Catholic/Jewish Wedding

mbuckley85 · May 2012

So my fiance is Jewish, but we are having a Catholic ceremony. Every thing that is said will be modified to be more "neutral" and the ceremony is being run by a deacon and isn't going on in a church. That being said, I know in a Jewish wedding, the mother and father of the groom usually walk side by side down the aisle with him. I'm am afraid to approach this with my in-laws, but I feel like this would look very strange because I am only walking with my father. I would prefer that my fiance just already be at the alter when I arrive. He doesn't care what we do, but I just think his mother is going to flip out when she finds out she isn't walking him down the aisle.

I have come up with one idea, that being that Mike gets walked down the aisle before I arrive, his parents take their seats etc, and then he is waiting at the alter.

I really think the whole arm in arm with both parents looks weird but that's probably just me...

GoodLuckBear14 · May 2012

You might want to post this on the Interfaith Board under Cultural Wedding Boards on the left.

mbuckley85 · May 2012

Thanks, I will do that!

Tami87 · May 2012

I am really surprised to hear that the deacon will perform the ceremony outside of a Catholic church. If it is important to you that your marriage is recognized by the Catholic church I would make sure you have all the proper permissions to do this.

As for the walking thing, it is actually encouraged for a Catholic ceremony that the groom and bride both walk in escorted by both of their parents. It is more of a United States tradition to have the bride escorted by just her father, and Catholic churches here will allow you to follow the local custom. That being said I am having a Catholic ceremony and choosing to walk with just my father. But if it is really important for your in-laws to walk with their son, I don't see the problem. I don't think it will look that weird.

I think your idea of compromising is a good one. If everyone is on board I would seat grandparents, then have FI enter with his parents, they will both take their seats and he will wait up front. Then your mom can be escorted in with a male of her choice or walk alone (actually I may have my dad escort my mom and then come back for me). Then the wedding party goes, then you and your father.

aragx6 · May 2012

I wouldn't take an important tradition away from his family just because you think it "looks weird" -- you won't even be out there yet, so it doesn't really matter does it?

We're having a secular ceremony but I asked my FILs if they'd like to escort my FI down the aisle and then take their seats and they loved the idea.

mbuckley85 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholicjewish-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:5b6c58f1-730f-4845-9921-612df1cf73e4Post:6c9cc16c-e1ba-422f-92ae-65781add6ff4">Re: Catholic/Jewish Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I am really surprised to hear that the deacon will perform the ceremony outside of a Catholic church. If it is important to you that your marriage is recognized by the Catholic church I would make sure you have all the proper permissions to do this. Posted by Tami87[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Thanks for your concern, but yes, we received approval from the Bishop (to be married by the deacon off site and for the Catholic vows) back in November for our 10/14/12 wedding. Our marriage will not be considered a sacrament because he is Jewish and therefore unbaptized, but we are able to receive the same vows they would deliver during a regular Catholic ceremony.
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vlevitt · May 2012

i agree with the pp who noted that you won't even be in the room when your FI is walked downthe aisle by his parents. this is a really common tradition in many religious and secular weddings. we don't see it a lot in TV/movie weddings and i guess not in the catholic church, so it seems weird to you.

but it is a sweet tradition, and if his parents want to do it, they should be able to, IMHO. you can always be comforted knowing you won't have to see it wihile it's happening and he'll be at the front of the room already by the time you're out there.

mbuckley85 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholicjewish-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:5b6c58f1-730f-4845-9921-612df1cf73e4Post:18680b53-b335-4929-807e-41afefdc90c5">Re: Catholic/Jewish Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]i agree with the pp who noted that you won't even be in the room when your FI is walked downthe aisle by his parents. this is a really common tradition in many religious and secular weddings. we don't see it a lot in TV/movie weddings and i guess not in the catholic church, so it seems weird to you. but it is a sweet tradition, and if his parents want to do it, they should be able to, IMHO. you can always be comforted knowing you won't have to see it wihile it's happening and he'll be at the front of the room already by the time you're out there.
Posted by vlevitt[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeah, he says right now that he doesn't want to do it, but I know exactly what will happen. His mother will find out that she won't be walking down the aisle with him and she will flip out. He will want to do it all of a sudden (won't actually WANT to, but will be pressured into it) and he'll end up doing it. I do take comfort in the fact that I won't have to witness it.

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OwningAHome1981 · June 2012

I'm not religious at all and to me having both parents there just signifies the love for both of them. It's not about religion- for me, it's about how much they love me and how much I love both of them and I couldn't deprive one of them having the honor to walk me down. I don't how anyone could choose one parent or the other really.

Tradition is jewish= both, catholic= dad, but it can go either way and these days I have seen all sorts of combinations.

Most of the time the guy doesn't walk anyway, right? Isn't he just usually there when the bride arrives waiting for her?

boaznruth · June 2012

Wow.

You're already getting a Catholic wedding, not a Jewish one, and you're even going to deny them this small tradition? I see serious problems ahead with this unwillingness to compromise and lack of respect for other peoples' traditions and feelings. This seems like such a small compromise to make, something you won't even be out there to see, particularly when you consider all the traditions that he and his family have already put to the side in favor of yours.

Yikes.

Benny618 · June 2012

I'm Jewish and my brother is marrying a Christian girl. As someone on the Jewish side I can tell you that my mom would be devastated if my parents couldn't walk my brother down the aisle for such a ridiculous reason. Its a small and harmless but meaningful thing done at Jewish weddings and you suggesting that your FMIL getting upset is unjustified is selfish and rude of you! Ok your FI doesn't care, but his mother has probably dreamt of that moment his whole life and you want to take that away from her because it might "look weird"????? If you plan on having any relationship with his family (or being a nice person in general) you should learn what a real compromise is and embrace at least something about your fiancés heritage and traditions. Its harmless and you are selfish.

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