Random question!

Zeldakins · November 2011

What are your thoughts on eloping?
(Not thinking of doing it, just curious)

BinxRose · November 2011

I think it entirely depends on the couple. If you would prefer to have a private wedding, just the two of you, then go ahead! But I think you should be certain you won't regret it. If you elope, and then a few months later decide you want your PPD to put on your frilly white dress and get presents, then no.

But honestly, if a couple decides they don't want to spend all this money for one day, and wants it to be a private affair, that's cool. Though I must say, if one of my best friends did it, while I would understand, I'd still be a little hurt that they didn't want me there.

KendallR10 · November 2011

I see nothing wrong with it. But if you do it don't be surprised if people are pissed

And I see nothing wrong with a VR but don't expect to get presents

Zeldakins · November 2011

My mother and I have talked about this because she suspects that I'm up to something (which I'm not >.>), but she did seem a little hurt when I brought up eloping or destination weddings. I'm first gen. American from a Mexican family...and when they do weddings it's usuallly a "everyone that we know and anyone that they want to bring can come along" kind of thing. I don't like this...I've never been a fan of ceremony or huge parties and have always been the "black sheep" of my extended family so I don't talk to them much (it's not that we dislike each other...we're just not close). I think that when I do get married it's going to be something small and very private (just immediate family and REALLY close friends). Not to say that my SO and I haven't talked about eloping and just splurging on a honeymoon.

firsttimersluck · November 2011

I think eloping is great. I wish H and I had done that. I do NOT like, however, when a couple goes and elopes and then has a pretend wedding to please the family. That's dumb. A marriage is between two people.

I definitely hear ya on the small wedding. We wanted a tiny wedding which turned into 70 people, but oh well. lol. You family will accept it eventually... I love my family dearly, as does H and his family, but we love our life together and tend to keep our relationship away from them. We don't mean to... we're just... private people.
No matter how you have your wedding, be it JOP, elopement, destination, or 500 guest count, you're going to upset SOMEONE. It's just how it goes. -_- so annoying

KendallR10 · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_random-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:1b2df2d1-b477-4445-9885-f93a67ba5a75Post:ac8ac1e9-a111-4abc-b3dc-7c0bf1179205">Re: Random question!</a>:
[QUOTE]My mother and I have talked about this because she suspects that I'm up to something (which I'm not />.>), but she did seem a little hurt when I brought up eloping or destination weddings. I'm first gen. American from a Mexican family...and when they do weddings it's usuallly a "everyone that we know and anyone that they want to bring can come along" kind of thing. I don't like this...I've never been a fan of ceremony or huge parties and have always been the "black sheep" of my extended family so I don't talk to them much (it's not that we dislike each other...we're just not close). I think that when I do get married it's going to be something small and very private (just immediate family and REALLY close friends). Not to say that my SO and I haven't talked about eloping and just splurging on a honeymoon. :)
Posted by Zeldakins[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I got married on thursday. I had a small wedding. I had less than 25 people at my wedding and spent less than $500. It was perfect. I didn't wear white but I was beautiful. </div><div>
</div><div>If you want to know how I did it just ask :]</div><div>
</div>

firsttimersluck · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_random-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1b2df2d1-b477-4445-9885-f93a67ba5a75Post:5e821bb1-0b21-4d5d-b9fc-85d2c6782e60">Re: Random question!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random question! : I got married on thursday. I had a small wedding. I had less than 25 people at my wedding and spent less than $500. It was perfect. I didn't wear white but I was beautiful. If you want to know how I did it just ask :]
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

Except that it wasn't actually perfect because she's having a redo next year with a big wedding.

KendallR10 · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_random-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:1b2df2d1-b477-4445-9885-f93a67ba5a75Post:9a08bc2a-3ba5-4984-96e7-03db645717ac">Re: Random question!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random question! : Except that it wasn't actually perfect because she's having a redo next year with a big wedding.
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
actually I'm not. We know that we are going to do a VR but probably not for 5-10 years

ggirl2001 · November 2011

I did a semi DW style. I had mine in Florida so both families had to travel (except for my sister who lives there). We invited around 80ish and we had 44 there. It was perfect and exactly what I wanted. The people who were there are those who are closest to H and I and wouldn't have missed it no matter where the wedding was held. Can you do something like that?

firsttimersluck · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_random-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1b2df2d1-b477-4445-9885-f93a67ba5a75Post:3ade067d-02a9-4961-acff-9aa96eb0a090">Re: Random question!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random question! : actually I'm not. We know that we are going to do a VR but probably not for 5-10 years
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

I'm sure this will change a hundred times just like your military decision. What would you do with your gown then?
I'm not trying to be brash, I just don't want you misleading other readers with your fib of your perfect wedding when it's obviously not perfect, or you wouldn't need a redo (even if it isn't until 5 years later).

KendallR10 · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_random-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:1b2df2d1-b477-4445-9885-f93a67ba5a75Post:c63c8578-30cc-40f8-8c21-9d5566d87c55">Re: Random question!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random question! : I'm sure this will change a hundred times just like your military decision. What would you do with your gown then? I'm not trying to be brash, I just don't want you misleading other readers with your fib of your perfect wedding when it's obviously not perfect, or you wouldn't need a redo (even if it isn't until 5 years later).
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
Wear it. <div>
</div><div>
</div><div>My wedding was perfect. everyone who mattered was there. I wish I had worn white but thats it. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

firsttimersluck · November 2011

Wear it when?
5-10 years from now?
Why didn't you just wear it on Thursday?

KendallR10 · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_random-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:1b2df2d1-b477-4445-9885-f93a67ba5a75Post:f7c16fc8-7e5d-45bd-94f3-1f85e81e91bd">Re: Random question!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wear it when? 5-10 years from now? Why didn't you just wear it on Thursday?
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
When we do our VR or our reception<div>Where we got married and the formality of the dress are not the same, and I've gotten fat so it didn't fit</div>

CAB1217 · November 2011

Ohhhh goodness...

OP, do what is right for you and you FI! I am in a similar situation as you are ( as far as the: "I'm first gen. American from a Mexican family...and when they do weddings it's usually a "everyone that we know and anyone that they want to bring can come along"" part ) but, I personally embrace the big party, to an extent. I am having about 100 people at our wedding. My sister, on the other hand, had a small, lunch wedding, under $5000, and not to many people were thrilled about it. But, it worked out, and the rest of the family partied at my house while my sister and her H went on their honeymoon! Do what fits you and your FI best. Your Tia's and Tio's will forgive you for not having what they want, eventually! :P

firsttimersluck · November 2011

CAB go read my ideas for the siggy challenge (sorry zeldakins, threadjack)

Which reminds me:
Welcome back, Zeldakins! It's been a while since I've seen you around here! Where have you been? How's life? How's the spouse?

CAB1217 · November 2011

*jackmode*
I already didddddd! Holiday picture FTW!~
*endjack*

Zeldakins · November 2011

FTL: I think the same about this being our decision, my family may just have to deal with it :P as will everyone else that wanted to be there.
Also, I've been trying to get through school and life's had a couple rough patches. I can now see why so many people quit when they are in relationship with someone in the military....it's tough. But, it just takes patience and commitment on both sides. Right now I'm trying to figure out what I can do for him to make his time away easier. He seems much more affected by this than me (that sounds terrible...it's not like I don't miss him but I tend to deal with time and distance much better than he does). I was thinking of writing to him and possibly sending him something but I'm not sure what just yet.

Zeldakins · November 2011

Kendall: REALLY? only $500? How'd you manage that?
Did you just do without a lot of things and keep it really simple?

Zeldakins · November 2011

Ggirl: A wedding in another state...hmmm

That actually sounds great! I know my mother would HATE me for doing that (she knows I'm a schemer and that I don't want too many people there />.>) but I could really get away with it.

ggirl2001 · November 2011

Zelda-I loved it. My family had enough time to plan in advance to save money and such, same with my friends. I had a gorgeous beach ceremony and reception right after. There is literally nothing I would change about it. I didn't have to deal with relatives I don't really like since they didn't come (as we knew they wouldn't). It was exactly what I wanted.

Zeldakins · November 2011

CAB: Ever since my Quinceanera I haven't wanted a big party....there were so many people! There was over 2000 people there and I didn't know a lot of them.

what made it more frustrating is that it was all invite only. The security guards that we hired didn't check anything. My tio's and tia's are crazy too...and I love them but I don't want my SO's family to see them drunk. They tend to be very confrontational when they have alcohol in their system.

That worries me.

firsttimersluck · November 2011

Zelda- She did it by having basically a courthouse wedding, just not in the courthouse. It wasn't like a "ceremony and reception" type of wedding. Just a family to witness kinda thing (she has a couple pictures posted in a few threads below). It's honestly easy to pull off... And you can have a reception at a restaurant that has private rooms like.. for rehearsal dinners and such.
She's planning on having a PPD though. She has a big white dress for her VR.

I feel ya. H hates that I am bitter over our wedding... I just don't feel it was necessary logically... I really enjoyed planning it, but now looking back it was such a waste of money (I felt that way during the planning, I just really like planning events :P ) I think about money constantly. Weddings seems like wasted money to me... When it could have been put to better use... I mean.. we still have a "budget wedding" but it was easy to have everything we wanted and be a budget wedding when my aunt is an event planner and has hook ups all over the place (our rentals were about half off, our DJ threw in a bunch of free stuff, the caterer went above and beyond with everything, etc).
Just remember that it's your wedding and it should be about you two. If you two are private and personal people, then a big wedding doesn't seem right for you guys. It's not about your family, unless they are paying for it.. In which case, eh.. whatever.. humour them and have a big party :P lol

Oh gosh when H was deployed I wrote him about 3 letters a month and an email a day, as well as sent about 1.5 boxes a month (average.. obviously I didn't send a half a box a month lol) It really helped him, but it was the same for us. The deployment really got to him. he hated being away from me for so long and really likes his luxeries that he has at home but not in the 'deid. I, on the other hand, missed him terribly but had so much to do and so many goals to hit that I wasn't devastated. Seriously, hand written letters really REALLY help the guys out... It seems silly when you can just send an e-mail, but a letter goes a long way.. send a silly card and a romantic card each month. Then he has something sweet and something funny to look forward to each month

KendallR10 · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_random-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1b2df2d1-b477-4445-9885-f93a67ba5a75Post:cc182d6b-070f-4c07-bad5-8b35478e069d">Re: Random question!</a>:
[QUOTE]Kendall: REALLY? only $500? How'd you manage that? Did you just do without a lot of things and keep it really simple?
Posted by Zeldakins[/QUOTE]

We spent 113 on seating and tables
130 on food and drinks
flowes and votives and candles cost like 100
I got my dress for like $25
H wore his uniform
and our venue cost us $50

KendallR10 · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_random-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1b2df2d1-b477-4445-9885-f93a67ba5a75Post:4fdf8392-da61-42f4-be59-8c0b65eba335">Re: Random question!</a>:
[QUOTE]Zelda- She did it by having basically a courthouse wedding, just not in the courthouse. It wasn't like a "ceremony and reception" type of wedding. Just a family to witness kinda thing (she has a couple pictures posted in a few threads below). It's honestly easy to pull off... And you can have a reception at a restaurant that has private rooms like.. for rehearsal dinners and such. She's planning on having a PPD though. She has a big white dress for her VR. I feel ya. H hates that I am bitter over our wedding... I just don't feel it was necessary logically... I really enjoyed planning it, but now looking back it was such a waste of money (I felt that way during the planning, I just really like planning events :P ) I think about money constantly. Weddings seems like wasted money to me... When it could have been put to better use... I mean.. we still have a "budget wedding" but it was easy to have everything we wanted and be a budget wedding when my aunt is an event planner and has hook ups all over the place (our rentals were about half off, our DJ threw in a bunch of free stuff, the caterer went above and beyond with everything, etc). Just remember that it's your wedding and it should be about you two. If you two are private and personal people, then a big wedding doesn't seem right for you guys. It's not about your family, unless they are paying for it.. In which case, eh.. whatever.. humour them and have a big party :P lol Oh gosh when H was deployed I wrote him about 3 letters a month and an email a day, as well as sent about 1.5 boxes a month (average.. obviously I didn't send a half a box a month lol) It really helped him, but it was the same for us. The deployment really got to him. he hated being away from me for so long and really likes his luxeries that he has at home but not in the 'deid. I, on the other hand, missed him terribly but had so much to do and so many goals to hit that I wasn't devastated. Seriously, hand written letters really REALLY help the guys out... It seems silly when you can just send an e-mail, but a letter goes a long way.. send a silly card and a romantic card each month. Then he has something sweet and something funny to look forward to each month :)
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
Umm.. We had a reception. I bought my dress before we had planned on doing a VR. I'm a people pleaser. Thats all the VR is for me. To please my mother so she will shut up about it.

firsttimersluck · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_random-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1b2df2d1-b477-4445-9885-f93a67ba5a75Post:73454961-1338-4dc8-9dde-514834b55e67">Re: Random question!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random question! : Umm.. We had a reception. I bought my dress before we had planned on doing a VR. I'm a people pleaser. Thats all the VR is for me. To please my mother so she will shut up about it.
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

ok.. but you still are having it. It doesn't change that fact, and I'm tired of hearing you flip flopping on the topic so until otherwise mentioned, I'm going to correct you so that our newer posters aren't misguided. If you were really mature enough to get married, you're mature enough to stand up to your family with what you want and what is right for you.
You still have a white gown. You're still planning a VR, you're still getting a PPD. Whether it's "for you" or "to please my mother", you're still getting one, and that will not be costing 500 bucks. My ACTUAL wedding was "for the guests" I feel, but nonetheless it was my wedding. I wasn't saying you didn't have a recpetion, you just didn't have the typical, rent a venue and caterer and all that jazz ceremony/reception, which is why it was of such little cost. That's true, correct? I wasn't being brash or judgemental about it.

firsttimersluck · November 2011

FFS Kendall, you have a PM.

firemedicrr · November 2011

In Response to Re: Random question!:
[QUOTE]I think eloping is great. I wish H and I had done that. I do NOT like, however, when a couple goes and elopes and then has a pretend wedding to please the family. That's dumb. A marriage is between two people. I definitely hear ya on the small wedding. We wanted a tiny wedding which turned into 70 people, but oh well. lol. You family will accept it eventually... I love my family dearly, as does H and his family, but we love our life together and tend to keep our relationship away from them. We don't mean to... we're just... private people. No matter how you have your wedding, be it JOP, elopement, destination, or 500 guest count, you're going to upset SOMEONE. It's just how it goes. -_- so annoying
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

I 100 percent agree with this.

I have -never- understood VR's; last time I checked "til death do us part" doesn't expire, so why do you need to renew it?

firsttimersluck · November 2011

haha well put.. Honestly, I think it's just that couples don't have their financial priorities in order. I try not to judge it because... well.. it's not my money so it's not my place.... I personally would have rather saved that money from the wedding and put it back into our investments, but I know it was important to H, so I try not to mention that

firemedicrr · November 2011

FTL- I wish they could move your venue to VA near me for my wedding at the same price. Sheesh. I'm having -so- much trouble finding anywhere indoors that is reasonable.

Parks and Rec- all useable spaces booked on my date. Ditto for nonprofit places I've looked at. sigh. and I really want outdoor but I want a rain plan, and I can't find any reasonably priced tents....... meh.

KendallR10 · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_random-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1b2df2d1-b477-4445-9885-f93a67ba5a75Post:698eb249-06c9-41fe-a5a2-051c4fbef1c6">Re: Random question!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random question! : ok.. but you still are having it. It doesn't change that fact, and I'm tired of hearing you flip flopping on the topic so until otherwise mentioned, I'm going to correct you so that our newer posters aren't misguided. If you were really mature enough to get married, you're mature enough to stand up to your family with what you want and what is right for you. You still have a white gown. You're still planning a VR, you're still getting a PPD. Whether it's "for you" or "to please my mother", you're still getting one, and that will not be costing 500 bucks. My ACTUAL wedding was "for the guests" I feel, but nonetheless it was my wedding. I wasn't saying you didn't have a recpetion, you just didn't have the typical, rent a venue and caterer and all that jazz ceremony/reception, which is why it was of such little cost. That's true, correct? I wasn't being brash or judgemental about it.
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

We had food. We had a venue. that we rented. Even if we had a 300 person wedding we weren't hiring a caterer.

firsttimersluck · November 2011

Oh no that sucks! I'm sorry

yeah.. Tents are crazy expensive. We almost went that route, but I didn't really have a desire to get married outdoors.. you just can't in the state of WA. What are the counties that are acceptable venue options for you? Maybe I can help search

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