NWR - Baby Showers

beardownbchs · November 2012

The side-eyeing invite thread made me want to know what you all thought about showers for someone's second baby.

I've always thought that it is incredibly rude to have a shower for your second baby - regardless of whether or not someone throws it for you. My mom said someone threw her a shower for her second and she was mortified.

I've been invited to several second baby showers and I've never gone. I've asked others about it and a lot of people seem to think it's okay. I've gotten responses like, "well what if the first was a boy and the second is a girl?" or "well my sister had one for her second but the kids were like 5 years apart". Why the F does this S matter? Because I bought you crap for boy now I have to again for girl? If you get pregnant, you should be able to afford everything this child may need. The gender of the child should not be my problem.

Yes, I'm not a fan of showers in general but I understand them and I go, buy a lovely gift and eat as many finger sandwiches and cupcakes as I possibly can. But I refuse to go to a self-thrown or second baby shower.

What do you ladies think?

melb2013 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-baby-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:34b6120c-5900-4810-b5a2-91f78edb3678Post:c27b6f61-5ed5-4209-939f-ff3c1f18a2f2">NWR - Baby Showers</a>:
[QUOTE]The side-eyeing invite thread made me want to know what you all thought about showers for someone's second baby. I've always thought that it is incredibly rude to have a shower for your second baby - regardless of whether or not someone throws it for you. My mom said someone threw her a shower for her second and she was mortified. I've been invited to several second baby showers and I've never gone. I've asked others about it and a lot of people seem to think it's okay. I've gotten responses like, "well what if the first was a boy and the second is a girl?" or "well my sister had one for her second but the kids were like 5 years apart". Why the F does this S matter? Because I bought you crap for boy now I have to again for girl? If you get pregnant, you should be able to afford everything this child may need. The gender of the child should not be my problem. Yes, I'm not a fan of showers in general but I understand them and I go, buy a lovely gift and eat as many finger sandwiches and cupcakes as I possibly can. <strong>But I refuse to go to a self-thrown</strong> or second baby shower. What do you ladies think?
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This is terrible. I'm not a big fan of showers regardless- I just find them annoying. Nobody has baby showers in my family- they're considered bad luck in my family. I haven't been to many baby showers, so I'm sure I'd side eye a second baby or not.</div>

NO2012 · November 2012

If the circumstances of the second baby shower is off putting to me, I simply decline. I don't side eye if the second child comes several years after the first and is a different gender than the first. If the children are close in age and or the same gender I will side eye and not attend. I also tend to judge second showers based on whether I know the honoree is financially able to buy all new stuff. Maybe that's rude, but it's human nature. Most of my friends who have second and third babies receive a ton of great hand me downs in the way of pack and plays, swings, etc from other friends who aren't using them and second showers are pretty rare. Instead, sip and sees are hosted and small baby gifts given then if one is so inclined to bring one. It is not a shower by any means.

tanyamary627 · November 2012

My SIL's first child was a boy, and a large shower was thrown for her, it was catered, she was registered, etc. Her second child was a girl, and was born less than 2 years after her first. Her mom had a small, surprise shower for her at her house with only close family & friends and we got her mostly small items she did not already have, like girly clothes. She wasn't registered and did not expect a shower. I thought it was very nice!

I also went to a shower for a friend who had her first child when she was very young, and had a second child 12+ years later with her new husband. I thought it was perfectly acceptable for a shower to be thrown for her, since she didn't have any baby gear, furniture, etc.

I might side eye registering/expecting a shower for your second child if they are only a few years apart though. I haven't been invited to anything like that.

emeejeeayen · November 2012

None of my friends have had kids yet, so I still think the idea of baby showers are adorable. I'm sure when they start to crop up all over the place they'll lose some of their charm.

dtbluv · November 2012

I agree with PPs, if the kids are several years apart, second showers are okay. I've also heard of people doing showers for the second baby if it is the father of the baby's first child, although I think in that case it's usually either a couples shower or the kids are several years apart.

I was recently invited to a second baby shower, and the pregnant lady (not the hostess) sent round an email saying the shower was more so she could see people before she gave birth, and that the couple really didn't need any more baby stuff but if people felt like they absolutely needed to bring something they'd appreciate it if people brought their favorite children's book.

I didn't side eye either the invitation or the email, although I'm not sure if either are etiquettally correct.

Sharpschruter22 · November 2012

Not a fan of second showers unless there is a many year gap between them. I think it is in poor taste. One lady I know actually threw herself a shower for her fourth baby! Her first three were girls and this was their boy. I couldn't believe it and did not go.

mysi019 · November 2012

I am normally not a fan of second showers either however my best friend had a 2 year old boy and the day after she found out she was pregnant with child number 2 her husband got orders for deployment. A couple of us decided to throw her a low key shower for her second child. More for the support than anything, the gifts she recieved were more geared toward a girl since she kept all her sons stuff ie crib, highchair etc. and really just a bonus. It was really more a reason for her friends and family to have one day when we were all there for her. As we had all been there throughout it all helping her with stuff, but had never been able to be in the same place at the same time. It was really nice.
I have never went to a second shower before that or since then. I do however like to bring a small gift to the hospital for my close friends second, third etc babies that I go and visit. (However I am also a big fan of including a small gift for each kid so they dont feel left out.)

AdeleDazeem · November 2012

Baby showers are to welcome a woman into motherhood. They are not about celebrating the baby - if you want to celebrate someone, they must be present and an unborn baby is not exactly present. Invite people over after the baby is born if you want to celebrate the baby. If you want a second shower, then I conclude you merely want gifts.

I despise the "different sex" argument because it's no one's job to buy your kid crap. If you chose to have a kid, you choose to buy everything for it. If you are having more than one kid, you register gender neutral or be totally cool with your little boy in a pink bumbo.

I find the entitlement and downright ridiculousness of pregnancies these days to be annoying as all hell. Must announce the pregnancy in a cute way, then do a gender reveal, then have four showers, then do newborn pictures, then three months old pictures (then 6 and 9!), then have a profressional photographer at the first birthday party.

BLAH. No one cares about your kid as much as you do. I know that sounds harsh, but I think as a society we all need to dial it back a bit.

EDIT: Sorry - I spend some time on the Baby Shower Board over on The Bump.

s-aries8990 · November 2012

I think as a society we all need to dial it back a bit.

Ditto this. I think second shower truly depends on the situation and type of shower. A big shower for a 2nd baby isn't right, but maybe a surprise mini shower (10 people or less bringing diapers, etc) is acceptable.

zantster · November 2012

Interestingly enough I've never been invited to a second one. But I don't know if it counts when you're invited to one where the person has never had a shower but has older children and is having one for a new baby. That happened once. But I've only technically been invited to one per person though the order of the children in one case was not the first one if that makes sense. So since I hadn't given her anything in the past I didn't mind it.

kaos16 · November 2012

I am doing research currently to plan my sister's baby shower. She is due with her first child at the end of April!!!!!! She actually found out the day of my bachelorette shower and kept it secret through the wedding and everything else until she was far enough along to announce.

Anyway, I digress......in my research I have been seeing something called a "Sprinkle." It seems to be like a smaller scale shower for just the little extras. I thought it was an interesting concept.

achiduck · November 2012

I've never been invited to a shower for a second baby, it just doesn't happen in my circle. But unless the family had just lost everything in a house fire or something I would side-eye it and probably decline.

bunni727 · November 2012

I don't mind if a second shower is thrown for someone and the babies are different genders or have a significant age gap. Maybe my family just likes excuses to get together with food.

Definately agree with Joy, though, that we need to tone it down as a society.

What really bothers me is self-thrown showers. Or open invites on FB. Or, most recently, both. Blehck.

StephJean83 · November 2012

I was my parents 4th child and my mom got her first baby shower with her pregnancy with me. Basically what happened was with the first 3 kids my parents received hand me downs from friends and family and after my sister was 1 yr old, my parents sold or gave a way everything baby related. Some of my mom's friends found out that my mom had never had a baby shower, so they threw her a surprise shower. When my parents had my sister 6 yrs after me, the couple my parents asked to be her godparents threw a couples shower. That was basically a night of food, drinks and everyone hanging out. They might have gotten a few presents but it was little things like extra bottles, diapers, wipes and maybe some clothes.

I worked at Babies R Us and would see parents in all the time registering and I always laughed when it would seem like the same 5 people in every 9 months registering again. I remember over the course of like 6 months one girl came in and registered 3 or 4 times because she would take a HPT and it would test positive, she'd come in register only to find out that the test was wrong.

zantster · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-baby-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:34b6120c-5900-4810-b5a2-91f78edb3678Post:b5339b11-4b64-458e-8cde-676cd61b7ee1">Re: NWR - Baby Showers</a>:
[QUOTE]I was my parents 4th child and my mom got her first baby shower with her pregnancy with me. Basically what happened was with the first 3 kids my parents received hand me downs from friends and family and after my sister was 1 yr old, my parents sold or gave a way everything baby related. Some of my mom's friends found out that my mom had never had a baby shower, so they threw her a surprise shower. When my parents had my sister 6 yrs after me, the couple my parents asked to be her godparents threw a couples shower. That was basically a night of food, drinks and everyone hanging out. They might have gotten a few presents but it was little things like extra bottles, diapers, wipes and maybe some clothes. I worked at Babies R Us and would see parents in all the time registering and I always laughed when it would seem like the same 5 people in every 9 months registering again. I remember over the course of like 6 months one girl came in and registered 3 or 4 times because she would take a HPT and it would test positive, she'd come in register only to find out that the test was wrong.
Posted by StephJean83[/QUOTE]
That's the kind I was invited to. It was her 5th child but very first baby shower ever.

beardownbchs · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-baby-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:34b6120c-5900-4810-b5a2-91f78edb3678Post:a096e67e-0011-4809-83a5-4651d06356ba">Re: NWR - Baby Showers</a>:
[QUOTE]Baby showers are to welcome a woman into motherhood. They are not about celebrating the baby - if you want to celebrate someone, they must be present and an unborn baby is not exactly present. Invite people over after the baby is born if you want to celebrate the baby. <strong>If you want a second shower, then I conclude you merely want gifts. I despise the "different sex" argument because it's no one's job to buy your kid crap. If you chose to have a kid, you choose to buy everything for it. </strong> If you are having more than one kid, you register gender neutral or be totally cool with your little boy in a pink bumbo. <strong>I find the entitlement and downright ridiculousness of pregnancies these days to be annoying as all hell. Must announce the pregnancy in a cute way, then do a gender reveal, then have four showers, then do newborn pictures, then three months old pictures (then 6 and 9!), then have a profressional photographer at the first birthday party. BLAH. No one cares about your kid as much as you do. I know that sounds harsh, but I think as a society we all need to dial it back a bit. EDIT: Sorry - I spend some time on the Baby Shower Board over on The Bump.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

</strong>THANK YOU! I was beginning to think I was an asshoIe...

KellyBrian2013 · November 2012

I've never been to a secondbaby shower, but I loathe showers in general and probably wouldn't go. SIL's shower last year, she didn't even thank people after opening gifts: she looked at her husband and said "He's a better talker, so he can do it." I was very put off, especially considering the only gift she fawned over was the diaper bag her mother made her. Love her dearly, but it irked me.

AdeleDazeem · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-baby-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:34b6120c-5900-4810-b5a2-91f78edb3678Post:bd721556-afe5-433f-989e-a49821a5d3b0">Re: NWR - Baby Showers</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR - Baby Showers : THANK YOU! I was beginning to think I was an asshoIe...
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

If you're one, I'm one. Woohoo! :-)

StephJean83 · November 2012

I have one friend who has 4 kids and she had baby showers for each one. The gap between baby #1 and baby #2 is about 10 yrs, so I understood having a shower for that one. Babies # 2, 3 and 4 are about 2 years in between them all. She says the showers were thrown by her sister but she mailed all the invites out and they all seemed gift grabby. I went to the shower for baby #3 with a stuff animal and some diaper rash cream only because it happened to be my day off of work, I paid next to nothing for the gifts(working at Babies I used my employee discount and coupons) and I wanted to see a different friend who was going. Plus free food is never a bad thing!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2012

I agree with Joy. Baby showers aren't about the baby. The baby isn't even at the party, really! It's about the mother. You only need one, when you have your first.

If you find out the sex of the baby and decide to register for everything in either blue or pink and then you have the opposite sex for your second baby, tough titties, it's your own fault. Most people I know get neutral, classy looking strollers, car seats, etc. The big stuff. You can get some gender-neutral clothing and easily replace baby clothing as well (garage sales, consignment shops, etc). Back when I was born, most people didn't know what they were having, so whether you had a boy or a girl didn't matter, and wasn't the point of a shower.

The point of a shower is to welcome you to parenthood and help you with some big stuff. Not to provide every little thing you could ever need for a baby.

Jen4948 · November 2012

Joy, you left out about sonogram pictures-especially posted in Facebook profiles. I really hate that.

beardownbchs · November 2012

Oh my god...this girl read my mind...this morning a girl I went to HS with (until she dropped out) posted on Facebook "I'm pregnant with number 4!! Inbox me with your address if you want to go to the shower!!"

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?

She also did this for babies 1-3...People blow my mind.

EDIT: For the last one she also posted on FB something along lthe lines of "I can't spend a lot of money on my shower - anyone have any suggestions of any cheap or free places to hold it?"

B!tch get a job!!!

brittany634 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-baby-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:34b6120c-5900-4810-b5a2-91f78edb3678Post:f63caa0f-e27b-4ad1-b300-c1175eae6dbb">Re: NWR - Baby Showers</a>:
[QUOTE]I am doing research currently to plan my sister's baby shower. She is due with her first child at the end of April!!!!!! <strong>She actually found out the day of my bachelorette shower and kept it secret through the wedding and everything else until she was far enough along to announce</strong>. Anyway, I digress......in my research I have been seeing something called a "Sprinkle." It seems to be like a smaller scale shower for just the little extras. I thought it was an interesting concept.
Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]

I wish my SIL would have done this, she's due around the same time and EVERY other word out of her mouth on the day of my wedding was baby.

QueerFemme · November 2012

Ha. I think I am the only one that thinks showers are fine for multiple babies. If you don't want to attend, that's fine.

For what it's worth, I hate showers in general, and I almost always decline (and just send a gift). Bridal showers, wedding showers, baby showers, etc. But, if you are going to have them, I don't see any reason not to have them for your second or third child.

cwaggoner07 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-baby-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:34b6120c-5900-4810-b5a2-91f78edb3678Post:5068400b-79a4-4262-9473-372962a224a7">Re: NWR - Baby Showers</a>:
[QUOTE]Ha. I think I am the only one that thinks showers are fine for multiple babies. If you don't want to attend, that's fine. For what it's worth, I hate showers in general, and I almost always decline (and just send a gift). Bridal showers, wedding showers, baby showers, etc. But, if you are going to have them, I don't see any reason not to have them for your second or third child.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

<div>I kind of agree. I totally get why people think that... I'm just always up for a party or get-together. I love celebrating the little things (and the big things). I probably wouldn't get as big of a present for a second or third child, but I would pick up a book or a cute outfit. My cousin doesn't have a lot of money and every time she's had a baby I've taken her a bulk box of diapers.</div><div>
</div><div> I love the gender reveal parties. The only ones I have been to were a strict no-presents zone, and the couple themselves hosted it. It was more like a get-together bbq, sit back and drink beers and toward the end we'll break open a few cupcakes and cheers to the gender. If anything the parents were the ones out the money for food and drinks.</div><div>
</div>

QueerFemme · November 2012

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-baby-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:34b6120c-5900-4810-b5a2-91f78edb3678Post:50d40a2d-1a1e-4105-ad6c-e04ce5dc26ba">Re: NWR - Baby Showers</a>:
[QUOTE]I am of the opinion that lifetime milestones warrant one gift. You are getting married? Great! I want to get you a gift to acknowledge that and wish you well. I have no desire to go to your bridal shower and get you a pre-event present. When you get married, you get the present. Planning a wedding doesn't warrant a present in my mind, actually getting married does. If you are having a baby, I am excited enough about each one to want to give a gift. I am not a fan of the furnish the nursery trend, but I would be happy to go to a shower and give an outfit, toy, or some nominal gift to mark the occassion, and see no problem doing it for second or third babies.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

that's how I feel also. I am not a fan of buying the big things (like cribs, car seats, etc.). But, I would absolutely buy some onesies, clothes, diapers, books, etc. for each child. Maybe a $20-40 dollar gift.</div>

Peledreamsofrain · November 2012

I'm a bit more lenient on the issue, I know that life likes to throw me curveballs and like to allow for them ij n others' lives. The only second baby shower i've been invited to, I attended without question because the baby was not expected. Even with moden birthcontrol, the most responsible couples can have an 'oops'. They had given all their baby gear away, and were essentially starting from scratch. They were happy, but straining under the sudden financial tug. I can also see myself being lenient towards a lady who remarried, and lost baby supplies during the divorce, or because she went through a dark emotional time where she never saw herself having children again due to divorce. But then again, I love buying onsies

Simply Fated · November 2012

I'm afraid to ask, but, aren't push presents for the mom because she, ya know, pushed the baby out? I feel like I saw something like this on STFU Parents or something? I used to be okay with multiple showers or sprinkles if there was an age gap or gender difference. After dealing with my selfentitled friends and listening to their arguements on why they NEED showers, I'm with Joy on my views now. You "need" a shower because you can't afford a new carseat? Hun, wait til you see the diaper bill. If you can't afford a carseat, not getting a shower for that carseat is the least of your worries.

sucrets4 · November 2012

I definitely side eye showers for subsequent children. It's your own damn fault if you pick out gender specific things. I also judge diapers/wipes and gift cards on registries.

But to the PP who said that doing pics makes a parent entitled, please explain? I don't understand how taking pics of my child as a keepsake affects you in any way.

Fwiw, we had pro pics of DD done at 6m and then at a year because we had a gift certificate. Everything else I did myself. Recently we had family pics taken to help announce this pregnancy, but mainly because we haven't had any good pics taken of us in a year. I still don't get how that affects others, though.

SachaBee · November 2012

I would probably side-eye subsequent children showers without significant time between. However, I would probably also attend them, if I was close enough to the mom/parents. The one caveat I would make is hand-me-down showers--I think that is a nice way of having a get-together and congratulating the mom without being gift-grabby. It would depend on your circle, though, I guess.

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