Natural Family Planning

Davesgrl2011 · April 2011

Ok- please keep in mind that I really am asking these questions and I am not trying to be disrespectful.

My FI is a very practicing Roman Catholic, and although I am RC I am not practicing. We are getting married in my fiances church which is very traditional. My FI is an eucharist minister and is interested in actually writing a book on theology. He and I have a mutual respect and understanding of each others viewpoints, and he is not trying to force me to go to church, and would never try to force him to not to go to church.

So... I am not on the Pill b/c the presence of chemicals in my body doing who knows what kinda freaks me out. I don't even like taking OTC pain medication! We are using condoms, which is fine for both of us. He is, surprisingly, not really interested in NFP.

So for you ladies who are using this method, I have a few questions that may sound disrespectful when I am really not trying to be!

1. This method looks like a lot of work for the women. In my Pre-Cana there was A LOT of talk about this, and the men were like "I keep track of the charts". How exactly is this something that is shared by the both of you?

2. My fiance's ears would melt off his head if I started talking about mucous levels, and I wouldn't blame him. I personally think that is really really super gross, and really no ones business but my own, and even I don't want to know. When the info says that you "both" keep track of mucous levels, what exactly does that mean? And how do you even keep track of that? I mean, not to be gross, what do you do? What measurements do you take? Scrapings?

3. So you have your period for a week, and then are fertile for up to 10 days, that only leaves you a tiny window during each month during which you can be together. And honestly, (using my Palm Pixi app that tells me when I am ovulating), the only time I am really "in the mood" is during the time that NFP tells us we shouldn't be having sex. During the, like, four days a month when I am either not having my period or not fertile I am generally like "meh" about having sex. How do you ladies handle this?

Ok- please answer these questions in the spirit in which I asked them- seriously curious. My FI would like to stop using condoms due to the general ickiness of them, and I don't want to use the pill.

Thanks ladies!

Riss91 · April 2011

In Response to Re: Natural Family Planning:
[QUOTE 1. This method looks like a lot of work for the women. In my Pre-Cana there was A LOT of talk about this, and the men were like "I keep track of the charts". How exactly is this something that is shared by the both of you? [I use the Sympto-thermal method and not Creighton]. We have it worked out that I really chart the data and I use the website FF, which he has a link to, so that he knows where we are in my cycle. So, for the most part he isn't involved (though sometimes I've forgotten to record my temp and I've had him enter it for me). He also read TCOYF and I have him look at my chart if I'm questioning something. I am okay with this level of involvement from him. I think if I asked him to, he would do the charting of temp and CM, but I personally don't find it necessary. I also do not find it to be that much work. I literally take my temp now without even really waking up - and I only take my temp for about 15 days of my cycle. Also - though it took some getting used to, I don't find checking CM to be that bad either. I check after I've used the bathroom already. Pants are already down anyway - not much more time consuming than changing a tampon. It takes more time and effort in the beginning, but after a few months it's really routine and you barely notice it.

2. My fiance's ears would melt off his head if I started talking about mucous levels, and I wouldn't blame him. I personally think that is really really super gross, and really no ones business but my own, and even I don't want to know. When the info says that you "both" keep track of mucous levels, what exactly does that mean? And how do you even keep track of that? I mean, not to be gross, what do you do? What measurements do you take? Scrapings? I track CM based on texture, consistency and color. Pretty much use the swipe method. I will also note changes to cervical position and texture if I notice it.

3. So you have your period for a week, and then are fertile for up to 10 days, that only leaves you a tiny window during each month during which you can be together. And honestly, (using my Palm Pixi app that tells me when I am ovulating), the only time I am really "in the mood" is during the time that NFP tells us we shouldn't be having sex. During the, like, four days a month when I am either not having my period or not fertile I am generally like "meh" about having sex. How do you ladies handle this? We basically abstain from Day 7 of my cycle until the 4th day after I ovulate. I have ovulated anywhere between Day 13 and 18. Typically my periods last about 4 days - so we have a few days pre-ovulation if we feel comfortable with that. Then, the 7 days before plus the 4 days after is about 11 days abstaining. My cycles average about 31 days, so we have about 16 non-abstaining days per month . I think that is a pretty decent amount. I do agree with you about not necessarily being in the mood other than your fertile time. I learned alot in our pre-cana classes about how to combat this. Typically, women aren't predisposed to wanting sex as much as men. Men are more visual and can be stimulated easier in that way, whereas women need to work up to it - needing a bit more physical stimulation to be "in the mood". My husband is well aware of this and so he tries a bit more to help me me into it. And I'm never unhappy in the end! It takes a little bit of motivation and effort on my part, but it is worth it. This doesn't mean that if I'm not feeling well I have to go through with it or my husband will hate me.

hope that helps!

Posted by Davesgrl2011[/QUOTE]

agapecarrie · April 2011

I don't get how people think cervical mucous (or fluid if it makes you feel better) is icky, but sexual activity isn't. There's a lot of body fluids exchanged in the act there too. This is a normal healthy part of the body, showing symptoms of something, just like a runny nose, tears, or at worst, ear wax. It's clinical. Think of it in a medical way. Once you get started in the classes, its 2nd nature to talk about it. It's a part of life, just like changing diapers.

Depending on your method is how the guy gets involved. For STM, the guy can hand you the thermometer and write down/chart the temps. my friend's who use this method did this...he knew where she was in her cycle more than she did a lot. For Creighton, the girl can write the observations, the guy can put the stickers on the chart.

Your questions will be answered more specifically in an NFP class, but to get you started, cervical fluid is observed by wiping front to back before and after every bathroom visit/showers each and every time (for creighton). One first senses how it felt, then looks at it, then peforms a finger test for consistency and stretchiness. The stretchier/clearer it is, the more fertile it is.

To be honest, the first cycle I observed this was an absolutely incredible moment for me. It finally registered how amazing God is and his design of the women's body. I finally got it.

The cycle begins with a period, then usually there are several days before fluid is present (this amount of time changes often) which is considered infertile, then fertile time which is 7-10ish days, then infertile time until the next cycle starts. There are way more than 4 days that are infertile.

If you are trying to avoid pregnancy, you get a courtship and a honeymoon every cycle. The anticipation of waiting creates desire. Affection has more meaning as it isn't always leading somewhere...a couple has to continually talk to each other about why they are avoiding pregnancy.

I receommend Christopher West's books:
"Theology of the body for beginners" and "Good news about sex and marriage". NFP actually becomes exciting and an amazing relationship builder once you understand why it is such a beautiful part of Catholic marriage.

agapecarrie · April 2011

Also, I've been doing it for 9 years for my health. It takes seconds a day, not a lot of work. Its a basic health record for my doctor.

catarntina · April 2011

1. This method looks like a lot of work for the women. In my Pre-Cana there was A LOT of talk about this, and the men were like "I keep track of the charts". How exactly is this something that is shared by the both of you? I fill out the chart with my own notes and let DH interpret it. Sometimes if he's confused about something he'll ask me some clarification. I never say whether I'm fertile/infertile. I leave it up to the chart. It's on the bathroom. DH reads it whenever he feels in the mood.

2. My fiance's ears would melt off his head if I started talking about mucous levels, and I wouldn't blame him. I personally think that is really really super gross, and really no ones business but my own, and even I don't want to know. When the info says that you "both" keep track of mucous levels, what exactly does that mean? And how do you even keep track of that? I mean, not to be gross, what do you do? What measurements do you take? Scrapings? Basically, when you go to the restroom, you take toilet paper and wipe yourself. Check the toilet paper for mucus. Go to the bathroom. Check toilet again for mucus. It's pretty quick and easy. Sometimes you do need to be a little more thorough (like touch it, see if it stretches or something). Which can be gross. But you get over it. Pretty quick. It's actually calming to know it's very normal and healthy to have mucus, and that you're not a freak of nature or you have constant yeast infections. lol

3. So you have your period for a week, and then are fertile for up to 10 days, that only leaves you a tiny window during each month during which you can be together. And honestly, (using my Palm Pixi app that tells me when I am ovulating), the only time I am really "in the mood" is during the time that NFP tells us we shouldn't be having sex. During the, like, four days a month when I am either not having my period or not fertile I am generally like "meh" about having sex. How do you ladies handle this? So, I get my period for about 5-6 days. Then I start showing ovulation signs around day 10 (this varies cycle-to-cycle). Ovulation signs last about 7-10 days, so that's when we abstain. And then it's open for business after that. So you're really abstaining for at most like 10 days per cycle. I personally find it disgusting to have sex on my period -- it freaks me out. So between day 5 ish and around 10 day (whenever I see mucus), we usually have sex every other day. Then we abstain. And then sex every other day/every day after the fertile period. I found that periods of abstinence definitely increase my sex drive. I can't get it all the time, so I better take advantage now. Sometimes, you're just not in the mood. And that's ok.

caitriona87 · April 2011

Others answered your questions well, but I was going to just add that no woman has only 4 infertile days a month. If there are apparent signs of fertility the rest of the time, a mucous-only method can help you determine which are ACTUALLY fertile and which are not.

I also don't find NFP time-consuming at all. It takes maybe, maybe a total of two minutes a day, in 10 seconds here, 30 seconds there increments. It's really not much work. Brushing teeth 2x per day takes longer.

As others have stated, the abstinence can actually do wonderful things for a marriage if taken in the proper spirit, as one of sacrifice. God asks for our first fruits, the best we have...we don't offer Him our leftovers or the stuff we don't really want anyway. Because marital sex is a great good, we can offer our periods of abstinence as a sacrifice for God, His Kingdom, the souls in purgatory, in reparation for our sins, what have you. It also is a means to help determine whether our reasons for postponing pregnancy are just or selfish. If our reasons are frivolous, the abstinence will not seem worth it. If our reasons are just, it is easier to see the abstinence as a necessary sacrifice for the good of our family.

Davesgrl2011 · April 2011

Thank you all for being so honest with me! And for not thinking I was a jerk for askiing- if my FI and I decide to try NFP it wouldn't be just for moral reasons, but because of the chemical reason. When you read the fine print on the BCP there are a lot of horrible things about blood clots, etc. And, tho less important, it can make it hard to lose weight or keep your weight at a healthy number.

I honestly thought that your husbands were supposed to help you determine mucous levels, and I thought "eww!" and that some things were for you and your OB/GYN to know lol! I had a mental image in my head of my fiance digging around with a flashlight and a popsicle stick!

But now I have another question- about taking your temperature. You do this every morning? How?

And this is a weird question- but do you think that it is true that you are more likely to conceive a daughter on certian days of ovulation? I know it is silly but my FI are going to try on our honeymoon and I know he wants a daughter..... I know, I'm dumb.

Thanks so much, you ladies are great!

agapecarrie · April 2011

Temperature is only used in one method, and it is only a cross check, not a main symptom. For accurate NFP, one has to observie cervical mucous.

Temperature is taken every morning, at the same time every morning, before moving around, after a certain amount of time of sleep.

This can be a valuable cross check, but for those who don't have regular sleep times temps aren't reliable.

Riss91 · April 2011

BCP is also a carcinogenic... yum!

I don't think anyone has their husbands digging out CM...most of the time the woman does that and tells the husband the characteristics so he can record them.

You take your temp every morning around the same time (within an hour). You can take it orally or vaginally, but you'd want to pick which way and stick to the same one each cycle.

There is some science behind increasing your chances for having a girl or a boy - though nothing is 100%.

I highly highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility as it will give you a lot more information on what you've already asked and is a great resource for everything reproductive.

catarntina · April 2011

If you read Taking Charge of your Fertility it outlines the success rate of having a boy vs girl. Basically, if you have sex earlier in your cycle when you first notice fertile signs, you more likely to have a girl. The girls swim slower and are hardier. So they can swim up, wait for the egg. If you have sex closer to your actual ovulation date, you're more likely to have a boy as boys swim faster and can beat out the girls. It's not 100%. It just gives you a greater chance.

When you take your temp, make sure you use a basal body thermometer. Keep it in a night side drawer or something so you can just grab it without getting up. This is one thing your DH can help with if he walks up before you, he can get your thermometer and stuff. They recommend you get at least 3 hours of continuous sleep before temping, and you should take it at the same time every day. So if you sleep in on the weekends, set your alarm to wake up, temp, go back to sleep. I take mine orally.

Calypso1977 · April 2011

my H is not involved at all. he didnt really want to be (other than to support us using the method) and i honestly didnt see much of a point. when i was on the Pill i never expected him to remind me to take it or go get it for me and pour me a glass of water with it.

i dont feel its much work at all. i take my temp with a basal thermometer every morning, before i even get out of bed. i have a preprinted chart and i simply circle the temp on the chart. done. 2 minutes tops.

to check the fluid, you simply just pay attention wehn you go to the bathroom. you can also tell alot even by looking at your underwear. i make general observations throughout the day, then at night, mark it on the chart.

its perfectly normal to be more "in the mood" when you are fertile. that's nature! i am lucky - my periods only last about a day (althoguh i may be unlucky in that is quite possibly an issue if i try to conceive). so, the time we must abstain is not very long. we could probably abstain for fewer days but we have been TTA so we've been overly cautious.

TCOYF does have a whole section on conceiving girls and boys.

mica178 · April 2011

H is not involved with my charting either. He used to complain about the beeping thermometer in bed, but he's since learned to sleep through it.

bibliophile2010 · April 2011

RE: the gross-ness of CM.

I actually find it really, really empowering to know what's going on with my CM. Instead of it being this gross hush-hush thing that I pretend doesn't exist and I never, ever talk about to anyone, I now see it as a beautiful part of my body that was created by God to help me know when I'm fertile (even while dealing with an extended mucous patch!). I see it similarly to going to the bathroom or having my period -- not topics for general conversation, but normal, natural, healthy parts of my body.

When we made the decision to use Creighton instead of ST, my FI was bummed that he wouldn't get to take my temp every day -- he wants to be involved, because he sees it as "our" fertility, not just mine. Just like when I get pregnant, it will be our baby, not just mine. He has resigned himself to being a sticker-placer and is ok with that now. Honestly, after just a few months, checking my CM is such a part of my routine that I barely think about it.

agapecarrie · April 2011

I want to mention again that it is very important to follow the directions of the particular method. Creighton is very very specific on how to observe cm, for good reason. It has many more categories than stm to diagnose fertility issues and it is a scientific and standardized way of observing. This will be taught by a teacher.

professorscience · April 2011

Do any of you use iPhone apps for charting? I looked at several last night and most of them seemed pretty unreliable, but there's one called Lily that claims to be right in line with FAM. I was planning on staying on BCP until the wedding but the more I read here the more I want to be sure I know what I'm doing before I go diving into bed.

Riss91 · April 2011

I haven't downloaded any apps, but I know Fertility Friend has one, and that would be the one I'd use if I felt I needed access through my phone. Since I sit in front of a computer all day, I don't necessarily need it on my phone, but if I didn't, I'd consider getting it.

I highly recommend coming off BCP sooner than later - ideally you'll want to have a few months of charting under your belt before the wedding because it takes a while to feel confident. Also, it can take a while for your system to regulate when you come off the pill, so you might have a couple of months where your charts just won't make sense.

mica178 · April 2011

I'm using Fertility Friend too, and I have their "app" (really just a simplified web version of their imput page) on my Blackberry.

professorscience · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_natural-family-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:8ff22e17-4970-427a-9974-d12d555305ddPost:c2ee782a-2897-4de4-8bb3-4bd5f60cc642">Re: Natural Family Planning</a>:
[QUOTE]I haven't downloaded any apps, but I know Fertility Friend has one, and that would be the one I'd use if I felt I needed access through my phone. Since I sit in front of a computer all day, I don't necessarily need it on my phone, but if I didn't, I'd consider getting it. I highly recommend coming off BCP sooner than later - ideally you'll want to have a few months of charting under your belt before the wedding because it takes a while to feel confident. <strong>Also, it can take a while for your system to regulate when you come off the pill, so you might have a couple of months where your charts just won't make sense.</strong>
Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]

That's my thinking. I'm on it because I have arthritis (I guess) in my knee that flares up when I get my period, so I've been really nervous about going off and having to deal with that again. But the way I see it, I'd have to find some way to handle it when we're ready to have kids, so I might as well start.

Calypso1977 · April 2011

i have a dumb phone (what i call non-smart phones, LOL) so i dont have an app on my phone.

im sorta old school in that i like the paper chart. i keep it in a 3 ring binder so its easy to have all my charts at a glance if im looking for patterns, etc.

i tried a free trial of fertility friend online adn it was good, but i found it was just easier to do pen and paper.

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