Deleting

RockstarWifey0912 · April 2012

Not hairflipping, just deleting.

Thank you for the responses but honestly, posting this on any board is not the way to go. None of you know her, or the situation firsthand. Summarizing the relationship with FSIL is not easy to do and I really don't feel like doing so. I shouldn't have posted on FB, but it's whatever. Maybe she'll drop the subject now.

Thanks again for the responses.

Last edit: I am NOT apologizing for the FB post

MyUserName1 · April 2012

...I would not have posted what you did on FB. You did everything all right up until that point. I think what you posted is pretty rude, actually.

I wouldn't say ANYTHING else about it, especially not passive aggressive FB posts. If she brings it up, apologize for hurting her feelings and stay firm but polite.

lyndausvi · April 2012

I posted on FB that night that I was upset and needed to have a bridezilla moment. I said, "10.26.12 is about ME and FI. NOT about anyone else. I asked my BFF and my sister to stand by my side as I marry FI on that day FOR A REASON- Those girls have been there for me for EVERYTHING. They were asked because they love me and support me ALWAYS, NOT BECAUSE they are family. Blood doesn't mean anything, it's the bond you build with people that matters."

You wrote this on FB? Ouch.

RockstarWifey0912 · April 2012

Yes I posted that on FB, but being 'firm and polite' got FI yelled at via text message. I will refrain from making another FB post about it though.

Loopyseven · April 2012

I think the FB post was a little out of line. Better to let your FI talk to her, as he said he would. Would you consider asking her to do a reading at the ceremony? Are you getting married in a Catholic ceremony? DO you need someone to take up the gifts?

Anysunrise · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:657b5ab2-5cba-4e94-8a70-306306832c46">Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]...I would not have posted what you did on FB. You did everything all right up until that point. I think what you posted is pretty rude, actually. I wouldn't say ANYTHING else about it, especially not passive aggressive FB posts. If she brings it up, apologize for hurting her feelings and stay firm but polite.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto. </div><div>
</div><div>You should try actually, I don't know, talking to your FSIL instead of snidely calling her out on FB.</div>

pkontk · April 2012

Honestly, posting that on Facebook seems very passive-aggressive. If you wanted to say that, you should have said it directly to her, not on a post for your X00+ friends to see. I think you should apologize for the fb post and just calmly tell her you have chosen the attendants.

MrsGandthebeag · April 2012

Wow, why would you have posted that on FB? That seems a little uncalled for. I think if she should bring it up again, you should probably apologize but stand firm in your decision. If you don't want her to be in it, she doesn't have to be in it. There's no need to be snarky though.

VRL · April 2012

I agree that you were in the clear until that FB comment.

If you felt the need to vent, you should have done so privately with your FI, a close friend or family member.

Posting a comment like that on facebook is almost guaranteed to cause drama. In fact, I'm surprised your FSIL didn't comment on it via FB, considering her penchant for texting out her feelings.

ETA: From here on out, let your FI handle his sister - and if you get called out for your FB post, apologize.

RockstarWifey0912 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:0a7819e6-61c6-4baf-abcf-7fdee7a0cd27">Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the FB post was a little out of line. Better to let your FI talk to her, as he said he would. Would you consider asking her to do a reading at the ceremony? Are you getting married in a Catholic ceremony? DO you need someone to take up the gifts?
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Nope, we do not need any of that. She and I do not have the best history together anyway and honestly all I want is for her to sit in the audience and deal.</div>

SarahPLiz · April 2012

Yeah, the FB post was out of line. Way out of line. Just open your mouth and talk to her FFS. Its not like she's going to bite out your tongue. What you posted on FB was not polite at all. It was rude. Way to make her feel like shiit.

RockstarWifey0912 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:3bacf87d-35a2-4a28-8a8b-396be160a077">Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!) : Ditto. You should try actually, I don't know, talking to your FSIL instead of snidely calling her out on FB.
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>the last time I attempted a conversation with her, she called me a thief and liar. So no, I won't be having a conversation with her.</div>

RockstarWifey0912 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:b83735c6-dff1-46bd-bf2f-a1d897fd1e91">Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, posting that on Facebook seems very passive-aggressive. If you wanted to say that, you should have said it directly to her, not on a post for your X00+ friends to see. I think you should apologize for the fb post and just calmly tell her you have chosen the attendants.
Posted by pkontk[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>We have done that. Multiple times over the last 4 months. She is well aware of who our WP is.</div>

RockstarWifey0912 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:d60dd5a9-34a6-4f7b-ad6f-b712dcee6a55">Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, the FB post was out of line. Way out of line. Just open your mouth and talk to her FFS. Its not like she's going to bite out your tongue. What you posted on FB was not polite at all. It was rude. Way to make her feel like shiit.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

<div>It's a drop in the bucket for what she's put me through over the last several years.</div>

NOLAbridealmost · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:c190f15b-7d05-4f00-bd33-23a1e0f85a9a">Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes I posted that on FB, but being 'firm and polite' got FI yelled at via text message. I will refrain from making another FB post about it though.
Posted by RockstarWifey0912[/QUOTE]

<div>Dude really? Her private text to FI warranted a public call-out on FB?</div><div>
</div><div>Look, I don't think you have any duty whatsoever to ask her to be in your wedding, but that post was childish.</div>

lyndausvi · April 2012

I think you are being a little bratty here.

She is hurt by not being in her brother's wedding. That is actually a very valid feeling. I was disappointed and hurt when I was not in my brother's wedding. In my social group siblings are always in the wedding unless they are just pain assholes. I got over it, but I'll admit I was disappointed that out of all the siblings I was the only excluded. I did do a reading and honestly dodged a bullet because the dresses SUCKED. LOL

By posting what you did basically said you don't give a shiit about blood and she is not supportive of her brother. That is just plain mean and hurtful. I would not talk to you either for a few days.

KatoNorway · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:12c4b0f6-7066-4199-ab43-aebbfe0b5ca3">Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]I posted here a few months ago that I didn't want to ask FSIL to be a BM. FI and I discussed, he didn't want her as a groomsmen either, so I followed the advice of this great board and we just didn't say anything to her. She never asked, we didn't offer the info. Whenever the WP has been discussed or talked about, I was always firm and honest about who was in it. I said, "My sis and best friend are both MOH, FI has his boys, and we have our FG and RB. That is all we need." No one EVER said anything about FSIL being in it or not. On April 11, MOHs and I went and we bought dresses for the wedding. I put a picture on FB and FSIL commented "Oh pretty!" So I thought things were fine. <em><strong>
She sent FI a text message the other night, basically whining and saying "You guys need to understand that I am part of your lives. it's not fair that her sister gets to be in the wedding and I don't."</strong></em> FI and I sat down and discussed. I told him that I did not want to have her as a BM because MY understanding of the WP is to have people whom love and support you and you don't automatically get asked to be in the wedding because you're family. I'm sure she thought that she would be in it, just because that's her brother. <em><strong>FI said he understood my point. I said, "Do you want her to be a GM?" he laughed and said NO. I said, fine, so what do we do then? He said he'd talk to her Friday (the 27th) when we went to FMIL's for dinner.</strong></em>

<em><strong> I posted on FB that night that I was upset and needed to have a bridezilla moment. I said, "10.26.12 is about ME and FI. NOT about anyone else. I asked my BFF and my sister to stand by my side as I marry FI on that day FOR A REASON- Those girls have been there for me for EVERYTHING. They were asked because they love me and support me ALWAYS, NOT BECAUSE they are family. Blood doesn't mean anything, it's the bond you build with people that matters."</strong></em>
We went to dinner the 27th, and FMIL starts asking FI to do some work around her house, leaving FSIL and I alone mostly. Since she did NOT text me, I did NOT bring up the issue with her. If she is so upset over everything, she can say it to my face,<em><strong> instead of texting little insults to her brother.</strong></em> She didn't say anything to me, or to FI, all night. So now what? I don't want to start a fight, especially since she didn't text ME, she sent it to FI. But I don't want her to do something stupid at the wedding either just because we haven't dealt with it. Help!
Posted by RockstarWifey0912[/QUOTE]

1.) Personally, I don't see how her text was an insult. Since FI is her brother, it was best for her to talk to your brother about her feelings than you. I can get that whole "WP" is near and dear to you, but I also understand how it can be hurtful to not be included.

2.) I would apologize for your Facebook rant. Passive-aggressive behavior will get you no where. I refuse to "feed" into that behavior and that is probably why your FSIL won't approach you on the subject.

3.) I really think you need to have your FI deal with this. But I also think that it's not the end of the world if you can find a way to include her somehow (like as a reader?)

misssunshine17 · April 2012

I responded on your post on Moms&Maids that read completely different than this one. You are just as ridiculous as what you're claiming she is.

pkontk · April 2012

If she is nasty to you whenever you talk about the wedding party, then don't talk about it. I still don't think this warranted a public call-out, really that just added fuel to her fire.

KatoNorway · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:5bf31cfb-312c-4dfe-b14f-9f2a7d27af29">Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!) : Nope, we do not need any of that. She and I do not have the best history together anyway and honestly all I want is for her to sit in the audience and deal.
Posted by RockstarWifey0912[/QUOTE]
Ok, then don't include her at all.
But really, I think you should apologizefor your Facebook rant regardless if your called out or not.

Anysunrise · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:a3ac0c64-1fc5-435a-9b94-a7aa2a514369">Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!) : the last time I attempted a conversation with her, she called me a thief and liar. So no, I won't be having a conversation with her.
Posted by RockstarWifey0912[/QUOTE]

<div>You both sound like children.</div>

pkontk · April 2012

Well you were quoted so your post is saved regardless. And since you were on a few months ago you may have noticed that a deleted OP is seen as rude. You asked for advice and we answered using the information you gave. If there was more to it, you could have said what it was. ETA for autocorrect weirdness.

jmconley08 · April 2012

This basically happened to me too. You do not ask to be in a wedding. How rude. If someone wants you in their wedding they would have asked you. Her whining would (and has in my case) made me not want her in the wedding at all.

What you said on facebook is true and I love how everyone on here is like "OMG SO RUDE" really? Maybe a little frank and direct but rude? eh.

pkontk · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:630cbe43-29bb-49f5-b528-a8bc94f19835">Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]This basically happened to me too. You do not ask to be in a wedding. How rude. If someone wants you in their wedding they would have asked you. Her whining would (and has in my case) made me not want her in the wedding at all. What you said on facebook is true and I love how everyone on here is like "OMG SO RUDE" really? Maybe a little frank and direct but rude? eh.
Posted by jmconley08[/QUOTE]

That wasn't direct, that was passive-aggressive. If she was direct she would have talked to her fsil, not posted a Facebook status.

Anysunrise · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:630cbe43-29bb-49f5-b528-a8bc94f19835">Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]This basically happened to me too. You do not ask to be in a wedding. How rude. If someone wants you in their wedding they would have asked you. Her whining would (and has in my case) made me not want her in the wedding at all. What you said on facebook is true and I love how everyone on here is like "OMG SO RUDE" really? Maybe a little frank and direct but rude? eh.
Posted by jmconley08[/QUOTE]

<div>You really see nothing wrong with basically calling your fiance's sister an asshole over Facebook (not even directly to her, in a passive agressive general message to boot) instead of talking to her like an adult?</div>

mkrupar · April 2012

I don't see how you got burned in this situation. So she texted your FI (HER brother!) to let him know she was upset about not being in the WP. Instead of letting him talk to her, you rant to FB and posted a shitty passive aggressive post. Childish much?

"10.26.12 is about ME and FI. NOT about anyone else. I asked my BFF and my sister to stand by my side as I marry FI on that day FOR A REASON- Those girls have been there for me for EVERYTHING. They were asked because they love me and support me ALWAYS, NOT BECAUSE they are family. Blood doesn't mean anything, it's the bond you build with people that matters."

Blood doesn't mean anything? Yet you asked your sister to be in the WP. Clearly blood means something when it comes to certain people. You are right, you ask people that support you, but you DO NOT make others feel like their hurt feelings are invalid by posting ish like that up there. You or your FI need to apologize for that crazy cakes behavior and then move on.

lyndausvi · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:630cbe43-29bb-49f5-b528-a8bc94f19835">Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]This basically happened to me too. You do not ask to be in a wedding. How rude. If someone wants you in their wedding they would have asked you. Her whining would (and has in my case) made me not want her in the wedding at all. What you said on facebook is true and I love how everyone on here is like "OMG SO RUDE" really? Maybe a little frank and direct but rude? eh.
Posted by jmconley08[/QUOTE]

<div>That is the problem with social media. Being frank and direct to someone in private is one thing. Calling them out on a FB is different. </div><div>
</div><div>People need to remember the rest of the world does not need to know your dirty laundry.</div>

KatoNorway · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:12c4b0f6-7066-4199-ab43-aebbfe0b5ca3">Deleting</a>:
[QUOTE]Not hairflipping, just deleting. Thank you for the responses but honestly, posting this on any board is not the way to go. None of you know her, or the situation firsthand. Summarizing the relationship with FSIL is not easy to do and I really don't feel like doing so. <em><strong> I shouldn't have posted on FB, <u>but it's whatever. </u></strong></em> Maybe she'll drop the subject now. Thanks again for the responses.
Posted by RockstarWifey0912[/QUOTE]
Okay, I will be the first to admit that it admitting when your wrong is not an easy thing to do, but FFS apologize. If you want to be stubborn, the very least saving grace you could do is comment on your Facebook post something like "Sorry, for the bridezilla moment." Your FSIL won't get the apology that you don't want to give her, but your FB followers may be willing to give you a pass.

mkrupar · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:630cbe43-29bb-49f5-b528-a8bc94f19835">Re: Followed etiquette and got burned :( Now what? (It's long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]This basically happened to me too. You do not ask to be in a wedding. How rude. If someone wants you in their wedding they would have asked you. Her whining would (and has in my case) made me not want her in the wedding at all. What you said on facebook is true and I love how everyone on here is like "OMG SO RUDE" really? <strong>Maybe a little frank and direct but rude? </strong>eh.
Posted by jmconley08[/QUOTE]

Nothing about that FB post was frank or direct. Methinks you need a dictionary.

RockstarWifey0912 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:dd06cb75-3035-4b37-aba5-5791c5c7adb6">Re: Deleting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Deleting : Okay, I will be the first to admit that it admitting when your wrong is not an easy thing to do, but FFS apologize. If you want to be stubborn, the very least saving grace you could do is comment on your Facebook post something like "Sorry, for the bridezilla moment." Your FSIL won't get the apology that you don't want to give her, but your FB followers may be willing to give you a pass.
Posted by KatoNorway[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>That's the funny thing- My FB friends all KNOW HER and KNOW the situation and AGREE WITH ME.</div>

Anysunrise · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_followed-etiquette-and-got-burned-now-what-its-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e71af86-5acd-4323-a4df-9b2486af1e38Post:30c154dc-466d-4b0c-bac3-10999e20cde1">Re: Deleting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Deleting : That's the funny thing- My FB friends all KNOW HER and KNOW the situation and AGREE WITH ME.
Posted by RockstarWifey0912[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Ooooooof course they do.</div>

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