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African American Weddings
When you are in love you cant fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
~ Dr Seuss
instead of doing a bridal registry
it seems that more and more couples are not doing bridal registrys. Instead they are asking for people to give towards their honeymoon. What do yall think abouit this? A friend of mine did that for his wedding and i was a little put off by it.. Now that i think about it, i think i was more put off by the fact that he and his future wife kept putting messages up on FB reminding people to give toward their honeymoon instead of giving a gift. It kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Another friend of mine just had the info in her invitations where people could log in and donate or send $ towards the honeymoon. She said that they had their honeymoon completely paid for AND had 6.000 left over to spend when they got to the Bahamas.
I was thinking of doing this. FI and I have lived together for 3 years. We really dont need anything. But i honestly dont know how this idea would be received. what do yall think? Is anyone else heard this done before? Is anyone else planning on doing this?
I was thinking of doing this. FI and I have lived together for 3 years. We really dont need anything. But i honestly dont know how this idea would be received. what do yall think? Is anyone else heard this done before? Is anyone else planning on doing this?
When you are in love you cant fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
~ Dr Seuss This discussion has been closed.
Re: instead of doing a bridal registry
[QUOTE]it seems that more and more couples are not doing bridal registrys. Instead they are asking for people to give towards their honeymoon. What do yall think abouit this? A friend of mine did that for his wedding and i was a little put off by it.. Now that i think about it, i think i was more put off by the fact that he and his future wife kept putting messages up on FB reminding people to give toward their honeymoon instead of giving a gift. It kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Another friend of mine just had the info in her invitations where people could log in and donate or send $ towards the honeymoon. She said that they had their honeymoon completely paid for AND had 6.000 left over to spend when they got to the Bahamas. I was thinking of doing this. FI and I have lived together for 3 years. We really dont need anything. But i honestly dont know how this idea would be received. what do yall think? Is anyone else heard this done before? Is anyone else planning on doing this?
Posted by Baesmom[/QUOTE]
This is just my 2 cents ..... I don't care for them; I don't want to directly pay for someone else's honeymoon. I feel like a honeymoon is a luxury and if you can't afford to pay for it yourself, you shouldn't have one. That being said, if you have your flight and hotel booked and paid and you want help with activities, dinners, massages, etc that seems fine to me but even then some of them don't put the money toward the activities, they just cut a check to you. So here I am thinking you're going parasailing and you don't, you just pocketed the money for it.
Times are changing, lots of people have no problem with it. I would maybe float the idea around to some of your friends and family. They may love the idea. Also, if you plan to do it research your options. Make sure the company is reputable and does not charge fees or service charges. I have heard good things about AAA.
My co-worker's daughter created a Honeyfund. Its set up just like a registry, but they are asking for funds for their wedding. They are traveling to Europe after the wedding. The website is www.honeyfund.com
I am torn between this. I just don't think you should ask someone for money. Times are changing and people are doing things a lot different.
I can hear the older people saying "She does not tell me to give her money, If they can not afford a honeymoon, stay at Home". Some people would think this was tacky.
I would say do what works for you. You know your group best and how they will feel about it. If you were put off by it, then don't do it because your family will be too. But if you were only put off because of their promotion of it, it may be ok. It all depends on you.
However, I think it is great. If I give someone a gift of money or whatever, if they want to pocket it, spend it, etc. I don't care as long as they don't burn it. lol. I have realized that if I don't give a specific gift and it has a monetary value (gift card, cash, etc). I have to be ok with it being used the way whomever I give it to wants.
I say do it, but understand that there will be a backlash with some people who are more etiquette prone.
I wouldn't create one or contribute to anyone's either. If you can't afford the honeymoon on your own, don't go, plain and simple. Go create a regular registry or don't do anything at all.
But to each his own, just not my cup of tea.
I don't necessarily think having a honeymoon registry is tacky. Just like with any other registry, you are giving people options/choices.
I think someone said earlier that if a couple can't afford to go on a honeymoon, don't go. Well the same goes for any other registry. If you can't afford a coffee pot, then you don't get one. Plain and simple. See? Its the same concept.
However, back to the OP..While I don't think that that the honeymoon registry is tack, I do think it is tacky that the couple: 1. Put information on their FB page about it. Sorry, but registry info does not belong on FB, let alone a FB status. As a matter of fact, anything wedding related really doesn't belong on FB, unless you intend to invite every single FB friend. Lord knows I have seen it in excess. And 2. Putting registry information of any kind or gift requests in an invitation is BEYOND tacky.
[QUOTE]I don't necessarily think having a honeymoon registry is tacky. Just like with any other registry, you are giving people options/choices. <strong>I think someone said earlier that if a couple can't afford to go on a honeymoon, don't go. Well the same goes for any other registry. If you can't afford a coffee pot, then you don't get one. Plain and simple. See? Its the same concept.</strong> However, back to the OP..While I don't think that that the honeymoon registry is tack, I do think it is tacky that the couple: 1. Put information on their FB page about it. Sorry, but registry info does not belong on FB, let alone a FB status. As a matter of fact, anything wedding related really doesn't belong on FB, unless you intend to invite every single FB friend. Lord knows I have seen it in excess. And 2. Putting registry information of any kind or gift requests in an invitation is BEYOND tacky.
Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]
JMO, but I don't think it's the same. Some people <em><u>need</u> </em>linens, appliances, etc. No one <u><em>needs</em></u> a honeymoon. Honeymoons are for fun, a bonus, a vacation. Some people need pots and pans, silverware, towels and whatnot to get by in every day life. Kwim?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: instead of doing a bridal registry : JMO, but I don't think it's the same. Some people need linens, appliances, etc. No one needs a honeymoon. Honeymoons are for fun, a bonus, a vacation. Some people need pots and pans, silverware, towels and whatnot to get by in every day life. Kwim?
Posted by ebonyivory10[/QUOTE]
And some people need a vacation or getaway after planning a wedding. I would say more than they need a towel or a sheet because if you are old enough to get married you are old enough to have the basics, even if its not top of the line. Usually what is on a registery is not what people really need anyway. Its not just sheets, its 1000 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets, its not just pots but the teflon, non-stick, not burning cook evenly, lifeteme warantee pots that cost more than you would probably ever spend on pots. Most couples use this as an opportunity to get all the household items that they would never cough up the cash to buy themselves.
It is 2011 people, I think all these antiquated rules about what's appropiate and what etiquette calls for need to be retired. Some people say its beyond tacky to include registry information with your invitation, well if I'm your guest how am I suppose to know. I'm not going to hunt down that information.
I chose not to do a registry at all because I want cash and we have all the household items we need. I have had a few people give the the side eye when i said I don't have one. Whenever I give a gift, no matter the occasion I always think about what that person wants sometimes even over what they need. Its a gift, its suppose to make you happy. Remember getting socks for Christmas, ever got excited about that, but the Barbie Dream House made your day. You needed the socks, just like you may need a new set of sheets or pots, but is that what you really want. If someone wants a honeymoon, or a house or home improvement fund, charity or just cash, its what they want. Its their wedding and its not about you. For the life of me I can't get why people can't take themselves out of the equation long enough to do for others.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: instead of doing a bridal registry : JMO, but I don't think it's the same. Some people need linens, appliances, etc. No one needs a honeymoon. Honeymoons are for fun, a bonus, a vacation. Some people need pots and pans, silverware, towels and whatnot to get by in every day life. Kwim?
Posted by ebonyivory10[/QUOTE]
If you are old enough to get married and are having a wedding which guets will be attending, these are things that you probably should already have. If not, then one needs to re-think their priorities.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: instead of doing a bridal registry : And some people need a vacation or getaway after planning a wedding. I would say more than they need a towel or a sheet because if you are old enough to get married you are old enough to have the basics, even if its not top of the line. Usually what is on a registery is not what people really need anyway. Its not just sheets, its 1000 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets, its not just pots but the teflon, non-stick, not burning cook evenly, lifeteme warantee pots that cost more than you would probably ever spend on pots. Most couples use this as an opportunity to get all the household items that they would never cough up the cash to buy themselves. It is 2011 people, I think all these antiquated rules about what's appropiate and what etiquette calls for need to be retired. Some people say its beyond tacky to include registry information with your invitation, well if I'm your guest how am I suppose to know. I'm not going to hunt down that information. I chose not to do a registry at all because I want cash and we have all the household items we need. I have had a few people give the the side eye when i said I don't have one. Whenever I give a gift, no matter the occasion I always think about what that person wants sometimes even over what they need. Its a gift, its suppose to make you happy. Remember getting socks for Christmas, ever got excited about that, but the Barbie Dream House made your day. You needed the socks, just like you may need a new set of sheets or pots, but is that what you really want. If someone wants a honeymoon, or a house or home improvement fund, charity or just cash, its what they want. Its their wedding and its not about you. For the life of me I can't get why people can't take themselves out of the equation long enough to do for others.
Posted by tychandler[/QUOTE]
This, this, this...all of THIS!
I love the thoughts that are going about this..
The FI was like "can i do my registry at footaction so i can add the Jordans that i want to the list" SMDH...
This is the same man that tried to convince me to zap a 360 for my baby registry and try to vaildate it as "the baby can practice hand-eye cordination"
He was joking but really... lol
bottom line is that i dont know what to do.. Like i said, we live together, we dont NEED household stuff. We just built our house together so we got new pots, pans, appliances, furniture, towels, plants, ect. Im sure that we will probably get money but i dont want to put "give us cash instead of a gift" kwim.
I'll discuss this with the fam and see what they think.
Please continue to discuss it though cause it's helping me weigh the pros and cons
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: instead of doing a bridal registry : And some people need a vacation or getaway after planning a wedding. I would say more than they need a towel or a sheet because if you are old enough to get married you are old enough to have the basics, even if its not top of the line. Usually what is on a registery is not what people really need anyway. Its not just sheets, its 1000 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets, its not just pots but the teflon, non-stick, not burning cook evenly, lifeteme warantee pots that cost more than you would probably ever spend on pots. Most couples use this as an opportunity to get all the household items that they would never cough up the cash to buy themselves. It is 2011 people, I think all these antiquated rules about what's appropiate and what etiquette calls for need to be retired. Some people say its beyond tacky to include registry information with your invitation, well if I'm your guest how am I suppose to know. I'm not going to hunt down that information. I chose not to do a registry at all because I want cash and we have all the household items we need. I have had a few people give the the side eye when i said I don't have one. Whenever I give a gift, no matter the occasion I always think about what that person wants sometimes even over what they need. Its a gift, its suppose to make you happy. Remember getting socks for Christmas, ever got excited about that, but the Barbie Dream House made your day. You needed the socks, just like you may need a new set of sheets or pots, but is that what you really want. If someone wants a honeymoon, or a house or home improvement fund, charity or just cash, its what they want. Its their wedding and its not about you. For the life of me I can't get why people can't take themselves out of the equation long enough to do for others.
Posted by tychandler[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_instead-of-doing-bridal-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:aa98ddfa-2131-4961-88a4-3d602d90750dPost:aed01018-a340-4132-b4b2-372cb0992eab">Re: instead of doing a bridal registry</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: instead of doing a bridal registry : If you are old enough to get married and are having a wedding which guets will be attending, these are things that you probably should already have. If not, then one needs to re-think their priorities.
Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]
I get what you're saying, I was just pointing out the necessity vs. want. Ulitimately though, they're both registries asking for gifts and there is really no difference in asking for a sheet set vs. a massage.
I'm a potato!
Well I'm just gonna say that you do what's best for you & what you and your FI come to an agreement on. I don't know 1 person walking this earth that goes by EVERY rule that is created, believed, whatever. In life, people will not always agree with your decision, but at the end of the day, it is YOUR decision. People can either choose to roll with it or roll out. Simple as that.
We did 3 registries and only got about 4 items TOTAL. The rest of our gifts were monetary & gift cards, which we told folks that we preferred. Me & hubby have been living together for years now so people knew that we pretty much had stuff already & what's the point of having 2 coffee makers or 2 blenders. For decoration? No.....we would have taken stuff back & got the money for it. Period.
So basically.....do what's best for you guys & if anyone thinks its tacky or not "what they would do", they are fully capable of not getting a gift at all or not attending the wedding at all.
[QUOTE]It's funny how people try to justify rude things by saying etiquette is outdated. Observing proper etiquette is polite and being polite never goes out of style or needs to be "retired." Plenty of people get married right out of college or don't live together first and they are "old enough" to get married but might not have everything needed to start a home together. In that sense, pot and pans are NEEDED. No one NEEDS to pay for someone else's honeymoon. You don't need a trip to Jamaica to live but you do need food to live and you need to be able to cook the food. Not everyone registers for fancy shiit, they registers for basics. Talk about priorities how about prioritizing to pay for your own druken sex vacation and not making your friends and family foot the bill! What's next a new car registry? But I neeeeeeeded a new car. A mortgage registry? We neeeeeeeeeded that house! Give me a fukcing break.
Posted by Ghoughpteighbteau[/QUOTE]
What's not polite is expecting a guest to hunt down family members to figure out what a couple wants since proper etiquette says you shouldn't include details of your registry in an invitation period. Actually registrys aren't exactly considered proper etiquette is some circles since you are in essence telling guests what you want.
Being considerate is never rude and if I am a guest at someone's wedding I would and should give them something THEY want, not what I want or I think they want or I think they need. Anything a birde can do to point me in the right direction is much appreciated. Lets' be honest, the percentage of folks marrying that don't at least own a pot is so low its not worth mentioning. Most Americans and Canadians do not get married as teens like decades past when people hadn't lived long enough to accumulate the basics. Times change and people who are stuck on antiquated ideals are the one's who make the person who start this board uncomfortable informing her guests what SHE really wants.
While etiquette does call for guests to give gifts, a couple should never ask. I do agree with that part, you shouldn't ask for anyone to give you anything, in some cases based on travel expenses being thre may be gift enough. But thre is nothing wrong with a suggestion. There is nothing wrong with letting people know what YOU WANT. While some of you may feel uncomfortable buying someone a massage or contributing to a honeymoon, you know what's worst giving a gift that soemone hates and never uses.
Traditionally wedding gifts are to help to new couple get started, now if you have already got started, then allow people the option to redirect that money as they see fit. Now, I definately understand what you saying because FI and I live together and don't really need anything either. But maybe consider registering for a few things and you will avoid offending people and still get what you want (money).
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: instead of doing a bridal registry : What's not polite is expecting a guest to hunt down family members to figure out what a couple wants since proper etiquette says you shouldn't include details of your registry in an invitation period. Actually registrys aren't exactly considered proper etiquette is some circles since you are in essence telling guests what you want. Being considerate is never rude and if I am a guest at someone's wedding I would and should give them something THEY want, not what I want or I think they want or I think they need. Anything a birde can do to point me in the right direction is much appreciated. Lets' be honest, the percentage of folks marrying that don't at least own a pot is so low its not worth mentioning. Most Americans and Canadians do not get married as teens like decades past when people hadn't lived long enough to accumulate the basics. Times change and people who are stuck on antiquated ideals are the one's who make the person who start this board uncomfortable informing her guests what SHE really wants. While etiquette does call for guests to give gifts, a couple should never ask. I do agree with that part, you shouldn't ask for anyone to give you anything, in some cases based on travel expenses being thre may be gift enough. But thre is nothing wrong with a suggestion. There is nothing wrong with letting people know what YOU WANT. While some of you may feel uncomfortable buying someone a massage or contributing to a honeymoon, you know what's worst giving a gift that soemone hates and never uses.
Posted by tychandler[/QUOTE]
People are rude everyday and when it comes to wedding it's no different. Most people are gonna do what they want regardless if it's rude or not. If OP wants to have a honeymoon registry she'll have one no matter what we say. Just because honeymoon registries are new and trendy doesn't make them less crass. Asking wedding guests to fund a trip that you couldn't be bothered to save up for is not only rude, it's lazy. Times do change but good manners are timeless.
I'm a potato!
A registry of any sort is merely an option, not a request. If you want to buy a massage or an excursion for a couple it is your choice. If you want to buy them a toaster or a set of sheets, it is your choice. If you want to donate to charity in their name or give cash, it is your choice. A registry gives guest an idea what you want. You can always disregards what someone wants and give them what you want instead, you can't then call etiquette rules because you disregarded rule #1, its what the bride wants.
[QUOTE]What is more crass than using foul language on a message board? A registry of any sort is merely an option, not a request. If you want to buy a massage or an excursion for a couple it is your choice. If you want to buy them a toaster or a set of sheets, it is your choice. If you want to donate to charity in their name or give cash, it is your choice. A registry gives guest an idea what you want. You can always disregards what someone wants and give them what you want instead, you can't then call etiquette rules because you disregarded rule #1, its what the bride wants.
Posted by tychandler[/QUOTE]
"Foul" language on an internet site =/= etiquette and is irrelevant.
Weddings are about the bride and the groom not just the bride. That type of mentality "it's allll about meeeeeeeeeee" is what sends a message to people that treating their guests rudely is ok because hey, I'm getting married.
I'm a potato!
[QUOTE]It's funny how people try to justify rude things by saying etiquette is outdated. Observing proper etiquette is polite and being polite never goes out of style or needs to be "retired." Plenty of people get married right out of college or don't live together first and they are "old enough" to get married but might not have everything needed to start a home together. In that sense, pot and pans are NEEDED. No one NEEDS to pay for someone else's honeymoon. You don't need a trip to Jamaica to live but you do need food to live and you need to be able to cook the food. Not everyone registers for fancy shiit, they registers for basics. Talk about priorities how about prioritizing to pay for your own druken sex vacation and not making your friends and family foot the bill! What's next a new car registry? But I neeeeeeeded a new car. A mortgage registry? We neeeeeeeeeded that house! Give me a fukcing break.
Posted by Ghoughpteighbteau[/QUOTE]
If a couple so desperately needs pots and pans, perhaps that money that is being shelled out for the wedding should go towards getting things they 'need'.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: instead of doing a bridal registry : If a couple so desperately needs pots and pans, perhaps that money that is being shelled out for the wedding should go towards getting things they 'need'.
Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]
Perhaps they aren't having a big wedding, maybe it's just in a church basement. Maybe they aren't spending anything on it but they are still getting married. The idea of people not having everything they need to start a home before they get married is not that far fetched. Just because it's not the typical doesn't mean it's not reality for some people. My grandparents came to this country as immigrants and they worked hard and got married. They didn't have pots pans or a bed. But they loved each other and wanted to take that love to the next level. They didn't really do registries back then but their families came together and bought them things for their home. By your standards, they shouldn't have gotten married because they couldn't afford a bed and were lacking priorities. Which is patently false. Putting a comforter set on a registry is a world of difference from putting a $6,000 cruise on a registry.
I'm a potato!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: instead of doing a bridal registry : And some people need a vacation or getaway after planning a wedding. I would say more than they need a towel or a sheet because if you are old enough to get married you are old enough to have the basics, even if its not top of the line. Usually what is on a registery is not what people really need anyway. Its not just sheets, its 1000 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets, its not just pots but the teflon, non-stick, not burning cook evenly, lifeteme warantee pots that cost more than you would probably ever spend on pots. Most couples use this as an opportunity to get all the household items that they would never cough up the cash to buy themselves. <strong>It is 2011 people, I think all these antiquated rules about what's appropiate and what etiquette calls for need to be retired. Some people say its beyond tacky to include registry information with your invitation, well if I'm your guest how am I suppose to know. I'm not going to hunt down that information.</strong> I chose not to do a registry at all because I want cash and we have all the household items we need. I have had a few people give the the side eye when i said I don't have one. Whenever I give a gift, no matter the occasion I always think about what that person wants sometimes even over what they need. Its a gift, its suppose to make you happy. Remember getting socks for Christmas, ever got excited about that, but the Barbie Dream House made your day. You needed the socks, just like you may need a new set of sheets or pots, but is that what you really want. If someone wants a honeymoon, or a house or home improvement fund, charity or just cash, its what they want. Its their wedding and its not about you. For the life of me I can't get why people can't take themselves out of the equation long enough to do for others.
Posted by tychandler[/QUOTE]
I never understood that either. When people say don't put it in the invite, I was like, how do I find out what to get you? That is a dumb rule that I wish I could strike down.
My question wasnt meant to cause any type of conflict, It was just a question cause the idea was posed to me. Like i said in the OP, a friend of mine had done it for his wedding and the way him and his fiancee went about it completely rubbed me the wrong way. I honestly dont even think we will do a regular registery. Since we just built our home, we have everything brand new.
that car registry sounds like a great idea though hmmmmm... j/k.
I think we will just tell people that they are to get us what ever they want. Bottom line is that that's what will be done anyway. Or maybe we will just register for little stuff that you can always use (picture frames, sheets, towels, ect... )
If a guest is offended they will just buy a nice regular gift a frame or salt and pepper shakers!!
[QUOTE]Hey ghoughpteighbteau, welcome to the board. Who are you anyway? Tell us more about yourself? Are you really getting married iin 2014? Are these your first posts on this board? Seriously ladies, don't waste your time/energy on this person.
Posted by chescam[/QUOTE]
Not that it has anything to do with the topic at hand my screen name means potato. I'm already married, my date thing is incorrect. No, this is not my first post. I post all over the knot, mostly on E and SB. Thanks for the welcome, God bless you!
I'm a potato!