I'm stuck about the name changing

RamonaFlowers · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-stuck-about-the-name-changing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f2f6523-0620-49b0-b68a-67090ecdf7a2Post:bd07339b-0062-4798-8a90-606db26bae62">Re:I'm stuck about the name changing</a>:
[QUOTE]Not the love of his life otherwise he wouldn't have told her to get lost when she started lying to him and causing problems with his family. But he thought she was dead for 6 months after her neck was broken in the crashher sister hated him for the fact T would have moved cross country to be with him so sister told my FI T had died and then to have her be ok, she could walk and everything. It's just a lot to process. But I know without a doubt they are over on his end. <strong>It has been a few years since he would even return a text from her, and she stopped trying to talk to him over a year ago.</strong>
Posted by eileen1086[/QUOTE]

Then why does this girl bother you so much <strong>now</strong>?

baystateapple · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-stuck-about-the-name-changing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f2f6523-0620-49b0-b68a-67090ecdf7a2Post:bd07339b-0062-4798-8a90-606db26bae62">Re:I'm stuck about the name changing</a>:
[QUOTE]Not the love of his life otherwise he wouldn't have told her to get lost when she started lying to him and causing problems with his family. But he thought she was dead for 6 months after her neck was broken in the crashher sister hated him for the fact T would have moved cross country to be with him so sister told my FI T had died and then to have her be ok, she could walk and everything. It's just a lot to process. But I know without a doubt they are over on his end. It has been a few years since he would even return a text from her, and she stopped trying to talk to him over a year ago.
Posted by eileen1086[/QUOTE]
Man, I agree with PP, that is some soap opera-esque shiiit right there.

If he isn't speaking to her, and she's not a part of his life anymore, then it's over. Period. Please seek counseling, solo and couples, because this is indicative of a much deeper issue than just jealousy over someone else using his name.

ReturnOfKuus · June 2012

Thank you, Eagles.

OP, then what is the feeling in the pit of your stomach when you think of this woman? What's your first instinct answer, even if it sounds crazy and irrational? We're all strangers here, so no need to temper the crazy with us.

eileen1086 · June 2012

That when she finds out we are getting married she is going to try and cause issues for us. They still have one friend in common and I guess I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop because T won't take it lightly when she finds out. My FI has a past and I don't want her using that against him. He changed his life around 10 years ago and deserves to live his life. People make mistakes when they are young.

baystateapple · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-stuck-about-the-name-changing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f2f6523-0620-49b0-b68a-67090ecdf7a2Post:8d015c16-5f3c-4fbf-9e43-8157e5d03ae8">Re: I'm stuck about the name changing</a>:
[QUOTE]That when she finds out we are getting married she is going to try and cause issues for us. They still have one friend in common and I guess I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop because T won't take it lightly when she finds out. My FI has a past and I don't want her using that against him. He changed his life around 10 years ago and deserves to live his life. People make mistakes when they are young.
Posted by eileen1086[/QUOTE]
This is called "borrowing trouble." She is not going to come between you and your FI unless you let her. If she DOES come back into your lives, which I highly doubt, based on your posts, then handle it IF it happens.

And even if you're right? And she does come back? That's what restraining orders were invented for.

annie912 · June 2012

Both of the two Mrs. FI's LastNames that I know have issues. My future mother in law has legitimate mental issues and hates me. My FI's ex-wife is pretty much a constant thorn in our sides but we're stuck with her because they have two kids (who are awesome). So, I'm less than enthusiastic about changing my name. But, it's not something that's really bothering me that much. Yeah, I wish his ex would have gone back to her maiden name, but I get her wanting to have the same last name as her children. I am not looking forward to the first school/soccer/etc event where someone says "Mrs. FI's LastName" and we both answer. It's going to be awkward, sure, but it seems like an odd thing to get so worked up over.

ReturnOfKuus · June 2012

What kinds of issues do you feel like she'd cause?

monkeysip · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-stuck-about-the-name-changing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f2f6523-0620-49b0-b68a-67090ecdf7a2Post:503b3052-addf-48df-9b5e-30bdafcae5d4">Re: I'm stuck about the name changing</a>:
[QUOTE]What kinds of issues do you feel like she'd cause?
Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

Boiling rabbits heads kinds of issues?

OP, it sounds like this woman's long gone. You said she hasn't attempted contact in a year. Move on.

And I second counseling (that's not a bad thing--I think every couple could do good from premarital counseling).

Beachy730 · June 2012

First of all, while you are now the love of your FI's life, that doesn't change the fact that he didn't possibly feel that way about this girl before he broke up with her. He was planning on marrying her, obviously he loved her. Your FI is not completely innocent here, yet you are 100% blaming her for the use of the name and things that went on. Also, if he thought his FI died, why the fvck wouldn't he attend a funeral or ask about services, or have anyone of his friends and family attempt go to it? How do you just pretend someone is dead from their FI for 6 months?

This whole situation needs counseling like yesterday.

Bec20 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-stuck-about-the-name-changing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f2f6523-0620-49b0-b68a-67090ecdf7a2Post:965d3d01-94ce-4844-baa2-950c1a8c9457">Re: I'm stuck about the name changing</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, while you are now the love of your FI's life, that doesn't change the fact that he didn't possibly feel that way about this girl before he broke up with her. He was planning on marrying her, obviously he loved her. Your FI is not completely innocent here, yet you are 100% blaming her for the use of the name and things that went on. <strong> Also, if he thought his FI died, why the fvck wouldn't he attend a funeral or ask about services, or have anyone of his friends and family attempt go to it? How do you just pretend someone is dead from their FI for 6 months? This whole situation needs counseling like yesterday.</strong>
Posted by Beachy730[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with all of this, but especially the bolded. Everything in this story seems so over the top and crazy that I don't see how they made it this far without counseling.</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-stuck-about-the-name-changing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f2f6523-0620-49b0-b68a-67090ecdf7a2Post:bd07339b-0062-4798-8a90-606db26bae62">Re:I'm stuck about the name changing</a>:
[QUOTE]Not the love of his life otherwise he wouldn't have told her to get lost when she started lying to him and causing problems with his family. But he thought she was dead for 6 months after her neck was broken in the crashher sister hated him for the fact T would have moved cross country to be with him so sister told my FI T had died and then to have her be ok, she could walk and everything. It's just a lot to process. But I know without a doubt they are over on his end. It has been a few years since he would even return a text from her, and she stopped trying to talk to him over a year ago.
Posted by eileen1086[/QUOTE]

This is sort of fascinating. I mean, he didn't try to go to her funeral? Call her parents with his sympathies? Look up her obituary?

This guy sounds pretty bananas as well.

Also, using ECB instead of ECE as your initials is something 13 year old girls do when doodling on their biology folders. It's weird and immature.

You can change your last name without getting married, and you can change it to something that isn't his. In fact, you could both change to a new name which might get some of this drama out of your life.

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