of me and a bit of him in it. I wouldn't trade that ring for the world.

bsidebella · March 2010

PaigeMcC - mhmm ... smile til it hurts, right? ;-)

I'm glad we were able to resolve all this ... I've been lurking for a few weeks; I've been too shy to post until this issue came up and it sent me into a panic - something I've been doing a lot lately, or so says my man O.o

I'm also glad I'm not considered a "beebee" ... or do I still have a ways to go? ;-)

jeanacorina · March 2010

You're on the saner side of crazy, I think.

Maybe you just had a beebee moment.

bsidebella · March 2010

okay, I'll take a beebee moment. *crosses heart" I shan't do it again!

jeanacorina · March 2010

I think we've all had them. I know I did. Back in the day.

I also had a freak-out over the color of the groomsmen vests. Honey vs. Champagne--- enough to make a girl lose her cool. Sh!t happens.

Help! My Ring Is Ugly!

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