May 2013 Weddings

Update on in law drama- vent

To catch up: http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_my-hellish-weekend-part-ii

The day FSIL left for her honeymoon, she sent my FI an email saying that he was being disrespectful to their parents and that he was forgetting his Indian roots blah blah blah.  The day FSIL got back from her honeymoon, she sent my FI a text asking if he got the email.  He responded that he got it but that in the future, his problems with his parents would not involve her- bascially, butt out!

FI talked to his mom about the fight and told her how much we have already compromised and she said that she understood we wouldn't be inviting more people and she had handled it with the dad.  Then she left for a trip to India (she's still away).  FI and his dad have talked a few times since she left and have never brought up the topic- everything seemed to have been forgiven and forgotten.

She's been really cool towards us the past couple weeks, which was fine.  I was being a little bit evil and was dropping a sentance here and there about things that we're doing with our wedding that I know she didn't do.  Yes, it gave me pleasure to do so.

But for every reaction, there is an equal and opposite reaction...  Today FI and both received an email from her.  It said that she had talked to their dad and he was "sad and confused" and didn't know that anything had been resolved.  She chastised Dayal for not resolving anything in 3 weeks time.  Then she said that we could have had plenty of money for everyone if we had accepted her parents offer for money (that came with more strings attached than I could count which is why we declined) and of course parents have expections and demands for weddings, that's to be expected.  She guilted him that these are his parents and they've sacrificed so much so we should do this for them.  Then she said that she's sure 6 people wil decline, so this isn't a big deal (duhhhhh I'm expecting 6 to decline!  I want people to decline so I don't have to pay for everyone!)  It was just one long huge rant...

I've had it.  I sent her an email saying that she likes to be the family mediator, but that needs to stop.  She's perpetuating a fight that was over and resolved.  I told her everything I've sacrificed and how my family is going to be horrified with how big this wedding is and how over the top it is just so that his family can be happy.  I said that I feel completely disrespected since my family's wishes and money haven't been respected.  I said that my parents did give us money with no strings attached and no expectations even though we are throwing a wedding that they think is ridiculous with that money.  I said that we declined her parents money so that we could say no to this continued bullsh*t.  UGHHHHHHH I'm so frustrated!

My FI is super p-o-ed about his sister's email.  He's going to talk to his dad again tonight to see what wasn't resolved.  I told him that if they ask for one more person or one more thing to be added, I'm pulling the plug on the whole thing and we're eloping.  We only had this wedding to make them happy, so if they're not going to be happy, forget it!


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Re: Update on in law drama- vent

  • Danny&Mel2003Danny&Mel2003 member
    1000 Comments First Anniversary
    edited November 2012
    Oh wow ... Maybe the fsil needs to work on making her hubby less controlling first before she decides to play family mediator. I don't Know how you deal with this ... One thing I stated if you give us money great no strings or its given back knock on wood we lucked out so far. Seems like you compromised a whole lot more!
  • Yikes.
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  • Good god! I applaud you guys once again for standing your ground :-)

    I too agree that you guys have already compromised, and then some. I'd be at the end of my rope as well and completely agree that if they pull any more guest list stuff, then elope. It's not worth the time, stress or money to please these people. 
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  • Sorry to hear you are still going through this! I'm really glad your FI is on board with you and addressing it with his family. Good luck!
  • Thanks, all!

    Update: FI talked to his dad tonight.  The dad isn't happy that he can't invite more people and still feels that we are "disrespecting him", but he certainly knew he couldn't invite more people and had no intention of bringing the subject up again... so FSIL was just stirring up drama for her own sick pleasure.  What is wrong with her?!?!?!

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  • At least you and FI are on the same side on this. I think the "expectations" for weddings these days have gotten so out of control. I have been searching my heart the past few weeks and I myself feel that I have gotten out of control a little with decisions I've been making just so I can appease others or impress someone I don't even care about. Enough of all that. I'm downscaling several things in my wedding (including our guest list) and I am thrilled about it.

    Keep your head up and from this point foward, I think your FSIL is just picking a fight, so I would completely ignore other emails pertaining to the wedding. No matter how tempting it is to hit reply.
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