Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?

banana468 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:37079c93-3463-4711-a71b-9b1dd03bc535">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI is insistant on a head table. I suggested a King's table, but he is pretty traditional with his wedding tastes. We actually talked about this during our NYE celebration. All of our future WP and their SO/spouses were there. They all agreed that a head table (2 of the couples also did that) with just WP was best. None of them thought it would be weird. So for OUR group of friends, it will work.
Posted by EmilyTork[/QUOTE]

Or they were "yessing" you because they didn't want to tell you that the idea was rude.

It's unlikely that your friends will say "Your idea sucks," straight to your face.

HockeyFan4 · January 2012

my H and I had a sweetheart table. While only one of our WP had a date, we thought they would be most comfortable sitting with their friends/family. We were both in a wedding where they did this and thought it was the best solution.

and to be honest, I think H and I only sat at our table for about 20 minutes, because we were served first, quickly ate and then did table visits.

I have been to a wedding where my date was the best man and he sat at a head table. The table I was at quickly figured out we were sort of the "reject" table. It sucked. As someone who doesn't dance much, i ended up sitting at the table and my date ended up pulling a chair over to be able to talk.

A reception is to THANK YOUR GUESTS...which includes your wedding party. You should be thinking about what will make them the most comfortable.

froggatt.clare · January 2012

I met all my FI's friends at a wedding, and if we hadn't been seated together it would have been uncomfortable. I am a pretty friendly person, so I wouldn't have begrudged the couple our time apart, but we were already separate during the ceremony and photos.

baystateapple · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:b059e843-04c1-4db0-beab-a2ec91f4cb37">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP? : Or they were "yessing" you because they didn't want to tell you that the idea was rude. It's unlikely that your friends will say "Your idea sucks," straight to your face.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

This.

When my friend and her FI told us we were having a head table, we all nodded and were polite about it, but none of us liked it. But it was their wedding and they're our friends, so we yessed them. However, the minute that my friend told us on NYE that they had changed their mind, we were very vocal about how much happier we all were, getting to sit with our S/Os.

chattychiqa · January 2012

There's no win in this. I haven't asked any of the WP about it yet as I'd not even thought about it. A couple SO's are universally disliked. It may be easier to sit with our parents & Pastor/his wife and distribute the WP accordingly. Kings table isn't really something I like, but I could see the benefit in it. I'd rather sit with the Pastor anyway.

chattychiqa · January 2012

Personally, I wouldn't care about who I sat with as long as I knew people there...even if I didn't, I am pretty comfortable striking up conversation with strangers or making connections.

ggirl2001 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:421a12b8-0d94-416a-8c23-70715c5d1fdb">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I wouldn't care about who I sat with as long as I knew people there...even if I didn't, I am pretty comfortable striking up conversation with strangers or making connections.
Posted by chattychiqa[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>But that's you, not all your guests. You want to try as much as possible to make everyone comfortable, and that means the dates of your WP. One of them might have a shy, anxious s/o who doesn't want to sit at a table filled with people they don't know.

</div>

banana468 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:421a12b8-0d94-416a-8c23-70715c5d1fdb">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I wouldn't care about who I sat with as long as I knew people there...even if I didn't, I am pretty comfortable striking up conversation with strangers or making connections.
Posted by chattychiqa[/QUOTE]

As PP said, that's you. Many people aren't as comfortable.

I *can* strike up a conversation with others but I'm happier and more comfortable sitting with my husband. And just becuase *I* can talk to others does not mean that the conversation will flow so easily. I've been stuck at the silent table before.

chattychiqa · January 2012

You're so right. That's why I'm glad I have you all to ask. I am really not the best person to make independent decisions when it comes to things like this, because generally speaking, I'm fairly certain I'm against the grain in my own preferences.

LetsHikeToday · January 2012

I second Nola. I don't understand how sitting the WP's dates at a close table is even a suggestion. The whole point of having someone sit with their date is so they can talk and spend time together. A close table makes zero sense to me.

StephBeanWed61502 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:69131e34-d1c3-4c02-963e-4cffae08fb9e">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]There's no win in this. I haven't asked any of the WP about it yet as I'd not even thought about it. A couple SO's are universally disliked.<strong> It may be easier to sit with our parents & Pastor/his wife and distribute the WP accordingly.</strong> Kings table isn't really something I like, but I could see the benefit in it. I'd rather sit with the Pastor anyway.
Posted by chattychiqa[/QUOTE]

<div>Sitting with your parents and pastor sounds really lovely to me. My vote's for doing this, <em>especially</em> if a few of the SOs are "universally disliked" - seating them alone sounds like a recipe for disaster.</div>

staceycaine · January 2012

OP--did you click on the link for the King's Table? You said you'd never heard of it, and that was the end of it, but that's why I provided a link. It still looks nice. Or, as cajitasazules said, a royal table can go almost the same as a head table--just put SOs in front, facing the party, but leave two open spaces in front of you, so you get to be on display, since this is what you're wanting, but the rest get to eat with their families. We may do this. On the table, hanging down in front of the open spaces, we'll have a "Mrs. & Mr." sign. It can be cute. I'm just giving you options, but it doesn't seem like you have an open mind here.

Edited: The further down the post I got, it does seem like you're coming around, so nevermind about that part.

staceycaine · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:b059e843-04c1-4db0-beab-a2ec91f4cb37">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP? : Or they were "yessing" you because they didn't want to tell you that the idea was rude. It's unlikely that your friends will say "Your idea sucks," straight to your face.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This.</div><div>
</div><div>I'd be too embarrassed to say I didn't like their idea in front of everyone.

</div>

chattychiqa · January 2012

I have a BM who gets her point across by saying "it's your wedding...." when I ask her a question about something. That's how I know she isn't feeling it. But we are ok with that sort of communication style between us. Re: kings table...I could go into detail, but I can think of at least a dozen reasons why this wouldn't work. It's a cool idea though and I see the benefit in it. It's just not for us.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2012

Options other than a traditional head table or sweetheart table:

Sit your honor attendants and their dates with you at a head table, put the rest of the wedding party at other tables (either with their friends or all together at a nearby table).

Sit with your parents and/or siblings at a "head" table and see the first point for what to do with your wedding party.

In each case, you won't be sitting at a table alone, and your wedding party still gets to sit with their dates.

FWIW, we did a sweetheart table and let our wedding party sit with their dates and their friends. So the GM who went to college with my H sat with his GF and some of his other friends from college. My brother sat with my dad and my dad's family. Also, said GM who went to college with my H? His GF, now fiancee, didn't know anyone at the wedding and was scared to death she would end up sitting away from him. So she REALLY appreciated the seating arrangement. And now that my H is going to be a GM in their wedding, I hope they make the same arrangement because I will have met very few people at their wedding, and I know none of them well.

chattychiqa · January 2012

I actually really like the thought of the head table being us, our parents and siblings. I wish it could work. My mom doesn't talk to my brother because she hates his wife. I could go on and on about how horrible she is for this and how much I disagree with it...i ended up telling her to come or not but there will be 150 other people there and she didnt have to interact. My SIL has 2 teens that my bro has embraced fully and I love just the same as his bio kids. Having them not sit with us seems like I'm segregating them which isn't cool either. FI's sister and her DH fight like dogs on account of him lacking a filter and her calling him out publicly at every family function; I can't count on them to not do the same when front and center at a head table. See what I mean? I can't imagine a kings table or immediate family table ever working. It does look really nice though and I wish it were a viable option.

EmilyTork · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:b059e843-04c1-4db0-beab-a2ec91f4cb37">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP? : Or they were "yessing" you because they didn't want to tell you that the idea was rude. It's unlikely that your friends will say "Your idea sucks," straight to your face.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>I understand that is a possibility, but isn't the case with our friends. They are all very forward and would have no problem saying otherwise. It was a bit of a debate, I was saying Kings Table while FI was saying head table. So they could have easily voiced the other way. I would be fine with either, but in our general circle of friends, a head table is what is done. As I said, two of the couples are married and both had head tables. They pointed out that is was dinner and thats all. </div><div>
</div><div>As perviously said, I do think for a lot of people, a Kings Table is a good idea though. If your venue allows it, it just allows for people to be included who might previously be discluded. </div>

Ciardasully · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:37079c93-3463-4711-a71b-9b1dd03bc535">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI is insistant on a head table. I suggested a King's table, but he is pretty traditional with his wedding tastes. We actually talked about this during our NYE celebration. All of our future WP and their SO/spouses were there. They all agreed that a head table (2 of the couples also did that) with just WP was best. None of them thought it would be weird. So for OUR group of friends, it will work.
Posted by EmilyTork[/QUOTE]

Yeah, my FI and I are doing a head table (We just don't like Sweetheart Tables). Every wedding I have ever been to had a head table of the WP (I live in the Northeast and have friends of various socioeconomic backgrounds). Luckily in our case, all the SO's in our wedding party know each other pretty well but we are also having a Wedding Party Party instead of an engagement party so everyone can get aquainted with each other (as well as my parents are from Maine and do not know any of the groomsmen yet)

Consqently, my FI is in some wedding and I expect to be seated seperately. I am not particularly outgoing but I figure (from experience) that planning weddings is not easy and they day will be about the couple, not me, the guest. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying ignore all guest needs. My FI and I took a lot of guest issue into account. But at the end of the day, you aren't going to make everyone happy.

Good luck with whatever you choose!

Simply Fated · January 2012

I'm very honest with my friends, but I selectively bite my tongue. If I was with my friend clothes shopping, I'd tell her if a dress was heinous. But if she showed md a picture if herself wearing the dress at a function, i wouldn't say anything. Make sense? As honest as your friends are, NO one will ever be as honest as a bunch of Internet strangers who do care. We have nothing to lose. I know you don't like some of your WP's SOs, but you won't be doing anyone else any favors by chucking them at their tables. Your best bet is to seat them with people you know can tolerate them... their SOs.

lyndausvi · January 2012

My WP seating went like this....

Our siblings and their SOs sat with our respected parents. Friends and their SOs sat with other friends.

NOLAbridealmost · January 2012

For all those that are proponents of a head table with just the B/G and the WP (no S/Os), give me one reason why that is a more desirable alternative than sitting at a head table with WP plus S/Os or sitting at a head table with just the MOH/BM and S/Os if the party is too large for the entire thing plus S/Os to be practicable.

polichik · January 2012

Ok. I'm probably the most extroverted, outgoing, make-friends-with-a-stranger-wherever-you-go person I know, but I have no desire to be separated from my husband at a social event. It's rude, it's uncomfortable, and it's unnecessary.

DH and I attended a DW several years ago at which we knew nobody but the B&G. They sat the WP at the head table and stuck the three SOs separately at tables full of couples. I made the best of it, but it pissed me off that I was stuck with a table full of couples who I didn't know simply because the B&G wanted a head table. I do plenty of things away from DH, and I'm a grownup who's capable of being by myself for three hours. But it wasn't fun and was discourteous.

RaptorSLH · January 2012

It's not "just one hour." It was the rehearsal the previous day, and the getting ready before the ceremony, and the ceremony, and the pictures, and THEN the dinner. I'm normally comfortable hanging out by myself, but by the time dinner rolled around, I was feeling more than a little lonely and bored. I wasn't even seated with the only other guest I knew. Even if you've been introduced, family and old friends will have more to say to each other than to you.

I sucked it up. And if FI is asked to stand up for anyone else, I'd suck it up again to support FI. But I will appreciate the *^(# out of the next couple who let me sit with him.

We're planning on a "captain's table," and inviting the SO's to join us. If we had a larger party, or too many SO strangers, or too many family feuds, we might do a sweetheart table instead. Either way, after my experience, there's no way I'd do that to someone else.

melntaitt · January 2012

This question is what forced me to consider a sweetheart table; I recently attended a wedding that separated the WP from their SO's and the MOH's baby was hysterically crying because he could see his mom but couldn't go to her. It was a very frustrating experience for everybody and the MOH ended up leaving the head table to sit with her family.

I'm sure in the grand scheme of things, it probably isn't a big deal, but I want my MOH to be happy and I know that being with her husband and kids is going to make her happy. Honestly, it's only for the meal portion and she can be with us for the dancing and whatever; I certainly don't need her glued to my side for the wedding. It's a party after all; I've already got a cute date

monkeysip · January 2012

I second all the replies about the head table.

It drives me nuts. Even if you can get all of the WP and their SO's at the head table together, I hate how difficult it is to talk to people. You can only talk to the person on your right or left, and of course, one at a time.

Very awkward.

Separating couples is a pretty rotten thing to do at a celebration of marriage and love.

I am doing either just a separate regular table with me, fi, and our parents, or I'm doing a king's table (see below for those having difficulty picturing this). Sweethearts are okay too, but just not my preference.

melntaitt · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:16bdeeae-d12d-4c29-b404-83662648eba0">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok. I'm probably the most extroverted, outgoing, make-friends-with-a-stranger-wherever-you-go person I know, but I have no desire to be separated from my husband at a social event. It's rude, it's uncomfortable, and it's unnecessary. DH and I attended a DW several years ago at which we knew nobody but the B&G. <strong>They sat the WP at the head table and stuck the three SOs separately at tables full of couples. I made the best of it, but it pissed me off that I was stuck with a table full of couples who I didn't know simply because the B&G wanted a head table.</strong> I do plenty of things away from DH, and I'm a grownup who's capable of being by myself for three hours. But it wasn't fun and was discourteous.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

I second that statement and I've seen other couples discomfort as well; we went to a wedding where we were seated with all our friends except for one young woman whose fiance was in the wedding. She was a really nice woman but barely touched her dinner and kept going to hang at the bar or the pool whenever she could. She didn't know anyone at the wedding, but stayed because her FI was in the WP.

Seating is a nightmare; I get it! But imagine how that poor +1 feels sitting alone playing with her chicken.

jsleik · January 2012

We had our WP, their SO's and kids all at our table. It was long and narrow, but we seated people on both sides of the table. We didn't bother worrying about if the WP member was facing the crowd or not, but rather that they were sitting with their SO and kids and by people they knew. It worked out really well. Everyone was near who they wanted to be. We still got our head table, but no one was stuck with that awkward "Last Supper seating", but it was still clearly a "head table" looking table. Only it brought more happiness.

Sydney91 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-sos1s-of-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:55a8886e-af27-4223-9183-d25f51ab84e9Post:7d4b7962-938d-4548-b3e7-5d4f35d5b69b">Re: Where are you seating SO's/+1's of WP?</a>:
[QUOTE]"It is expected when one accepts." The groomsman/bridesmaid accepts. The SO doesn't. They just have to "suck it up." If at anytime during your wedding a guest has to "suck it up" just because you've never seen anything different, then maybe it's time to try something different. A lot of things are expected at weddings. Cake, for instance. But some couples are choosing pies or cupcakes instead. You don't have to do things just because other people did it.. If someone asked, can I please sit with my SO? Is that really a battle worth fighting?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
Do they not accept to be the guest of the WP member?? I liked the idea of seating the WP guests near the front.

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