Opts for shoes

tldh · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cheap-bridesmaids-deal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:3ef392d9-d134-4132-9b3a-72629f70cac2Post:0c1db130-70fb-4f08-8d94-d8365037233b">Re: Unrealistic Bridesmaids - how to deal?</a>:
[QUOTE]What I am saying is that that is what is realistic for our group.. we've been in each other's weddings, so why, now that they are all married and trying to save for houses is the cost too much? It was no issue when they were brides.
Posted by wendalin85[/QUOTE]

Seriously? You can't see the difference between being single and having disposable income and being a responsible adult and putting it towards something for the future?

It's easier to throw money away when you are single on things like designer bags and shoes, $18 drinks and cover charges for clubs. When you're married and working together towards something, it's harder to justify paying a small fortune for the honor of being in someone else's wedding.

eta - if they are married, most likely, they know from first hand experience where the wastes of money are that the wedding industry has convinced so many are necessities.

tldh · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cheap-bridesmaids-deal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:3ef392d9-d134-4132-9b3a-72629f70cac2Post:1ccf845c-38d0-4440-8e95-50861cff9c53">Re: Bridesmaids budget</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello, I am a wedding planner and I planned a military wedding last year and the budget for the bridesmaids were $300.00 which included the dress, alterations, make-up, shoes, nails and hair. It costs to be a bridesmaid and MOH.
Posted by kingr2[/QUOTE]

Oh yes...wedding planners are notorious for being budget conscious and giving a damn about the relationships that brides have to deal with after the wedding.

btw - vendors are not allowed on these boards. Reported.

whitneymichael · September 2011

I'm sorry you're in this situation! I see both sides here...I have been in 2 weddings, and for both, when I accepted, I knew that I would be lucky to walk away having spent only $500, between the dress, hair, gift, shower and bachelorette. I think it's just something that a BM needs to accept as their gift to the bride before they agree to be in the wedding party.

That said, when I chose my BM's and MOH, money was definitely on my mind, and I didn't want them to have any hardship paying. So, I was clear with them what I guessed the total costs would come to. I gave my MOH a reasonable budget for the shower and bachelorette party that I knew worked for everyone and anything they may do above and beyond will be up to them as individuals. That way, everyone is happy: my girls know what to plan to spend, and my MOH doesn't have to have an uncomfortable conversation about money with any of them, some of whom she barely knows - after all, these are the women who you're closest to in the world, I don't think that the bride should be left out of the conversation!

In this economy when many are out of work or underpaid, and when people's incomes vary so much, it helps to avoid conflict or hard feelings by laying it all out on the table beforehand!

amdapalmer · September 2011

I personally think that if you put that much time, money and energy into all there weddings which we ALL know that the brides were aware of the cost's then i dont see the problem in you expecting it from them to. I understand whats right/wrong ect. But at the end of the day- you choose these people because you were in theres and your all friends- if you cant sit them down and tell them how your feeling about you putting so much money, time and energy into there wedding ... Then should they even be in your wedding? I understand where everyone is coming from when it regards to showers ect. So my advice is because this is your day - and your really bothered by your efforts into the other girls weddings I say just confront them. It sounds like to me that they took advantage of you when you were apart of the girls wedding partys but now that its your time they cant assist in making your day great? I personally dont think its about the money but about the efforts... Talk to them - discuss it and honestly get new bridesmaids if they dont want to help. Oh and lastly- dont settle! You deserve the best (= For your big day, a shower and anything esle a bride gets for the big event.

jemmini6 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cheap-bridesmaids-deal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3ef392d9-d134-4132-9b3a-72629f70cac2Post:63c2c87c-b35e-4095-9570-8c4b6ec4b968">Re: Bridesmaids budget</a>:
[QUOTE]My Bridesmaid budget is $200. A few months ago, I sat my girls down and just explained some logisitics with them. I was in a wedding last year that I felt like I was constantly shelling out money and I didn't want to be doing that with them. My dress budget for the girls in about a $100, without any kind of alterations because that's something I don't have control over, except making sure that the place we're getting the dresses has afforadable alterations. I'm choosing a very inexpensive black shoe for everyone, under $30<strong>. I specifically told them that I am fine with them going together on a shower gift, spending $20 each and for my personal shower $40</strong>. They aren't throwing my shower because none of them are able to. I told them if they wanted to spend more and could, it was fine, but not to feel pressure to go over. As far as nails are concerned, I'm giving them the option of getting them done or doing them theirselves, <strong>I picked a light pink for their nails so it would easily be uniform regardless of who did it.</strong> A hairdresser is coming to the house and will charge me a full price for my whole party vs. everyone going individually. The only expense that's not set in stone is my bachelorette party, but I'm overseeing it as far as cost to make sure no one ends up spending more than is needed. The way to budget your bridesmaids is staying on top of things, and clear communication. Giving them timelines/deadlines about when you want stuff bought and spread it out over a period of time, so they aren't spending money constantly. I'm buying their jewelry as their gift so they don't have to worry about it. It gives you more things to juggle, but it's helpful to stay on top of it with them, and they will be more happily willing to do things for you if you try your best to look out for them.
Posted by bshipgirl89[/QUOTE]

There is soooo much wrong with all of this, but specifically the two bolded parts.

You seriously told them how much to spend on your gift? Are you freaking serious. This is one of the most offensive things I've ever heard and if I were your bridesmaid, I would have quit right then and there. Friendship over.

And you are really that bridezilla enough to dictate a freaking NAILPOLISH color? WTF is wrong with you? Seriously...good luck keeping friends after this, you are going to need it.

carolinatiger10 · September 2011

My girls' budget is about $175-$200. We got their dresses for $100, i took a vote on shoes & we all decided on some type of silver sandals. I told them to wear their own jewelry & do whatever they want with their nails. I will be paying for their makeup & they have all agreed to have their hair professionally put into various updos. As far as showers, gifts, etc, that's all up to them. I am thankful they want to be a part of my special day & don't expect more than that

emilou02 · September 2011

You should probably also know that it is improper etiquette and really quite rude for a member of the bride's family to throw her a "shower" of any sort (bridal, baby, etc.). Yes, that includes your MOH sister. Under no circumstances should family members be throwing these occasions which should be hosted by a family friend as it comes across as (and is) begging for gifts for family. No one should be "billed" for a party that another person has decided to throw for you because you absolutely "must" have a bridal shower. If no one is willing to OFFER to play the role of gracious host for a party that revolves around showering one person - you - with gifts, then there should be no party.

kmmssg · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cheap-bridesmaids-deal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:3ef392d9-d134-4132-9b3a-72629f70cac2Post:db502505-c16c-44b5-bf9a-c11c26665d61">Re: Bridesmaids budget</a>:
[QUOTE]My girls' budget is about $175-$200. We got their dresses for $100, i took a vote on shoes & we all decided on some type of silver sandals. I told them to wear their own jewelry & do whatever they want with their nails. I will be paying for their makeup & they have all agreed to have their hair professionally put into various updos. As far as showers, gifts, etc, that's all up to them. I am thankful they want to be a part of my special day & don't expect more than that
Posted by carolinatiger10[/QUOTE]

Now here is a bride who "gets it." Friendship before entitlement and putting people ahead of how much money you want them to spend on you. Way to go Carolina.

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