What is the point in being so rude on here?

spechtholdn · July 2010

I read threads on here quite often to get ideas about wedding planning, and about what problems brides face, along with the advice they get. I have noticed that some women are just downright rude. Why do they feel the need to pick apart someone when all they wanted was some advice? You can disagree with what someone is saying without being a "meangirl". We are all adults and should be able to communicate different opinions clearly and respectfully.

I just wonder if maybe some of the women posting this are just having a bad day and planning isn't going their way. Are they just taking their frustrations out on the first post they dont like or agree with? I understand some people can be outspoken and blunt, but there is a line between that and just being rude. There is also quite a bit of name calling, I mean really, do people really feel the need to go there?

Does anyone else notice this or have any thoughts about it?

jelique7 · July 2010

I would not say A LOT of people are mean on here. Yes there are a few but a lot of the time posters think that people are being rude to them because they didn't get positive posts back so their feelings get hurt. This is the internet, anyone can post their opinion on here and if a person is going to take what is said on here seriously and get their feelings hurt, then they shouldn't post on here asking for opinions...

Mostly people get catty when people post "i don't like my ring it is too small" or "i am mad at my mother because she wont pay for the venue" or "should i kick my MOH out of the wedding because she missed the bachelorette party". Posts like that get on peoples nerves because the majority of the time its the OP who is acting bratty, ungrateful and selfish so when posts like these are seen of course they are going to be commented on.

If people cant handle the heat then get out of the kitchen...isn't that what they say.

spechtholdn · July 2010

I'm just saying you can disagree with someone without being rude. Your post was not rude. You stated your opinion on the issue. I have not gotten any feedback that I didn't like or that I personally thought was rude or insulting, but I have seen some post from others that have. I mean name calling, insults, the whole thing.

I think that if you feel a post is something that you are sick of seeing or it gets on your nerves, then why even waste you time reading it? If I see something that I'm thinking "wow that's really dumb, or wtf is this person thinking?" I move on. I don't feel the need to insult the person and tell them they are a "piece of sh*t" Yes, I did just read a comment before posting this that said that.

spechtholdn · July 2010

Also just to clarify, I am not talking about the people who give an honest opinion that may not be what the poster wants to hear. I am only talking about people who are really downright rude and mean.

andy71781 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_point-being-rude-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4859b123-8b78-4f75-8b43-33b85251b5ffPost:cb51af74-5a29-46b5-96fc-6d5699e8d5d4">Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?</a>:
[QUOTE]Also just to clarify, I am not talking about the people who give an honest opinion that may not be what the poster wants to hear. I am only talking about people who are really downright rude and mean.
Posted by spechtholdn[/QUOTE]
If you had actual examples your post would be a whole lot more relevant.

There are some pretty dumb ideas posted on TK, mostly by "trolls." There are also certain women who need some upfront, honest advice that might sound harsh. I might say something is a "bad idea" but I wouldn't ever call them dumb. That might not be polite, but its not mean.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

I think some people can be a bit over the top (myself included) from time to time, but for the most part , it's in response to some kind of asinine post. It's truly rare that people are just nasty for absolutely no reason.

What, specifically, led you to post this?

spechtholdn · July 2010

I can't think of any post at the moment, but I have read several in the past month that I have been watching the boards where someone ask for advice and get a whole mess of unneccesary comments. Maybe it's just me though. I am usually a tell it like it is person but I think I am pretty respectful in doing so also. If I find a certain example I'll post it on here.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

Was it the post on Wedding Party that started all of this? I

spechtholdn · July 2010

Yes I believe that is one example I was referring to. I couldn't remember where it was. I think a lot of people didn't agree with the situation and reverted to saying whatever they thought without having an open mind or coming up with some well thought advice. I have read others before that though with a lot of name calling. I also read one earlier where someone called the girl a piece of sh*t because they didnt like what she posted. Im just saying we should all be capable of stating an opinion without being rude.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

I don't think anyone was overly rude in that thread. Peony was a bit much, but mainly because she wrote a fucking novel. I've been called tons of names on here. It just comes with the territory when you have no control over what other people say. I would much rather this be the type of site where you can be yourself than one of the other lame ones that are just painfully boring.

jelique7 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_point-being-rude-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4859b123-8b78-4f75-8b43-33b85251b5ffPost:e988835b-9b89-4ca9-81d4-d81fd2d4df2a">Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think anyone was overly rude in that thread. Peony was a bit much, but mainly because she wrote a fucking novel. I've been called tons of names on here. It just comes with the territory when you have no control over what other people say.<strong> I would much rather this be the type of site where you can be yourself than one of the other lame ones that are just painfully boring.</strong>
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

This!

spechtholdn · July 2010

Well I guess I just saw a lot of unneccesary BS posted and I did think s?ome of the threads were rude. They did have good advice in them but they were rude. I have also seen several post in the past with name calling. My point is just that we aren't little kids. Why do you (general term) feel the need to act like a teenager and call someone names? Although I did see some threads towards the end that you commented on about the MOH and BM telling her about the surprise party. That was pretty petty on their part.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_point-being-rude-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4859b123-8b78-4f75-8b43-33b85251b5ffPost:f64562ba-ef3b-4d00-819c-f820117889c7">Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I guess I just saw a lot of unneccesary BS posted and I did think s?ome of the threads were rude. They did have good advice in them but they were rude. I have also seen several post in the past with name calling. My point is just that we aren't little kids. Why do you (general term) feel the need to act like a teenager and call someone names? <strong>Although I did see some threads towards the end that you commented on about the MOH and BM telling her about the surprise party. That was pretty petty on their part.
</strong>Posted by spechtholdn[/QUOTE]

Huh?

[Deleted User] · July 2010

And here's the thing that bugs me. You've got a poll in your post and it looks like 10 people have voted yes, but no one has had the balls to come in to the thread and talk about it (besides you). Honestly, this is why things will never change. If you really think people are being overly harsh, then say it. Voting anonymously in polls is just just a coward's way out. Don't be scared. It's just the internet.

ehathewa · July 2010

I agree that many people on here are rude... and the language is often pretty terrible too. Any word that gets censored on TV is censored for a reason. If you want other brides to feel welcome and not attacked by your advice I'd get rid of the offensive language. That would be a great place for people to start. If someone spoke in the way they speak on these boards to my face, I would politely ask them to clean-up their language, and if they didn't - I would walk away.

cew - You mentioned that it was cowardly to vote in an anonymous poll. I disagree. That is what anonymous polls are for, gathering opinions anonymously.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

Well, we can agree to disagree then, but I feel that it's completely lame to vote that you think this site is full of mean girls and then refuse to say why. And you really needs some thicker skin if you are bothered by the language on an internet site. Seriously.

cnbrantner · July 2010

well i think that a lot of people aren't meanbut sometimes posters do get carried away with the names and rudeness, for instance, I read a post about a reception hall being ridiculous and the first poster said that the reception hall owner must have just realized what a tacky bitch she was. Sometimes its really uncalled for

cstt21251723 · July 2010

OP I do agree that I see quite a few responses to posts that I myself wouldnt say, but everyone is diffrent. I definitly dont agree with the name calling, but I havent seen much of that. Just stay away from posts you see immaturity in, thats what I do. Also I didnt vote because I don't do polls, but my advice is to ignore posts that are disrespectful.

jelique7 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_point-being-rude-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4859b123-8b78-4f75-8b43-33b85251b5ffPost:aa4bbf83-5cc7-4538-b6c5-02df05459a97">Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that many people on here are rude... and the language is often pretty terrible too. Any word that gets censored on TV is censored for a reason. If you want other brides to feel welcome and not attacked by your advice I'd get rid of the offensive language. That would be a great place for people to start. If someone spoke in the way they speak on these boards to my face, I would politely ask them to clean-up their language, and if they didn't - I would walk away. cew - You mentioned that it was cowardly to vote in an anonymous poll. I disagree. That is what anonymous polls are for, gathering opinions anonymously.
Posted by ehathewa[/QUOTE]

This isn't little house on the prairie...not everyone has crystal clean thoughts...Like PP said we are all adults here so i think the language reflects adult conversations...Im sure if we all knew there were 10yr olds reading this there would be much less asshat and twatwaffle type words flying around here. We are all adults and this is a place to express our opinion and speak freely..if you don't like the language used on here maybe you should find a different site to browse on...though i doubt you will find another site with perfectly clean language

ehathewa · July 2010

I wouldn't say that I am full-on bothered by the language, but it definitely tints a message in a hostile, unfriendly, and unhelpful way.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

I think curse words are funny. I agree they can kick it up a notch if the message is already taking on an unfriendly tone, but they can't make an otherwise benign post automatically nasty.

trix1223 · July 2010

cnbrantner, I think it also depends on what board you're on. There are some boards that are snarkier than others. That's why it's recommended that newbies lurk on the boards for awhile to get a feel for the different boards.

WP has become my defacto "home board" because it's the one I'm most comfortable on. I post on several other boards as ell, and completely stay away from several boards. Each board has it's own distinctive vibe.

spechtholdn · July 2010

I realize this isn't little house on the prairie. All I'm saying is that when someone posts something asking for advice people don't have to be so rude while giving their opinion on the matter. I have written several comments where I didn't agree with the post. I was blunt, honest, and not afraid to say what I really thought. I just said it in a respectful way and attempted to show them a different perspective on the matter. But I have also seen some where people give the vibe that they are "typing with attitude". Anyone can give an opinion, even a negative or opposite one, without disrespecting someone. For example, several people here have posted opposite opinions but none of them have came across as rude or disrespectful. It is the internet and people are going to say what they want, but they should at least do it with class.

gottahavashorti · July 2010

Which post on WP? I remember a couple where the OP came back and threw insults when they weren't validated, but that's about it. There's a lot of bluntness and honesty, but I really only ever see a very small handful of posters who are actually rude or mean, and not on any of the boards I am usually on.

cnbrantner · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_point-being-rude-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4859b123-8b78-4f75-8b43-33b85251b5ffPost:d1107252-69c8-4916-9826-4c2e1ffdba6a">Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?</a>:
[QUOTE]cnbrantner, I think it also depends on what board you're on. There are some boards that are snarkier than others. That's why it's recommended that newbies lurk on the boards for awhile to get a feel for the different boards. WP has become my defacto "home board" because it's the one I'm most comfortable on. I post on several other boards as ell, and completely stay away from several boards. Each board has it's own distinctive vibe.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

when I was new here all it took was some lurking and I knew which boards I was going to spend most of my time on. I'm no stranger to chat boards but I guess weddings have a tendency to make people a little hostile. I do love bridzillas tho, as long as the drama doesn't involve me, it's a good way to pass the time.

spechtholdn · July 2010

Cew515... you have made me realize that I have been wording what I mean on here wrong. When you said post can sometimes have an unfriendly tone, this is what I'm trying to convey. I just feel like we are all here for a common reason, to get advice, ideas, and opinions on wedding related stuff. Why not say what you think in a nice way instead of making some brides feel as if they are being attacked? They are obviously posting because they know they may not be thinking clearly, so why not be "friendly"? I have seen over and over that brides post something and then say they feel like people are going after them, they are then attacked even more and are told they are whiney, or acting like a brat. All you have to do is say "look at it from this perspective... and then state your opinion. Agian the words you and your are being used as general terms for all people on here.

I have personally never posted anything where people go after me, but I do see it and try to give an opinion or advice without being unfriendly. I just don't think there is a need for it, and if you feel really strongly about something you can still do it in a way to make the poster feel like you gave them another outlook on the situation.

NillaWafer10 · July 2010

I voted yes! There are some mean girls on the boards, but I avoid them. I don't usually pay attention to their advice, and I disregard their snarkiness.

To the OP, I believe that you definitely have a point. However, there are always going to be those few people in life who are unnecessarily mean. Think back to third grade, why did that girl have to pull your hair? Some people are just that way.

I think the best way to avoid it is to not go on boards where people you dislike frequent. Also, try avoiding confrontations on the chats. Accept that some people have different opinions, and move on.

I'm glad TK has helped you so much. It was the best resource I had for my wedding. Good luck with the rest of your planning.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

To be honest, I think that this would be a boring place if we didn't allow different personalities to post as themselves. I agree that some people act like assholes, but I think that's more of the exception than the rule. I would much rather run the risk of being called some dumb name than post on a site that censors it's posters. I think it's just the price that we pay for the freedom to express our opinions as colorfully as we'd like.

spechtholdn · July 2010

Yes I completely agree with that. I like to see different opinions and try to open my mind to what others are thinking. I have been on here for a while, but recently started using the chat boards. I guess I'm just learning the feel of things. The whole reason behind this was to find out what others thought.

Knottie56296520 · July 2010

I've been lurking for a while to try to get a feel for the boards. I agree that there are instances of very rude behavior, often from the same people. It's the internet, so unfortunately that will always happen. I feel that kind of discourse is counterprodutive, so I just make a point not to engage in hostile behavior when I see it. Also, I think your Mean Girls allusion is very appropriate, spechtholdn.

gottahavashorti · July 2010

[QUOTE]I think it's just the price that we pay for the freedom to express our opinions as colorfully as we'd like.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]
But not in colorful text. Please, please, please not in illegible colored text.

What is the point in being so rude on here?

Re: What is the point in being so rude on here?

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