His Bachelor party is freakin me out!

jrbarton79Wed204985 · May 2011

I trust him and I trust myself, but we all know that when guys get around other testosterone filled guys it becomes a fgull blown Trudth-Or-Dare game, mainly with just dares. I've had my wild past and so has he and now we're both finally settling into our own new thing. I'm afraid that he's going to tip one too many back that one night. And between the booze and his brother and friends egging him on, I find myself already watching in my head what is going to happen. Sure, I read the article about how tv and movies glorify the Bachelor Party and making it seem more like fantasy more than reality and how that's just NOT how real life is. I beg to differ. I know for a fact that what we see in the movies actually happens in real life and more times.... it's WORSE! My dad has told me stories, my uncles, my friends.... All true stories of a night that should have never happened and of a night that happened and there shouldn't have been a wedding after that due to what happened at the Bachelor Party. Ladies..... I am in desperate need of your help. Help to either get over it and let it happen or figure out a way to make sure I am not one of those brides who walks down the aisle and marries a lying cheater... Even if it was only that one drunken night.

HELP!
Jen BW from Southern California

MairePoppy · May 2011

Don't treat your fi like a little kid. Have a talk with him to make sure you're on the same page. If you think he is so weak minded that he can be persuaded to do something gross with a stripper, then maybe he is not ready to get married.

trix1223 · May 2011

My friend Maire is so smart. Please take her excellent advice. Oh and I think your generalizations are a tad out there.

My DH didn't have strippers at his b-party. Our son didn't have strippers (they went to a piano bar). Our SIL didn't have strippers-they went out for a round of golf. My son is a GM in a wedding in two weeks.....no strippers.

A b-party doesn't have to involve gratuitous sex and drunkenness. If your groom truly doesn't want that, he can tell his friends, and if they push the issue, he can decline the party. It all depends on what HE wants for his party.

GL

blush64 · May 2011

I couldn't answer because I trust my FI beyond anything but he is not having a bachelor party. It's NOT because I said so, it's because we both feel our single days ended when we became serious about each other and he doesn't want it.

I do want to add as another PP has said, NOT all men behave as you suggest or as you fear. There are many who also disapprove of that behaviour or at least don't agree with it when you are comitted to someone.

I would not be comfortable with my FI doing anything wild at a bar and certainly not at a strip club. He feels the same about me. Therefore we respect the feelings of the other and we don't do it.

Talk to your FI about what you are comfortable with and what he is. Talk about expectations and if you are on the same page there is nothing to worry about. Communication is important.

I am not of the opinion that I have to be ok with absolutely anything just to prove I trust my man.

EDITED

laurenes · May 2011

I'm not worried about his bachelor party, but that's because FI and I have the same taste (hence part of the reason we're getting married

). Both FI and I find the idea of staring at strippers/getting lap dances/etc gross. We made it clear to both BMs and GMs that strippers were not on the table. Not that we tried to rain on our friends' parade, but we made it clear that we did not want to a) get sick b) go to the hospital for any reason, or c) have strippers. My girlfriends planned a fun dinner and drinks on the town in DC. My FI's friends have planned a round of bar golf in the evening a round of real golf in the morning.

I don't think it's necessary to know every detail of his night out with his guy friends (just like you wouldn't grill him after you're married), but I think it's fair of you to have a talk with him about what they are planning and express any concerns. I would assume if you're getting married that he loves you enough to take your concerns seriously and that he'll talk to his friends to make sure they don't plan on putting either one of you into an uncomfortable or compromising situation. If that's not the case, than you need to revisit MariePoppy's comment.

midgetthemighty · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_his-bachelor-party-freakin-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:a989cf03-3b8f-4365-a011-5c335b733395Post:6c5ce3ac-3a1e-4620-af01-76c397c872c2">Re: His Bachelor party is freakin me out!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not worried about his bachelor party, but that's because FI and I have the same taste (hence part of the reason we're getting married ;) ). <strong>Both FI and I find the idea of staring at strippers/getting lap dances/etc gross. We made it clear to both BMs and GMs that strippers were not on the table.</strong> Not that we tried to rain on our friends' parade, but we made it clear that we did not want to a) get sick b) go to the hospital for any reason, or c) have strippers. My girlfriends planned a fun dinner and drinks on the town in DC. My FI's friends have planned a round of bar golf in the evening a round of real golf in the morning. I don't think it's necessary to know every detail of his night out with his guy friends (just like you wouldn't grill him after you're married), but I think it's fair of you to have a talk with him about what they are planning and express any concerns. I would assume if you're getting married that he loves you enough to take your concerns seriously and that he'll talk to his friends to make sure they don't plan on putting either one of you into an uncomfortable or compromising situation. If that's not the case, than you need to revisit MariePoppy's comment.
Posted by laurenes[/QUOTE]

This.

You should have a grown up conversation about this with your FI and let him know how you feel without being controlling.

regfalange · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_his-bachelor-party-freakin-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a989cf03-3b8f-4365-a011-5c335b733395Post:d600deeb-6963-4601-a196-efcb89dc03a1">Re: His Bachelor party is freakin me out!</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry, <strong>but I'm personally kind of offended at your generalization</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Do you just look for things to offend you in posts so you can call people out on it? You don't know anyone on here and generalizations shouldn't offend you. If they don't apply to you then don't pay attention.

jrbarton79Wed204985 · May 2011

Well, I wrote this post hoping to find other brides or newly weds advice helpful. Unfortunately I did not find that here. I understand everyone wants their man to be the perfect one. I get it. Trust me, I get it! I did NOT mean to offend anyone. Actually, I'd like to thank "regfalange" for her comment on "if it doesn't apply to you then don't pay attention." I totally agree. So, I took some of your advice and spoke with the groom... I expressed my concern and even told him about this post. After reading what I originally had to say, I have to report that be mainly laughed awhile reading all of your comments. He patted me on the back, kissed my head and said I was nuts... There's nothing to worry about. No matter where they go or what they do I will never have to worry about a thing. The look on his face while saying that and the feeling I got put my mind at ease, but that wasn't the end of the conversation. He asked if you guys were for real. Do most of you honestly believe that guys go to golf courses and piano bars on a bachelor party? So, I got curious. Our neighbors next door are our age, late 20's early 30's. Just got married a few years ago and they always have friends over. We went next door so I can ask this question to the man of the house and his friends... The man of the house had a wild bachelor party. They rented out his old high school gym during the summer and had a dinner in it. As their main entertainment... there was a kids inflatable pool filled with spaghetti... That's right, I said spaghetti + 3 very curvy bikini clad girls. One of his friends said they went to Vegas... He nearly didn't get married the following week... Another said his fiancee insisted he not have one because she was so paranoid, so he didn't come to find out her bridal shower was a bachelorette party that could rival that of a bachelors party. Ladies... some of these bachelor parties really do happen. To believe in anything else seems like you live in Denial City. I've been to a few bachelor parties myself, that's why I was so paranoid. But after reading some of your comments and understanding that even though I may be paranoid, there are others out there that are just plainly blind... Thank you for helping me get over the insecurity. Good luck!

MairePoppy · May 2011

The only thing that your story proves is that your neighbor and some of his friends have had raunchy bachelor parties. No one said it doesn't happen.
We advised you to talk to your fi about it and come to some kind of understanding. Apparently, you took that advice and it worked out to your satisfaction.
Good for you.

mcskatcat · May 2011

Yeah I feel like you misunderstood what everyone was saying. Many people were just saying "Some men do have raunchy strip club bach parties, but I know some men who have not." That doesn't mean that the raunchy strip club party doesn't exist.

And on the trust issue, I just think that if your FI ever did anything to hurt your relationship because his friends egged him on then you have bigger issues as a couple. A trustworthy man will not cheat, no matter what the situation. I'm really glad and happy for you that you were able to work it out with your FI and that he's not worried a bit about what will happen.

jaimed99 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_his-bachelor-party-freakin-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a989cf03-3b8f-4365-a011-5c335b733395Post:cc49e1d2-6b08-4a22-9ec9-16fd4eb0a33c">Re: His Bachelor party is freakin me out!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I wrote this post hoping to find other brides or newly weds advice helpful. Unfortunately I did not find that here. I understand everyone wants their man to be the perfect one. I get it. Trust me, I get it! I did NOT mean to offend anyone. <strong>Actually, I'd like to thank " regfalange " for her comment on "if it doesn't apply to you then don't pay attention." </strong>I totally agree. So, I took some of your advice and spoke with the groom... I expressed my concern and even told him about this post. After reading what I originally had to say, I have to report that be mainly laughed awhile reading all of your comments. He patted me on the back, kissed my head and said I was nuts... There's nothing to worry about. No matter where they go or what they do I will never have to worry about a thing. The look on his face while saying that and the feeling I got put my mind at ease, but that wasn't the end of the conversation. He asked if you guys were for real. Do most of you honestly believe that guys go to golf courses and piano bars on a bachelor party? So, I got curious. Our neighbors next door are our age, late 20's early 30's. Just got married a few years ago and they always have friends over. We went next door so I can ask this question to the man of the house and his friends... The man of the house had a wild bachelor party. They rented out his old high school gym during the summer and had a dinner in it. As their main entertainment... there was a kids inflatable pool filled with spaghetti... That's right, I said spaghetti + 3 very curvy bikini clad girls. One of his friends said they went to Vegas... He nearly didn't get married the following week... Another said his fiancee insisted he not have one because she was so paranoid, so he didn't come to find out her bridal shower was a bachelorette party that could rival that of a bachelors party. Ladies... some of these bachelor parties really do happen. <strong>To believe in anything else seems like you live in Denial City.</strong> I've been to a few bachelor parties myself, that's why I was so paranoid. But after reading some of your comments and understanding that even though I may be paranoid, there are others out there that are just plainly blind... Thank you for helping me get over the insecurity. Good luck!
Posted by jrbarton79Wed204985[/QUOTE]

<div>The first thing I bolded makes no sense. Stage is offended by the generalization that all men are sick pigs when they hang out with their friends and drink...being that she IS married, I believe that would apply to her. Obviously she knows that she can trust her husband to not be an idiot behind her back. I'm sure I can trust mine...my FI's best man knows the boundaries that my FI has set, and will honor them.</div><div>
</div><div>The second thing is also offensive and generalizing. Saying that women who trust their husbands live in Denial City only confirms that you ARE paranoid. If you really could trust your FI, you could trust him in ANY situation, regardless of the circumstances. It sounds to me like 1-YOU are the one in denial, 2-You obviously do NOT trust your fiance, and 3-Maybe if he is as immature as you claim he is, he is not mature enough to enter into an ADULT marriage. </div><div>
</div><div>If you're so concerned about how your fiance will behave at his bach party, why don't you just have him followed...or just attach a bug to him? That will prove to him how much you trust him.</div>

jrbarton79Wed204985 · May 2011

WOW... Seems like this topic struck a nerve in some of you. If I can't come on a site like this and ask for help, then why are some of you on here?

Let me just say that I did NOT say "ALL MEN WERE SICK PIGS WHEN THEY HANG OUT WITH THEIR FRIENDS AND DRINK." I simply expressed my own concern. One which I believed some others might have. But come to find out that many of you were offended by MY worries. I never generalized... I only told a few stories of my own to paint a picture. If some of you took it to heart and believe that I think ALL MEN are "sick pigs", you are sorely mistaken.

I will say... yes, one of my fiancees best friend's IS in fact a sick pig when he drinks. Look, boys will be boys. I don't pick his friends and I don't chase them away. I was wild at one point in time so I know how outgoing fun people like to act.

I think those of you who continue to reply to this acting as though I offended you are getting this all wrong. I originally came here to listen to some opinions. Granted a few of you actually DID help me out by just saying to talk to my fiancee and I can't thank you enough. It took a lot of concern away!

But for the rest of you who fired back with comments such as how I generalize all men as childish playboys and that I must be the one in denial... Why don't you focus all your energy in something more constructive? Like taking up a scrap booking class with you significant other?

jrbarton79Wed204985 · May 2011

Touché, cfaszews25!

I saw that... Point taken.

I trust him. I however do not like how his friends act, but I spoke with him and things are fine.

jaimed99 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_his-bachelor-party-freakin-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a989cf03-3b8f-4365-a011-5c335b733395Post:34c5cee7-c133-46ae-b2ba-79e988274905">Re: His Bachelor party is freakin me out!</a>:
[QUOTE]Touché, cfaszews25 ! I saw that... Point taken. <strong>I trust him. I however do not like how his friends act, but I spoke with him and things are fine.</strong>
Posted by jrbarton79Wed204985[/QUOTE]

<div>Maybe if you'd just done that in the first place instead of asking Internet strangers, you'd have had no reason to be so defensive or paranoid. Just sayin.</div>

mcskatcat · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_his-bachelor-party-freakin-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:a989cf03-3b8f-4365-a011-5c335b733395Post:9885d710-6bf8-42f5-aef9-f80e80545d34">Re: His Bachelor party is freakin me out!</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW... Seems like this topic struck a nerve in some of you. If I can't come on a site like this and ask for help, then why are some of you on here? L<strong>et me just say that I did NOT say "ALL MEN WERE SICK PIGS WHEN THEY HANG OUT WITH THEIR FRIENDS AND DRINK." I simply expressed my own concern.</strong> One which I believed some others might have. But come to find out that many of you were offended by MY worries. I never generalized... I only told a few stories of my own to paint a picture. If some of you took it to heart and believe that I think ALL MEN are "sick pigs", you are sorely mistaken. I will say... yes, one of my fiancees best friend's IS in fact a sick pig when he drinks. Look, boys will be boys. I don't pick his friends and I don't chase them away. I was wild at one point in time so I know how outgoing fun people like to act. I think those of you who continue to reply to this acting as though I offended you are getting this all wrong. I originally came here to listen to some opinions. Granted a few of you actually DID help me out by just saying to talk to my fiancee and I can't thank you enough. It took a lot of concern away! But for the rest of you who fired back with comments such as how I generalize all men as childish playboys and that I must be the one in denial... Why don't you focus all your energy in something more constructive? Like taking up a scrap booking class with you significant other?
Posted by jrbarton79Wed204985[/QUOTE]

I think you're being a bit overdramatic. Nobody really said anything terribly harsh.

As for the bolded part, let me get this straight: you don't think all men becoming disgusting, cheating pigs when they drink, but you initially were worried that your FI might very well become that guy? I don't think you're in a place to lecture anyone on that topic.

And I'll repeat it again - I don't think anyone said "I've never heard of a bach party that was at a strip club." Many women were just expressing that it's more common these days for men to want to go golfing or to a casino. The strip club is an option, but it isn't the only one and men aren't as looked down upon for not choosing that option for their wild night out. Calling everyone naive for realizing that there's other options out there is hardly a good way to get advice around here.

I'm not going to hold all this nonsense against you. I'm really not. But in the future, on this site, you need to take your time to think through whatever it is you mean to say. I think odds are you got heated because this is a topic you're passionate about, but many of the things you said were contradictory and that will cause people to come down hard on you. If you decide to take your time and express yourself clearly, we are a very welcoming bunch. The best of luck to you!

jrbarton79Wed204985 · May 2011

If I ever have another question, I'll be sure ask.. But I doubt that I will sit here and analyze the right combination of words to use in asking what it is that I am just curious about.

mkrupar · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_his-bachelor-party-freakin-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:a989cf03-3b8f-4365-a011-5c335b733395Post:77494c64-9a38-4727-b52d-5fa70bb195c3">His Bachelor party is freakin me out!</a>:
[QUOTE]I trust him and I trust myself, <strong>but we all know that when guys get around other testosterone filled guys it becomes a fgull blown Trudth-Or-Dare game, mainly with just dares.</strong> I've had my wild past and so has he and now we're both finally settling into our own new thing. I'm afraid that he's going to tip one too many back that one night. And between the booze and his brother and friends egging him on, I find myself already watching in my head what is going to happen. Sure, I read the article about how tv and movies glorify the Bachelor Party and making it seem more like fantasy more than reality and how that's just NOT how real life is. I beg to differ. I know for a fact that what we see in the movies actually happens in real life and more times.... it's WORSE! My dad has told me stories, my uncles, my friends.... All true stories of a night that should have never happened and of a night that happened and there shouldn't have been a wedding after that due to what happened at the Bachelor Party. Ladies..... I am in desperate need of your help. Help to either get over it and let it happen or figure out a way to make sure I am not one of those brides who walks down the aisle and marries a lying cheater... Even if it was only that one drunken night. HELP! Jen BW from Southern California
Posted by jrbarton79Wed204985[/QUOTE]

Your second sentence in your OP is the generalization that got people up in arms. That's a huge statement to make. Not all guys are like that and that's why people were offended. If your guy is like that, fine, but this is what skacat was talking about when she said to choose your words carefully. Avoid saying things like you did in your first post and you'll be golden.

jrbarton79Wed204985 · May 2011

Boys will be boys, girls will be girls. Yes, I think we've clarified I have contracticted myself in recent posts as I am quite certain none of you have ever done such a thing! I'm glad to hear that a few of you have/are the exception to the rule. But, no... I won't sit here and draft out a conversation before I post anything. What's the point in having a forum where you can ask questions, if you have to sit and analyze it for yourself. These types of sites are meant to be helpful to those who are on it.

jrbarton79Wed204985 · May 2011

Where can I get one of those nifty thesauruses you guys have sitting beside you?

Manwaithiel · May 2011

Alrighty, troll.

jrbarton79Wed204985 · May 2011

That one hurt my feelings.

Manwaithiel · May 2011

For some reason, I seriously doubt that.

jrbarton79Wed204985 · May 2011

Why's that? Because I'm just as opinionated and outspoken as everyone else I can't have feelings?

Manwaithiel · May 2011

No. Because you're clearly here just to stir things up. Which is the definition of an internet troll. You're being entirely overdramatic and determined to take everything as personally as possible.

Chill.

jrbarton79Wed204985 · May 2011

If you actually read through the whole ridiculous string of posts you would have noticed I said that all I wanted was a little HELPFUL advice. I created the original post. No one had to comment. I didn't force YOU to comment. And you're absolutely right... Being called an internet troll should not be taken personally.

"...you're clearly here just to stir things up. Which is the definition of an internet troll."

Why are you stirring things up?

Manwaithiel · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_his-bachelor-party-freakin-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a989cf03-3b8f-4365-a011-5c335b733395Post:a2b699de-725d-480f-a40b-a60fcd3099f7">Re: His Bachelor party is freakin me out!</a>:
[QUOTE]If you actually read through the whole ridiculous string of posts you would have noticed I said that all I wanted was a little HELPFUL advice. I created the original post. No one had to comment. I didn't force YOU to comment. And you're absolutely right... Being called an internet troll should not be taken personally. "...you're clearly here just to stir things up. Which is the definition of an internet troll." Why are you stirring things up?
Posted by jrbarton79Wed204985[/QUOTE]

Do you know how to use the internet? Take the quote button for instance...

jrbarton79Wed204985 · May 2011

Do I really need to advertise your whole comment? No... just the part you need to really think about...

Manwaithiel · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_his-bachelor-party-freakin-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a989cf03-3b8f-4365-a011-5c335b733395Post:228ce1c6-73c3-4d81-8e84-5155bbc09a2d">Re: His Bachelor party is freakin me out!</a>:
[QUOTE]Do I really need to advertise your whole comment? No... just the part you need to really think about...
Posted by jrbarton79Wed204985[/QUOTE]

And here's what YOU really need to think about, woman. You came bustin' in here spewing out your sweeping generalizations and stereotypes. You offended many people with your crass words. And then you think YOU'RE the one who should be offended.

Maybe you could have just taken a step back and thought about what you said and apologized genuinely to those you had upset. But instead you're full of nothing but excuses for what you said. And started screaming about how everyone was sooo mean to you. The meanest thing on here is my comment to you about the quote button.

How dare you call other people naive because their FIs/Hs chose to have a party that did not involve naked women? How dare your FI? It's probably a good thing you two are together. You deserve each other.

You're either making this up or you're just a cold hearted jerk. Either way, I suggest you take a step back from the keyboard until you can learn to behave yourself in front of polite company.

jaimed99 · May 2011

Having an opinion different from yours doesn't mean we're unhelpful, just that there are different opinions.

It really gets me when people come on here asking for help, then become incendiary when the advice they are given isn't to validate their ideas. You were given advice, and therefore you're free to take it. It is not, however, a good idea to ask for advice, then turn around and say that you weren't given the advice you wanted. Since you're relatively new here, I will offer you some advice...you may hear things you don't want to hear. Insulting and being rude does not get anything accomplished other than causing situations like this.

This is an internet forum. We don't know you, you don't know us...therefore, generalizing statements like "when guys get around other testosterone filled guys it becomes a full blown Truth-Or-Dare game" will not be openly accepted...and assuming such will cause people to become defensive. You DO need to watch what you say and how you say it...as a form of written communication, how you word things drastically affects how people will respond to it.

Long story short: You asked for advice, you got what you wanted, let's all move on.

jrbarton79Wed204985 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_his-bachelor-party-freakin-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:a989cf03-3b8f-4365-a011-5c335b733395Post:fc11c502-3eff-409e-a782-cbb6358064ec">Re: His Bachelor party is freakin me out!</a>:
[QUOTE]Having an opinion different from yours doesn't mean we're unhelpful, just that there are different opinions. It really gets me when people come on here asking for help, then become incendiary when the advice they are given isn't to validate their ideas. You were given advice, and therefore you're free to take it. It is not, however, a good idea to ask for advice, then turn around and say that you weren't given the advice you wanted. Since you're relatively new here, I will offer you some advice...you may hear things you don't want to hear. Insulting and being rude does not get anything accomplished other than causing situations like this. This is an internet forum. We don't know you, you don't know us...therefore, generalizing statements like " when guys get around other testosterone filled guys it becomes a full blown Truth-Or-Dare game" will not be openly accepted...and assuming such will cause people to become defensive. You DO need to watch what you say and how you say it...as a form of written communication, how you word things drastically affects how people will respond to it. Long story short: You asked for advice, you got what you wanted, let's all move on.
Posted by jaimed99[/QUOTE]

I take what you say into consideration. I did find helpful advice... from those that said to just speak to my fiancee. I did that, expressed my concerns and what came out of it was a very light hearted conversation with him and me feeling a whole lot better than before.

I appreciate your last post. People say we are all entitled to our own opinions. I wrote the original post expressing mine and I feel like others were defensive with what I originally wrote. How can people who don't know the true circumstances or what I'm really like already come to the conclussion that I am the type of person to be defensive with?

I have to admit, I am not the type of person that will just be steam rolled. I asked a very valid question. 80% of the first comments coming back were defensive in how I generalized "men." I (in turn) became defensive. If someone has something snide and quick to say to me, I am right there with them. I will banter with the best of them.

I can NOT be the only person in the entire world who has ever had doubting thoughts. I am definitely not the only person in the world who has ever asked this question before. And I know I am not the first and only person to just have a conversation without thinking about what they say.

If you and I were friends... Having a somewhat serious conversation about.. whatever. I doubt we would pause in between our responses to each other to think about what words we would use or the tone with them. I think some passionate conversations are those that you "fly by the seat of your pants" with. I'm quick to respond. I react to situations. Call it being crass. It's just who I am.

(P.S.... I used the quote button for the one who called me a troll.)

How can you not expect me to be so sarcastic after comments like that? Troll... really?

HappinessByTheKilowatt · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_his-bachelor-party-freakin-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a989cf03-3b8f-4365-a011-5c335b733395Post:8ab95183-bb16-4a33-b1d2-5e99df8faba8">Re: His Bachelor party is freakin me out!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: His Bachelor party is freakin me out! : I take what you say into consideration. I did find helpful advice... from those that said to just speak to my fiancee. I did that, expressed my concerns and what came out of it was a very light hearted conversation with him and me feeling a whole lot better than before. I appreciate your last post. People say we are all entitled to our own opinions. I wrote the original post expressing mine and I feel like others were defensive with what I originally wrote. How can people who don't know the true circumstances or what I'm really like already come to the conclussion that I am the type of person to be defensive with? I have to admit, I am not the type of person that will just be steam rolled. I asked a very valid question. 80% of the first comments coming back were defensive in how I generalized "men." I (in turn) became defensive. If someone has something snide and quick to say to me, I am right there with them. I will banter with the best of them. <strong>I can NOT be the only person in the entire world who has ever had doubting thoughts. I am definitely not the only person in the world who has ever asked this question before.</strong> And I know I am not the first and only person to just have a conversation without thinking about what they say. If you and I were friends... <strong>Having a somewhat serious conversation about.. whatever. I doubt we would pause in between our responses to each other to think about what words we would use or the tone with them. I think some passionate conversations are those that you "fly by the seat of your pants" with.</strong> I'm quick to respond. I react to situations. Call it being crass. It's just who I am. (P.S.... I used the quote button for the one who called me a troll.) How can you not expect me to be so sarcastic after comments like that? Troll... really?
Posted by jrbarton79Wed204985[/QUOTE]

To the first part, you're right. You are not the first person to have doubts about the person you are with. I think the difference is, a lot of us are speaking from the point of view that we aren't MARRYING the guys we had doubts about. I have dated plenty of guys I doubted, who I worried about going to strip clubs and bars with his friends. My fiance? Never.

Also, the difference is, if we were friends and/or having this conversation face to face, someone could take into account your tone, know your background, etc. On the internet, you have both the benefit of getting to and the curse of having to think through everything you say in order to make your point clear and not give people false ideas or misinformed ideas. All we know is what you write. No one knows your background, your relationship with your fiance, your fiances friends, etc. We just see a girl who 1) doesn't trust her fiance 2) doesn't trust her fiance's friends 3) makes generalizations about everyone ELSE'S fiances and 4) jumps the gun after asking for other peoples thoughts. Like PP said, because you're new here, I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume a lot of the things you said were said because you jumped the gun, and I am also very glad you and your FI were able to talk it out-- that's how it should be. But before you say you aren't going to think through the questions you ask or whatever, just keep in mind that the only thing anyone knows about you is what we see here, on the interwebz. Your intelligence/ignorance are shown entirely through your writing, your association with other Knotties, and the questions/comments you make. So I really do hope you will reconsider, and think things through before you write them. There is a really great group here that can provide endless resources for all your wedding planning needs, and they are very welcoming when you give them a chance :-)

His Bachelor party is freakin me out!

Re: His Bachelor party is freakin me out!

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