Facebook engagement etiquette

erinandpete2013 · December 2011

My boyfriend and I are in the proposal stage. He has the ring, and now the rest is up to him. But as I wait (patiently?!) I have to wonder how exciting it will be to tell everyone. My question for those of you who have facebook is what etiquette did you follow. Did you make the rounds to close family and friends, then post it to facebook, update your relationship status and post a status while your hands were still shaking with excitement, or did you simply tell people as you saw them and quietly update your relationship status. I have to wonder if I should call EVERY family member, even ones I don't talk to, or if I should let them find out via facebook? (I have to say that I hate finding things out through fb, I literally was asleep in bed and woke up to a phone call from a friend saying my pet had die and how sorry she was, because my brother posted it on fb, obviously a death of a pet is a lot different than a proposal, but hopefully you see my point.) Also what are your thoughts on posting a picture of the ring? I have already weeded out people who I haven't talked to in 3 months or more, but I wonder if that is just to private to post pictures of. Thanks Everyone!

annakb8 · December 2011

We called parents and texted close friends right after it happened. I changed my relationship status a few days later. It really wasn't that big of a deal.

Personally I'm not a fan of putting up ring shots, but I think I'm in the minority there.

dumdumfroggie · December 2011

I would keep most wedding stuff on a facebook to a minimum. Change your status sure, maybe ONE status, perhaps a picture of the ring, but besides that, anything you post has the potential to cause problems.

Also, I would tell people in person or on the phone who would be upset from finding out on FB.

Birdie1483 · December 2011

I think I accidentally deleted OP's post. Stupid TK. Here is what she said:

My boyfriend and I are in the proposal stage. He has the ring, and now the rest is up to him. But as I wait (patiently?!) I have to wonder how exciting it will be to tell everyone. My question for those of you who have facebook is what etiquette did you follow. Did you make the rounds to close family and friends, then post it to facebook, update your relationship status and post a status while your hands were still shaking with excitement, or did you simply tell people as you saw them and quietly update your relationship status. I have to wonder if I should call EVERY family member, even ones I don't talk to, or if I should let them find out via facebook? (I have to say that I hate finding things out through fb, I literally was asleep in bed and woke up to a phone call from a friend saying my pet had die and how sorry she was, because my brother posted it on fb, obviously a death of a pet is a lot different than a proposal, but hopefully you see my point.) Also what are your thoughts on posting a picture of the ring? I have already weeded out people who I haven't talked to in 3 months or more, but I wonder if that is just to private to post pictures of. Thanks Everyone!

achiduck · December 2011

We called our parents right after (and went to see them within the next few days) and they called the aunts/uncles who then told the cousins. We also called/texted closest friends and e-mailed those that we couldn't reach.

We probably waited about 4 or 5 days before updating our relationship status.

I'm with Anna - I don't care for ring shots and didn't post one.

Birdie1483 · December 2011

We called our close family first and I sent an email to our close friends before I posted anything on Facebook. I didn't worry about ALL of our family, but made sure the ones who we're close with (parents/siblings/some aunts and uncles) knew before we announced it to the public.

I found out one of my close friends was engaged through Facebook and that kind of sucked. I would have liked to have heard from her personally.

kcscejal · December 2011

We called the really important people and then changed our relationship status after they all knew. No one that we're really close with found out via facebook. I posted one ring picture because people were asking to see one. I hate when people post a whole ring album though.

strlzfan11 · December 2011

I'd call parents, siblings, and grandparents (and other extremely close friends) so that they hear it directly from you and then update my status a few days later. if you're close to some of your extended family members you might consider dropping them an email or calling if your parents don't want to do that themselves. I'd only post a picture of the ring if someone specifically asked to see it.

rlavach · December 2011

I don't know what the proper etiquette is (or if it even exists considering it's Facebook), but this is what I did. After I woke up from my proposal coma, I called my parents (who already knew). I then texted a pic of the ring to close friends/family. I spoke on the phone with those who called & then changed my status the next day. I got a flood of responses, but they were all from acquaintances. All my friends already knew. I didn't post a pic of the ring on FB, even though various posted on my wall asking me too.

erinandpete2013 · December 2011

Thanks everyone! Yes I just feel it is tacky to post the pics on there if it's in a showing off type of way. And my mother has said it the best, it's your story to tell, not facebooks, tell people in person. (we had a problem with my boyfriends sister telling people we had bought a ring, she posted on fb after we told her "omg can't believe my little brother is getting engaged") we literally hadn't even told his parents we had bought the ring (we are young (21 and 22) and wanted to let them know what our plans were) luckily I talked her into deleting it. Thanks for the advice, I'm sure these message boards are going to help me a lot in the next year and a half!

jessss21 · December 2011

For us, we wanted to call close friends and family, but after calling one friend they went and posted a congratualtions post to both of us, so by the time we got home and got to call our families, they all knew. Just go with the flow, hold off on facebook, but people will find out quickly!

SarahPLiz · December 2011

Within an hour I had called immediate family, texted close friends, posted a ring shot and changed my status... in that order. It was a complete surprise and I was stunned.I'm not one to keep quiet. I'm a big AW.

crash2729 · December 2011

We got engaged on a cruise. I told my family and close friends before I put it on Facebook. I texted ring pics to people who wanted one but I didn't post on on FB I don't think.

Even if we had been somewhere where I could have updated FB that minute, I doubt I would have.

acaponi87 · December 2011

Definitely depends on some things.

We got engaged on vacation together. FI hadn't asked my dad's permission (a must in my family) so he actually called and asked a couple of days later and then we called our families the next day and told them haha. We waited til we got back from vacation because we didn't want to deal with our phones and such and wanted to enjoy ourselves and then called and or texted our friends. By that point our families had a few days to spread the word to our extended family members. Put it on FB a few days later.

We did put some pictures of my ring up on FB in our vacation album though. We live 5 hours from our family and have many out of state friends so many wouldn't see it in person and they wanted to be able to check it out.

But ditto what many people said before...keep wedding talk to a minimum on facebook afterward. Odds are you won't be inviting all those people you are "friends" with. The more details you share on there the more you invite other people's thoughts/opinions which you will NOT want trust me!

lbarr088 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-engagement-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b80625f-2764-41b3-afdf-3f2fc530c8aaPost:cdf390f5-62f8-4cc5-bb78-a3bffd302f94">Re: Facebook engagement etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I would keep most wedding stuff on a facebook to a minimum. Change your status sure, maybe ONE status, perhaps a picture of the ring,</strong> but besides that, anything you post has the potential to cause problems. Also, I would tell people in person or on the phone who would be upset from finding out on FB.
Posted by dumdumfroggie[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto! </div><div>
</div><div>I called everyone important to me/FI and ended up putting up a status that said "sushi dinner with my FI"... everyone got the hint at that point. I don't remember when I changed the relationship.. maybe a few days afterward? I never posted a ring pic. </div><div>
</div><div>Keep stuff to a minimum. There are a few people I am FB friends with that insist on writing all of their "firsts" or any other things they do together "as an engaged couple" every couple of days as well as all of their wedding details on FB. One word: obnoxious.</div>

cu97tiger · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-engagement-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b80625f-2764-41b3-afdf-3f2fc530c8aaPost:323ce44a-34b5-432f-b63f-d9e944169d3e">Re: Facebook engagement etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Within an hour I had called immediate family, texted close friends, posted a ring shot and changed my status... in that order. It was a complete surprise and I was stunned.I'm not one to keep quiet. I'm a big AW.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

<div>This, except for the changing of statuses, which I think took us a day or two. FI was actually the one who put it on FB so fast, including a picture of the ring. Turns out it was because he had a surprise engagement party planned and he didn't want anyone ruining the surprise (i.e. congratulating me when I hadn't yet told them). In general, I think the longer you can wait, the more chance you have to make sure the people close to you find out from YOU.</div>

theDuckster · December 2011

My paternal grandmother passed away the day before H proposed so the night he proposed, I had to go home and pack for a funeral. After I got done packing, I got on FB and he'd changed his status befor I could change mine. It was awesome though; everyone was so excited and no one said a thing about us not calling them.

ETA: H proposed at his parent's home so they were in on it and I called my parents to tell them. I told my maternal grandparents the next day on the drive to Connecticut.

mari0225 · December 2011

I called my mom right after, and then my grandparents. Then texted my aunts a pic of the ring cause they are both into that, although one aunt was with my mom when I called her, mom already knew it was going to happen so she'd called her sister in case she got teary, i'm an only child so she's having trouble adjusting.

Anyways, after all the main people were told then I changed my facebook status and said something like, "I've got great news" lol most people close to me already knew what I meant.

specialk84 · December 2011

H proposed the night before Thanksgiving. We called my parents and brother immediately, and we went to dinner with H's best friend. Later that night, I called a few members of my extended family (grandmother, cousin/MOH, etc) and asked them to spread the word at their Thanksgiving GTG. H also called one of his other close friends.

Since no one in his family can keep a secret, we told H's family when we saw them on Thanksgiving. Everyone was there at the same time, and no one was left out of the loop. We didn't put anything on FB until after the important people knew, and I never posted a ring picture.

mari0225 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-engagement-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b80625f-2764-41b3-afdf-3f2fc530c8aaPost:632b5433-e3b8-4cdb-9858-47b391f2fc1a">Re: Facebook engagement etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Facebook engagement etiquette : Ditto! I called everyone important to me/FI and ended up putting up a status that said "sushi dinner with my FI"... everyone got the hint at that point. I don't remember when I changed the relationship.. maybe a few days afterward? I never posted a ring pic. Keep stuff to a minimum. There are a few people I am FB friends with that insist on writing all of their "firsts" or any other things they do together "as an engaged couple" every couple of days as well as all of their wedding details on FB. One word: obnoxious.
Posted by lbarr088[/QUOTE]

I have a couple friends like that as well, it's ANNOYING!

mari0225 · December 2011

Oh and also my friend recently went to a wedding where there were no actual invites sent out, just FB invites...no one came! My friend said it was awful. They were left with tons of food and cake.

So I am just putting it out there, it saves money but people just don't take it seriously.

CFM102012 · December 2011

Almost all my really close friends were there since FI proposed at our annual New Years get together. I called parents and sibs to wish them happy New Year and tell the news. Called grandparents the next day then posted just a picture of FI proposing and changed relationship status. One of my friends from work happed to be on FB and saw the picture right away. She commented "Is that what I think it is?"

I haven't really posted any other wedding stuff on FB. I did send a message to a cousin's wife with a picture of my dress. They're being deployed to Belgium and probably won't be able to come to the wedding.

RebeccaB88 · December 2011

We're at the same point you are. We'll tell everyone who needs to know from us in person first, then in a couple days update FB. Haven't decided on a ring shot yet. I might wait and see if anyone asks, and post one for a few days then delete it.

freebread03 · December 2011

I didn't change my FB status, because I don't have my relationship status up there. FB isn't a dating site, so I see no reason to broadcast my relationship status, whatever it may be. I also think that ring shots can come off wrong--kind of braggy.

This isn't to say that I think nobody should update their FB status--I just think that relationship status seems more appropriate for a dating site than a social networking site.

LittleMissCutiePie · December 2011

Well, by the time I put up a shot of my ring, there was only one person that said "OMG!!!", and that was a friend who didn't get my text because she was away on vacay. We told all my family first, and then I texted my close friends. Then we put it on facebook.

StephBeanWed61502 · December 2011

We got engaged in Arizona, and my family and friends are all on the East Coast, so it was nearly midnight their time when I was ready to make the "I'm engaged calls" - given the hour, I called my parents, texted my close friends, and then updated FB for everyone else the next day (changed relationship status and a status update post). No one seemed put out by how we handled it.

chumlee7478 · December 2011

We told everyone close to us either in person or via phone (his family is 7+ hours away). We got engaged on vacation, and we didn't tell anyone until we came home. I never posted anything on facebook, even with the vacation pictures. I love my ring, but I don't like the "OMG LOOK AT MY RING PICS!" on facebook. I'm all set with that. We showed everyone when we got home, that was perfect for us (asking my parents is not a must at all in my family).

We never updated our relationship statuses on facebook either. It still says we're in a relationship. Oh well. The wedding is in less than 6 months. We'll change it when we're married, when we remember to do so. I got an email from one of my bridesmaids telling me to change it so people would "know about the engagement". My feeling was, everyone important knows. The kid I sat next to in high school bio that reconnected with me on facebook isn't invited to the wedding, and I'm sure his life is going on just fine.

jlc8efa · December 2011

How I handled it was to call the immediate family and friends to share the goods news and then updated my status complete with pictures so that everyone could share in out happy day!

An IMPORTANT thing to remember- tell those who you call first (speciically people that update their status all the time) that you have certain people that you would like to personallt tell and you'd rather them not say anything about your engagement until you change your status.

Unfortunately my sister (the third person to find out) wrote congratulations on my wall right after I called her and several aunts and uncles were very unhappy that they found out that way even though I had the best intentions to personally let htem hear the news.

MyUserName1 · December 2011

We called most of the important people (missed one, oops!) then updated relationship status. I did not do any status updates regarding our engagement, have not posted any wedding stuff, etc.

Did not post any ring pictures! I think they frequently seem braggy or gauche. If people asked me for a ring picture, i texted or emailed it to them.

There are, however, a few pictures up where you can see my ring and a few people have commented on that. But the picture isn't OF the ring, savvy? So it seems different.

RyansBelovedBride · December 2011

Well we're not facebook official because we're long distance and are waiting to be in person for the official proposal and ring, even though we're 100% going to get married, talk about the future plans openly, and I talk about marrying him on my blog all the time.

My plan is, as soon as I get the proposal, I call my parents (or wait until it's the right time of day, and then do it, as I'll be in India at the time and I don't know if they'll be asleep), sisters, grandparents, and aunts and uncles. I think all my friends will find out via facebook... but it won't be a surprise to anyone who is close to me because everyone knows when Ryan and I get in person, he's proposing. lol.

I'm the kind of personality facebook was created for though. I really don't care if friends post a thousand updates about a wedding I'm not invited too... I'm just happy for them. I don't assume I'm invited to something just because they talk about it, just like I don't assume I'm invited over to dinner just because they put a status up about trying a new recipe. I love knowing what's going on in my friends day to day lives, especially the important stuff, but also the trivial. I am only ever annoyed by facebook when people are snarky or mean on it, which is rare.

Oh, I haven't decided about the ring pics yet.

KellyBrian2013 · December 2011

We called my parents and I called my best friend... FI's parents knew (he had dinner with them and they took "last night as a single man" pictures with him and the ring lol) as did his siblings.

My mom immediately started making calls to family members, and in a daze, I put up a FB status within a few hours, as did FI. Looking back, I wish I'd called more people first, but I was on such a high, my brain wasn't functioning as clearly as it could have.

I posted two photos of the ring, and left it at that. We really don't talk wedding on FB, and I deleted posts that were begging for wedding info (have you set a date? am I invited? etc) and addressed those people privately in response. I don't really talk wedding on FB, though my mom has mentioned a few things (such as when we got our final big check done, the florist).

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