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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Tina3104
member
An Open Letter to Guests
I'm writing this as a public service for all of us! Obviously, it is a bit of a rant, but I'm trying to do it as diplomatically as possible. I originally wanted to write an article called "how to be a good guest at a wedding" but went with the nicer version! Yes - all of this has happened.
Dear Guests,
We are honored that you are willing to be part of our celebration and are as excited are about our pending marriage as we are. It will be a wonderful, happy, and perfect day because at the end of the celebration, we are marrying the person we love more than life itself.
We are respectfully making a few requests that will cause less stress for the bride and groom. As we all know, there are a million details that go into planning a wedding. While we understand that although the wedding is priority 1 for us, you all have busy lives, and this becomes one more detail in yours.
Please note that we have a limited amount of space and money for this celebration. And we have deadlines we need to meet to pull this off. Oh how we wish we could have a kardashianeque bash, but alas, we can't (and that didn't turn out so great anyway).
First, please respond to your RSVP card by the time requested on it. We have to tell the caterer, venue, and rental companies how many guests will be there so they can coordinate their schedules and suppliers. It is a pain, but please, send back the card. We will make a followup attempt to confirm if you are accepting or declining our invitation. If you misplaced the RSVP card, an email is just fine! Or a text! We are easy on this.
Regarding space. We would like to invite everyone and their children, friends, and extended family, but we simply can't fit additional people in the church and reception hall. Please don't add guests without calling us first. We will do everything we can to accomodate you if possible, but with additional guests, we are met with additional costs for food, rental chairs, dinnerware, etc. Please also know that some venues do not allow children to attend if they are under 18. This is something we can't change so please don't ask us to move the reception to another place so your children can attend. We are not able to do this. Perhaps you could find a babysitter for a couple of hours?
When asking if you can bring 3 or 4 or 6 additional people, please understand that it is kind of weird to have people come to a wedding that the couple getting married don't know or have met once. We sent the invitation with a +1 so you could bring a date. Please don't invite additional people to make you feel comfortable. That will make us feel awkward when we have to be introduced to a tableful of people we don't know.
We have made every effort to plan a menu that will be appreciated by all. Unfortunately, we can not serve individual meals. If you have special food requirements, please contact us early and we can find out if that specific ingrediant will be present in any of the food options. If so, we will make you aware of it so you can avoid that specific dish. We wish we could have a more extensive menu, but we are trying to stay within our budget.
Because we have had so many additional people we did not initially invite tell us they are coming to our wedding, we had to make cuts elsewhere. That means we will not have an open bar. We are doing our best to still serve wine, beer and champagne at the toast. Please don't call us and tell us that we are cheap not having a full bar. We are more than willing to reconsider if you are more than willing to offer to pay for it. However, we think our guests will have a great time without the need of alcohol.
We chose the venue for the reception because we found it fit with our needs for our wedding. We apologize for the location of the parking lot, but that is out of our control. Perhaps you could bring a more comfortable pair of shoes?
The colors we chose for the wedding have special meaning to us. Again, we are sorry if that shade of blue clashes with your dress. All of our decorations have already been prepared so we cannot change the colors now.
Please don't ask if you can come early and just hang out until the ceremony. We would both like to have the morning to get ready and not have to worry about entertaining you. If you need a place to be before the ceremony begins, google the area and see if anything strikes your fancy!
Thank you all again.
Bride and Groom
Dear Guests,
We are honored that you are willing to be part of our celebration and are as excited are about our pending marriage as we are. It will be a wonderful, happy, and perfect day because at the end of the celebration, we are marrying the person we love more than life itself.
We are respectfully making a few requests that will cause less stress for the bride and groom. As we all know, there are a million details that go into planning a wedding. While we understand that although the wedding is priority 1 for us, you all have busy lives, and this becomes one more detail in yours.
Please note that we have a limited amount of space and money for this celebration. And we have deadlines we need to meet to pull this off. Oh how we wish we could have a kardashianeque bash, but alas, we can't (and that didn't turn out so great anyway).
First, please respond to your RSVP card by the time requested on it. We have to tell the caterer, venue, and rental companies how many guests will be there so they can coordinate their schedules and suppliers. It is a pain, but please, send back the card. We will make a followup attempt to confirm if you are accepting or declining our invitation. If you misplaced the RSVP card, an email is just fine! Or a text! We are easy on this.
Regarding space. We would like to invite everyone and their children, friends, and extended family, but we simply can't fit additional people in the church and reception hall. Please don't add guests without calling us first. We will do everything we can to accomodate you if possible, but with additional guests, we are met with additional costs for food, rental chairs, dinnerware, etc. Please also know that some venues do not allow children to attend if they are under 18. This is something we can't change so please don't ask us to move the reception to another place so your children can attend. We are not able to do this. Perhaps you could find a babysitter for a couple of hours?
When asking if you can bring 3 or 4 or 6 additional people, please understand that it is kind of weird to have people come to a wedding that the couple getting married don't know or have met once. We sent the invitation with a +1 so you could bring a date. Please don't invite additional people to make you feel comfortable. That will make us feel awkward when we have to be introduced to a tableful of people we don't know.
We have made every effort to plan a menu that will be appreciated by all. Unfortunately, we can not serve individual meals. If you have special food requirements, please contact us early and we can find out if that specific ingrediant will be present in any of the food options. If so, we will make you aware of it so you can avoid that specific dish. We wish we could have a more extensive menu, but we are trying to stay within our budget.
Because we have had so many additional people we did not initially invite tell us they are coming to our wedding, we had to make cuts elsewhere. That means we will not have an open bar. We are doing our best to still serve wine, beer and champagne at the toast. Please don't call us and tell us that we are cheap not having a full bar. We are more than willing to reconsider if you are more than willing to offer to pay for it. However, we think our guests will have a great time without the need of alcohol.
We chose the venue for the reception because we found it fit with our needs for our wedding. We apologize for the location of the parking lot, but that is out of our control. Perhaps you could bring a more comfortable pair of shoes?
The colors we chose for the wedding have special meaning to us. Again, we are sorry if that shade of blue clashes with your dress. All of our decorations have already been prepared so we cannot change the colors now.
Please don't ask if you can come early and just hang out until the ceremony. We would both like to have the morning to get ready and not have to worry about entertaining you. If you need a place to be before the ceremony begins, google the area and see if anything strikes your fancy!
Thank you all again.
Bride and Groom
This discussion has been closed.
Re: An Open Letter to Guests
Books read in 2012: 21/50
Books read in 2012: 21/50
If it's just a vent, I hope you feel better letting that out.
Amys, that is awesome.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
Perhaps I am at my wits end with 25 people who weren't invited coming to our wedding in 2 weeks and trying to find a way to pay for them. Yes - we are allowing strangers come to our wedding and ended up renting a tent to increase the space to accomodate them.
However - seeing as how I have offended you I will certainly delete the post.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
[QUOTE]Sorry guys - I wasnt' aware that the number of posts meant you are an expert. As for wasting anyone's time, my apologies. Perhaps I am at my wits end with 25 people who weren't invited coming to our wedding in 2 weeks and trying to find a way to pay for them. Yes - we are allowing strangers come to our wedding and ended up renting a tent to increase the space to accomodate them. However - seeing as how I have offended you I will certainly delete the post.
Posted by Tina3104[/QUOTE]
You didn't offend anyone. We just don't know you. Would you walk up to a group of strangers you don't know and start out complaining? Get to know people and we'll be more sympathetic
[QUOTE]Sorry guys - I wasnt' aware that the number of posts meant you are an expert. As for wasting anyone's time, my apologies. Perhaps I am at my wits end <strong>with 25 people who weren't invited coming to our wedding</strong> in 2 weeks <strong>and trying to find a way to pay for them. </strong>Yes - we are allowing strangers come to our wedding and ended up renting a tent to increase the space to accomodate them. However - seeing as how I have offended you I will certainly delete the post.
Posted by Tina3104[/QUOTE]
I think we need an alphabet lesson...take the letter N and the letter O, put them together and what do you have? NO! Learn it, use it, love it.
[QUOTE]Yes - I had one person tell me the royal blue clashes with what she is wearing and is it too late to change my colors.
Posted by Tina3104[/QUOTE]
Well that person is obviously BSC, I wouldn't spend another moment thinking about that non-issue.
If I was annoyed at something about the wedding, I'd never actually tell the bride. I might talk about it with my H and my friends, but the bride? Come on.
www.detroitwedding.weebly.com
The extra guests, while rude on THEIR part, are being enabled from YOUR end. I'd seriously call them all and say "Look, we can't afford you. If you show up, you will be removed from the premises."
Grow a backbone.
Wedding stuff.
[QUOTE]Don't delete the post, OP.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]
I agree, don't delete the post, OP. It's a free country, write whatever you want ! : )
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An Open Letter to Guests : I love that people are just inventing shiiit that was not in OP's post.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
The OP did reference this in her initial post where she wrote:
"That means we will not have an open bar. We are doing our best to still serve wine, beer and champagne at the toast. Please don't call us and tell us that we are cheap not having a full bar. We are more than willing to reconsider if you are more than willing to offer to pay for it."
Granted, it doesn't flat out say 'we're having an cash bar' but it does say that one will be considered if people want to open their wallets.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An Open Letter to Guests : She means that when Great Uncle Pete calls and bitches that they're only serving beer, wine, and champagne, she would like to tell Great Uncle Pete that he is welcome to cover the bar bill.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
See, that's not how I read it. And likely not how some other people read it if they're talking about the cash bar. Although I think more are perfectly reasonable interpretations of what she's saying. Only the OP knows.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An Open Letter to Guests : No, I'm pretty sure you're wrong, but I'm not going to argue. It's bad for my complexion.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
If you say so.
OP, sorry you are having so many frustrating things happen. Enjoy your vent and try to move past it! It will all be over in 12 days & then you'll be married!!!!
[QUOTE]I think I remember her post from a week or so ago. I think it was the bride who's BM's wife started inviting like 3 families or something. I believe the advice then was to say NO too. <strong>The things that people do still amazes me, but really asking someone to change their wedding colors?! </strong> ha OP, sorry you are having so many frustrating things happen. Enjoy your vent and try to move past it! It will all be over in 12 days & then you'll be married!!!!
Posted by lwoehlk[/QUOTE]
This is the part that still boggles the mind. I can't even imagine someone doing that. But I've heard weirder.
The one question that was fair was - who are the people doing the inviting. That I should have said early on. One was the wife of the BM (she is responsible for a full extra table of people) and the rest are FI family members. People whom I will be meeting for the first time at the wedding. So while it would have been nice if FI would have said no, he was trying to not have that hanging over my head the first time I meet many members of his family. "Hi so and so - here is my wife who wouldn't let your kids, friends, whatever, come to the wedding." As for the wife of the BM - we let it go so she wouldn't make him pull out of the wedding. I had to trust my Fi on that one since I don't have the history they do.
I'm pretty much ending any participation on the boards. The one thing I can say is that in my paltry 60 something posts, I've never attacked anyone. I've never called anyone names or said some of the things that were said to me. So, again, thank you for all your comments and I hope everyone has a perfect wedding day.