What do you girls do?

Sammy0709 · July 2012

There's a difference between being brutally honest which everyone else was and being a snot.

ggirl2001 · July 2012

Right, I forgot. We all know how everyone meant something over the internet. Or maybe, its easier to type a few sentences then long paragraphs, especially when on your phone or kindle. I know if I wasn't near my computer, my response would have probably been "wtf, you resent your husband for being gone". And seriously, if Ty doesn't like it, she can skip over it and ignore it. That's the beauty of the internet. I didn't realize we all need to walk around calling somebody out for being a snot, on the freaking internet. That's why I find this argument ridiculous. It's like trying to police the board.

SamiJoeB · July 2012

I never resented my husband for being gone (for other things sure, but not for being gone and doing his job), and I'm still divorced. Resentment does not = a Shitty marriage and Divorce... I agree resentment is a bad habit to get into, especially in a month(s?) old marriage, but I don't think telling her that her marriage is going to end and that she's a bad military wife is all that helpful either. If you don't have something nice to say, then don't fuucking say anything. Didn't we all learn that in Pre-School?

Idk.. Counseling? Therapy? It's more expensive than wine..but maybe you should look into that Ty.

ggirl2001 · July 2012

Sami, did you really just say not to post something if it's not nice? I seem to remember everyone at one point or another posting something that wasn't nice. How many times have I been called a biiitch for posts on PPD's. If someone posts, they leave themselves up open to any one who wants to fuucking post. A lurker can come through and say the same thing.

We have all been guilty of saying not nice things on this board, but now all of a sudden it's wrong? Well fuuck me, I missed when the board was being policed by puppies and rainbows.

And yes, resentment a month into marriage is fuucking bad, really bad. Because that means things weren't handled before the marriage. And again, fire said the same thing. Is she being a snot too because she said she is in for a long unhappy marriage?

kara811 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-do-you-girls-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e6ce4606-e35c-4036-9710-e425e95ed91ePost:350d13eb-006a-45c9-b1f7-9f1d4c8a3203">Re: What do you girls do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I never resented my husband for being gone (for other things sure, but not for being gone and doing his job), and I'm still divorced. Resentment does not = a Shitty marriage and Divorce... I agree resentment is a bad habit to get into, especially in a month(s?) old marriage, but I don't think telling her that her marriage is going to end and that she's a bad military wife is all that helpful either. <strong>If you don't have something nice to say, then don't fuucking say anything. Didn't we all learn that in Pre-School? </strong>Idk.. Counseling? Therapy? It's more expensive than wine..but maybe you should look into that Ty.
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

<div>Ohh boo, I must have missed that class. Guess I'm just a big ol' biotch. My husband must have such a hard life to be with me. OH WELL! </div>

Beachy730 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-do-you-girls-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e6ce4606-e35c-4036-9710-e425e95ed91ePost:350d13eb-006a-45c9-b1f7-9f1d4c8a3203">Re: What do you girls do?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I never resented my husband for being gone (for other things sure, but not for being gone and doing his job), and I'm still divorced. Resentment does not = a Shitty marriage and Divorce... </strong>I agree resentment is a bad habit to get into, especially in a month(s?) old marriage, but I don't think telling her that her marriage is going to end and that she's a bad military wife is all that helpful either. If you don't have something nice to say, then don't fuucking say anything. Didn't we all learn that in Pre-School? Idk.. Counseling? Therapy? It's more expensive than wine..but maybe you should look into that Ty.
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

<div>Nobody said resentment is the only thing that can cause divorce. But yeah, constant resentment over your H for a decision you made together is unhealthy. Not saying that it's guaranteed to lead to divorce but it's going to lead to problems. </div>

SamiJoeB · July 2012

I fully admit that I used to be a brat on here, but I've apologized to most everyone (yep. even Kendall) who was on the receiving end of my bad moods in the past.

Jesus Christ.. it's 9:45 in the fuucking morning. On a Saturday! Who has already pissed in your cornflakes, thundercloud? Seriously?! what has already gone so horribly wrong in your day that you're already picking fights on TK?

I totally remembered why I stopped posting here in the first place, because it became more a place to pick on others, and put them down, than an actual place for advice, wedding, military or otherwise. Full of Negative Nancy's and toxicity, and self-righteous snots. I forgot that this was the Mean Girls Sorority. I'll leave you ladies to it.. Clearly you're all perfect and have perfect marriages.

ggirl2001 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-do-you-girls-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e6ce4606-e35c-4036-9710-e425e95ed91ePost:dedeb366-ebb0-4912-a458-d1c38ffae843">Re: What do you girls do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I fully admit that I used to be a brat on here, but I've apologized to most everyone (yep. even Kendall) who was on the receiving end of my bad moods in the past. Jesus Christ.. it's 9:45 in the fuucking morning. On a Saturday! Who has already pissed in your cornflakes, thundercloud? Seriously?! what has already gone so horribly wrong in your day that you're already picking fights on TK? I totally remembered why I stopped posting here in the first place, because it became more a place to pick on others, and put them down, than an actual place for advice, wedding, military or otherwise. Full of Negative Nancy's and toxicity, and self-righteous snots. I forgot that this was the Mean Girls Sorority. I'll leave you ladies to it.. Clearly you're all perfect and have perfect marriages.
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]<div>Well, since this post started last night it makes sense that we would read it in the morning. And no one was trying to pick a fight, except you and Sammy. We just stated what was said the night before. i</div><div>m actually pretty happy right now, making whole wheat pancakes. I'm glad you apologized and made amends, but since I haven't seen anyone being mean to anyone and calling names until this morning, I'm not sure how we are the mean ones here. But really, overreact much? I don't recall anyone saying that they had perfect marriages and perfect lives.

</div>

Sammy0709 · July 2012

Since you want to talk about things being misunderstood on the internet. I doubt resentment is truly what she's feeling. DH volunteered for this deployment without telling me he didn't tell me he volunteered until he got there. I was effing livid with him. Why volunteer? Why not wait until they finally get to you like probably 90 of the other service members there are? It didn't help his career in fact it hurt it since he missed the advancement exam. Combat deployments, although necessary, are seriously for the birds. The only thing my husband gained while over there was more trauma experience and more PTSD. Granted, Ty and Mr. Ty talked about it but it's her first deployment/training. We all probably went in to it thinking "people do it all the time. It won't be that bad." Then it hurts like hell. So yeah, I can relate to her being a little upset.

Sammy0709 · July 2012

I wasn't picking a fight. I was just being, gasp, brutally honest. Isn't that what you call it?

ggirl2001 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-do-you-girls-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e6ce4606-e35c-4036-9710-e425e95ed91ePost:22eb11e6-0a49-4e3b-8245-acff6f0a89b5">Re:What do you girls do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Since you want to talk about things being misunderstood on the internet. I doubt resentment is truly what she's feeling. DH volunteered for this deployment without telling me he didn't tell me he volunteered until he got there. I was effing livid with him. Why volunteer? Why not wait until they finally get to you like probably 90 of the other service members there are? It didn't help his career in fact it hurt it since he missed the advancement exam. Combat deployments, although necessary, are seriously for the birds. The only thing my husband gained while over there was more trauma experience and more PTSD. Granted, Ty and Mr. Ty talked about it but it's her first deployment/training. We all probably went in to it thinking "people do it all the time. It won't be that bad." Then it hurts like hell. So yeah, I can relate to her being a little upset.
Posted by Sammy0709[/QUOTE]<div>Yeah, i asked her that, here: </div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;">Also, Ty, I have a legit question. You talked about him volunteering for the deployment. Is that what you are truly upset about? Maybe its not this training but that? In my question is this, did you guys talk about it? And if so, did you share how you really felt, or did you kind of just brush over it because you knew he wanted it? From your posts, it sounds like that is maybe what you did and now this stuff is bubbling to the surface? </span> </div><div>
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ggirl2001 · July 2012

it's on page 1 that I asked her that question.

And sammy, fine you weren't picking a fight. But I don't get how Kara is the mean one here, when she is the one being called names. Kot meet kettle? So its not ok for her to be mean, but its ok for her to be called names. See how that doesn't make sense?

ggirl2001 · July 2012

Ha, thats supposed to be pot, thats what I get for making pancakes at the same time

AmandaSC1988 · July 2012

Dahhh Fcccuukkkk!? I take my dog for a walk and come back and this whole place blows up!

I agree with Sami that this place is sort of messed up. I mean, I a week or so ago... I complain about random life stuff... and that gets transfered to " You are complaining about the deployment too much... your marriage is going to fail" ....Thanks, guys.

And I just want to say... I have talked with a LOT of older military wives and they have all admited to feeling upset/resentful at some point in their marriage regarding the military, and they have been married for 30+years. You just have to get over it. You have to get over that hump yourself, you really can't have help.

tyleet87 · July 2012

"We all probably went in to it thinking "people do it all the time. It won't be that bad." Then it hurts like hell. "

Bingo.

I got VERY emotional yesterday. I was at work, starting to cry and stopping, and then starting to cry and stopping. I just miss H SO much. All I wanted to do and all I could think of was jumping on a plane to go see him. Now, I don't make THAT kind of money so what got me so upset was the fact that I felt so restricted. Then I felt angry for being so restricted. Then I stumbled over here to ask for help.

Zeldakins · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-do-you-girls-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e6ce4606-e35c-4036-9710-e425e95ed91ePost:7a6a5908-54df-40a9-ac91-4e74ee20e4be">Re: What do you girls do?</a>:
[QUOTE]"We all probably went in to it thinking "people do it all the time. It won't be that bad." Then it hurts like hell. " Bingo. I got VERY emotional yesterday. I was at work, starting to cry and stopping, and then starting to cry and stopping. I just miss H SO much. All I wanted to do and all I could think of was jumping on a plane to go see him. Now, I don't make THAT kind of money so what got me so upset was the fact that I felt so restricted. Then I felt angry for being so restricted. Then I stumbled over here to ask for help.
Posted by tyleet87[/QUOTE]

I feel ya, Tyleet. I was the same way during basic and AIT. It took a bit of adjusting since we had just gone a whole year of finally not being long distance and seeing each other every day, to not seeing each other at all. I flew out for graduation, but that's about it. I couldn't afford to go see him during AIT, so that sucked. I felt so shitty that I couldn't just get up and leave and yea, it did make me feel really frustrated.

I have to say that I agree with Amanda and this is something that you, on your own have to resolve. It's going to suck for a bit, but it will get infinitely better as time goes by. Keep your chin up girl, everything's gonna be ok :)

tyleet87 · July 2012

Also, Sami, Sammy, and Amanda are right. All I see here is either 'friendly' name calling to each other, (whores, etc.) or bashing a newcomer for asking what they think is a legit question. It's really sad that you guys have to pick on people over the internet.

If you guys aren't going to give the advice that people come on here looking for why are you here? Is life boring that you have to start drama hiding behind your computer?

I thought I really liked you guys but this is just getting too out of hand. Wow.

Like I said, I'm fine now. I was feeling like that for a total of 24 hrs maybe. So don't go making this more than it should be. It doesn't even matter. Why do you guys even care? Your not my friends, you don't even know me. Why are you guys trying to pry so much when all I asked was for advice on what to do during a low point?

tyleet87 · July 2012

Thanks Zelda, that was awesome to hear!

I realize all that now, just gotta suck it up!

It was naive of me to think there was a magic answer. A secret 'something you can do' that I didn't know about. Haha there is nothing you can do.

ggirl2001 · July 2012

dude, ty, people were prying to see how they could help you. And because you posted for advice. It's not like we're just doing it to be nosy. I don't go around thinking about how to help your situation, unless of course I'm online and I read it. There is no deeper secret meaning to the questions except to make better sense of where you are at. And honestly, if a friend told you they were resenting their husband's job, wouldn't you ask questions? Don't read more into it than that. We don't know if you had a break down that day or what, we just know what you posted. That's why we ask more questions, to see if there is more to it, or maybe to get you to see it from a different perspective.

Beachy730 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-do-you-girls-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e6ce4606-e35c-4036-9710-e425e95ed91ePost:3a1c67d3-8d06-4704-b6e8-76612871791d">Re: What do you girls do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, Sami, Sammy, and Amanda are right. All I see here is either 'friendly' name calling to each other, (whores, etc.) or bashing a newcomer for asking what they think is a legit question. It's really sad that you guys have to pick on people over the internet. If you guys aren't going to give the advice that people come on here looking for why are you here? Is life boring that you have to start drama hiding behind your computer? I thought I really liked you guys but this is just getting too out of hand. Wow. Like I said, I'm fine now. I was feeling like that for a total of 24 hrs maybe. So don't go making this more than it should be. It doesn't even matter. <strong>Why do you guys even care? Your not my friends, you don't even know me. Why are you guys trying to pry so much when all I asked was for advice on what to do during a low point?</strong>
Posted by tyleet87[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Seriously, nobody knows that it was just a "low point." Until people started asking more about it and you changed your tune it sounded like it was a pretty constant feeling you had. People weren't asking questions to pry, it was to get a better understanding of where you're coming from. If you are just having a rough night then it's easy to just say have a glass of wine and take a bubble bath or something. But when it sounds like it's an ongoing depressive state, and harboring resentment, sometimes there are more serious recommendations that need to be made.

</div><div>As for the bolded part, the same can be said to you. If we aren't your friends and don't know you then why would you care what we have to say? We all joke around and say oh drink some wine, eat some chocolate, etc. And many times thats what we do. But sometimes and for a lot of people it takes a lot more than that to cope with deployments and seperations. Nobody has ever held back on this board, especially when it comes to needing some tough love sometimes, which almost all of us need at one point or another.</div><div>
</div><div>And really, you're not new. Since when do we give the "advice people are looking for?" Sometimes it's the advice you're not looking for that you really need to hear. </div>

ggirl2001 · July 2012

True fact: One of my very posts on here was complaining about H's bachelor party. No one agreed with what I said and told me I was wrong. I realized that it and let it go. Sure, it's not as big as this, but it's the same thing. Sometimes when talking to people who don't know us we get better answers.

tyleet87 · July 2012

I was looking for an answer on what to do when you are feeling all that bad stuff.

I think we all could have worded things differently, myself included.

tyleet87 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_what-do-you-girls-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e6ce4606-e35c-4036-9710-e425e95ed91ePost:023acb4f-b995-4cde-a5e4-776bbd47b251">Re: What do you girls do?</a>:
[QUOTE]True fact: One of my very posts on here was complaining about H's bachelor party. No one agreed with what I said and told me I was wrong. I realized that it and let it go. Sure, it's not as big as this, but it's the same thing. Sometimes when talking to people who don't know us we get better answers.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

I completely agree. Everyone's wording (mine included) could have been different though.

ggirl2001 · July 2012

Another truth: when you are just looking to vent but don't want advice, I usually go to one of my friends who I know will just let me vent and not try to be rational,because damnit sometimes I don't want to be rational. And that's ok. But I also know if I go to certain other friends, they will make me be rational. Think of this place as that friend. We will look at the other aspects of your post especially if it seems like there are red flags in it. It's not meant to be mean or tear you down but to try to get to the bottom of the problem. Not just the superficial stuff.

tyleet87 · July 2012

My mistake was oversharing. I just needed to hear that I needed to go drink a glass of wine.

And I ended up drinking that Wild Blue beer which is delicious. I took a drunk nap, drove home feeling so dehydrated, and woke up with a tiny hangover (WHICH HAPPENED TO BE MY FIRST ONE EVER!) haha

divinemsbee · July 2012

Ty--I'm glad you're feeling better and really did try to give you the best advice I could. I feel like you're in a similar situation to me when FI was TDY; you're able to talk when he's not training but there's a time difference and he's making friends (which you're happy about, I was so happy when FI started making friends, it's not something he's good at) but that means he's out a lot of the time.

My dog was the thing that saved me on those bad crying-jag days. I realize it's not an option for everyone, but I can't imagine having gotten through it without him. I also realize how crazy lady that makes me sound.

While I think any resentment you may have is something you have to work out for yourself as best you can, and no marriage is without some of those moments, I think that Beachy's last paragraph in her first post (I can't quote for some reason) is something you should think about. If you want to talk to him more, it's okay to say that to him, it doesn't make you a bad/naggy wife. Just be straight-up that something that would help you cope better would be more voice or skype time with him and he has to pull his weight on trying to make that happen.

What do you girls do?

Re: What do you girls do?

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