Shower for Co-Worker - Donation Registry
One of my co-workers is getting married next month. We aren't close and don't work together at all (just for the same company)but have bonded recently over our weddings. I heard she got engaged and congratulated her in passing and we got to talking that she had just looked at my wedding venue and fell in love. So we are both getting married at the same venue and chat about it whenever we see each other.
Anyways, I just got an outlook invite to a 'Cake Celebration' for her. Her 'registry' information is copied in the body of the outlook invite and requests no gifts but says that notes of well wishes would bring them joy. It does say though that if you are inclined to present a gift they ask that you honor their past loves by donating to one of the 2 organizations listed. She is a widow and her FI is a widower. I believe they lost their spouses to heart disease & cancer.
I know that Donation Registries are generally frowned upon since many organizations/causes may be controversial. So I was just curious if you would still consider this bad etiquette? I know (and I'm sure her close friends and family know much better than I do) that meeting each other has been a huge blessing for them after losing their spouses. It certainly did not offend me at all and personally I think it's really touching that they want to honor their deceased SOs. So what do you think?
ETA: I guess I shouldn't have titled the post shower since in the invite it doesn't say shower anywhere. Also at work we don't usually all buy gifts anyways. The person's work group or boss usually goes in on a gift together. I also don't know if she posted the donation info on a wedding website or anything for family/friends to see or if the person organizing the cake celebration simply asked her via email and that was her response.
Re: Shower for Co-Worker - Donation Registry
What if you knew about that organization, and didn't approve of how they spent their money? Or how much went to actually helping people, and how much is used for 'overhead'? Super uncomfortable.
[QUOTE]What is a cake celebration?
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]
We usually get together for cake at work when someone is retiring, or getting married, or having a baby, etc. We eat cake, people say nice words about the person and we socialize and then go back to our cubes/offices. I've never seen them call it a 'cake celebration' before this, but I'm just guessing the person organizing it was trying to avoid the word 'shower'.
But at the end of the day the B&G should really never say anything about gifts unless asked. If asked I don't think I'd have a problem with "we really have everything we need, but if you feel compelled to give, a donation to X charity would mean a lot". The giver is still perfectly capable of picking something else.
So I guess in conclusion I don't have a problem with picking a charity as your desired gift; but I do have a problem with volunteering that information instead of waiting to be asked.
To be more specific, I have no problem whatsoever with couples choosing to make donations of their own funds. I do have problems with:
1) couples announcing that it's "in lieu of favors" (favors aren't required anyway, so this doesn't come off as gracious, just as "see how selfless we are, giving something to someone else instead of you") but at least you're not doing this.
2) couples using their weddings to promote charities. Weddings are not fundraisers or awareness-raising events. Nor is it okay to tell someone else what to do with their money. Maybe they don't support your cause, or don't want to give a donation as a "gift" to you, or just don't want to give a gift (and it is optional). Again, it just doesn't come off as gracious or selfless.
So, by all means, make that donation, but keep it to yourself unless someone asks you first.
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