Need some advice on an MOH issue...

kadoering · December 2011

Hi December 2012 ladies! I haven't been on in a while because I've been busy with law school, but I really need your advice on something. (And I thank you in advance for any input.) My MOH just called me and told me that she and her boyfriend are looking at engagement rings and are planning on a July 2012 wedding. Her boyfriend is a pilot in the Air Force who is stationed 600 miles away. After they get married, she'll be moving there to be with him.

Basically, here are my issues:

1. Feeling a little upstaged. FI and I have been together longer and got engaged first, I feel like they're stealing a bit of our thunder if they get married before us. (The four of us were best friends in college.)

2. She'll be leaving me months before my wedding. My MOH will be 600 miles away just when I need her most. How is she going to help me with wedding preparations? Do any of you have a long-distance MOH? Should I ask her to step down and have someone else do it?

3. I don't feel nearly as happy for her as I feel like I should. I want them to get married, I really do, but I'm not exactly thrilled with the timing. I know she's not doing this to me on purpose, but I still feel horrible. How can I get excited about this?

The short version- my MOH just told me she'll be getting married and moving 600 miles away 5 months before my wedding- what do I do?

SeptemberLadie · December 2011

Have you tried talking to her at all about it? I would do that first. Tell her exactly how it makes you feel at see what she may thinking. I would also wait until they are officially engaged and have a date set before you get too worked up about it. But the best thing to do is to be completely honest with her. Best of luck!

kadoering · December 2011

I know that I need to talk to her, I'm just not sure what to say. I certainly can't ask her to postpone her wedding. I also don't want to rain on her parade since obviously she's really happy.

Also they should be officially announcing their engagement in two or three months, it depends on when he can next get leave to come home.

MrsBenSears · December 2011

I can understand why you may feel upstaged, but just lok at it from her perspective, she may not want to be away from him any longer, so she wants a quick engagement. However, she should have been more considerate of your feelings.

I have a long distance MOH also, I am about 800 miles away from mine (She is in Maine and I am in Virginia). Its hard at first but you guys will learn how to compromise with each other. For example, I am buying my wedding dress in Maine bc she is there and so is my mom, and she is coming to me when I decide to pick out flowers. You guys can make it work if you try hard enough. I wouldn't as her to step down just cause she moved, you may be frustrated now, but when it comes to be her wedding you will be so happy for her!

Good luck with this and I know how stressful it can be!

P.S. You should feel privileged that you are one of the first to know!

kadoering · December 2011

I do understand why she's doing it and she has perfectly good reasons for it. I guess I'm a little annoyed because we were planning a July wedding and then we moved it back to December because of concerns that her future husband, who is our best man, wouldn't be able to get leave in July. I guess I sort of feel like they stole my wedding.

I don't know how much we'll really be able to do together after she moves, since I'll be in school and she'll be working. I also don't anticipate doing much before she moves, since her wedding is first it's going to be all about her.

I do feel privileged that she let me know first and I want so badly to be excited for her. They're a such a great couple and I want them to get married, I'm just not thrilled with the timing.

mattsgirl2004 · December 2011

I know I'm not a December 2012 bride, I am actually a December 2011 bride that was married 2 weeks ago. Can I give you some advice and hopefully it doesn't come off bad to you. My advice is to keep your MOH, be happy for her, and not talk to her about it at all. Why? Because your FI should be helping you with your wedding plans and your decisions, not your MOH. Secondly, you chose your MOH as someone to stand up with you and support you and she's not backing down from doing just that. I'm not trying to be snarky at all, but I think you're putting a lot of pressure on her to do more then what is required by any WP member. As long as she continues to support you, love you, and be there for you...even if it is 600 miles away, that's all that matters. Please trust me when I say that this won't even be a big deal a year from now. I know you feel upstaged and I totally understand that. However, she has a right to be happy and get married too. Just be a friend to her, support her and love her like you would want her to do for you. My MOH or any other WP members didn't help me with much of anything and my wedding turned out beautifully. I never asked them to do more then buy their dress and show up for the wedding. My husband, mom, and I planned the wedding together. I know you're disappointed, I just don't want to see you and your MOH have and "rifts" when this is the happiest time in both of your lives. Good luck to you and I wish you all of the best! And again, I hope that I didn't offend you...just trying to help.

Need some advice on an MOH issue...

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