5 Bridesmaids but NO GROOMSMEN
I just need to vent...
When my FI and I first got engaged we talked about potential wedding party. We based the number of people off the guys he wanted in the wedding. We settled on 5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen. I quickly asked my ladies to be in the wedding, and he has still yet to ask all his people and we're less than 5 months away from the wedding. Then he tells me this past weekend, he doesn't want any groomsmen! WTF! I could have smacked him. I don't understand why he doesn't want any, because he can't verbally express why. He has a group of friends that have been close since they were young, so it's not like he doesn't have options. I can't make him ask people and I guess it's his wedding to, so I just have to suck it up. However, I am not going to ditch my bridesmaids, since I asked them ages ago and some of them already have their dresses. I guess we'll just have to look lopsided, and I'll have to have my girls sit instead of stand. MEN!
Re: 5 Bridesmaids but NO GROOMSMEN
[QUOTE]I just need to vent... When my FI and I first got engaged we talked about potential wedding party. We based the number of people off the guys he wanted in the wedding. We settled on 5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen. I quickly asked my ladies to be in the wedding, and he has still yet to ask anyone and we're less than 5 months away from the wedding. Then he tells me this past weekend, he doesn't want any groomsmen! WTF! I could have smacked him. I don't understand why he doesn't want any, because he can't verbally express why. He has a group of friends that have been close since they were young, so it's not like he doesn't have options. I can't make him ask people and I guess it's his wedding to, so I just have to suck it up. However, I am not going to ditch my bridesmaids, since I asked them ages ago and some of them already have their dresses. I guess we'll just have to look lopsided, and I'll have to have my girls sit instead of stand. MEN!
Posted by JaiteJanerico[/QUOTE]
Why does this make you mad at him? You still get to honor your friends by having them in your wedding, and he gets to do what he wants. Both sides win here.
No one will care that it's lopsided. Really not a big deal at all. And while it's fine to have your friends sit in the front row if that's what you prefer, it would also be find to have them stand and just be on your side. Because again, not a big deal.
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But if he just told YOU that he'd ask five guys, and then never asked them and told you that he'd changed his mind ... WTF are you so upset about in that case? You can still have your five bridesmaids, and they can still stand up for the ceremony as you originally planned. He isn't required to have a matching set of groomsmen, or ANY attendants for that matter. Nobody will care if your bridal party is uneven. You're making this into a giant problem when it absolutely does not have to be. Chill out.
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Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
I think you have every right to be irritated with your fiance - I would be if I were you. But I also think you have a great plan going - vent and move on as planned. I promise you, your wedding will still be wonderful with 5 bridesmaids and no groomsmen!
[QUOTE]You could keep your 5 bridesmaids and have a couple of them stand on his side to make it look less lopsided if that is what you are worried about.
Posted by Lindsayt26[/QUOTE]
If he didn't want anyone on his side in the first place, it's going to make even less sense to have the bride's friends standing next to him.
The OP just needs to allow herself to be grumpy for another couple of hours and then let this go. I guarantee there is not a single guest who is going to run screaming from the ceremony because the sides are uneven.
WPs are NOT at all about symmetry. They are about having those you care most about stand next to you on your wedding day.
Anyway, he DID ask some people to be in the wedding AND he has talked to his some of his friends about it. He also said he wanted NO wedding part at all. So I beleive I have the right to be frustrated. He's asking me to renig my request for my best friends and sister to stand beside me on the most important day of my life thus far.
[QUOTE]I appreciate those of you who didn't take the snippy stand point. I guess the whole "those without sin should cast the first stone" doesn't apply to some of you. <strong>Anyway, he DID ask some people to be in the wedding AND he has talked to his some of his friends about it.</strong> He also said he wanted NO wedding part at all. So I beleive I have the right to be frustrated. <strong>He's asking me to renig my request for my best friends and sister to stand beside me on the most important day of my life thus far.</strong>
Posted by JaiteJanerico[/QUOTE]
This is really relevant information that would have been useful in your original post. Him choosing not to ask any GMs is totally a different thing from him screwing over his friends and asking you to screw over yours. Please tell him that he's being a jerk to rescind an offer like that and that you are in no way going to be as rude as he was.
Beyond that, my original advice stands: 5 on one side vs. 0 on the other isn't a big deal. It'll look just fine.
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EmilyinChile: In the haste of venting I neglected that critical point. My apologies for my oversight. (P.S. Fabulous picture!)
If he had originally said that he did not want a wedding party I would have totally been fine with that, but to come up, at what feels like the eleventh hour, and make this decision is something I feel justified at being irritated at. I love the idea of it just being me and him standing up there, which now it will be, so I would have been on board with not asking anyone. However, that isn't the way it went down. I have BMs who have already purchased dresses! I think he feels it's an inconvenience to his friends, even though I know they've told him the opposite. His would be best man even told him to get a move on it and officially ask the rest of the guys. I don't think it would frustrate me so much if he wasn't changing his mind every other day, and I mean that literally. One day he'll want a band, so we contact a band, then the next day he wants a DJ, so I find a DJ and pay a deposit, only for him to say the following day "I really wish we were having a band." Those of you who have planned big weddings by yourself will know it's stressful. My FI knows this too, but he just doesn’t seem to understand what changing his mind does to the already high stress level.
[QUOTE]EmilyinChile: In the haste of venting I neglected that critical point. My apologies for my oversight. (P.S. Fabulous picture!) If he had originally said that he did not want a wedding party I would have totally been fine with that, but to come up, at what feels like the eleventh hour, and make this decision is something I feel justified at being irritated at. I love the idea of it just being me and him standing up there, which now it will be, so I would have been on board with not asking anyone. However, that isn't the way it went down. <strong>I have BMs who have already purchased dresses!</strong> I think he feels it's an inconvenience to his friends, even though I know they've told him the opposite. His would be best man even told him to get a move on it and officially ask the rest of the guys. <strong>I don't think it would frustrate me so much if he wasn't changing his mind every other day, and I mean that literally. </strong> <strong>One day he'll want a band, so we contact a band, then the next day he wants a DJ, so I find a DJ and pay a deposit, only for him to say the following day "I really wish we were having a band." </strong> Those of you who have planned big weddings by yourself will know it's stressful. My FI knows this too, but he just doesn’t seem to understand what changing his mind does to the already high stress level.
Posted by JaiteJanerico[/QUOTE]
Planning a wedding isn't inherently stressful. Your stress is coming from the fact that you and your FI seem to have, as they say in <em>Cool Hand Luke</em>, "a failure to communicate." He makes what seem to be offhand remarks and you rush out and book a DJ. He says he wants a WP and you go out and ask people. I get the impression (and correct me if I'm wrong--I'm just saying this based on what I'm reading) that he sort of says what's on his mind but it isn't necessarily his decision, and you interpret it as the decision. My DH can be like that on things sometimes, too, so I get why this is frustrating--he'll say, "We should do XYZ" and he means it abstractly, and I'll sometimes interpret it literally. But something we do that I get the impression you and your FI aren't doing is sitting down and talking about what you want and what you don't want, reaching an agreement, and deciding to take action. Whenever DH says, "We should do XYZ" I don't run out and do XYZ. We talk about it.<div>
</div><div>Like I said, I could be wrong about all the above, but as a disinterested third party, those are my impressions.
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</div><div>I think you have a communication problem, not a wedding problem. You and your FI could maybe use some pre-marital counseling to help communicate your needs, frustrations, wants, etc. because I'm getting the impression that you two talk past each other yet you don't realize it until it's too late. Pre-marital counseling is never a bad idea (that's what your energy should be spent on during the engagement, btw--working out the kinks in the relationship, not planning the wedding) and I think the two of you might benefit from it.</div></div>
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Believe it or not I am pretty mellow about this. I needed an outlet to vent, since I don't want to go all excorcist on my FI. I think it just struck a sour note with me when I you go to what you think is a safe place with a potentially sympathic ear, and to have some people (not you inparticular) tell you that what your feeling is unjustified and ridiculous.
I feel like if he could say "This is important to me because..." then I could maybe (and that's a big maybe) go and talk to my ladies and explain to them why things have changed. (I'd reimburse then for the dresses, of course). BUT when I ask him why he's response is "I don't know. I just don't want them" is pretty frustrating.
[QUOTE]Believe it or not I am pretty mellow about this. I needed an outlet to vent, since I don't want to go all excorcist on my FI. I think it just struck a sour note with me when I you go to what you think is a safe place with a potentially sympathic ear, and to have some people (not you inparticular) tell you that what your feeling is unjustified and ridiculous. <strong>I feel like if he could say "This is important to me because..." then I could maybe (and that's a big maybe) go and talk to my ladies and explain to them why things have changed. (I'd reimburse then for the dresses, of course). BUT when I ask him why he's response is "I don't know. I just don't want them" is pretty frustrating.</strong>
Posted by JaiteJanerico[/QUOTE]
I say again: communication. He doesn't seem to understand how his decisions impact you, and you don't understand his reasons. He's also asking you to do something really unfair (for the record, I don't think you should change up your side of the aisle--what happens when your FI changes his mind yet again?). I also see you not standing up for what you want--it's like whatever he wants is what happens.<div>
</div><div>I truly think some pre-marital counseling would go a long way with this. Believe it or not, this isn't a normal system of communication, and again, speaking as an outsider with no personal knowledge, it raises a couple of red flags for me.</div><div>
</div><div>There are couples that get swept up in wedding planning and couples that get swept up in each other. If the two of you are so focused on the wedding that you're missing some relationship clues, that's s a problem. I won't judge whether you are or not, but based on what you're writing I would say it's time to pause the party planning and focus on each other, your relationship, and your future. These are problems that won't just disappear with marriage.</div>
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A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 5 Bridesmaids but NO GROOMSMEN : Planning a wedding isn't inherently stressful. Your stress is coming from the fact that you and your FI seem to have, as they say in Cool Hand Luke , "a failure to communicate." <strong> He makes what seem to be offhand remarks and you rush out and book a DJ. He says he wants a WP and you go out and ask people. </strong>I get the impression (and correct me if I'm wrong--I'm just saying this based on what I'm reading) that he sort of says what's on his mind but it isn't necessarily his decision, and you interpret it as the decision. My DH can be like that on things sometimes, too, so I get why this is frustrating--he'll say, "We should do XYZ" and he means it abstractly, and I'll sometimes interpret it literally. But something we do that I get the impression you and your FI aren't doing is sitting down and talking about what you want and what you don't want, reaching an agreement, and deciding to take action. Whenever DH says, "We should do XYZ" I don't run out and do XYZ. We talk about it. Like I said, I could be wrong about all the above, but as a disinterested third party, those are my impressions. I think you have a communication problem, not a wedding problem. You and your FI could maybe use some pre-marital counseling to help communicate your needs, frustrations, wants, etc. because I'm getting the impression that <strong>you two talk past each other yet you don't realize it until it's too late.</strong> Pre-marital counseling is never a bad idea (that's what your energy should be spent on during the engagement, btw--working out the kinks in the relationship, not planning the wedding) and I think the two of you might benefit from it.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
There's a lot of assuming based off a few post. I think I am portraying my FI and I as unstable, which in fact is completely false. We're laid back in our normal life. Neither one of us solely "wears the pants". We are insync on most everything, because we've been together for a long time. We rarely fight, but will bicker from time to time, but we don't hold grudges. But this wedding is a totally different beast. On the outside I seem calm, but inside I am screaming. So I thought I could vent here without seeming like a crazy person.
If you ask pretty much anyone, even my FI, about how much of a Bridezilla I am they'd say about 0%, but I do have a Groomzilla on my hands. We have wedding meetings, and serious discussions about what we want the day to be like. We have talked this wedding to death, but that doesn't mean there won't be stress caused by planning it.
The decisions that are being made aren't based off of some off-hand comments made by him. He researches stuff online, talks to his best friend, and has pre-formed ideas about what he wants witht his wedding. I didn't mean he literally changes his mind daily, but he does change it frequently. He wanted a band so I arranged for a band that fell through, then he found a band, but we found out that they weren't that great. So he after talking to his Best Friend (and once planned Best Man) who just got married and had a DJ, he decided he wanted a DJ. After giving him a week to change his mind he didn't, so I booked a DJ, but called him to double check before paying the deposit. He even made a playlist for the guy. Then he looks at me a month or so after I paid the deposit and says "I really wish we were having a band instead." So no, I am not taking off-hand comments and running with them. He's just changes his mind constantly, which he doesn't see as a problem because he's not the one who has to make his ideas a reality. He's the one who keeps saying certain things are non-negotiable when it comes to this wedding, and I am okay with most of it as it's his wedding to, but this one thing just got to me. To change his mind about our wedding party is the MOTHER OF ALL CHANGES! So in an effort to keep the gray hair at bay, I took to theknot to vent.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 5 Bridesmaids but NO GROOMSMEN : There's a lot of assuming based off a few post. I think I am portraying my FI and I as unstable, which in fact is completely false. We're laid back in our normal life. Neither one of us solely "wears the pants". We are insync on most everything, because we've been together for a long time. We rarely fight, but will bicker from time to time, but we don't hold grudges. But this wedding is a totally different beast. On the outside I seem calm, but inside I am screaming. So I thought I could vent here without seeming like a crazy person. If you ask pretty much anyone, even my FI, about how much of a Bridezilla I am they'd say about 0%, but I do have a Groomzilla on my hands. We have wedding meetings, and serious discussions about what we want the day to be like. We have talked this wedding to death, but that doesn't mean there won't be stress caused by planning it. The decisions that are being made aren't based off of some off-hand comments made by him. He researches stuff online, talks to his best friend, and has pre-formed ideas about what he wants witht his wedding. I didn't mean he literally changes his mind daily, but he does change it frequently. He wanted a band so I arranged for a band that fell through, then he found a band, but we found out that they weren't that great. So he after talking to his Best Friend (and once planned Best Man) who just got married and had a DJ, he decided he wanted a DJ. After giving him a week to change his mind he didn't, so I booked a DJ, but called him to double check before paying the deposit. He even made a playlist for the guy. Then he looks at me a month or so after I paid the deposit and says "I really wish we were having a band instead." So no, I am not taking off-hand comments and running with them. <strong>He's just changes his mind constantly, which he doesn't see as a problem because he's not the one who has to make his ideas a reality. He's the one who keeps saying certain things are non-negotiable when it comes to this wedding, and I am okay with most of it as it's his wedding to, but this one thing just got to me.</strong> To change his mind about our wedding party is the MOTHER OF ALL CHANGES! So in an effort to keep the gray hair at bay, I took to theknot to vent.
Posted by JaiteJanerico[/QUOTE]
Reread the bold part and pretend that someone else is saying it. Would you agree that the relationship is going smoothly, or would you say, "Those two need to learn how to talk to each other." I obviously don't know you or the details, but I say again; these are not normal wedding planning things, you aren't standing up for yourself and he is telling you that "certain things are non-negotiable when it comes to the wedding." It sounds like a much larger issue manifesting itself here. I'm not saying call off the wedding, but I am saying call a time-out on wedding planning so that you get this sorted. This is a communication problem and I don't think I'm making terribly huge leaps here. I'd be defensive if someone were saying it to me, and I'd tell them they were crazy and didn't know what they were talking about, but in the back of my mind I'd be thinking about it. I hope that you're at least thinking about it and entertaining the possibility that you may need some help talking to each other.
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A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
[QUOTE]I. He doesn't seem to understand how his decisions impact you, and you don't understand his reasons. He's also asking you to do something really unfair (for the record, I don't think you should change up your side of the aisle--what happens when your FI changes his mind yet again?). [/QUOTE]
Your totally on par with this. I've been told that if you can survive planning a wedding and buying/building a home as a couple then you can survive anything. We are/did both at the same time. We normally have no problem expressing our feelings and communicating our wants and needs, but when it comes to the wedding there seems to be a breakdown in communication. I will admit that a lot of the wedding is turning how out how I always planned and not how he did, but I never made any decisions without discussing it with him. He's been there for every decision. I think he's sucking up a lot for me to have what I want, and I am grateful for his thoughtfulness. But he didn't consider me when he changed his mind about the WP, and I am having a hard time understand his decision. It's minor in the grand scheme of life, but major in the grand scheme of the wedding. I'll move past it, but I needed it vent so I didn't bottle it up and let it double up with something else that may irritate me in the future. I don't believe in dragging up stuff that happened in the past, so I needed to get it off my chest since it's in the present. I don't think a breakdown in communication over wedding planning warrants pre-marital consoling, but I do thank you for the suggestion as it was a thoughtful one.</p>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 5 Bridesmaids but NO GROOMSMEN : Your totally on par with this. <strong> I've been told that if you can survive planning a wedding and buying/building a home as a couple then you can survive anything. </strong> We are/did both at the same time. We normally have no problem expressing our feelings and communicating our wants and needs, but when it comes to the wedding there seems to be a breakdown in communication. I will admit that a lot of the wedding is turning how out how I always planned and not how he did, but I never made any decisions without discussing it with him. He's been there for every decision. I think he's sucking up a lot for me to have what I want, and I am grateful for his thoughtfulness. But he didn't consider me when he changed his mind about the WP, and I am having a hard time understand his decision. It's minor in the grand scheme of life, but major in the grand scheme of the wedding. I'll move past it, but I needed it vent so I didn't bottle it up and let it double up with something else that may irritate me in the future. I don't believe in dragging up stuff that happened in the past, so I needed to get it off my chest since it's in the present. I don't think a breakdown in communication over wedding planning warrants pre-marital consoling, but I do thank you for the suggestion as it was a thoughtful one.
Posted by JaiteJanerico[/QUOTE]
I'm going to disagree with the wedding planning part of what you said. Wedding planning just isn't a big deal, though DH and I had much bigger things going on during our engagement and we truly believe that surviving those mean we can survive anything (moving cross-country, him not being able to find work due to the then-brand-new recession, me in my first year of law school, absolutely no income for a year). So my perspective on what makes for stress is a bit different, and my bar is quite high. Nevertheless I think it's insane to drive yourselves crazy over what is, when all is said and done, a glorified dinner party. <div>
</div><div>I hope you two are able to work through this. Like I said, pre-marital counseling is something everyone should do (DH and I did it, it's why I recommend it) because that, to me, is the point of an engagement period: getting all your ducks in a row before you sign up for something that is very difficult to back out of.</div><div>
</div><div>I just realized how "businesslike" I sound about the whole thing. I swear I used to be a romantic.</div>
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
[QUOTE]Saying "You have a communication problem" isn't implying that you're unstable or that your relationship is on the skids. The vast majority of couples really don't know how to communicate well, not without hard work and lots of help. It's not an admission of defeat or anything to go through pre-marital counseling; many churches actually require it before they'll marry you. But without being able to clearly and effectively communicate with each other, you're sunk. Sorry, but it's true. <strong> A wedding is just a party, planning it is not inherently stressful. You're going to encounter much worse times in your life, I guarantee, and if this is how you guys handle what is supposed to be a happy time, what are you going to do when things are actually rough?</strong>
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
I understand your point; however, we've been through rough times. I supported him while he was in grad school and for six months after he graduated while he was looking for a job, he was there when my grandmother, he moved from New England down my native South when I got a new position, we bought a house together, and we survived. So we know how to weather storms.
I am assuming you're either engaged or married if you're on theknot.com. Has there never been a moment in time, even if it was brief, that you and your significant other didn't see eye-to-eye, and didn't resolve the issue the very instant it presented itself? If so, I would hope you would understand that sometimes we can overreact, be more sensistive than normal, or not effectively communicate our feelings. If not, then I consider you one of the luckiest people in the world.
We got engaged over ten months ago, which means we have been planning this wedding for roughly nine months. In those nine months two things have been stressful. The first , and most stressful, being trying to decided whether or not we should keep the money and elope or have a wedding. Obviously, we decided on wedding, and we reached that decision mutually. The other being, this spontaneous no WP declaration. So I don't think that losing my marbles once in nine months over a decision that happened 36 hours ago means we can't communicate. As I said in an early post , "It's minor in the grand scheme of life, but major in the grand scheme of the wedding."
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
And I'm just going to chime in and say that I do think the two of you need to work on communication. I recommend that you both read and discuss the book "The Five Love Languages". You'll find that you show love in one way, while your FI shows it in another way.
Once you understand his love language, and he understands yours, and you both understand what your approach to tasks is, you'll avoid having to vent to strangers on an internet forum.
Calm. Down.
You put something out on the internet. You are going to get responses. If you think your relationship is so great and nothing needs to change, then this vent and all of your follow ups are either complete lies or you're in denial.
If you didn't want it to be scrutinized, you shouldn't have put it up here.
I want to comment on one thing. And don't go getting all defensive on me because YOU put it up there, not me.
You say "He expects me to make things a reality."
Does he REALLY expect that, or do you just take it upon yourself to take his thoughts as his decisions and make them a reality? Does he ever actually say, "I want you to go book a DJ," or does he just say, "I think a DJ would be cool," and you run out and call DJs and then get pissy when he says, "Maybe a band would be better."
Your wedding is still in the relatively distant future. The planning doesn't have to be that complicated. And my wedding is around the same time as yours, so I'm pretty much in the same stage, planning wise, as you are and it's one of the last things on my mind. So don't go making sweeping generalizations about how stressful it is and how much you're freaking out because "weddings will make you surviive anything". If one SINGLE day in your life is enough to prepare you for life in general, then I think I'll just hang my hat up and call it quits. Obviously there's no other challenge in life to live for.
And you're "rough times" comment is a bit ridiculous. We all are going though/have been going through rough times. Just because you have some rought spots doesn't mean this party needs to be a big deal.
The other ladies are giving you good advice. Instead of hammering away another book-like response, take a few minutes to think about it. We're not trying to be therapists, just bringing our own experiences into the picture, but YOU put your situations out there to be read and commented on, and you should expect this. If you think what we're saying is total bunk, then simply stop posting about these things, since not many others seem to agree with you right now.
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[QUOTE]I also had many people suggest that I elope before we started the planning process. I also had many moments when I wished I had taken them up on it. In the end, I'm glad I did it the way I did it, but I would *never* do it again. OP, I get where you're coming from. I also get antsy when I hear the whole "it's only as stressful as you make it" attitude, and that wedding planning isn't inherently stressful. Maybe it has to do with disposition (not just of the Bride but also of her friends and family). I certainly found the whole process very stressful. Like you said, not all the time, but yeah, it was a big freaking project that a lot of people had a lot of expectations for. <strong> And as for judging your relationship, I also am not entirely sure where all of that is coming from.</strong> It doesn't seem fair that in this particular process your FI is not recognizing that every time he changes his mind it's a stressor on you. But I don't know that that implies some huge issue in your relationship. I don't even know you. In the end, you can only put so much stock in what people on the internet say.
Posted by filaw[/QUOTE]
Insight. You should try it sometime, rather than just validating every poster that comes on here.
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 5 Bridesmaids but NO GROOMSMEN : I didn't say they hated their weddings nor that they wished they never happened. I said they told me to take the money and run. My Dad and brother-in-law's mother, who is like family, told me to do the same thing. They have just told me that if given the option now, knowing what they know, that they'd choose to elope and not go through the stress of planning a traditional wedding. They would still get married, but in a different way. We do not have perfect communication, and I don't pretend that we do. We have areas to work on, so I will keep your book recommendation in mind. I just ask that everyone remembers that no one relationship is alike, and what may work for one may not work for the other. I vented on this forum, because I wanted to do just that, vent. Not turn it into a forum for bashing my FI or others. It's the first time I did it and the last, after this experience. I don't see posting your current frustration/thought/worry/joy.etc as a serious thing, but apparently I was wrong. I just saw it as an outlet. <strong> I am new to posting, so maybe I don't know the environment, but I can't help to feel attacked</strong> (NOT BY YOU). A person cannot control what feelings they experience, and I've never believed that you can tell a person that what they are thinking is wrong. Everyone is entitled to their emotions and opinions, so I respect everyone opinion, though I may not like them. So I respectfully ask everyone to leave this alone. Don't post anymore. It's like beating a dead horse.
Posted by JaiteJanerico[/QUOTE]
Would you just walk into a Starbucks and immediately start telling a barista that you hadn't had any communication with about your frustrations with your FI in this detail?
Of course you wouldn't. Because obviously you'd want to get to know the people and the environment in which you'd be sharing such information.
We're not computers. We're humans. You could try treating as such.
Hawaii with my best friend
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 5 Bridesmaids but NO GROOMSMEN : Filaw, do you have an acutal personality? I'm being dead serious, it's not even a sarcastic comment. You are the biggest "yes man" I have ever come across. You literally agree with every single newbie poster who gets a little miffed when people aren't like "OMG YOU'RE RIGHT" on here and go completely out of your way to disregard everything that 15 other people have said. I'm not saying the masses are always correct, but if we're explaining things in a clear, concise way with lots of life examples to back it up, don't you think we might be on to something? As for the bolded part, I'm sure most people feel this way. But if someone walks up to you and says "If you can survive planning a party, you can survive anything," are you REALLYYYY going to agree with that? If you can survive your FI dying because of your wedding planning, then more power to you I guess, I but I seriously doubt that's reality. Any sane person would question that kind of logic. Except for you apparently. You think it's perfectly reasonable the OP feel that way. If you're mature enough to have a marriage, you should be mature enough to have the proper perspective on a wedding. Thinking that getting through it is going to completely prep you for life is definitely not it.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I've never understood people for being rude just for the sake of being rude, but if it makes you feel good about yourself to verbally cut into other people then knock yourself out. I wish you all the best. Now I am really done.<div>
</div></div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 5 Bridesmaids but NO GROOMSMEN : Good, cause I wasn't actually addressing you and you probably have no idea where the context of this is coming from. *waves bye*
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]
<div>I totally got who you were being rude to, but that still doesn't make being rude for self-satisfaction okay. At least I can say the other ladies who gave me an ear full of their opinion weren't rude. *Waves Bye Right Back*</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 5 Bridesmaids but NO GROOMSMEN : Thank you for being a sympathetic ear. I didn't realize people took this so seriously, and would rip into what I thought was a minor post.
Posted by JaiteJanerico[/QUOTE]
Let's go back in time a bit.
You posted your issue.
We responded to that issue. Mostly with not a lot of emphasis on your relationship and certainly not "ripping apart". We simply said there was no reason to be mad at your FI. You finally clarified he had already asked people and obviously that's a problem but since that information wasn't in your OP, we couldn't very well respond to that, could we?
But people weren't jumping on the validation train and getting all angry with your FI, just saying that obviously he needed to keep them since he already asked. So you launched off a huge novella of your personal life and then people responded to it. But oh noooo, that wans't good enough for you either because NOW people were getting into your private business. Which, by the way, you posted on a forum that even your FI could see if he googled your SN. Of course since you're "new to this" and didn't bother getting to know the medium before you fired off your information, you probably don't even know that.
So you just kept piling on the details until someone (Filaw) finally gave you your sympathetic ear.
Now that we all know you were just looking for validation, how about the two of go on private messaging and just talk to each other? Clearly, she's the only one who understands you. Or you can keep posting more and more things we don't agree with on here and get responses and continue to complain about them.
The choice is yours.
Hawaii with my best friend