Hi ladies,
I'm a lurker around here, and I need some of that awesome advice/insight that only the knot can offer. I posted a vent about the best man about a year ago, people called me out on overreacting and I realized I was being too sensitive. I thought this one out before posting.
Since we chose the WP (there are 5 on FI's side), the best man been throwing around ideas of a bachelor party in Vegas. I laughed it off - we live in Montreal, so it isn't a short trip, and most of the GM (FI's three brothers) have kids and I didn't think they would be willing to put the time and money into a bachelor party that is so extravagant. The other two members, the best man and the fourth GM are students and don't have a big budget.
The BM called me in October to ask me about Vegas. I told him my hoest opinion - I thought it was silly. FI doesn't like going to clubs, he's never been to a strip club and doesn't have the desire to, and we went to Vegas for my 21st birthday and both of us agreed it was overrated. Also, FI's three brothers offered us our wedding photography as a wedding gift, so I thought it was really unfair of the BM to even suggest Vegas. I was also honest in saying that I have anxiety issues and I get nervous when FI is out with his friends in the city here - mostly because his friends are wild (BM gets out of control when he drinks, and the fourth GM has recently been arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct and has a knack for getting into bar fights). I also get nervous because my anxiety always makes me fear the worst case scenario - I'm working on that.
After the October convo with the BM, FI and I agreed that Vegas was out of the picture for several reasons, a) it's not fair that the GM should shell out that kind of money, b) it restricts the amount of people that can participate in the bachelor patry (friends that aren't GM, etc) and c) I'm honestly not 100% comfortable with the idea. So it's settled, they're not going. Right? Wrong.
BM calls me today and tells me Vegas is back on. He has asked the GM to shell out 1500$ each to go. One of FI's brothers flat out refused, the other two said fine, and the fourth GM said ok too. He wanted my permission, but I said I didn't know what to say. I feel as though it's not my place to give permission, but at the same time I am uncomfortable with the idea. That being said, I really don't want to be the one to take this away from them if they really want to go and forever be resented as the bacheor party pooper.
I would appreciate some advice on what to do here. I have already spoken to FI briefly today, and he told me that he wants to go, but he won't go if he thinks it will upset me. However, I made it clear to him in October that I think it's a bad idea, so I don't know what to do with that. Should I be honest with FI and have him decline the trip to Vegas? Is there any way that I can make the BM come back down to earth and see that 1500$ is a ridiculous amount of money to ask people to spend? Or should I just suck it up, tell them to have fun and deal with my anxiety the weekend they're gone?
CN: The best man brought up the idea of a Vegas bachelor party months ago, FI and I decided it wasn't a good idea and I thought it was settled. However, now the BM has gone ahead with the plans for Vegas that obliges the GM to each shell out 1500$ - one GM refused and the rest are ok with it but I am uncomfortable with the idea and I don't know how to handle the situation.