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June 2012 Weddings
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Re: EXPIRED

  • Honestly she sounds like a biitch.  If she is going to put her crazy "dress code" above attending her own son's wedding, then she's not worth being there anyaway.  I know that's harsh but seriously, enough is enough.  Who knows what else she'll try to do when you guys are married/starting a family if you give into her now.  Don't give in.  call her bluff.  I HIGHLY doubt she skips it.
  • I don't know what to say except that I'm sorry you are having to deal with this stress and drama!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mog-threatening-to-not-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:10ba3fd8-f89c-48a4-b943-37c39e314a01Post:c8707371-0569-4080-9c5c-6ef0f9646f01">Re: MOG threatening to not attend!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly she sounds like a biitch.  If she is going to put her crazy "dress code" above attending her own son's wedding, then she's not worth being there anyaway.  I know that's harsh but seriously, enough is enough.  Who knows what else she'll try to do when you guys are married/starting a family if you give into her now.  Don't give in.  call her bluff.  I HIGHLY doubt she skips it.
    Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]



    THIS!!!!
  • Please try to condense what you write. This is a lot and hurts my eyes.

    If she doesn't come, her loss.
    Just tell her to get over herself and like I said last time, STOP TALKING TO HER.
    Your wedding is coming up.
    Tell her it is unfortunate that she won't be able to attend and LEAVE HER OUT.
    If you do not stop and put her in her place she is not going to stop and you will have to deal with this until she is dead.
    Just tell her you are sorry she won't be able to join you and your FI on you special day and BE DONE!
    Good lawd.

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  • Im so sorry to hear this! :( This is going to be hard decision to make . This is YOU and you FI's wedding. You want to look back and remember it being exactly what you wanted it to be. But at the same time, if MOG and his father, and the various other family members don't show up, thats a bad memory too.

    Personally, i can handle alot of things, like mothers being picky about flowers, hotels, venues, whatever. BUT NO ONE is going to tell me how to dress, ESPECIALLY on my honeymoon. I do not care who it bothers. I will only follow a dress code at work (nursing, kinda have to lol ). I don't think you dress inappropriately though, just for the record.

    You have to make this wedding what you and your fi want. This is what i always tell myself when i comes to decisions... " I"m only getting married once, i want what i want! "

    Good luck with everything!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mog-threatening-to-not-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:10ba3fd8-f89c-48a4-b943-37c39e314a01Post:c8707371-0569-4080-9c5c-6ef0f9646f01">Re: MOG threatening to not attend!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly she sounds like a biitch.  If she is going to put her crazy "dress code" above attending her own son's wedding, then she's not worth being there anyaway.  I know that's harsh but seriously, enough is enough.  Who knows what else she'll try to do when you guys are married/starting a family if you give into her now.  Don't give in.  call her bluff.  I HIGHLY doubt she skips it.
    Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I agree with Chelsea. and honestly, if she is going to be putting all of you through this, and if you guys weren't already going to HI and have a DW, then I would say, you could always elope and not have to deal with the drama. </div><div>
    </div><div>Anyways, again, call her out on her bluff. </div>
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  • CvilleClaireCvilleClaire member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited May 2012
    I think you need to fault your FI.  I don't even have time for TK anymore and I've read your story.  His family is controlling and overly dramatic.  If I know this, he certainly knows this.  YET, he calls his mother to tell her something that he knows will get her riled up?

    As a couple, you can stop creating these episodes.  The mother and grandmother are known problems.  Why do you agitate them swhen you know they will react this way?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mog-threatening-to-not-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:10ba3fd8-f89c-48a4-b943-37c39e314a01Post:dd34fa11-5ba4-4257-8d2e-169c7576a8b3">Re: MOG threatening to not attend!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Please try to condense what you write. This is a lot and hurts my eyes. If she doesn't come, her loss. Just tell her to get over herself and like I said last time, STOP TALKING TO HER. Your wedding is coming up. Tell her it is unfortunate that she won't be able to attend and LEAVE HER OUT. If you do not stop and put her in her place she is not going to stop and you will have to deal with this until she is dead. Just tell her you are sorry she won't be able to join you and your FI on you special day and BE DONE! Good lawd.
    Posted by peachykeen26[/QUOTE]

    agree. she will be the one missing out if she doesn't attend
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  • daria24daria24 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Seriously, the way she's acting, this is just going to be the start of YEARS of manipulation and control. What will it be like when you have children? You have to put a stop to it now.  FI speaks to them one last time: this is the way things will be, come or don't come. But the topic isn't up for discussion any longer. 

    I doubt they really won't come, and there's no guarantee that if you agree to their concessions that they won't turn around and make MORE demands. So stop accommodating them, stop talking to them, just go about your wedding as you and your FI want.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mog-threatening-to-not-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:10ba3fd8-f89c-48a4-b943-37c39e314a01Post:c8707371-0569-4080-9c5c-6ef0f9646f01">Re: MOG threatening to not attend!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly she sounds like a biitch.  If she is going to put her crazy "dress code" above attending her own son's wedding, then she's not worth being there anyaway.  I know that's harsh but seriously, enough is enough.  Who knows what else she'll try to do when you guys are married/starting a family if you give into her now.  Don't give in.  call her bluff.  I HIGHLY doubt she skips it.
    Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

    This.
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  • She sounds wacko and manipulative. I'm happy your FI is supporting you but he needs to put her in her place.

    Calling her bluff is your only option. Don't give in to her or respond with anything but "Sorry to hear that, we will miss you." All you can do is move on.
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  • chrmunchrmun member
    500 Comments
    I was unable to read that wall of text.
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  • I'd be done with her, this is your special day and she is ruining it before it even gets here! Please just say that you are sorry they will not be able to attend but you cannot change who you are for them. Not to mention it is rather expensive to be purchasing a whole new wardrobe. Don't let her ruin this time in your life, I know she is you MIL but when it comes down to it, this day is about FI and you.. if they choose to forgo coming than they will have to live with that regret over such stupidity!
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  • You're paying for it. Wear what you want. Even if you walk down the aisle in shorts and a tee shirt. Why would anyone wear a cardigan in June anyway? That's just silly. I doubt she won't come simply b/c her son is marrying a harlot. (Which is how I assume she sees you.) If she doesn't come it is her loss. At least you will know where you two stand with her and don't have to worry about her dressing your kids.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mog-threatening-to-not-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:10ba3fd8-f89c-48a4-b943-37c39e314a01Post:5209692c-0575-4584-bbd9-fe854a69ae9c">Re: MOG threatening to not attend!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Seriously, the way she's acting, this is just going to be the start of YEARS of manipulation and control. What will it be like when you have children? You have to put a stop to it now</strong>.  FI speaks to them one last time: this is the way things will be, come or don't come. But the topic isn't up for discussion any longer.  I doubt they really won't come, and there's no guarantee that if you agree to their concessions that they won't turn around and make MORE demands. So stop accommodating them, stop talking to them, just go about your wedding as you and your FI want.
    Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]
    yep
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  • I agree, definitely call her bluff.  I'm assuming she's paid for flights, hotels, etc. at this point and if nothing else won't want to lose her money!  I sincerely doubt that she won't attend. 

    Even on the off chance that she doesn't attend, you've made a point that she will NOT control your lives, which will be invaluable once you have children.
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  • Good grief, I feel sorry that you're inheriting this family!

    You can't keep giving her what she wants, simple as that. If you do, she's going to keep throwing fits like this to get you and your FI to do whatever she wants.  There needs to be an end put to her getting her way and controlling you like this, or you're in for a long road of misery ahead!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mog-threatening-to-not-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:10ba3fd8-f89c-48a4-b943-37c39e314a01Post:db5b2325-020a-4725-97d6-5c93f4e93440">Re: MOG threatening to not attend!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOG threatening to not attend! : I understand your point, though I can not find fault in my FI.<strong> His mother was insisting that we have me dress in her dress code and take pictures and email them to her for approval</strong>. By us not doing this, she was demanding an answer which is what prompted him to call and explain to her that we would not being sending her pictures of approval- that we would be dressing appropriately- though it may not comply with her dress code completely, she needed to understand the situation. 
    Posted by jaschelle[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ummm, APPROVAL?  I  understand giving the person who pays for the wedding (or most of it) approval powers for wedding related things to a dregree, but really?!?  Are you 5??  Why does anyone but YOU get to pick out what you wear?  Not even my FI does that, and if he did we certainly wouldn't be together; wayyy too controlling.  You just need to put your foot down and say, "No."</div>
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  • [QUOTE] she was demanding an answer which is what prompted him to call [/QUOTE]This makes no sense unless you are children.  Mommy might want an answer, but that doesn't mean he has to call her.  The power lies with you.  Stop reacting. 

    Here we go. Say it with me now, everyone.

    <u><strong>"I'm sorry, but that's just not possible."</strong></u>

    Rather, rinse, repeat...then stop talking to her. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mog-threatening-to-not-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:10ba3fd8-f89c-48a4-b943-37c39e314a01Post:9ce31718-fc78-4fb8-9dd8-af562eee2d94">Re: MOG threatening to not attend!</a>:
    [QUOTE]This makes no sense unless you are children.  Mommy might want an answer, but that doesn't mean he has to call her.  The power lies with you.  Stop reacting.  Here we go. Say it with me now, everyone. "I'm sorry, but that's just not possible." Rather, rinse, repeat...then stop talking to her. 
    Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Concur and agree</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mog-threatening-to-not-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:10ba3fd8-f89c-48a4-b943-37c39e314a01Post:c13eb469-2f57-4fce-babf-4e65c4d78004">Re: MOG threatening to not attend!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you need to fault your FI.  I don't even have time for TK anymore and I've read your story.  His family is controlling and overly dramatic.  If I know this, he certainly knows this.  YET, he calls his mother to tell her something that he knows will get her riled up? As a couple, you can stop creating these episodes .  The mother and grandmother are known problems.  Why do you agitate them swhen you know they will react this way?
    Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]

    *Dingdingding* We have a winner.

    I also agree with Chels in that you should call her bluff. From now until the wedding, only talk to her when <strong><u>absolutely necessary</u></strong>. Like 110% absolutely needed conversations.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mog-threatening-to-not-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:10ba3fd8-f89c-48a4-b943-37c39e314a01Post:9ce31718-fc78-4fb8-9dd8-af562eee2d94">Re: MOG threatening to not attend!</a>:
    [QUOTE]This makes no sense unless you are children.  Mommy might want an answer, but that doesn't mean he has to call her.  The power lies with you.  Stop reacting.  Here we go. Say it with me now, everyone. "I'm sorry, but that's just not possible." Rather, rinse, repeat...then stop talking to her. 
    Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]

    This too, I'm just stealing all of your words today. Hope you don't mind. :)

    Seriously though, just because she asked doesn't mean you have to give her any details. At all. Or even answer her. That might be "mean" but sometimes it's necessary in order for the apron strings to be cut. If you and FI let this continue, she will only <strong><u>control</u></strong> (note, not try to control) the rest of your life and your future children.
  • I cut my mom out of my life completely because she couldn't understand boundaries (and a lot of other issues, but the boundary thing was the final straw). I can only imagine what she would've been like when we have kids.

    You have to put a stop to this now. You are adults. You are modest (though it doesn't matter, anyway). If she wants to stomp around and throw a fit - let her, but you and your FI have all the control in the world to not let it affect you. Walk away, don't go over, don't answer phone calls/texts/emails until she gets the point that she doesn't get to control and manipulate you guys anymore. Put a stop to this ASAP. Call her bluff - she'll be at that wedding. If not, bad on her, not you.
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  • Great point, Brittney.  Boundaries are huge and some people violate them routinely.  If they keep doing it, it's up to us to make the boundaries more defined or protect ourselves if that doesn't fix the problem.
  • Okay first Grandma, now FMIL? Is this normal behavior for her? It sounds like you've had a normal / good relationship up until this point. There's no excuse for her behavior; however, I wonder if she is getting stressed out about the wedding? Perhaps there is something financially going on that's stressing her? I don't understand how she could flip sides and start throwing around ultimatiums like this out of the blue.

    At this point, arguing and fighting is not going to help anyone. Neither you nor FI should be arguing with her. Sit down with your FI and decide what you want to do- compromise to them or stand your ground. And then follow through together.

    But I wouldn't tell FMIL your decision. Just tell her you love her and you hope she'll be at your wedding, and leave it at that. No mention of clothing, money, etc.
  • L&J2012L&J2012 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I didn't have time to read your post, but I got the gist, I think. This honestly doesn't sound real to me, but I know how crazy some people can be so I'll give you the benefit of a doubt. also, I assume you meant that your waist is 32"? I know that's completely off topic but your size and measurements threw me off. But seriously, stop talking to these women and wear what you want. If they don't come, then it's their fault for missing your wedding because of something as stupid and petty as what you're wearing. Maybe you shouldve had your wedding in Moscow in the dead of winter. You'd be covered up then, for sure! Haha.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mog-threatening-to-not-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:10ba3fd8-f89c-48a4-b943-37c39e314a01Post:141e43c4-244f-4166-b7c7-d05700c6834c">Re: MOG threatening to not attend!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree, definitely call her bluff.  I'm assuming she's paid for flights, hotels, etc. at this point and if nothing else won't want to lose her money!  I sincerely doubt that she won't attend.  Even on the off chance that she doesn't attend, you've made a point that she will NOT control your lives, which will be invaluable once you have children.
    Posted by michellep1[/QUOTE]
    This!! If you don't stop them now it won't ever end.
    It is not the way you should start your lives together.
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  • Is FMIL and FGMIL (gma) normally crazy? Do weddings bring out the worst in them, or is this normal behavior?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mog-threatening-to-not-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:10ba3fd8-f89c-48a4-b943-37c39e314a01Post:6259b83c-1670-4337-82fe-0aaf19b44e43">Re: MOG threatening to not attend!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Bless your heart.
    Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

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